snowyowl

I'm such a fool I'm clueless, it all just appears out of nowhere

Well, that's the point of actualized.org isn't it, or at least the spiritual parts of it. Different ways work for different folks, finding out your path is all part of the adventure

I just looked up the definition of 'thought' in wiktionary, the main one is: "Form created in the mind, rather than the forms perceived through the five senses; an instance of thinking." If you agree with this definition, then thought is broader than internal verbal language, it can include memories and imaginative creations of other types like images and sounds. This is super useful when we use creativity to imagine new ideas, solutions to problems etc.

@Inception I've only seen it second hand, as an image in mirrors and photos etc. So my face is part of my mind map, although it's part of other people's perceptions. I keep trying to wean myself off using words like 'reality', 'imagination', even 'perception' which I'm using here is misleading because it's objectifying something which is just pure suchness. I'm not sure what you're getting at with this.

Let's see. I have my immediate perception, and also my mind map of 'reality' (which is basically a collection of memories). The back of my head doesn't exist in my perception, there's just directions: front & back - not the front of my head, just the front (perception) & back (emptiness) - and both 'the back of my head' and 'the front of my head' are part of the map. Why do I call my visual perception the front anyway? What's it in front of? There's a belief of an invisible centre in my head (the subject), which is looking out at the external world. However, from the objective scientific pov, the light that's reflected from the external objects is going in the opposite direction, into the eyes and the mind. So it depends which side of the duality you're sitting on whether it's the back or the front

If I'm not perceiving something, does it still exist? According to the idealist philosophy, which you seem to be arguing for (unless I'm mistaken), only what I'm aware of exists. What I'm not aware of is nothing.

Well if I am imagining my memories it's not an active, conscious process, it just feels like I need to make the effort to retrieve something that's already there in subconscious, but that could be an illusion. The thing about the universe being created 5 secs ago, well crikey that sounds like someone with extreme alzheimers or memory loss. Creation itself is a process in time, so without time you can't have creation, or change. How do you know that reality wasn't created a billionth of a second ago, or a trillionth? The logic of this is that there are no processes, but reality is appearing out of nothingness infinitely fast, an infinite number of times per second. Or that time is an illusion and there is no creation, just a single unchanging thing. This appearance is my brain. I'm turning it round and saying there is only my brain which I can be certain of: when I 'open my eyes' what am I looking at, an external reality, or the contents of my own brain? (btw I'm not creating a distinction between brain and mind).

Ok, I guess you don't want to go into details with personal stuff here. Sorry it's not worked out for you. But you do have a choice whether to give up hope for the future, or (after a suitable time to get over it), dust yourself down, learn the lesson of what went wrong, and get out there again.

@Blackhawk what's happened, only last week you had something to look forward to with Loba. I thought things were looking up for you?

What about memory? By this logic I'm just making them up as I go along and believing that they relate to past events. But it doesn't feel like I'm actively creating them, rather I'm accessing thoughts, feelings, images etc which are already there in my mind - in a subconscious level until called up and become temporarily conscious. Imagine if, in future, we can do a brain scan and actually find the neural pathways which correspond to our memories and make a connection between external events creating physical impressions in the brain, which 'are' my awareness of the past. Does that still mean I'm imagining it all, or is it all already in existence, with "I'm imagining this" as the ego's story to claim ownership? I dunno, just thinking out loud.

What are your dreams? What do you feel is worthwhile in life?

@Someone here Sorry to hear the anxiety's bad again. How's your basic lifestyle: diet, exercise, sleep etc? Cutting back on caffeine and alcohol can be a quick way to help if you take a lot of them.

Reminds me of I and I in Rastafarianism. "I and I is a complex term, referring to the oneness of Jah (God) and every human. In the words of Rastafari scholar E. E. Cashmore: "I and I is an expression to totalize the concept of oneness. 'I and I' as being the oneness of two persons. So God is within all of us and we're one people in fact. I and I means that God is within all men. The bond of Ras Tafari is the bond of God, of man." The term is often used in place of "you and I" or "we" among Rastafari, implying that both persons are united under the love of Jah. " (Wikipedia).

@Nahm many thanks, I wrote a reply last night but lost it before posting. No time left now.

I get it, I’m using thought to try and see actuality. Although my left hand could point at my right hand while it's painting. But then I'd be left with the impression (thoughts in memory) of two time-bound processes, pointing and painting. While I'm at it, isn't pointing also a conceptual thought? I mean, when I look at my hand, it's just a hand. "Pointing" is thought taking the line of the actual finger and extrapolating beyond the finger, extending it further in imagination, from here to over there. How can that thought process be a test of what's actual? Perhaps if we relax and stop all this doing, we notice the actual, (being).

which is a belief? (2nd iteration) which is a belief? (3rd iteration) WHACK goes the Zen stick ... snap out of it snowyowl Ok, reboot. Saying the Now is all that exists is true, and a truism, because 'exists' is in the present tense, so this simply collapses into saying that the present moment is the present moment. A better question is (imo), did the past exist, is that a meaningful question? Did the Roman empire exist in the past, or are we creating it from nothing? If so, there's no evidence of the Romans because all evidence is in the present, so Romans are as "real" as Europeans, Americans, or anyone else. If so, there's no creation either, because creation involves a process of change in time. Reality changing from one state to another. Whether it's God creating the world 4000 years ago, or the big bang billions of years ago, or me painting a picture this afternoon. Creation means change means time, means Now is a dimension, not a point.

Do you live in a city? Lack of community, lack of nature, living in a technological, abstract version of reality, appearances valued over substance? Maybe try spending a few weeks in the countryside, volunteer on a community farm or project, or live in a remote monastery and unplug from the screens for a while. There's still some real life around if you seek it out.

Well, as you know I’m 0% qualified to help with this (I'm an accountant!) plus as you rightly say I don't know you. But if you're not ready to see a good therapist yet and want to discuss it in the forum instead, here's my tuppence. @Gili Trawangan has a good idea about reading out loud by yourself. When you're in company your mind goes blank and you can't think of anything to say. Yet when you're by yourself (your "comfort zone" perhaps?), you're in a turmoil of painful feelings of sadness, loneliness, despair. That certainly isn't an empty and dead wall. You can write posts here in the forum when you're feeling ok. Words can come when you're in a safe place. We can only take so much pain and suffering until our survival instincts intervene. I too have a mind-going-blank issue when I'm in stressful situations and my anxiety kicks in. Things like public speaking and job interviews (very inconvenient that). Have you heard of the fight, flight and freeze response? Our mind going blank, brain freeze, could be part of the freeze response. It's supposed to be a survival mechanism in the autonomic nervous system, but for people with anxiety disorders it can become overactive and trigger inappropriately. Or apparently inappropriately - with social anxiety, any social situation can feel threatening and trigger FFF. We seek solitude to escape the painful anxiety, but we have hearts which crave friendship, love and relationships, and get lonely being by ourselves too much. So we're in a double-bind. It seems hopeless, damned if we do and damned if we don't. If this sounds familiar to you, perhaps you have social anxiety or generalised anxiety disorder, and we can point towards some options. Or maybe not and you can exclude it. Either way, take care and be kind to yourself.

@unborn_chicken are you going through a bad time personally, or do you mean the world in general is?

These are all issues which can be worked on, if you seriously want to, there's a lot of resources out there. Why are you so convinced that nothing works? There's other introverted people in the forum, another thread about it at the moment. There is help, it just needs consistent effort, discipline over a long time. Don't give up on yourself so easy. I used to be stubborn, I had depression for over 20 years until I finally got a suitable treatment. Anxiety too, which I'm still working on although it's less severe now. But it's entirely up to you, lecture over and good luck

You've already got a default will before you write one, it's called the intestacy law (in the UK anyway). Your assets will be distributed to your relatives according to govt rules, and probably some lawyer you didn't choose makes a nice fee being your executor, or the heir hunters take a cut tracking down your relatives. If they can't find anyone the govt gets it. By the way October is free will month for us oldies (over 55s). https://freewillsmonth.org.uk

"The whole problem is that I don't have anyone to talk (or write) with." Can you contemplate on this, what are the obstacles you face with talking and making friends, what actually happens when you try talking in real life? If you're about 32 now, you will have tried many times, have you noticed any patterns going on? Here's a few thoughts off the top of my head: You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do? Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? Do you have a mental illness or condition like social anxiety, depression, autism spectrum or aspergers? Something else? Can you describe a real example of what happens and how it feels?

Sorry to hear you're going through it again man. Do you get the loneliness all the time, or is there a pattern to when it happens? Just curious because you've been posting here about every two months this year, maybe there's something triggering it? Every time you post, there's a group of people wanting to chat with you, to be friendly and helpful, of course you're not inherently unlikeable. But it seems you've had problems socialising in real life for a long time, have you been lonely since childhood? So far you've rejected pretty much all the advice the forum members have offered, nothing works. Ok so maybe we don't understand you, all the more reason to swallow your pride and seek some professional help to get to the root of your problem. Getting a diagnosis will gain access to suitable treatment. Not having a girlfriend isn't the source of your suffering, it's a symptom of a broader communication issue imo. I wish you well for the future.

@Strangeloop Are you living a sedentary lifestyle? This one of those counter-intuitive effects, where you need to expend more energy to get more. Like love and friendship; conserving it reduces it. So if you don't have a healthy active lifestyle, get one. Also maybe your 'failure' to get a gf has left you demotivated and demoralised? I'm not a dating expert, but my advice is to avoid building up a lot of anxiety by loading up the situation with hopes and expectations of a date leading to a gf. Just go out with the girl and have a fun time without all the weight of the future. Whether it works out or not, it's ok if you had a good night out. Enjoy the moment and let go of the future. Helps us to behave more natural.

just different areas of the brain being stimulated? All feeling, but in different sub-minds, so the quality of feeling varies.