snowyowl

At the moment I just use a spreadsheet Task list with some extra reminders on the computer, but I'm planning on doing an online time management course soon to get more ideas. Will let you know if I see any good techniques. Wouldn't say I'm more productive than anyone else, but I do have a variety of work streams to keep track of (I'm in finance).

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Maybe I'm reading between the lines, but it sounds like there's more to your suffering than just the new job, otherwise can't you look for a better job and gradually build a more meaningful life rather than quitting everything? Something seems to be suppressing your confidence and ambition. I remember your last thread from Saturday "Let's see if there is a possibility of actually healing myself completely." and you said "I live life avoiding much of the times what I want to do, or say, completely, because I have some sort of belief that what I do or say might not be enough or good or appropriate. I have also this tendency to think that everything I do or say might be judged harshly by the other person." I've recently learned about something called Impostor Syndrome, could be a helpful way to frame it, https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome The article suggests therapy, I dunno if you've tried anything like that, or perhaps life coaching?

Some great suggestions here. I'd just like to add a couple of quick 'emergency' techniques which sometimes help me. * Deep slow mindful breathing, especially as I do this as part of my meditation routine, so it has a kind of automatic effect of shifting me to a more relaxed state. * Reminding myself about the fight-flight-freeze mechanism. Anxiety is bound up with hormonal systems, the sympathetic nervous system and brain stem. Telling myself "It's just a chemical reaction" can help me to disrupt irrational thought patterns, while I try to reset my thinking onto something more constructive.

Belief / non-belief in God is no barrier in a Buddhist monastery or meditation centre, most likely the issue simply won't come up anyway, because Buddhism isn't about God. Some centres like Gaia House in Devon UK take paying guests on solo retreats (after Covid restrictions are finished of course) but it may be pricey. Other options I can think of are, to look for a vacancy to work there eg as a cook, cleaner or handyman etc; or to ordain as a novice monk. Which leads me to ask, are you an experienced meditator, as this much commitment would be intense for a beginner. Ok, so you need to travel abroad for several years, so you can narrow your search if you think about what languages you want to speak, and then which countries allow visas for this length of time.

I've been contemplating this recently. The notion of 'me' is a self-reference from the outset, so we're on slippery ground. I try to find myself as an object of knowledge, but I am also the subject looking, within a subject-object paradigm. "There is no 'self' that resides inside you somewhere." 'Looking inside me' is like dissecting myself up to find myself, when I was here already. It's the reductionist mode of looking which hides the very soul I want to find. I'm wanting to re-integrate by cutting apart, no wonder it appears there's no-one there. I used to be young and foolish too, wish I could've had this advice earlier:

I've been contemplating this recently. The notion of 'me' is a self-reference from the outset, so we're on slippery ground. I try to find myself as an object of knowledge, but I am also the subject looking, within a subject-object paradigm. "There is no 'self' that resides inside you somewhere." 'Looking inside me' is like dissecting myself up to find myself, when I was here already. It's the reductionist mode of looking which hides the very soul I want to find. I'm wanting to re-integrate by cutting apart, no wonder it appears there's no-one there.

There's a lot of variety within Buddhism, eg my past experience is with Zen and Theravada, which are different as regards practices (meditation, chanting, retreats etc), lifestyle (how many meals per day, clothing etc) and even cultural style (what languages are used like Japanese or Pali). Have you got a Buddhist practice already, either religious Buddhism or secular mindfulness? But as a general point, being a monastic in Buddhism can be a temporary stage, that's fine, unlike Christianity where it's usually a permanent commitment.

This reminds me of a cringe funny chat I had with a magician when I was a rookie teen. I found his number, got in touch and an invite to visit for a meet. I really wanted to learn magic powers, but it was only after about 15 minutes into the meeting I discovered that the Magic Circle was only stage magic illusions and not real magic! My point being: how well do you understand what you're asking for? Before going ahead with signing up for a development course or something, do plenty of research into the whole subject. You will probably find yourself attracted to some aspects more than others, to narrow your search as you go along. However, it helps to know yourself too, helping to make a good match between 'me' and 'my development'. My path took me in a different direction from magic, into spirituality, but I have my eyes on a project this year to learn pendulum dowsing. Does that count as psychic? BTW, welcome to the forum and best wishes for your search, it'd be great to hear how it goes

Increasing consciousness will probably change how you relate with other people, so one of the 'dangers' is how this affects your relationships with family and friends, who aren't on the same path. Especially if your practice needs much time devoting to it, and changes to belief systems, they may feel a bit neglected and not understanding what you're doing.

We have this habit of trying to objectify everything. The physical world, externalised to separate it from a subjective internal observer, in here. Our bodies also mapped as something external. Even our minds, egos, feelings are pushed outwards by the habit of this thought. So the spiritual practice of aware of awareness, or perceive the perceiver, is like a wonderful, hopeless game of call my bluff, taking this absurdity to the full logic of its position until it collapses the whole house of cards. The outside and inside, perceiver and perceived are one.

I wonder how it works when we're unaware eg asleep, under anaesthetic etc. The body is still producing sensations like breathing, sounds still entering the ears, pain if we're having an operation or tooth out etc. So is conscious awareness just a fraction of the whole? As in, perception can be conscious or unconscious, and what I consider to be 'my awareness' only the tip of the iceberg of the 'greater me'?

We have this habit of trying to objectify everything. The physical world, externalised to separate it from a subjective internal observer, in here. Our bodies also mapped as something external. Even our minds, egos, feelings are pushed outwards by the habit of this thought. So the spiritual practice of aware of awareness, or perceive the perceiver, is like a wonderful, hopeless game of call my bluff, taking this absurdity to the full logic of its position until it collapses the whole house of cards. The outside and inside, perceiver and perceived are one.

For a few minutes chilling ...

Focus, attention, is what creates the idea of separate 'things'. If an area is not in our focus, it's in the periphery, the background, the environment, and it doesn't have 'separateness'. Move our focus onto it, and something pops out distinctly from 'the rest'. Eg is that a forest over there, or a collection of individual trees? It's up to you! This is part of how I understand the idea expressed often in the forum, that we create reality. At least this is what I've seen in my awareness, but credit also to The Mind Illuminated for describing the attention / peripheral awareness distinction.

@TheSilentObserver Have you seen the ten oxherding pictures, from the Zen tradition? (Ten Bulls in Wikipedia) - Leo's done a video on them (one of my favourites), helps to explain the stages of awakening. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4ZWNzSliGk&t=6053s Picture 8. Both Bull and Self Transcended Whip, rope, person, and Ox - all merge in No Thing. This heaven is so vast, no message can stain it. How may a snowflake exist in a raging fire. Here are the footprints of the Ancestors. "no message" - maybe where you're at? And stage 10 is " Return to society" ... see where I'm going with this? @LfcCharlie4 At first I thought the "love, and do what thou wilt" quote was Aleister Crowley, but originally it was Saint Augustine https://curiouschristian.blog/2019/07/24/love-and-do-what-thou-wilt/

@flisterten Hi and welcome to the forum You're right, though it's great to have special or peak experiences in meditation, we need to let go and move on in the present moment. All feelings are accepted, without judgement, grasping or resisting. At least in theory, in practice I'm always learning to let go.

The only "mistake" is if we believe the scriptures can directly describe the absolute truth, which is beyond words, even holy words. Holy scripture is relative truth pointing to absolute truth, in that sense all are equally valid if they work for someone. But we only find out by practicing it

I've been contemplating the self-reference paradox lately. You know, the one that says " This statement is false". It's like ideas of the Whole, Everything ( the Whole includes the idea about itself) vs the parts. It's a paradox from the pov of the subjective 'mind', separate from the objective 'world'. The loop of I is noticed when 'you' collapse this apparent separation and see it in contrast with the unity. 'I' am a loop, me self-referencing. Mind trying to point to itself (using thought). I am the basic and commonplace everyday paradox, which I take for granted even though it's a logical impossibility. What it feels like to me is, not so much completing the loop, but unravelling it, by relaxing the thought process which created it. Not-doing, not doing.

TM is a global brand with a specific business model. Although it is (imo) a standard type of mantra meditation, they need to have some way to make it seem unique and special like any other branded product. If you go to McDonald's, you can't start asking for a slightly different recipe of burger, the staff aren't allowed to change the product which is the same everywhere. That's controlled centrally. It raises a good question and a big decision for you. Do you want a practice which is strictly controlled and directed for you by the organisation (it's not only TM like this so no judgement of them), or do you want to have some (or all) control yourself? This isn't black and white, like if you're a beginner and not very confident then you might want to start by following the teachers until you've built up some experience and confidence, then start experimenting. Although that might mean parting ways with the TM organisation. Have you paid to learn it? I did, made it harder to look elsewhere. But of course you can do mantra meditation without a clock and exact times, the thing is, how important is it to be the exact TM recipe rather than some other variation? Over to you.

I've been contemplating the self-reference paradox lately. You know, the one that says " This statement is false". It's like ideas of the Whole, Everything ( the Whole includes the idea about itself) vs the parts. It's a paradox from the pov of the subjective 'mind', separate from the objective 'world'. The loop of I is noticed when 'you' collapse this apparent separation and see it in contrast with the unity. 'I' am a loop, me self-referencing. Mind trying to point to itself (using thought). I am the basic and commonplace everyday paradox, which I take for granted even though it's a logical impossibility. What it feels like to me is, not so much completing the loop, but unravelling it, by relaxing the thought process which created it. Not-doing, not doing.

"Everything" is a risky and mysterious word, in my view. * It's got 2 meanings: everything-as-a-unified-whole, and the collection-of-all-individual-things. Which one is intended? * "Everything" runs the risk of the paradox of self-reference. Eg a blanket statement like 'everything changes' includes the statement itself, so the law of change must itself change! . Whatever is true now must therefore become not true at some point in the future, if you take it totally literally. Including the conclusion I've just reached! How can this recurring paradox be resolved? I do love a good paradox! * Change implies a reference to time. So we need to clarify our theory of time too. I came across the belief in impermanence via Buddhism too. I've come to believe that a lot of religion is communicated in a kind of shorthand. Checking the sources, Buddhism doesn't say 'everything is impermanent', it says 'all conditioned phenomena are impermanent', ie those phenomena dependent on other phenomena through a causal relationship. You need to bring in time and cause-and-effect - big philosophical themes. The unconditioned may therefore not be impermanent, but what is the unconditioned? I'm still working on that, but I'd associate it with Nirvana, a state of mind unattached to individual things, but one with the whole, ie 'everything-as-a-unified-whole'.

I'm currently reading (and practicing) The Mind Illuminated which is a practical resource for exploring these aspects of mind (checkout the First Interlude). He uses 'awareness' as a synonym for 'peripheral awareness', and 'attention' meaning 'focus', his theme is how to use both modes to best effect in our lives. "Mindfulness is the optimal interaction attention and peripheral awareness. " My own addition to this is seeing awareness as unified being (unfragmented whole), and attention is when we focus on a part of the whole, so creating 'things', dividing reality up into foreground and background, object and environment. So I'm going "back" in a way, to beginners meditation while I work through the TMI book. Good for me really, as I have this image of being an advanced meditator lol. Also, as if that's not enough, I'm trying out the Headspace website, will journal about that too.

It's process all the way down, there's no fixed objects or nouns really. One of Alan Watts' favourite themes, he even quoted a language which doesn't have nouns. I prefer calling it process rather than impermanence, sounds more positive I think.

My ideas of religion have changed with me; what doesn't change so much is the churches, and other religious groups themselves, so I've ended up being a religious migrant and refugee. I even found Buddhist and Quaker groups too inflexible; I'm just about hanging on in the Unitarian church, who are more open to my eclectic approach. Why is it important? Community and belonging I guess, and to have other people to practice with. I still need a bit of that stage blue belonging.

I'm currently reading (and practicing) The Mind Illuminated which is a practical resource for exploring these aspects of mind (checkout the First Interlude). He uses 'awareness' as a synonym for 'peripheral awareness', and 'attention' meaning 'focus', his theme is how to use both modes to best effect in our lives. "Mindfulness is the optimal interaction attention and peripheral awareness. " My own addition to this is seeing awareness as unified being (unfragmented whole), and attention is when we focus on a part of the whole, so creating 'things', dividing reality up into foreground and background, object and environment.