Vision

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Everything posted by Vision

  1. Yeah man. My coping mechanisms have been reading, research, going to the gym, contemplating things in my head, and journaling. At the moment I've been dealing with some health conditions that have given me severe fatigue and malaise. It's made life a lot harder but I'm trying to push through. Yes. I do indeed understand them. It's just upbringing and conditioning that they unfortunately had to bear. I don't "hate" them, but I don't want to be around them. Appreciate that You are correct that I didn't actually know it was abnormal parenting until just about half a year ago where I randomly came across a Psych2Go video on the effects of toxic parenting (something like that). Realised that what they were describing almost exactly matched my parents. Then I went down the rabbit hole of learning more about parenting, etc. You're right, I have been clinging to that hope. But what else can I do? They're still my legal guardians for the next 2 years, might as well keep trying. If they still haven't change once I turn 18, then I think it's time. That sucks. Sorry you had to go through that. I can relate to the "do this for me because I raised you", as if it was our decision to be born??? Thanks so much for this. Do you recommend any groups in particular?
  2. @Preety_India PMed you.
  3. I appreciate your response @sholomar. Just to clear up a few things: There is an assumption here that I nag him about his diet. It is the opposite. I simply stated that his diet is unhealthy in my original post, I never explicitly told him that his diet is unhealthy. There is nothing inherently wrong about eating unhealthy, it's just his choice, and I accept that. I never barge in and preach about health. He is the one nagging me about my "healthy diet", talking to me as if I were a hypochondriac. So I explain to him, and of course, a debate ensues. Again, there's an assumption here. I'm not upset about his choices, nor do I judge them. It is the opposite. He continually nags me about how I'm "wasting money on organic food when it doesn't make a difference" and that my health treatment is a sham. Almost every time we eat together he brings this up. He tells my mum about how being a vegetarian has made her look older and weaker and constantly offers her meat even though she's been a vegetarian for almost a decade! It just gets tiresome hearing him preach his biases and try to control my behavior. I just want him to let me be and do my thing, let me spend my money and energy how I want to.
  4. I have enough to move out. Made a separate post for this: True, this is exactly what's happening. It's a bias. @Loving Radiance No, I've been funding my own treatment. He just says that I'm using money "irresponsibly" and tries to convince me that I'm being scammed. I'll look into it. Thanks.
  5. My stomach distends and expands by 10cm-15cm no matter what I eat. Not only does it make me look like I’m pregnant after a meal, it makes it difficult for me to breathe. I can’t breathe through my belly, and have to resort to chest breathing. Going on a carnivore diet seems to improve it, but it’s still there. Suggestions?
  6. Where do you think Naval Ravikant is on Spiral Dynamics? For me I can’t tell if he’s mostly Orange, exploiting Yellow ways of thinking for success, or if he’s mostly Yellow with some Orange.
  7. One day, I will look back at this period of suffering, and be proud of myself for pushing through. One day, I will be grateful for this suffering, because it would shape me to be the person I am. One day, I will be crying tears of joy for the first time in my life, because I'll be proud of myself for pushing through so much pain. One day... patience...
  8. Since I never feel satiated or energised after eating, I think I’ve actually been eating too much. I think I could eat all day and still not feel satiated, it’s like I’m leptin resistant or something. Thanks for linking your blog! I’ll be reading that for a while when I’m free.
  9. @Michael569 Thanks for the info. While I wait for all my other test results, what do you think would help with anxiety, OCD, overthinking/rumination, and malaise? I really want to try things I haven’t tried yet. It’s f***ing tough dealing with this.
  10. This is a journal of my contemplations. This will: Help me gain my own insights Prevent me from clinging to ideas and theories - "the map is not the territory" Verify ideas and theories through my own direct experience Derive my own truths Give a bird's eye perspective on my thinking process Perform psychotherapy on myself in a way Improve my quality of life Help me be more intellectually self-autonomous Many more things that I can't currently think of, but will present themselves when I realize them Things to remember: Derivation and Contemplation are NOT optional when it comes to progressing in this work. It is absolutely necessary to make any progress. Most of my time should mostly consist of contemplation, meditation, working on stages of the Spiral, and working on my Life Purpose. Not doing the work is like being an athlete who does research all day on his craft yet never works out. Theory is 10% of the equation. Too much theory is counterproductive, I will consume more information then I can retain or take action on. If I care about theory, then I care about taking action on theory 10x as much. Direct experience is the only way to know what's true. Ideas and theories are merely suggestions on potential courses of action, until it is matched up with my own experience. Some notes from contemplation video: In every domain of life, at every level, you can keep asking what all of it is. You can contemplate questions about your life purpose and career, your particular medium, the wordings of your life purpose, your area of mastery, etc. If you want to be successful in any domain, you need to understand the essence of what you are doing, and the tools and distinctions you are using. Ignorance is the source of every problem. Your quality of your life is directly proportional to how clear you are in what the truth is in a particular situation and how aligned you are with it. You are not going to contemplate effectively if you are overstimulated with addictions, you eat garbage food and work 60 hours a week. You need to create a contemplative life. Lifestyle minimalism. When contemplating, become isolated, intellectually self-autonomous, and begin from "ground-zero" in determining answers. This means during contemplation, throw away all preconceived ideas, beliefs, cultural teachings that you acquired, anything you learned in school or university, any books you've read, videos (including The essence of contemplation is to sit down all by yourself and to think about a topic or a question completely from scratch, not relying on anything from any external source. So you're really going inside, working through the problem. Contemplation ≠ speculation. Ground your inquiry in direct experience and in concrete examples. Contemplation ≠ regurgitation of what you've previously learned or heard. Imagine yourself as the first person ever in the history of mankind to have ever thought about the question you are contemplating. This position will cut all external sources. The essence of science is taking an object in reality as it is occurring, without any opinions or ideas about it, and you're just observing what it is, how it arises, and what it's doing. Observe an object just as it is, without any emotions, projections, agendas, etc You'll be surprised that you've never before in your life seriously contemplated what everyday things are, e.g. objects, thoughts, personal development, etc. Contemplation of one question can flower into clusters of other ancillary questions, and those ancillary questions can flower into other clusters of ancillary questions, and so on. This is normal. Stay focused on the original question, yet don't ignore these ancillary questions to help you answer the original question. Don't expect to have answer your question in a single 30-60 minute session of contemplation. A single question can take 1 year (or more) to be resolved. The point is, through the process of contemplation, you will still have extracted value from the process in that your mind becomes more mature through the contemplation. You won't be filling pages upon pages with answers. Contemplate. It can be a slow process, especially in the beginning in building momentum with this habit. Don't be afraid to write down the wrong answer, because contemplation is an imperfect process. Even if the answer is nonsense, the very act of writing it down and recognizing that it is nonsense is a part of the learning and maturing process of the mind. Contemplation with a journal provides immense levels of understanding of reality in comparison to simply watching educational videos on YouTube (although that can be important as well) What Contemplation is NOT: Contemplation ≠ speculation & guess work Contemplation ≠ justifying your existing beliefs (very tempting to do, so be aware of this trap) Contemplation ≠ building new beliefs Contemplation ≠ daydreaming, fantasy, or imagining stuff Contemplation ≠ proof or coming up with arguments or debates against critics Contemplation ≠ opinionizing, or justifying existing opinions Contemplation ≠ pursuit of success or practical advantage What Contemplation IS: Contemplation = pure understanding of what a thing is (and not what it can do for you) Contemplation = observation, seeing how things work Contemplation = deconstruction, breaking down ideas and beliefs Contemplation = awareness Contemplation = going meta, or observing the contemplation process itself in yourself Contemplation = self-reflection, and observing your role in understanding these questions, or how you are intimately involved in the process Contemplation = questioning beliefs, teachings, and culture Contemplation = thinking completely independently for yourself Contemplation = desire to know the truth at any cost, even if what we discover are truths which are ugly and uncomfortable about ourselves Qualities Required for Successful Contemplation: Radical Openmindedness Fearlessness - don't run away from fear. Face it! Slay your demons/threshold guardians. Brutal Self-Honesty Careful Observation Impartiality (the ability to step outside of your agenda) Holding No Ideas Sacred Not Knowing Radical Self-Reliance - no one can give you the answer, no one is here to help you Genuine Curiosity - you have to really desire to know what the answer is Common Traps to Contemplation: Taking things as self-evident - for example, is reason and science self-evident? Well how do you know that? It's indeed not self-evident. Trying to "work to the right answer" (discover your own right answer) - the right answer that you get from Leo or other external sources might not framed in a way that will work for your mind. The right answer for Leo might not be the right answer for you because the right answer for Leo fits in Leo's entire mental scheme of understanding reality, and you may have a different mental scheme of understanding reality. So while they may be similar, it will still be unique to you. This is why you can't just steal answers from external sources. Relying on external sources - videos, books, teachers, etc. Thinking inside of your culture Trying to build grand theories of everything (contemplation ≠ theory building; contemplation ≠ constructing) False skepticism, rationalism, and science Distraction When contemplating properly, you may potentially feel: Scared Uneasy All alone (this is good because you are developing intellectual autonomy) Like you're cutting through a lot of bullshit (especially your own) This is all normal. Eventually you'll develop a taste and you'll enjoy this process. Starting Assumptions for Contemplation: I am full of shit Nothing my mind says can be trusted All beliefs and teachings are false Only direct experience is true The truth is not fragile (questioning will only clarify the truth further -- the truth cannot be "harmed" by questioning) Use these assumptions to get started in your contemplation. Eventually, question these assumptions as well.
  11. Man, this anxiety is so shit. This feeling of uneasiness is so hard to bear 24/7, I just don't know where it's coming from. What could it be? Is it my fear of becoming a wage slave? Is it my fear of wasting my life? Is it just my health conditions that is causing this? I have read that gut dysbiosis and SIBO can cause depression and anxiety. There is just so much tension. I want to flow with life. Am I taking it too seriously? My life feels like a mess right now. Maybe when I get my test results, I'll be able to have more clarity on what to do and what steps to take. A part of me really just wants to jump into some protocol and see what happens. I don't really want to wait 2 more months... Maybe I'll research a bit more into that this weekend. I have a test this Friday.
  12. @Michael569 Can untreated SIBO lead to other diseases? What could it cause?
  13. @Ora Have you cured your SIBO?
  14. Sorry, I don’t quite understand.
  15. What’s in-vitro research?
  16. The MetaBiome test was $430 and the GI MAP test was around $600. Unfortunately I didn’t really have much freedom as I had to purchase them via practitioner recommendation. I think I would’ve bought the GI MAP test if I could. Which is part of what? The MetaBiome test or the GI MAP test? This clinic does do a Zonulin test for like $160 Did a google search for these in my area and haven’t found any. My Organic Acids Tests results should be coming soon. What information could it give?
  17. @King Merk Let us know if your change in goals has changed your quality of life. Do you feel like you're making more progress now that you're focusing on the basics? Would you say you are "happier" now that you feel like you're on the path to building a solid foundation?
  18. I just had to go with what my naturopath made me get. She’s the one that’s interpreting it. Yes, here’s a sample report. 2206-Complete-Microbiome-Mapping..pdf
  19. @Michael569 The difference in price between the MetaBiome stool test and the GI-MAP test was negligible. That is the test she had me get but I’m not sure if they will give the same information. Here is a PDF of a MetaBiome test sample report. Do you think it’s missing anything that the GI-MAP has? Will it give enough information to explain my leaky gut? MetaBiome_Microbiome_Gene_Test_Sample_Report.pdf
  20. @Michael569 The stool test that my naturopath gave me is the MetaBiome stool test. Would that be any different from a GI-MAP stool test?
  21. I heard those antibiotics are very expensive. Most medicines in my country are funded by the government. Would that be the same for these?
  22. Where can I read more about SIBO and the consequences of leaving it untreated? What are some good sources? The more I read about how badly these health conditions can affect my quality of life, the more I seem to be motivated. Negative motivation tends to motivate me better than positive motivation... for now at least. Okay great. Thank you!
  23. How much worse can it get? After all this haziness and confusion I’ve gotten a bit demoralised. It’s like I lost my drive to find a fix. I usually get motivated if I realise how severe a situation really is. At least I know I haven’t exhausted all my options yet. It’s just a matter of money, time, and energy. How much does it generally cost? Does it cost more than the hydrogen methane breath test?
  24. @Michael569 Have you heard of Gojiman? What are your thoughts on him?
  25. No. It was Glucose first, then Lactulose. But even with a second opinion how will I know which one it is? What does the jejenum culture aspirate do? What information does it give? I just want to know exactly what to do. I’ll do whatever it takes.