Muhammad Jawad

Hello All! I hope you are doing well. I need your suggestion. Whenever I am hungry I do overeating and I eat unhealthy. Then after overeating, I go through from guilt and regret. And promise myself to never do overeating. And when I am hungry again, I do overeating again. And this cycle keep repeating. There 2 personalities in me. 1st is fearless and careless about the health and fitness and force me to do overeating and 2nd personality is very concerned about the health and fitness and force me to eat less and eat healthy only. When 1st personality is active and awake, I do overeating and at that time 2nd personality is sleeping who want the opposite. And when the 2nd is awake the 1st one is sleeping. Right now I am the 2nd personality who is talking to you and want to eat less and very concerned about my health and fitness. How do I eat less when my 2nd personality is sleeping and 1st one is awake? As awareness I feel like God but still it looks like I am slave of my own urges, deep mental tendencies, emotions, feelings and still unable fix my habits. What do I do?

Video Version of this Trip Report:

I chewed and swallowed 1 gram of Magic Mushroom at 4:30 am. Then I sat on a Chair and started Meditation in my room. It was not deep meditation. I was just switching between meditation and open eyes so I can notice if there are any changes in my experience. After almost 20 minutes suddenly I started to Hear a Clear Sound of Silence (Beep with 528 Hz Frequency) like when we go higher on Mountains or airplanes. And the sounds of my surroundings became secondary. I became more present and started to feel distortion in my body particularly in the face. I was feeling confused and was not sure if these experiences are my misunderstandings or I am actually feeling all this in reality as a psychedelic experience. Now as my feeling was getting intense I started to get a feeling of fear as well. At 05:00 am I thought that what if I fell from the Chair I should go to my bed. So I turned on Meditation Music on speakers and went to bed and sat down there. Colors became more vibrant. I started to see blood veins in my hand. After a few minutes, I thought that this music was distracting me so I asked my Trip Sitter to turn off the music. And I felt that I should lie down at 05:15 am so I lay down. I was feeling that I am drowning in nothingness or void but I felt really scared so I was trying to resist this also and trying to remain in reality with my body. The reason for Fear was that it was my 1st Psychedelic/Spiritual Experience. There was dim yellow light in the room and I started to feel really congested. Negatively, like I am having difficulty breathing, I got an inner call that said go outside into nature so you can feel better and have different experiences with nature. By 05:45 am I asked my Trip sitter to help me to go to the terrace. I was able to concentrate and Focus on things and at the same time, I was confused also. When I came outside everything was very Fresh, Color Full, Vibrant, Bird's sound was really amazing, Echoes at the same time I was feeling like I am in High Fever, I was feeling High Temperature. I could See Clouds really clearly with different layers of clouds, I was able to see and focus in sharp, small details like Hand pores, etc.., Was feeling a little bit of distortion in objects, I was getting an inner call that let’s leave the steering of this body-mind and let me drive but I was scared to leave the control. At the same time, I was in the Happy, Giggling, and Laughing Mode. I was getting laughs and jokes on every worldly thing. I was laughing at everything like I am watching a real comedy movie. The whole universe was looking like a comedy and a dream as well. My language was also like a funny thing to me. The funniest thing was “Time”. I do not want to think or talk about time because it was the funniest thing in this universe. Because at that time here and now was the only thing that matters and I was sure that the Future and the past did not exist. I was getting inner calls that now don’t focus on this body and world because this world is a Funny Dream. Focusing on the world will cause you only laughter and nothing else. Leave this World, body, and mind and become 1 with nature or consciousness. But I had a feeling of fear and was trying to hold this Dreamworld. I was feeling Morphing in my body. Around 06:10 am my feeling of fear dissolved and I got an inner call that now I should get serious if I want to learn something new I was ready to go with the flow and was serious to learn, understand. Around 06:16 am I was feeling intense Joy, Calmness, Amazing, Freedom. I was feeling very trapped in the body like I am trapped in a very small thing and there is no oxygen and I wanted to come out of this world and body. I felt like birds were talking to me. I had a lot of compassion toward every being. There was a whole Universe or infinite Well or infinity in each cell, or atom, grain of sand, in everything. Focus on each object was sucking me into the infinity of that spec. There was infinity in each pore of my skin. Now I was looking at my body and all other things in a 3rd Person. Like VR Game Experience. My whole body was melting away. It felt like I have left everything but I am stuck at the back of my head. I was in total presence, I didn't want to hold on to thoughts and memories, and everything in each moment was perfect. There was Blind and infinite well in each thing, object or thoughts. In which well I was focusing on I was getting sucked into that thought or thing. I was not able to identify which sound is coming from where. I was getting aware of everything but was losing my sense of My Words and body. Everything was dissolving into nothingness. Everything was flowing like Air or River. Nothing was staying. Each moment was unique. I don’t want to talk about the previous moment. I was feeling distortion in Heartbeats also. Whenever I was laughing I felt like my mouth would morph into an infinite wide open. This body was feeling like a prison. Then my 2-year-old daughter woke up and came to me. I was amazed to see her. It was like I was looking at her for the first time. And she was looking cutest. There was a whole universe inside her eyes. I wanted to drown in the infinity of her eyes. For some time I enjoyed her cuteness and company and Now I want solitude so I can understand things more deeply. Sometimes my hands were looking like baby hands and sometimes it was looking like monster hands. Then I decided to go inside to enjoy a few things from the computer and for Meditation. I asked my Trip sitter to help me to go inside. And When I stood up I felt so amazed. It was like I am wearing VR Glasses and watching my body arms in the third person. My body was looking very small. But I was able to control my body and walk. When I came inside it was like I was looking at my home from inside the 1st time. The entry door of my room looked very small. I sat on my computer chair and started watching a few nature Pictures and I was getting sucked into those pictures. Then I Started to Watch the Documentary “Moving Art” on Netflix (Nature Documentary) and after just 5 minutes. I started to cry through my heart and there were tears in my eyes and while crying my feelings and thought was that I or He (God) is alone and has no one for the company to enjoy and these World objects, World Nature, etc..are the only Imaginations I have for my company. I or He (God) has nothing other than this dream and I had intense compassion and self-pity at that time. At that time I felt that Surah Ikhlas (Verses of Quran) is not just a surah it is a His Sad Story as well... Everything on the computer was looking very clear and sharp. Wisdom & Insights I got during this Trip: He is just exploring himself. He is infinite. Everything is him. He is happy and enjoying everything and wants us to just explore and enjoy. Enjoy the dream. Don’t take anything seriously. Then I thought I was wasting my time on the computer so I shut down the computer and came back to my bed and started Meditation. I closed my eyes and there were a few blurred and faded patterns. It was like there were infinite doors and He (God) was asking which door do you want to enter. Then I felt like laying so I get laid on the bed. Now I feel that my psychedelic experience is going to end so I thought now I should spend some time with my family. I came to my family room enjoyed the cuteness of my daughter for a bit more time than I thought I should watch myself in the Mirror so I got up and went in front of the mirror and I got really disappointed I was looking really bad and unhealthy and felt self-pity and asked myself that what have you done with this body which was a temporary gift to you. At 08:00 am I was back home from my trip.

My 1st Spiritual Enlightenment and Awakening Experience (I am Absolutely Alone) by Muhammad Jawad in English Join me as I share my first-ever experience with spiritual enlightenment and awakening! This profound moment changed my life forever. I'll describe my journey leading up to the awakening, including my exploration of meditation, mindfulness, and spiritual practices. Something just clicked one day while I was meditating and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of oneness, pure joy, and inner peace. I'll do my best to articulate this blissful state of higher consciousness I reached, a feeling of being connected to all of life and the entire universe. It felt as if I tapped into a deep well of wisdom and clarity that had been dormant within me all along. I experienced the dissolution of my ego and detachment from all my worries. A feeling of unconditional love and acceptance towards all beings emerged. I obtained new insights into the nature of reality and being. This awakening has led me to live my life with more meaning, purpose, compassion, and gratitude. I'm excited to share this profoundly moving and magical experience! Let me take you through my spiritual journey and describe this life-changing moment of enlightenment. Video: Thanks

Thanks for sharing this. Thanks for sharing this video.

Hi! I hope everyone is doing good. How do I get rid of unconscious expectations, reactions, attachments, wants, shoulds, etc? When I am contemplating, meditating on these things. I understand everything and achieve calmness, silence, and peace. But in my flow of life, I lose, forget my true state, and start reacting unconsciously and get hurt due to the breaking of my unconscious expectations. There is a lot of unconscious resistance to "what is". I am reacting a lot without any control due to a lot of unconscious resistance to "what is". In the current stage of my spiritual journey, I am feeling lost all the time and lost interest in everything. Most of the time I am aware but when I am dealing with others I just slip into the loop of selfish reactions... What is the solution? How do I gain the Absence of resistance to what is? Most of the time these reactions are just selfish and unnecessary that I realize later with regret. My Expectations: I will remain calm in all kinds of situations and won't resist "what is" will not mind whatever happens and will not take it personally. But Reality: "Oh my God. Who the hell spilled the milk on my Home Office Room Carpet?" I suddenly start to yell at my family full of anger when I saw the milk on my carpet. Then Regret: Why I reacted like that? What happened to me? Where there is so much resistance? bla bla I should have the choice of how I should React or not react. How do I remain disidentified from the mind in these kinds of circumstances and not believe in these voices? Normally I do not believe in these voices but when there is a rush/storm of negative emotions then I forget everything and start to believe in these voices again and identify with the mind again and start to react from the mind's perspective. The reaction is sudden. I can feel the emotions after my reaction but how do I stop sudden reactions? There is no time to be wise and decide to feel emotions. The reaction just appears abruptly. How do I remain calm in all kinds of circumstances? Waiting for your help. Thanks & Regards Jawad

hmmm. Good advice. How do I train myself to look for the funny in any situation? I am not sure why but most of the time I remain very serious.

hmm. Right. Thanks for your input.

Exactly, Yes

True. That's totally true. I was really angry when my kids drew lines on my home office walls but I couldn't get angry when nature destroyed the whole of my wall with dampness and the whole of the paint fell off. And I was just looking at the wall and couldn't say or do anything about it... Hahaha Very True Exactly. Right... Thanks a lot :-)

hmm. That's 100% True. Most of the time when I feel like I am forcing my wants on others but by looking at the situation in depth I realize that in fact, they are forcing me, not me. hmmm. Amazing advice. Thanks a lot. :-)

Ok hmm. Right. ok... Right... OK...Right... hmm. Wao hmm. OK... Sure. hmmm. True. Right.... Thanks a lot for sharing these videos. I am really resonating with your take on this. :-) And Thanks a lot for the Help :-)

Thanks a lot for sharing this. It really helped me. :-)

Right. hmmh. Yes True. Right. Ok. Sure. True. Thanks a lot

You are right but to impose my wants on others forcefully is not love & compassion.

These are really Great Points. I will surely work on them. Thanks a lot for the help

Ok.. What? I mean...Why? Then what is the goal of spirituality, knowing oneself? Right.. Ok.. What does that mean? I mean how? Right. Ok... Yes, Laziness is one more thing that is being more and more empowering on me on this journey. Right.. OK... Yes, your response was very helpfull. Thanks a lot

Yes

hmmm... Right

Hello Everyone! I hope you all are doing good. I have a question. Why can nothingness (pure empty awareness) not keep itself appearing as everything (this whole Illusory dream experience) constantly without sleep as a break? Waiting for your response. Thanks & Regards Jawad

Yes, the human body-mind separate self needs a recharge. But in reality, there is not any separate self, there is only God/Life/Awareness and God is not depended on Sleep and does not need any recharge. Then why sleep exists?

Right.... Thanks a lot for your response.

Why there is sleep from an absolute perspective?

hmm. Yes, Upon deep contempolation That's clear & make sense. Thanks a lot for your response.