Muhammad Jawad

Right Ok True Very True. hmmm. You are right. Right I do not react in front of him, but later I suffer for many hours or days internally psychologically. True. Thanks a lot It was really a great help :-) I will do nothing instead of doing my best. Seems like that's the answer I was looking for.

Through my self-inquiry & meditations, I have already seen that I do not exist. Then why does my illusory ego emerge in these kinds of situatiions? and then I suffer a lot?

Hahaha. My Father is not that bad. :-)

Right. Thanks. :-)

Right thanks. I will surely try to get & read it. But I want to solve this situation spiritually by dissolving the illusory self-ego and remaining un-touched.

Right, well that's a good pointer. But that will lead me to avoid him and that behavior will make him sad and he will that I raised my son through a lot of struggles and now he is young and successful and now he avoids me. I do not want to break his heart that will break my heart as well.

Right and let them use me as a door mat?

That's 100% true. And yes "abuse" is truly the correct word for my situation. My Father makes a lot of fun of me, in front of his colleagues, friends & other family member and he abuses that behavior. How do I stop my own father from abusing me? especially in front of others. I always respect him and talk to him politely and I always obey him. But still, he keeps targeting me. How do I help myself? How do I protect myself from this abuse? I have told him many times that I do not like it and feel really bad and then he makes fun of me on that topic that I feel bad. and he does not change his behavior. What will you do in that kind of situation?

Personal "I" is just a thought. It's not an actual identity. There is only one awareness and everything is arising and passing in it. I tried to set boundaries many times but I am not able to set boundaries against my own father.

I told them many times, but they don't care and kept doing it. What is the solution in that case? I do not want to leave my father because now I am young & successful because of him and he is old now. But he makes fun of me all the time in front of others which makes me a lot sad and miserable. Will that help me to remain equanimous in future situations?

But how becoming a stoic will eliminate my suffering caused by the situation of making fun of me?

Yes, I understand these things but when negative situations emerge then my ego gets a strong start to react, and my color starts to change, my expressions start to change, a lot of negative feelings start to emerge. And I can not help myself to remain No-Self and become frustrated and sad and I become really miserable.

Hi! Thanks a lot for your response. What about the arising painful feelings, thoughts, and your image & respect in front of others? Should I just let all these phenomena arise and let them pass? And remain equanimous?

OK. Amazing. Thanks a lot, everyone for the amazing guidance. :-)

Hello Everyone! I hope you all are doing good. I always had an interest in Spirituality but I have started practicing spirituality seriously for the last 5 to 6 years. I am reading books, doing yoga & meditations, self-inquiry, contemplation on a daily basis. For the last 1.5 years, I have started to use Psychedelics as well. And from these experiences, I learned a lot and had very profound realizations & Insights about Existence & Me, Ego God etc. When I started to use psychedelics, My Initial intention was to experience an Ego Death. I have done almost 7 Mushrooms & 3 LSD Trips till now. And 2 of them were HEROIC DOSE. Ok, I want to experience Ego Death but whenever I reach the point where I am right on the edge of ego death. I get too terrified and scared of death and it feels like The World & My Egoic Existence is Vanishing Permanently in front of my eyes. And I will never be able to get to my normal state of consciousness ever. And then unintentionally I start to Fight & Resist the ego death experience. I start to panic and start to do everything to get out of that experience and do not let go of my world and Ego. And that kind of reaction just turn my whole experience into Bad Trip and I return back without experiencing ego death. So I want to experience Ego Death smoothly and I do not want to Fight / Resist that Experience. But the question is: How do I do that? How not to Fight / Resist an Ego Death Experience? How do I surrender to that Ego Death Experience? How do I let go of my attachment when I am on the edge of Ego Death? Waiting for your help. Thanks a lot.

hmmm. Right You mean everything which was not real, just gone. In those years did you ever miss your worldly life? Right hmmm. It could have been too shocking when you faced that reality. Welcome Back. Is this the same reality which you left?

Yes, That was my assumption but when I was in a panic I couldn't think like that. Right. Ok Which emotional scale? How?

Right hmmmm Amazing. Wao What kind of madness? You really forgot that you were a human being? Did you really feel that you were away from this world for thousands of years? Like it took you days to figure out how to use your body parts? Do you ever think or feel that in that trip you actually died physically in that plane of existence? And you recreated your reality after thousands of years or you came back to alternate reality after thousands of years?

I could feel it deeply that I am holding to this dream reality forcefully and if will not react/hold it will diminish permanently and I will lose everyone and everything.

The moment when I see/realize that everything was just a dream and now this dream is going to end permanently.

Yes, I have noticed, realized, and know that I am not two (me & the ego). Yes, these are just thoughts. There is only One and there are thoughts in it which create the illusion of the ego due to conditioning. Sorry, what do you mean by this? Yes, true. hmmm. That's true. Yes, True. Thanks a lot

I was not scared of my death because these are the moments that make you believe that you can never die. I knew that I am not dying but I am waking from a dream. I was scared of diminishing of dream permanently and losing everything permanently. But you are right if in the first place if we do not have any fear of losing anything deeply then maybe we can manage through it. Exactly, It becomes a feeling of madness. So according to you, I should take a much higher dose?

Amazing. Thanks a lot :-)

Right. Thanks hmmm. Good Point. BTW How do psychonauts know the difference between temporary ego death & Permanent Physical death? On many points, I can agree with you.

You said: "There is only "Death", and after Nothing else is left." Is Death = God = Real ME?