Muhammad Jawad

Yes, after 5 grams My dream changed for a few days. I was having ego death & panic attacks, again and again, each night after that. Now I am better.

That is the 4th Psychedelic Trip of my life. 1st Trip - 1g Shrooms 2nd Trip - 2g Shrooms 3rd trip - 3g Shrooms 4th Trip - 5g Shrooms I took 5-gram Magic Mushrooms with Lemon Tek with Ginger Tea & Dark Chocolate at 11:30 pm by 09/01/2021 Saturday Alone in Silent Darkness. And started Meditation. I was confident. There was No Fear. Fully conscious and aware and ready to confront my ego’s death. I settled my intention to know my Ultimate Self Deeply & Completely. I was trying to be. I was declining all those things which were not me. Like sensations, sounds, breath, thoughts, etc. My consciousness started to expand in 15 to 20 minutes. And as soon as shrooms hit me (According to me my wife, Electricity in my whole country went off at 11:50 pm.) I think visuals and entities started to manifest but I do not remember those because my main intention was not visuals but to know my real self. During the Trip, I was offered 2 options and I had to choose 1 of them: Infinite Visuals, Worlds, Universes, Colors, Entertainment, Fares, Entities, Tunnels, Infinite Possibilities. Infinite Joy. Go Deeper to know my real self. I chose the 2nd option Because I knew that I have my whole life to enjoy infinite possibilities. But to do the ultimate thing in this life to know yourself which will lead me to Know God And Understanding God Will answer my all existential questions. Now I was diving into the tunnel of my real self deeply like a rocket into the dark space and my ego was throwing a different kind of distractions toward me so I can not reach the source because ego knew that it will lead to Ego Death. Ego was trying to give me wrong answers like You are these sensations, you are that, you are that and I was breaking all asteroids, distractions by denying and saying that I am not that, I am not that, I am the one who is trying to find myself. Then I realized that seeking is the problem. I can not find myself till I am seeking. Who am I seeking? I am already as it is. Then I became Nothingness, I became what I am, I became Love, I became creator, I became Expression of love. Then I started getting answers to all of my existential questions. The answer to each existential question was leading to Pure Bliss and happiness and laughter. I was in an un-describe-able blissful state getting answers to all of my questions. I know that I experienced many many other positive things as well but I do not remember them now clearly and completely. I wanted to express my feelings, I wanted to write a lot of things I wanted to share my every insight. I wanted to talk to someone. Everything was going amazingly. I understood a lot of things and got answers to a lot of questions. I understood that I just am, I am Transparent Love, I am Peace, everything else like (thoughts, sensations, Existence, etc is just expressions of my infinity, Love, Creativity). There is transparent Nothingness which have not any properties than the 1st thing that nothingness becomes conscious of itself and recognize itself as pure bliss, peace, infinity, and love and then enjoy itself through the expression of its infinite creative love. Jawad and its world is just 1 possibility from his infinite possibilities. Nothingness became Consciousness and in that consciousness, nothingness expresses its infinite love which results in infinite creations, and then nothingness becomes a person like me so It can praise that infinite love, talk about it, enjoy it and spread love among others, help others, make others life easy, to listen to others, I am here to love. I am acceptance of someone’s Pray. This is how God Fulfill your prayers & wishes. God made Everything around you to make your life better. Because he loves you. Everything is perfect. Consciousness is evolving all the time. There is no Joy in selfishness, Joy is hidden in living for others. Selfishness leads toward selfish desires which are the cause of all kinds of suffering. Then I don’t know when my consciousness expanded at the level where I was able to manifest any version of my life at will. It was like I was writing my own destiny. It was like I am not just writing my infinite destinies but I was living those lives as well. There were infinite versions of my life. And at that stage, I was living infinite versions of my life at the same time. I experienced centuries, I experienced that I am Hearing prayers of everyone. Then I was at a level where I knew that I have infinite power and I can create or manifest anything. In fact, At that stage, my thoughts were not just thoughts. My every thought was manifesting into reality. Whatever I was thinking was becoming a physical reality. So When I realized that I have infinite Power and I was going through experiencing infinite possibilities at light speed. So I thought Let’s manifest a life where I have the best version of my life, so I stopped into nothingness and manifested the best life of my choice. There was not a process of manifestation. I just decided and there I was in that life. And in that life, Jawad had infinite powers of God and could see with the eyes or perspective of God. And in that life that God’s Infinite power became a problem. The worst problem. I was totally awake to that truth that I am still alone, Nothingness and I am just Imagining everything. I got a bit panicked said no no no I don’t want to be alone I want to be with others like I was before. I tried many times and I was able to manifest any kind of life but I was not forgetting the fact that I am God and everything else is just my Imagination. And that Infinite superpower became my curse and I went into Panic, Shock, I wanted to forget that I am God and wanted to live a human life but that became impossible for me. Let me give you an example of how it felt like with the following example: Right now where ever you are and whatever you are experiencing right now is seems totally vivid and real, physical to you and everything else like nothingness, God, Infinity, etc.. is just your thought, imagination, and concept. Now think about how it would feel like if it’s the opposite of that? At that stage, my Infinity was the most vivid and physical thing and everything else was like my imagination. And I wanted the opposite of that, I wanted to get rid of my infinite powers but that was not possible because, in Reality, It is me and my real self. I can not get rid of my real self. My Thoughts were becoming reality. My (Ego’s) Fears, Insecurities, desires, craving, and aversion started to come to the surface. Negative thoughts started to appear. That was not the right time for negative thoughts because it was the time when each thought was manifesting into reality. I started to suffer due to my own desires. At that stage I got the answer to the following question: Q: Why God would like to forget himself while living this life? A: If you are a Jawad slave of your own, fears, desires, attachments, and insecurities then you can not Handel the fact that you are alone, you are the only one there is nothing else, there is nowhere to go. You are nothing and everything else is just your thought. If you are a pour Ego who is attached to the world then you can not handle that fact and you can become mad. So when we come to this world we need to free ourselves from our own attachments, fears, and desires and adopt the power of acceptance, gratitude, detachment then we can handle our own true Power of infinite Love. Due to my own Fears, Attachments, Desires, I couldn’t handle my own true infinite Power and started to get panic. So my every thought was manifesting into reality and I started to think negatively in a panic my negative thoughts started to manifest into reality which again pushing me into more panic. Suddenly I started to live the life of a blind man. I saw that due to any side effect of shrooms I have lost my sight now I can not see anymore. My trip is finished, every member of my family is around me, I am crying, sad, Facing a lot of regrets that why I took this substance now I am blind. I experienced the pain of blind people. Then I lived that whole life without vision and with regret and pain. It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I started to live the life of a mad man. I saw that I am gone mad due to psychedelics, Now I am mad + Blind. I don’t know any language, I am in Panic, Crying, regretting, Then My whole family is around me, talking about me, They called the doctor and declared me psychologically ill and took me to Hospital of mad People and gave me electric shocks. Then I spent my whole life like this. Unconsciously I was saying no no no no What I have done. Shit Shit. I was saying I want my normal life back please God Please help me. And It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I saw that I am physically dead, my whole family is around me, they are crying, sad, talking about me that Jawad was in these things all the time, We always told him not to get into these things but He never heard us. They arranged my funeral, they dropped me into the grave, etc Then again I was back in consciousness, It was dark, I was alone, I had nothing, not even my body I was really sad, I was crying, I was saying I should have not done this. What I have done, No, No No, Please Please Please. I wanted to come back to reality. After a lot of struggle to go back to normal life, after a lot of psychological suffering, I tired and with ultimate sadness, I decided to surrender and accept the reality that I am dead. And thought lets, go back to the death, to nothingness, to forgetfulness, to deep sleep. And then I got dead, I went into a deep sleep and there was one more thing that was scarier than all above things there I realized that I can not sleep, I can not die, I can not lose my awareness, my consciousness because I am God. And God can not die, He never sleeps. I realized that I have to accept the fact that now I have to remain alone as transparent consciousness forever. That thought made me mad again and I started to live Madly again in Darkness. And I had the power to manifest the normal life again and I did it many times but even after getting the normal life back I was not losing the vision or perspective of God in which I was able to live the normal life but with my Infinite vision, I was able to see that I am still alone and I am just imagining all of this. And that was not making me calm and happy. In the end, after trying for many centuries I thought let’s Imagine the normal same life again and start to live that imagination and just keep trying to forget and fade out your Infinite Vision and try to make your imagination as vivid as possible. So 1st of all I manifested rays of light, then I manifested a few objects illumined with that light, then I manifested the feeling of changing my direction, my location, then I manifested the face of my wife appeared from that Light like God have come to me help me in face of my wife. She smiled and said are you Ok? Are you fine? Do you want to come outside of the room? I said Yes, I am fine and would like to come outside. I was trying to act normal and at that time My infinite nothingness vision was more vivid than this imaginative world. There I started to find a way to get out of nothingness to the world of imagination. The more I was focusing on the objects of the Imagination world the more the imagination world was coming into life and vivid. I came out of the room there was nothing other than my wife so through my imagination I manifested outside of my room. She brought me into the Lounge and gave me a chair to sit. Now my world of imagination was coming and going and I was really afraid of losing that imagination world again. So I was trying to focus as much as possible on my imagination of this physical world to keep it more vivid and real. I asked my wife to keep talking to me so I can stay here. Then I realized that I have forgotten to manifest my Body so through the power of Imagination I manifested my Body and I was looking at my Body and other things like I have come back here after centuries. Now with the passing of time, I started to feel that now this Imagination world getting more vivid and my real self which is infinite is fading out. My infinite powers started to fade out with time. And then in the last phase of this trip, I was overwhelmed with Love. The answer to Each of the questions of my wife was “Love”. I learned that Infinite Love is so powerful and deep that you can not handle it if you have fears, attachments, desires, insecurities, Negativities in your Ego’s Subcoonciousn mind. That is why we 1st need to purify ourselves before the actual physical death. If you have purified yourself from all kinds of impurities before the physical death then that infinite love will become your infinite heaven forever or if you don’t purify yourself from your deepest impurities before physical death then you will not be able to handle your own infinite power of love and your own impurities will become your forever torment. Now I am Sober but I know I am sure that I am alone and I can never die and right now I am living an imagination. And now my goal is to work on my impurities, get rid of them and bring gratitude, acceptance, detachment in my life so my Ego Or I can accept my death peacefully and live in the ocean of love eternally. When I totally came back from my trip, the Electricity in my country also came back. The public, Media & Government of my country is still wondering why Electricity was gone.

Thanks a lot for the response.

Hi @ivankiss! I hope you are doing well. Thanks a lot for sharing your experience of Death. I found a lot of common things in your and my Trip. Someone at this forum read your Trip report and then read my trip report and he told me that there is a lot common in both of your trips. So He gave me the link to your trip report which I read and found a lot in common. If you are interested then you can read my trip report from the following link: Thanks a lot :-)

Most Welcome :-) Exactly Wao

Amazing. Thanks a lot for Sharing...

I recently had a bit Challenging experience with 5g Shrooms w Lemon Tek which led me to Panic Attacks & Shock. Will it be easier for me in the Future? My Trip Report:

Oh my God. He has really gone through experiences that have a lot of similarities with my experience. There are a lot of things which are very common. There were a few more things in my Ego Death Experience that I forgot or couldn't express in my trip report which @ivankiss has mentioned in his report in really simple words. I will share my trip report with him as well. Thanks a lot

Most Welcome :-) Thanks Thanks a lot for sharing this. I will surely read it now.

Is that the same case with Shrooms Trips as well?

I have also read somewhere that when your spiritual energy is too high at that time Electronics around you can stop working.

Thanks. I am not sure if at that stage you will be able to remember forgetfulness or not. Because at the peak of my trip I was having panic by thinking that I am gone blind but I couldn't remember that I myself have turned all of the lights off at the beginning of the trip. At one more stage I thought I am dead due to that I was in panic & shock but couldn't remind myself to turn on the light or something like this. I wanted to come out of the trip, darkness but I forgot that I turned the lights off and I can turn them as well. I was getting Mad.

Hi! I hope you are doing well. Thanks a lot for this precious piece of information. :-)

Best of Luck :-)

I chewed and swallowed 3 grams of Magic Mushroom at 03:00 am. I was in a really comfortable setting. Then I closed the door of my room and Inserted Ear Buds in-ears so I can block all the outer sounds and then I turned all lights off and sat on my Comfy Bean Bag Sofa and closed my eyes and started Meditation in Silent Darkness. Here are a few points I have learned or understood from this Trip: The body is an example or form of a Universe. Whatever you are seeing right now are infinite universes. Each Atom contains infinite Worlds. All Universes, Dimensions are in me and Me. I can create what I can Imagine and my Imagination is infinite. Everything is my hallucination and imagination. I zoomed out of this Body, Mind & World and became the ultimate Seer and all universes, dimensions (Heaven, Hell, world, Dark Dimensions etc…) was front of me like a Restaurant menu. I could create and go in any dimension. Every thought, Imagination, everything was coming out of me. Jawad & this world is just my thought & Imagination. I am awareness. You do not die. Things get born from you and die in you. I am just experiencing myself in all dimensions at the same time. It’s my own choice to come to this world to explore, enjoy, and help others to awake so they can come out of suffering. What is (Pain, Sorrow, Fear, Emotions, Happiness, Love etc) needs to explore. I had compassion for everyone for my family, I was crying for my family that how I am giving them pain, I thought I should Hug them, Cry with them, Ask for forgiveness, Help them, Love them. I was crying and really Sorry for not loving more. Bad people are bad because they didn’t receive enough love. I realized wherever consciousness or God look or become aware that thing starts to multiply into multiple subdivisions to infinity. Everything is infinite, each atom is infinite. I reached a point, where I could choose the death of human form at my own will and stay in God Forever but love & fear to be separated from my world, the family came into and I decided to come back for them. I chose to come back to love others, to help others, to prevent others from suffering, to explore, to enjoy. The ultimate suggestion I got: “Question Everything, Question your every feeling, Question your every thought”.

Exactly. You should read my 1g & 2g Shrroms Trip report as well. 1g Shrooms Trip Report: 2g Shrooms Trip Report: Don't try to get these things from the woods, It's too dangerous. I have tried the following: "Magic Mushroom Psilocybin Cubensis" I found local sellers through online research.

Hi Hulia! Hahaha. Don't Worry. You can start with natural methods of Spirituality like Meditation, Contemplation & readings and after some time when you feel a lot mature spiritually then you can start with lower doses of psychedelics. But I can't recommend Higher doses Yet as you know that where I have been from on my last trip. Only you know yourself, Your level of spiritual and psychological maturity. If you remain calm & peaceful in all kinds of situations of your life and you are confident that you can remain calm in worst-case scenarios as well like your death, etc... Then maybe you are ready to try Higher Doses as well which leads toward Ego's Death and Infinity. Right. I can understand. Exactly that is really terrifying. Even it's been 3 days after the Trip whenever I think about that stage of my Trip. My heartbeat gets abnormal and starts to pound due to fear.

Hello Friend :-) Exactly. My Ego does not know that how strong is the visualization power of its Higher Self that everything seems totally real to the Ego Self.

Yes, Particularly long vacation from Higher Doses.

Hi LEO! I hope you doing well and enjoying your break :-) Are you joking about electricity? Or you also experience these phenomena? Thanks a lot :-)

That's true. Exactly. Now I need some time for integration through natural spiritual methods like meditation and contemplation. 1st of all I have to make myself psychologically and spiritually as strong so I can handle any kind of situation calmly with Peace & Love.

Sorry, I am not sure what you mean by lip service.

Hmmm. Evolution of consciousness?

You are right. It takes time to forget this kind of experience. It still haunts me whenever I think about that experience. I feel like my ego is really scared of that and trying to hiding from the memories of its death. And yes sometimes I also think that it was not complete ego death because ego scared of the death and fight with experience of ego death which lead me to Panic.

I believe nothing exist.