Rampaginae

Fear is running from the truth. Fear is death. Fear is unreal. That's how I feel right now. Like my whole life of being afraid was akin to this cliche idea of fear actually being nothing. Chasing the rabbit to discover I was just torturing myself with invisible forces, prompts to turn this way and that. The ultimate fear might just be not being myself. Because if I'm God, then that makes a lot of sense. Hiding from myself. By running away from the truth, the pain gets stronger, the situations get worse. Which then creates acceptance towards the inklings and the hints, learning to trust yourself.

@SoonHei So the thought arises on the 'screen': I'm the unchanging- I'm the sight / isness of this current thought which points at the unchanging Nothingness? I have trouble with this because I know I erroneously conceive as far as I know, of the screen having a mind or being intelligence, but clearly the mind isn't there. Mind implies a doer-ship. The screen showing Earth (my current experience) as intelligible and coherent, doesn't mean there's a mind that's intelligent. It's isness. Is the intelligence inferred on my part wrong, somewhere? Intelligence would belong to someone, and really, there's just fluffy stuff happening. So then if the Earth dream seems highly ordered, there's really no rhyme or reason still. Yet there's a clear path to pointing that there's a screen, God. Do you see what I mean? Truth is ascertainable. I guess I'm trying to grab Nothingness, myself, and corral it into a structure, because things appear which are coherent. But 'coherent' as opposed to what? Reality has no other reality to be inconsistent with, so the dream logic is unerring because well, it's not mechanically bound and is free. Unlimited. So there's just 'freedom' of a neverending moment with any type of content arising (because it wouldn't matter which kind of content arises.) Isness is the very presence of what's appearing? I still have the impression of it being like a ghost which generates the experience, but that's cause and effect, self and object. The worst part is I can barely figure out what my question is but I have my finger on something. It's like asking, "What determines what happens?" So that leads me to the nature of God, which it's said to be unconditional love, which permits. The dream nature takes on any form. Is it just full stop at this point? It's just maya spontaneously arising forever? The maya arising which is bliss/love (although to me it's not always easily recognizable), and sayonara, not much more to say? Tomorrow, I dream of being a reverberating asteroid with little there besides the sensation of moving through space? Then it's a rabbit being chased by a hawk? It's bizarre if that simply is what is, but that's what seems to be apparent. Sorry for the long post lol.

"What's the point in talking to others if they're imaginary?" The same line of thinking applies to a lot of things. Why do kids play with toys and make voices up for each character and role they're playing. Why do we watch movies for characters that aren't extant and won't meet. Why do we make a huge investment into the valuation of others, if we aren't experiencing their perspective at this exact moment, and may never. Why do anything if the grave is the location your body is going to inevitably. Whether the universe is more complex or not than a sole dreamer living a life in a 'virtual partition' so to speak (where other lives will be lived later), it doesn't really denote what 'point' there is. Frankly if you're going to live forever then the point is experience, otherwise you're limited by finite framework choices. It becomes not about maximizing pleasure but realizing all experience is pleasurable to an eternal beingness, because there is no survival concern. This night there's a nightmare, and tomorrow there's a utopia. It's qualia or phantasmagoria, which you can't attach a value to other than subjective dream-like ones, aesthetic rather than mechanistic. That's what I think anyway, I don't actually have clear insights other than from what I observe of whatever's happening, and some relative logic to tie together. I use the analogy of virtual partition because computers and VR, simulacrums, whatever, it all becomes relevant if you start wondering how things could work nondual-ly and not have a fountainhead God who is the maintainer of a larger objective reality. The man behind the curtain so to speak. If thing's are truly one, then anything outside of what is, isn't. There's just this, in this scheme of things. So, if you want to get a universe of people all living and doing things, any number of things, with different lives, then it seems like the subjective experience you currently are having already seems to point at This life being 'partitioned' because it would be compatible with what's going on anyway. If other people exist, it doesn't seem to make a difference, whether their lives is scheduled to be real soon or if they're simultaneously occurring with a 'veil' between perspectives or 'blinders' on like an ego having its sight limited. If God can dream anything up, he's not limited by some mechanical capability, it just is produced. Which I guess means that maybe we're splitting hairs over a singular dream and a multivariant dream. But again, oneness means something can't be separated. So there cannot be two experiences going on simultaneously because A is A and B is B, and B would be outside the experience of A, which means it isn't observed because it wouldn't be 'in' or as consciousness. My main point is it starts to sound like it doesn't matter, lol.

Is a 'perfect world' with no suffering better than this world's circle of pain? It's just an experience, doesn't truly put a dent in reality indefinitely. A more normal argument is that the vast tracts of land required to grow plants takes away space from animals anyway, destroying habitat. It's also possible plants experience suffering when they're harvested not simply for their seeds or fruits, as they're still a 'lifeforce.' Maybe even rocks experience a resonance similar to suffering when they're broken in half. I just don't know at which point you're going to draw the line. I just feel neutral about the topic of suffering, even if it's my own. It seems like phenomena or aberrations in frequencies, like a faster heartbeat compared to a calm one. For a quick example, I've been having nightmares but more and more I just seem to not add into any of the emotion, and it's only a happening. The axe murderer in my dream gets his kill, but then the dream continues or I wake up, neutral or apathetic about it. I even enjoy the dreams to a degree because I'm tired of being concerned about pain or suffering.