afy355

Hello. I've been suffering from a feeling of not being here for five years now. I struggle to work, I struggle to study, it gets really hard to think and feel almost every moment of my waking life. I'm here because I want to start micro-dosing with LSD. It all went wrong when I took Magic Mushrooms, though. I've ended up in a mental hospital, because I nearly committed suicide. I actually almost broke my skull by myself on the floor. I've tried to solve it naturally, but the feeling of not being here is pretty severe and it did not change at all over the course of five years now. I am visiting a psychotherapist, psychiatrist, I am taking pills (anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and some other), I was in different mental institutions and also tried a different diet. I will now try the Carnivore diet, perhaps it helps, I might be poisoning my body without knowing so. But the point is, I need some advice on micro-dosing or maybe further reading. It really helps if I talk to someone or post to forums, though. If there's anyone with experience with micro-dosing or if the post resonates with you, please let me know (you can send me a message if you want)! Tim

I've been suffering from derealization for almost 4 years now and it all started after a bad trip on LSD. My therapist says I should meditate, yet I sometimes doubt her. She helped me a lot with my life but there's this feeling of not being here that is always present and I can't really experience the world around me as well as myself. I am considering an LSD trip to help me out in some way. I am not sure though. I nearly broke my skull on the last trip and almost bled to death, so I am worried something similar could happen now. Or not. I don't know. It's just... I think experiencing your existence could be something that has potential to fulfill my world. Though I think once I'd have it, I'd seek something else. Which could be alright in some way. What do you think? I considered taking MDMA first, just to see how drugs affect me after 4 years of being clean.

First of all, thank you all for the answers. I already do many things (designing a board game, video game, movie, I draw a lot, I make music, study architecture etc.), yet I have not found what I am looking for. And this might be to exist. Just you and the brush, you and your mind. Maybe it is already inside of me, I agree. And it truly is, probably. But I seek answers and LSD might just not be the path. I think it would be smart to stay off drugs until I actually find answers to why am I feeling the way I do (through meditation, somatic experiencing etc.). My therapist says it is connected to childhood abuse (not physical, just when parents can't raise you as a person and your personality gets shut). Sometimes this feeling of disconnection from the world is really really strong and I doubt something so simple as meditation could work. Anyway, when I walk I try to feel my feet, when I paint I try to feel my hand holding the brush, in general I try to be alive. And this could be in some means the right way. Nahm, I think you are close to the core of my problems. Not feeling might actually be contributing (a lot) to the feeling of 'not being here'. I do feel this numbness inside of me. Though I think I have many feelings stuck inside of me, but they are not ready to be unveiled yet. Average investor I agree. I do seek a more unified experience, not some higher truth or something like that. I just miss some things in my life. Feelings, I mean (and awareness). Elisabeth thank you for your advice. I will consider it. Dflores321 I'll stay off for now. I think I really have to ground myself before doing LSD again, if I will ever do it again. Silene I play football and basketball and it feels nice. I somehow enjoy it. My mind gets a break.