Barbara

Thanks Michael, that’s something I really need to sink in. Will def check out Cal Newports books and experiment. I understand occasional anxiety is something normal to some extent, but I would like to do everything possible to be more relaxed, so good advice.

I’ve started a business last year, but I got super stressed in the building phase before it even took off. I was working nonstop and eventually had a mental breakdown. For two months I experienced the worst sensations I’ve ever felt due to anxiety, so completely stopped all my side projects and day job for awhile. This was in May this year and I’ve learned a ton about myself since then. I started therapy, cultivating better work-life balance, did ton of introspection, also on psychedelics, read books, started enjoying myself more and manage stress peaks. So, I’m in a way better mental place now and have a lot of creative tension within me, new ideas and projects. But I feel so stuck to start them and pickup the unfinished stuff. I’m terribly scared of navigating through unknown waters, being clueless, making mistakes, but specially, that works starts feeling too much again and I’m back in that anxiety, bottom of the pit space. I know I’m not the same person and know I would be way more equipped to deal with adversity, but I’m still scared. These last weeks I’ve been procrastinating HARD. Whenever I do something for my side projects I’ll do it almost in apnea as quickly as I can, and run away immediately. And although I broke down the to dos in small tasks and steps, I still have the feeling that I don’t know how to start, that my work will be for nothing, and that I’m walking blindfolded.. I wanna get shit done and make my ideas come to life. How can I overcome this fear? TLDR: I burned out and now am scared of taking action.

@Gesundheit2 hey, thanks. That anxiety period is all gone now. It’s been 5 months or so that I’ve not felt anxious. After that breakdown I took indeed a break from everything and was not in rush to go back. But now I’m mentally stronger and healthier and feel ready to take on projects. The problem is that I feel huge resistance to start and fear I might end up the same. I do rationalize this, but I keep procrastinating when I have time for the side projects. And I do understand the difference. Until now, I was giving my self all the space and not even worrying about that kind of stuff. But lately I’ve had so many ideas and will to engage that I believe I’m ready to start over. Will def be more mindful of my feelings in the journey and validate them as my compass instead of other people’s experiences. And yea, I might even ask for help. Thanks for the idea.

You have a bunch of beliefs that are causing you harm. You need to become aware of those, rationalize them and simply choose a different narrative that will lead you to other beliefs and more well-being. Thoughts cause emotions. First of all, the meaning of work to you. Work can mean a lot of things to different people and no meaning is more correct than the other, but some might be more healthy than others. Might be useful for you to contact with other realities to broaden your perspective here. You care about your potential and whatnot and that's fine, but, why is harnessing potential only linked to working in your book? You absolutely cannot work nonstop.. So rest is as important as work for performance and attaining potential. Are you using rest and "letting go" as synonyms there? If yes, you're basically telling me that you cannot afford to stop working because you need to be maximizing your potential "no matter what". "What" being, burnout here? So, you cannot rest even tho you're experiencing constant stress, anxiety and burnout, because you have to stretch your potential, otherwise, you gonna die in a cruel way? C'mon. You realize how disproportionate that belief is? ahah! I'm not ridiculing you. Our beliefs are really funny and insane sometimes. It's good to laugh at them. and I know you're joking there, but you do understand how our beliefs, if unconscious and overlooked, are exaggerated and linked to life-or-death scenarios. But lets see the "no matter what" part. I think that is a very romantic idea productivity and get-rich internet gurus talk about. But please don't take it so seriously. Otherwise, you should be working 24h. And you're not, are you? So relax. why do you think this? In what ways do you see this manifesting? Is it possible that this is not true? Is it possible that it's the other way around? In what ways do you think that the contrary belief also manifests itself? One note on psychedelics. Lsd and mushrooms. If you think it's gonna make you feel different things than you're feeling right now, you're right, but not in the way you think. It will make your mind 1000x times heavier, you'll have the same mental patterns, but way way more intensely. With your current mental state it would be a very hard trip for you, I'm sure. Not advising against or in favor of it, but be mindful of this.

such as? really try to identify those. get a notebook and write what comes to your mind regarding that topic. And what happens if you don't work? what's the worse scenario on your mind? I stopped, for 2 months, facing the fear, but had a lot of support from family, friends, and psychotherapy couldn't have done without it. Then slowly started again, learning how to create healthy & sustainable productivity, and watched out for the high-performance peaks that steamed from stress and anxiety. I try not to feed that now. Once you stop, you'll take your own lessons. No point in telling you mine, especially not knowing that much about your situation

Hello, That's exactly what you should do. Stop working. Your brain doesn't know anymore what's not being in constant stress and anxiety, fearing all the ifs. I was in your shoes, deeply scared of stopping working, so I understand. But that's what you have to do. Consider it a strategic withdrawal. There's no place you have to go to, no goal more important than your well-being. If you're not well right now, you won't be able to grab any opportunity, so start there. Get better. Wish you well

You’re doing this casually? Or are you promoting something? Services etc.

You got this

That was brilliant!

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear, glad you're alright! Thanks for sharing it, it's great to see that although it's been a traumatic experience you're dealing with great courage to be conscious of your own survival responses, as you put it, your red shadow. Wish you well.

What the heck people. It's his money. No one should tell you how to spend your money. If he wants to save that's with him, accordingly to his life views. I personally think that's great, OP thinks it's not great, either way, it's not our money to dictate. As a woman, you should strive to be independent and not fall onto a minority status, or look for a man that will take care of you financially. That's, in my view, a bad manifestation of the surrender characteristic of the feminine principle. If you can't afford the places he can, just tell him that, instead of expecting him to pay. Freedom is foundational for self-development. And you're not free if you don't get your financial shit together, and depend on your partner.

If the roles switched (you were the one earning more money, and he the student living from his parents' money), would you pay him the things you want him to pay you?

Evolving steadily, that’s great! Congratulations ?

You can switch chairs for the time being. You have gym balls or kneeling chairs, that have no back rest

Do you work on a computer all day? Might be your sitting position and the way you are holding the mouse.

Hm.. Even acceptance does not mean you'll never ever be bored about it again. It might mean you simply handle better the fact that there are things we can control and there are things we can't. And the things we can't control might be a burden but you don't let yourself get stuck in a suffering rut for too long. You might experience suffering, but in the back of your mind, you know that's transitory and it will go away. Other than that I would say to have the things you're grateful for present within you.

Hi there! I was hoping you could give me some advice and tips on how to optimize meditation practice. I'm on a two-year meditation streak. I meditate twice a day, in the morning and in the night, and it really depends on the phase, sometimes I meditate 40 minutes in each session, sometimes (lately) I meditate 5. I feel great about this streak because I used to struggle with showing up every day, but at the same time, I'm not putting that much effort into meditation right now, and I do it almost robotically because it's so meshed in my routines, that is like brushing my teeth. It has become a structural pattern that I'm not so proud of. I also spot some patterns that arise in consequence of a procrastination snowball effect. When I'm in a procrastination wave, I also tend to procrastinate regarding meditation. But that's an insight aside. So what works for you, in keeping a long-term quality meditation practice? (Of course, with the natural swing of any practice, just to manage expectations) Thank you for your time

Just don't get stuck in gender roles. You should have the liberty to do as you feel like. I would say that knowing and having confidence in yourself is more attractive than any premeditated action you feel would make you more attractive. But still, learning about feminine and masculine energies might be helpful for your quest. And because reality is highly fractal you can have great insights just by contemplating things like Birth and the whole process of creating a new human being. I won't tell you what insights to have to not influence you. I would most definitely like to hear yours and what arises in your mind spontaneously, by thinking of the birth from the masculine and feminine energies pov.

Fair enough

That's spot on. What matters in a union is sexual polarity. Now, who's the predominantly female, who's predominantly male energy... who cares? Just be authentic and you'll attract the opposite energy from the spectrum. And that's whats going to fulfill you. Not some act.

Thanks for your answers guys!

@nistake Thank you so much for your answer! That's really great advice. I started implementing it already and I see so much difference. It used to take me 5-10 minutes at the beginning of a session just to relax the body entirely, and only then I would have unlocked the ability to concentrate and bend the mind as I aim to, and this shortens that immensely. I don't know if that's odd for others but I function that way Hm I see. I meditate twice a day, but maybe I should try to make that one time only just to kinda reset and see how it works. Btw when do you meditate?

@Gili Trawangan I meant quality practice! Meditation is as it flows, any attachment to a previous or imagination is detrimental.

That's awesome, really!

Ok, you are in a hard place in life right now. Let me put this, this way, no matter who you are and what your life is, you're going to face challenges. You might see your healthy friends, and envy them for their health, for their vivacity, but I assure you, they suffer too. Even if an objective perfect life was possible, we would still suffer. That's life. I mean, is it? Or is that Us? Is the life that has to change or are we the ones who have to change? I think it's us. And change here would be a change in behavior/ mindset, from resistance mean acceptance and gratitude. Of course, you are in a hard place in life right now and that is so difficult to see. But you know, it takes Vision and reflectiveness. Look at your life. Did you ever want something sooo bad, and then you got it and then it didn't matter anymore? Or maybe it solved some things but brought a different load of problems? Ask yourself, why would this be different? It only varies in content and grade. As Gili said, the lesson is acceptance. And that's something you'll cherish throughout all your life. I even dare to say that you'll feel like this disease was a blessing. It thought you how to appreciate life at a young age. Either way, allow and notice all your feelings. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just notice how sometimes reactions invade your body or thoughts enter your mind. Make what you want of them, either that's shove it away or embrace them. Simply notice yourself doing it. And then, don't give so much value to it. You'll notice they'll come and go and the less attached, the more peace you'll find. Other than that, I'll say, start journaling if you haven't already. Keep track of your days, write as it flows and what you're grateful for. This takes as little as 2 minutes of your day and the outcomes may be really great. I recommend the Journalistic app. If you have IOS you can use it on safari. It's really simple and has cool features. Wish you well