Barbara

I don’t think the issue is being a woman. I’m a woman and I do not see myself in most of your words. What I see is a victim mindset. Take responsibility for a while.. Best of luck

I wouldn't advise you to feed those revenge thoughts. Feeding them would only make them bigger. It's counterintuitive since you feel like acting on them, but they'll never go away if you do so. In my opinion, you should let them rise and face them. In any circumstance repress them. But don't let them operate in shadow. Meaning, be conscious of every single one of the thoughts you have towards this girl. Write them if needed. Then, after bringing them to the light, face them. Take responsibility. For this part, I always remember Buda's words. "If someone offers you a gift and you decline to accept it to whom then does it belong?" So disidentify with the person who that girl hurt. Cultivate self-love here. Don't let others shape your day nor decide what you are. Accept the past and work for the future. With the knowledge you had, you did the best you could. If this is not enough for you, learn more to grow yourself and prevent something like this happens to you again. Learn about self love, self esteem, self image, meditation, how to be present, how to be unbothered by other people's behaviors. Suffering is an amazing window to growth. Warm regards

I use crystal deodorant and it's amazing. Natural and cheap. https://www.healthline.com/health/crystal-deodorant The one I use is from Sante. Lasts for years, in plural

Hey! I'm looking forward to reading your work. From what I've seen you're a talented creator. So congrats! It's nice to see you'll be gone to sharpen your skills. Wish you the best. Warm regards

I find the youtube series Mind Field super foundational to understand why the mind isn't trustworthy, especially if you're somewhat of a rational person, or looking for some scientific support for this idea.

I would add internal/introspective concepts too. Responsabilization, Honesty with self, Self-love, acceptance, forgiveness, Understanding emotions, emotional intelligence, Relativism, Metacognition (it's important to move on from these two, but super intense for the foundation), Meditation. And some others along these lines

@peanutspathtotruth @SamC This works for me but for you might be something better, it's just a matter of experimenting

Stop using an alarm clock. I wake up every day at the same hour and never use an alarm clock. It's easy to build this habit in a week. Here's some tips: Day 1, 2, 3...: Actually waking up early it's all about the day before. So the day before go to sleep insanely early, give yourself like 10 hours to sleep. Exemple: Wake up time: 8 am Go to bed: 10 pm Maybe you'll actually even use those 10 hours. But it's ok. Let it be. I just recommend you start on a weekend. (If you feel it's too early to sleep, just do some relaxation technics like drinking lavender or camomile tea, some stretching, relaxing every member of the body when lied down, detach from every thought while focusing on being relaxed, etc.) From day 4 and on, you'll realize that you'll need less and less sleep. You'll naturally start sleeping just the amount of sleep your body needs. From here, you can start adjusting. Notice how many hours you've been naturally sleeping (for example 8h) and start going to bed 8 hours before the time you wanna wake up. So if you wanna wake up at 6 am, go to bed at 10 pm Hope it works for you!

I wanted to share some insights I had about being a people pleaser. In 2019 I've met a monk. He guided retreaters in a Vipassana center. I didn't like him at first. I was used to "spiritual" people in the occident being noticeable nice. And he was kinda rough, always neutral. Two years later, I've never forgotten him and after all, his love strikes me still, on different levels every time. What I've learned from here is that true love is deeply rooted and the act of deliberately trying to show it is already losing a little bit of it. The focus should be on simply loving and not showing. And love ultimately is, for me, an intrinsic and deep wish of good to others. I experienced this on him. It's almost an awakening experience to feel it, since he loves me, not because I'm Barbara, or because I was a retreatant, or because I'm human. Actually reminds me also about what I really am. Everything. You, Leo, God. Lately, I've been working on stop being a people pleaser and this thought, among some others, helped me a lot. "Love" or kindness is what I think I'm showing when pleasing others above me, but love is wishing them the best. I strongly believe that the best way to help others is to work on yourself. So, being a people pleaser is looking at the world in a scarce and attached way, imagining that others need anything more than your inner work. So fix your perception of what love is and people pleasing will go away What do you think?

Nice

@_Archangel_ Responsabilization is key in this process indeed. I've been working on brutal responsibilization too. Actually, one thing leads to another. By taking responsibility, as you said, you'll then take the lead, then give a direction to your life, then stop being sucked by others agenda, then you're no longer a passive raisin. Doing this is a counter identity process tho and others, who have expectations for you may not like it. I had to let go of almost all my friendships because of this too. But I'm happy about it since it leads me to greater self consonance. It's the best thing I can do too. Best wishes to you

@peanutspathtotruth Could not have put it in better words

@Gesundheit Self best interest comes first I think. Then the middle ground @Lieseluke Expecting any type of outcome when giving, wouldn't be for the sake of love I think. Would be doing a good thing for bad reasons. Kinda self-centered and egotistical behavior.

@Lieseluke Yea, exactly. Stings for a moment but it's the greatest feeling to pierce through your ego.

For me important things are trust, vulnerability and ability to change and develop together and BRUTAL honesty. I mean brutal brutal. It's hard, but worth it.

I relate to this very much If you're really close, like talk to them daily or so, try talking less and less gradually. If you have a chat group or habits together, start missing them also gradually. Like only answer every two days, and then every tree, and every five and so on. As much as it costs face that you have to grow apart from them. But you'll still deeply care and love them. Show them that every time you talk to them. Warm regards

I’m so sorry to hear that. I wish you all the love and strength in the world ?

I'm 21 and I'm studying law in college. I don't like it and don't want to pursue it. This is the 4th and last year of college, I only have like 7 months left to finish it. Back in september, when classes started again, I was very confused about the whole thing, lacked a lot of clarity, so I decided to finish this year and meanwhile using all my free time to find my LP. But things changed: I'm now doing the LP course, and I'm generally so excited about life and its possibilities. I wish to learn so many different things in many different areas. I spend my days, thinking about my LP, always paying attention to every opportunity that could arise, that can make me grow and be more prepared for the authentic life. I try to detach as possible from the excitement tho, since I've also experienced some downs that follow it. But now, it's December and in January I have exams and it's one of the most intense times for students, which will leave me almost no time to do what I really wanna be doing. So it boils down to this: I haven't found my LP yet, but I'm in great creative tension that requires exploration and action, basically, time. Every book, course and skill I want to learn, will happen anyway, but being in college at the same time, will take me longer. At the same time, 7 months will make the difference between being graduated or not, even tho if it's only for the sake of having a meaningless diploma. (I should say tho, that I have the belief that I would be taken more seriously professionally if I had a law degree. Do you agree or I should treat it as a limiting belief and go on?) So, I would love to hear what you have to say about this. I know that I'm the only one who can make this decision and I'm not really looking for answers, only insights and thoughts of those lovely green and yellow heads of yours Thank you so much for taking the time

@juvoci Nice @Mannyb Thank you both for your kindness

@flowboy Yea, that seems cool Work things out then. Do your best so she understands your position. If she doesn't, then there's nothing else you can do. I wish you the best of luck!

And be cool, it's ok. She's just immature. And maybe this is like a pattern she has with her girlfriend. Peers together are even more childish, so, try and understand that. Either way, you'll be fine. Everything you did was from a place of love and authenticity. You did no harm. Only kindness

Lol and completely ignore the group chat

Yes, she seems really childish. I don't even know if she would really understand if you told her how you feel. But here's what I suggest. If you really like this girl, and want to be with her, try and talk to her. Explain to her what you said here about how those gestures were genuine and made you feel vulnerable. It's normal, especially at the beginning of the relationship that the other does things we don't like. But you have to communicate it to her. On the other hand, if you don't think it's worth it, to talk to her because she wouldn't understand, or so, then probably you'll break up at some point, even if not for this thing. So basically, take action here. To a direction or another. Weight how much you like her and if she's worthy of your time and energy, figure things out. Explain your position to her. If you're really really honest and open, I guess she'll understand and be sorry. But if you think she's not worth it, then move on.

Hey so kind! Thank you. Could I ask you what did you do after? If it’s very personal please be comfortable with refusing to answer I actually feel the that. That I’ll be fine either way. Appreciate your words, Warm regards

@GroovyGuru Have you thought about freelancing? Just search freelance finance jobs or something like that and there’s a lot of stuff you could do, that maybe are even more interesting. To be a freelancer I think you need to be autonomous and comfortable with being self taught. The money can be good (this is relative tho) and you would be working from home