Barbara

Regarding any type of manipulation, the best way for me to deal with it, is, instead of thinking "I'm being manipulated", thinking "I'm letting myself being manipulated". And I'm highlighting "deal" because this second thought is already proactive in itself. I'm not just stating that I'm being a target of others' manipulation, for the sake of denunciating it and feel pity for myself. Dealing with it means I want to resolve it and grow from it. With that said, when saying "I'm being manipulated", there's not much I can do about it, since I cannot control others. They'll just do what they want and the most you can do is telling them to stop or explain how that's affecting you. But that does not guarantee you anything. It's completely out of your control that they hear you or not. But when I say, "I'm letting myself get manipulated", I'm already focusing on what I can actually control. Myself only. This means I'm not putting my well-being and self-perception in anyone's hands. I find it helpful here, to work on self-image, self-love, and self-esteem too. This way, other people behaviours won't shape you. And this for me is responsibilization. Just owning your life. Not even bothering to think what others should or shouldn't be doing. I would only add tho, that if I trust the person who had a manipulative behaviour, I'll go ahead and tell her how I felt. But that's only for the puropose of not growing apart and would aply to two or three people in my life

I simply love Jonna's videos. She's an amazing example of someone that is pursuing her life calling and purpose. She moved to a really rural place, just painting houses when she was 21 I guess. She was struggling a lot with money and just keeping warm. But she stayed because being there was what she loved. And today, she's a big youtuber, sharing quality content, artist and has a jewelry brand I think.

For reflection: What’s your relationship with this forum? What makes you keep coming back? Is it addiction? Companionship? Validation? Some form of meaning, by helping others? Attention? How do you feel about social media in general? I tend to have a somewhat obsessive personality over things, so when I feel I’m coming here more than I would like to, I stop coming for a while. But since Vladimir left, I started thinking about if I’m taking advantage of this or drowning myself on the internet, looking for being entertained. I have an exam tomorrow so today is clearly the second one. I guess overall, I’m curious to see what you have to say since I see so many of you being so consistent here. What makes you coming back?

@Gesundheit yea, resonate with that too. Eheh

Have you heard of this? I think it can have a huge impact on the global economy and it's not being talked about that much. The World Economic Forum created an initiative called The Great Reset. They trace it within general lines and abstract concepts but from what is said on their website, it's hard to understand the concrete measures they wish to implement. They patterned up with every big company, like, Apple, Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, Emirates Group, a bunch of banks, companies from China, you name it, to develop "systemic solutions to key challenges" (what does that even means?). They talk about hot topics from tech to society, like 5G, AI, 4th industrial revolution, environment, new geostrategies, LGBTI inclusion, and many more. But still, I find it hard to grasp the concrete strategies they propose. Thoughts? https://www.weforum.org https://www.weforum.org/great-reset/ https://www.weforum.org/events/the-davos-agenda-2021

I believe that the “I” that doesn’t like this or that, is not the same “I” that knows that “everything is love”.

I really relate with this thought. Honestly have no answer worth sharing... Just thinking out loud: Doubting the insight we gained would not be the same as doubting the direct experience it’s self. With that said, I would say that the truth of an insight can only be “measured” by one’s intuition and not logically. So you can simply trust the insight, when you know it comes from a honest and authentic place. And if you’re doubting the place were this insight came from, that would maybe be a sign that the insight is not to be trusted. I guess that a nice rule of thumb would also be: “Is this a thought or is this intuition?” For exemple your question, that is also mine, “Can an in insight from direct experience be trusted?” Is a thought. So shouldn’t be trusted for itself. But if you deeply feel like questioning an insight per si, that could be intuition telling you maybe abandon to it. Anyway, don’t take me too seriously tho. I’ll be working on this still

@OBEler Is not on the table that she doesn't finish her studies? I believe that the pressure of having to finish it is actually counterproductive for her healing process and right now her mental and physical health are in the first place. That's what she should be focusing on first, I think.

Is that so she can finish her studies?

@OBEler That's amazing pal. She might not be at the best place right now but if she keeps doing what she's been doing, I'm sure she'll overcome all the issues. Be aware that she dealt with a lot of trauma and stress in her life. She could spend all her waking hours meditating for a few days, it would not resolve it still. Time and consistency will be her best friend, since this will be a long healing journey. With time maybe she can go a little heavier on meditation. Maybe doing retreats and at least a 20 minutes routine. She can also read about the topic. I'm not really sure what books to recommend, but she might do a quick search on Goodreads and see which sparks a connection. One thing that I really recommend would be finding a good psychotherapist. Where would you be looking for? Maybe I can help you guys search online. And there's always the option of doing it virtually. Normally here there are coaches and alternative healers doing one-to-one sessions, not really sure if qualified psychotherapists do virtual appointments, but I can also help you look it up. So the best for her is to stay consistent and strong on the path. Better days will come Regarding the lack of motivation.. I'm sorry, but I don't really think that there's a quick fix here... What happens if she doesn't finish her studies? For me, the main difficulty to overcome is her feeding this idea, in the past, that trumpet was the sustain of her life. Because now, she can't play the trumpet and she naturally feels like there's nothing to live for. I totally get why she did it, with the awful things that happened to her. But now she has to completely rewire her brain and find internal means to continue and sustain her life in something that will never go away— Herself. She has to develop a stronger ego, that will help her rely on herself. Psychology these days is strong in dealing with this type of foundational stuff that she needs, so that's why I recommend finding professional help. I also recommend the series Rewired, and the book "Breaking the habit of being yourself". Honestly, all of Dr. Joe Dispenza's work would be amazing for helping her. So check that out. Lastly, I make his words, mine. Warm regards, friend

Very sweet of you to help her that much. Mind if I ask if she's doing all these things for you or she genuinely wants to get better?

@Axiomatic Let me just ask you this if your roommate started fighting your date (being a fight a typical behaviour of negative masculine energy), would the night go on or would that make the situation tense and awkward, ruining your chances with a woman who you were vibing with?

I agree with this. But this, I reiterate it's not an objective thing. It's maybe easier for you to handle, that you're a guy, but this actually just tells you, how is your understanding of women.

That's straight-up biased generalization. Just know that that's not an objective thing.

That's just so broad dude. How about men that start a fight in a club or that are violent with their partner for jealousy? It's a matter of consciousness. Not gender

Maybe gender is an easy label, but it's so deeper than it. Let's forget about gender for a while. Your friend got jealous and mad. Most people can't even identify the emotions they're dealing with. If they can't identify them, they'll just get drowned in them and simply act accordingly. The next level would maybe be able to identify them, but don't know how to deal with them. They would act upon it also. Both men and women can have low levels of consciousness. Your friend getting "jealous and territorial" it happens to both man and woman. It just manifests differently. And one is no better than the other.

@peanutspathtotruth I sense a kindness from you and also from Nahm, that comes from a free, genuine, and higher place. It's really nice to be here on the forum and have you guys to look up to But I guess it's a thin (red) line from people-pleasing since the major difference from an authentic person to a people pleaser is the place their actions come from. Would you say so?

@peanutspathtotruth Now that I think about it, "confidently be(ing) a good person" is kinda nonsense, yea. It's Thank you for pointing that out. It's kinda scary thinking back (and not so back ago), how many inauthentic relationships one ends up feeding. Being authentic is something I had to relearn I guess. It's really foundational for the spiritual path.

Yea, you're right.

At least in my head, there is. This goes way back to childhood perceptions that generate behavioral patterns. It's so unconscious that makes it kinda hard to access. But I would say you have to master not being a people pleaser first, and then go on to be confidently a good person. These days, making good deeds for others does not feel natural at all, since I measure practically all my interactions. Good thing there's covid and I do not interact with many people. Would you say that grounding yourself in higher values does it too?

Really picturesque of you

@Gesundheit lately I’m working on stop being a people pleaser, so that’s why I asked. Your answer is helpful. Thanks for sharing

It’s really nice to see how you all are so transparent about it

@peanutspathtotruth that’s a beautiful and honest answer. I resonate very much with you and your comments here on the forum

@Gesundheit This's really nice buddy. But how do you draw a line from being a people pleaser?