Barbara

The fact that he tells you this at the same time Is big red flag. He is simply not being honest. He wants you back and is telling you everything you want to hear just so it happens. That’s just survival. But deep down he is expecting those terms to never materialize. Maybe he is not even conscious of this. But that would be other red flag. That he is not aware of himself to the point he would commit to something that he could never do long term. Besides, after a while he would put pressure on you, even if only on a mental level, and that would only be worse for your aversion. And about that, imo that’s something you shouldn’t swipe under the rug. Sexuality plays a big role in a women’s life. Sex is enjoyable, a way to intimacy and deeper levels of physical love. It’s not usual that you suddenly feel better if you stay away from it. And you say that you have the fear of getting pregnant or caught dsts, but I feel like that’s you trying to rationalize your fear and justify it with the negative side of sex. Everyone knows those stuff, but it’s not an absolute impediment. Dig deeper. Pay attention to the feelings that arise when thinking about sex. Identify the probable causes and traumatic episodes. Work from there. All the best

That's really good for both of you

Do a no sugar challenge for 30 days to work on the cravings and contemplation to work on the addiction

Red fruits peanut butter and spinach

It is something to consider imo. Could you take one or two days after the retreat just to get back slowly? Or maybe just be at home, not going to work. Take walks, build routines, try to conserve the stillness for as long as you can.

@Evil Raccoon it’s funny that I have the urge to be friendly with you because of your description that only proves my need of acceptance.

@Evil Raccoon swinging backwards every day

Again, i feel the same sometimes I guess I feel that way and maybe you too, because I was wired to search for happiness. But this is a shallow understanding of reality. So we began perusing truth. And this is the red pill. There’s no going back. You can’t ignore what you know now. It’s a deep connection. And it’s beautiful. And yet, truth is the same whether you cry or smile.

I recommend Panditarama Lumbini Vipassana retreat if you go to Nepal! I hear that Goenka’s retreats are also good. There are many all over the world. If you need more input regarding Panditarama, feel free to message me. I’m happy to help

David Deida’s books!

As above so bellow. I think that more than the result itself (being it good or bad) the behavioral structure will be more less the same. Imo looking at successful rock stars and etc and only seeing the duality, and maybe contradiction, between their success and private life is too simplistic. The same modus operandi might work perfectly in a specific environment, but a slight change, may ruin everything. Like over optimization. Might be helpful doing a meta analysis, comparing the content and the structure.

I would say not to worry about being a nice person, for now. Focus on being your more authentic instead

You've helped her so much already, from what I see with your threads here on the forum. Now, maybe it's time for you to move on.

Do you have anyone in your life that is constantly expressing what they think of your choices? If not, what affects you is then, your own perception of the opinions of others. Because you never know what’s in people’s minds. You simply assume it and condition yourself accordingly. But You have the responsibility. And this is tremendously important to comprehend, because you gain control again and start to take action, cultivating bravery and courage to be authentic in every choice you make. If you do have someone who’s that toxic, remove them from your life and move on

First thing that came to my mind was courage.

You might have disliked the tone, the implications, the person, the post, you name it. That's not the issue, but the hateful way you approached, insulting and disrespecting Someone here. That is not allowed here. Don't make this personal.

@allislove Could you step in?

@Loba That's literally non of your business. If it annoys you so much go do something else... But know others are not the problem. No one has the power to make you angry. Take 100% responsibility for what you're feeling here. Insulting is not cool. It's against the guidelines even. Show some respect or leave.

@Loba That's some over-assuming. I don't think the issue is Someone here or anybody else. What makes us angry in others most of the time is a reflection of our own bs that we feel shame for.

@OBEler I wouldn’t know. Never tried mdma. Does she do contemplation on psychedelics?

I would start simple. Do you have a bike? Or you can go on walks. Stay outside more. Leave your phone behind or change it for a flip phone or so. Don’t add this just because. You can function and solve your issues without these figured out for a while. Now, anxiety and depression have the same root. Not being in the present moment, but rather thinking about the future and the past. And it’s ok, you don’t have to aim to resolve this at this very moment, just bare in mind that they are solved the same way. Most of the stuff you mention next sound like consequences of your psychological situation. I wouldn’t focus on them directly. They’ll get better with time. To warp up, move a little bit, and get out of the house! Connect with nature, walk your dog or your neighbors’. Feed the birds with bread in the park. Clean your bedroom, put everything you didn’t touch for the last 6 months in a box. Cook for yourself. Brush you teeth for 3 minutes. Take a warm bath before sleeping. Clear up your mind. Avoid intense stimuli like movies. And do your university work 2 hours a day for week. What I’m saying is to implement small habits that make you feel good or make the existent more intentional. Once you do this you’ll get better. Be brave! Best of luck!

@OBEler how is she? Is her arm better?

@Ethan1 That’s trippy. I see you’re a visual learner and thinker

@Ethan1 sounds nice another great source for mind maps might be spiral dynamics and cook-greuter’s work!