Barbara

Thanks Michael, that’s something I really need to sink in. Will def check out Cal Newports books and experiment. I understand occasional anxiety is something normal to some extent, but I would like to do everything possible to be more relaxed, so good advice.

@Gesundheit2 hey, thanks. That anxiety period is all gone now. It’s been 5 months or so that I’ve not felt anxious. After that breakdown I took indeed a break from everything and was not in rush to go back. But now I’m mentally stronger and healthier and feel ready to take on projects. The problem is that I feel huge resistance to start and fear I might end up the same. I do rationalize this, but I keep procrastinating when I have time for the side projects. And I do understand the difference. Until now, I was giving my self all the space and not even worrying about that kind of stuff. But lately I’ve had so many ideas and will to engage that I believe I’m ready to start over. Will def be more mindful of my feelings in the journey and validate them as my compass instead of other people’s experiences. And yea, I might even ask for help. Thanks for the idea.

I’ve started a business last year, but I got super stressed in the building phase before it even took off. I was working nonstop and eventually had a mental breakdown. For two months I experienced the worst sensations I’ve ever felt due to anxiety, so completely stopped all my side projects and day job for awhile. This was in May this year and I’ve learned a ton about myself since then. I started therapy, cultivating better work-life balance, did ton of introspection, also on psychedelics, read books, started enjoying myself more and manage stress peaks. So, I’m in a way better mental place now and have a lot of creative tension within me, new ideas and projects. But I feel so stuck to start them and pickup the unfinished stuff. I’m terribly scared of navigating through unknown waters, being clueless, making mistakes, but specially, that works starts feeling too much again and I’m back in that anxiety, bottom of the pit space. I know I’m not the same person and know I would be way more equipped to deal with adversity, but I’m still scared. These last weeks I’ve been procrastinating HARD. Whenever I do something for my side projects I’ll do it almost in apnea as quickly as I can, and run away immediately. And although I broke down the to dos in small tasks and steps, I still have the feeling that I don’t know how to start, that my work will be for nothing, and that I’m walking blindfolded.. I wanna get shit done and make my ideas come to life. How can I overcome this fear? TLDR: I burned out and now am scared of taking action.

You have a bunch of beliefs that are causing you harm. You need to become aware of those, rationalize them and simply choose a different narrative that will lead you to other beliefs and more well-being. Thoughts cause emotions. First of all, the meaning of work to you. Work can mean a lot of things to different people and no meaning is more correct than the other, but some might be more healthy than others. Might be useful for you to contact with other realities to broaden your perspective here. You care about your potential and whatnot and that's fine, but, why is harnessing potential only linked to working in your book? You absolutely cannot work nonstop.. So rest is as important as work for performance and attaining potential. Are you using rest and "letting go" as synonyms there? If yes, you're basically telling me that you cannot afford to stop working because you need to be maximizing your potential "no matter what". "What" being, burnout here? So, you cannot rest even tho you're experiencing constant stress, anxiety and burnout, because you have to stretch your potential, otherwise, you gonna die in a cruel way? C'mon. You realize how disproportionate that belief is? ahah! I'm not ridiculing you. Our beliefs are really funny and insane sometimes. It's good to laugh at them. and I know you're joking there, but you do understand how our beliefs, if unconscious and overlooked, are exaggerated and linked to life-or-death scenarios. But lets see the "no matter what" part. I think that is a very romantic idea productivity and get-rich internet gurus talk about. But please don't take it so seriously. Otherwise, you should be working 24h. And you're not, are you? So relax. why do you think this? In what ways do you see this manifesting? Is it possible that this is not true? Is it possible that it's the other way around? In what ways do you think that the contrary belief also manifests itself? One note on psychedelics. Lsd and mushrooms. If you think it's gonna make you feel different things than you're feeling right now, you're right, but not in the way you think. It will make your mind 1000x times heavier, you'll have the same mental patterns, but way way more intensely. With your current mental state it would be a very hard trip for you, I'm sure. Not advising against or in favor of it, but be mindful of this.

such as? really try to identify those. get a notebook and write what comes to your mind regarding that topic. And what happens if you don't work? what's the worse scenario on your mind? I stopped, for 2 months, facing the fear, but had a lot of support from family, friends, and psychotherapy couldn't have done without it. Then slowly started again, learning how to create healthy & sustainable productivity, and watched out for the high-performance peaks that steamed from stress and anxiety. I try not to feed that now. Once you stop, you'll take your own lessons. No point in telling you mine, especially not knowing that much about your situation

Hello, That's exactly what you should do. Stop working. Your brain doesn't know anymore what's not being in constant stress and anxiety, fearing all the ifs. I was in your shoes, deeply scared of stopping working, so I understand. But that's what you have to do. Consider it a strategic withdrawal. There's no place you have to go to, no goal more important than your well-being. If you're not well right now, you won't be able to grab any opportunity, so start there. Get better. Wish you well

You’re doing this casually? Or are you promoting something? Services etc.

You got this

That was brilliant!

Oh my, I'm so sorry to hear, glad you're alright! Thanks for sharing it, it's great to see that although it's been a traumatic experience you're dealing with great courage to be conscious of your own survival responses, as you put it, your red shadow. Wish you well.

What the heck people. It's his money. No one should tell you how to spend your money. If he wants to save that's with him, accordingly to his life views. I personally think that's great, OP thinks it's not great, either way, it's not our money to dictate. As a woman, you should strive to be independent and not fall onto a minority status, or look for a man that will take care of you financially. That's, in my view, a bad manifestation of the surrender characteristic of the feminine principle. If you can't afford the places he can, just tell him that, instead of expecting him to pay. Freedom is foundational for self-development. And you're not free if you don't get your financial shit together, and depend on your partner.

If the roles switched (you were the one earning more money, and he the student living from his parents' money), would you pay him the things you want him to pay you?

Evolving steadily, that’s great! Congratulations ?

You can switch chairs for the time being. You have gym balls or kneeling chairs, that have no back rest

Do you work on a computer all day? Might be your sitting position and the way you are holding the mouse.