Taunted Jester

ok. So i read all of the above and I was wondering if you could take a look at this 8 minute 13 second youtube video about complex PTSD. It's something that I am quite sure I have and whilst I am NOT looking to associate myself by looking for others like me, I just wonder if this is something that might be affecting you from all that I have read. Due to my ""unsafe" in my mind" household aka Father who had anger management issues; and the huge amount of bullying in primary school but mostly high school and even out of school... where I would feel unsafe... I find that I cannot get close to people even if I find them attractive in looks, personality, and I know they find me attractive in look, personality, etc. I just want to get away from physical touching etc. Do you have a problem with that? What is it that you feel disassociated with? Emotions? People in general? Touch? Life in general? I don't know. There is a LOT of disassociation from what I am reading. Can you do me a favour? I mean that. Please do me a favour. Can you please try to do this one thing for me...? I ALWAYS find myself laughing in the end after I try and do this. Can you please try and do.... an EVIL laugh for me? Like... Muahahhaha. Bruahhaha Bwahahahhaha hiiiihihihihi hoohooohooo brawwalllaaa hahahaha and just keep going and changing tones and evilness in sounds, etc. It ALWAYS makes me laugh.... hard... See how that goes.

So I have had a thought that has been forming in my consciousness for a while now. ”What happens after death?” Or what happens when you die? From what I can gather there is immortality. Yet not. I mean, I am currently living my life at the moment writing into my phone and on to this website, being conscious as I am at this present moment. If I were to die at this moment by heart attack I believe I would still experience consciousness in one form or another. Is that not still the description of life? What is life’s description? Or definition should I say? whether experiencing “life” as a single being or from a single point of view compared to experiencing “life” as everything in existence and multiple or every viewpoint... after life, after death, it feels same same to me. What is after death, what is after life? Why define them? Should there be any definition between them at all? I’m not sure there should be. just thoughts going through and processing them all. Thanks for reading. Would love to hear your viewpoints that might expand this train of thought. Cheers

Hello, My thoughts at the moment. Energy at rest is said to fill all the space it is in. Energy at rest is said to be infinite. Imagine Energy is Consciousness or Conscious Energy. If this energy at rest is infinite and this energy at rest fills all of space... infinitely, then does it not fill all of time infinitely? So if Energy at rest is infinite and fills all of space and time infinitely, does this infinite Energy not permeate all of space infinitely and all of time infinitely? Ppl I think it does. If this Energy is consciousness, does not consciousness exist and permeate throughout all of the spacial dimensions throughout all of the times that exist within those spacial dimensions? Is that conscious energy at rest not infinitely aware? Is this conscious energy at rest not infinitely intelligent? Is this conscious energy at rest not absolutely everything in existence? Omnipresent? Omnipotent? So who are you really? So what are you really? My apologies if these thoughts come out too repetitive as I have re-read these words and also find them repetitive. Please give me some thoughts on this view. I would like to hear a different view if you do not think the same way.

So you are confirming my thoughts? Our thoughts? ?

So infinity = 1.. yes? Does that mean true? Does that mean infinity is existence? I have probably missed the whole point of your post. My apologies... I can be quite silly sometimes... Care to explain your post?

But infinite mean everything including nothing. For instance. Imagine that all there is... is consciousness. Or Consciousness Energy. And that consciousness exists in a place where there is actually no space. That consciousness is at rest, said to be infinite and said to fill all of the space it can fill. Which is all of space, and all of time, yet is also nothing and absolutely everything. If infinity is said to be everything, it also includes nothing. I guess what i am trying to say is imagine that consciousness is the only thing that exists. It doesn't exist in any space... or any time. As none of that exists. Only consciousness. If consciousness is at rest... and is said to be infinite... and said to fill all of the space available to it... then it fills all the space that it can, which is all of space, and yet no space. I think it also means it fills all of time, and yet none of time. It exists as everything, and nothing, all at once. anyways, just thoughts...

Hi, First post. So I had this experience and a dream afterwards and I guess I have had questions about it since. So a little background on it before i begin explaining it. I was certainly drunk at the time. However I was in bed at that time and trying to drift off into sleep. Eyes closed. Trying to cease thoughts but failing at that so I was thinking deeper thoughts than I normally do and thinking about nothingness and how everything even my form is nothing and generally My thoughts were centred around nothingness and something being nothing. So with my eyes closed and seeing darkness and thinking of nothingness I started visualising like what I can describe as viewing a blank screen of a computer monitor. Nothing viewed on the screen but then a windows started maximizing from a small point on the screen to get bigger and my thought are like “not that one”, then it minimized and a different window started to appear and im like “not that either” and it minimized. It happened one more time before I finally accepted the fourth window in which The window maximised to fill my entire vision and I was cast as a character into an entirely different and futuristic world. The hair styles were great and i loved the styles portrayed around me. I also was able on occasion to change from one person to a different person like possession. trying and wanting to get a hair style like that. Obviously what I would normally consider a dream. It lasted the whole night until I woke up. Quite unusual for the same dream to last the whole night which was 10 hours of sleep... What i dreamt made me wonder about one of Leo’s videos about how what we call something is actually nothing. Is the something I am seeing my whole life actually like that dream world. Nothing. From my studies of physics experiments in this world that I have called something aka what I have called reality... some of them point to there being no space. Some of them point to future events that are actually able to change past events. Like the Matrix... like that dream... Have I actually been living in a dream world this whole entire time? If so... How can I trust anything that I have learnt in this dream reality? Because I certainly don’t trust anything in my fantastic hair styles dreams... Is everything that I have learnt and experienced as reality... what people in this reality would call materialistic really... just a mere illusion? A fantasy? My body? My friends? The meal in front of me? In my dreams I consider other people to be real. In my “real world” i consider everyone to be real. Are all of them just like my body... “Nothing”? please help if you know the answer to these questions. It also makes me wonder.... if before we experience this “dream” or “reality”... that we choose it just as simply as what I did before the dream that I feel I chose expanded to fill my whole vision and dream the whole night through... It also make me wonder about another thing. if it is like you Dream and the people you dream of... are just as inconsequential as people in your dreams.l when you wake up and you are like “oh it’s just a dream” and they disappear and have no real relevance in your life apart from being a dream person... Are the people and world you are currently living in and experiencing just like a dream... the same... inconsequential... Their dream feelings don’t matter. Illusions? If what I experience as reality... and call “something” is actually “nothing” just like a dream... an illusion... i mean it reminds me of this saying I read... You are God just constantly dreaming. how do you act towards your dream characters? inconsequential? Respectful? if the only thing in existence is You... God... I don’t know how to explain my question to be honest. urgh