(D'oh, some of the links didn't work .  I can't edit the original post, so I'm reposting the list.  Good times !!!)
 
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[] May 2018 Solo Retreat - Part 3

Leo's latest video on misapplying spiritual techniques reminded me of my own dark moments in life. In one period, I was going deep with deconstruction, awakening and facing loneliness - producing existential dread, insanity and death ideation. Here is what I did to survive that period and come out stronger at the other end;
Since my suffering was caused by thinking, I knew a state of no-mind and total presence was my saving grace. Therefore, I had a laser focus on letting go of my thoughts, which helped me to create distance from any kind of temptations. I spent the days mostly just sitting on my bed. Emotionally I was still uneasy and suffering, but that was it - I was just suffering (nothing more, nothing less).
I wrote "Trust the process, Trust the Universe" on pieces of paper, that I put around my apartment. This further helped me to let go and ground me in the totality of the present moment... there was nowhere to go and nothing to do. Effortless action. There was suffering, but it was ok. This grounding assured me the period of suffering will eventually pass and I will be left only to gain insights from such experience.
Take care

5-MeO will help someone move from the unexperienced questioning of Yellow to the experienced understanding of Turquoise.
Absolute Truth goes beyond all philosophy, all description, and all conversation - and 5-MeO shows you that real quick. 
But the more important thing about 5-MeO was the disappointment I felt from realizing that it does jack shit for helping you get to the next level of life. That is, its most useful aspect was the feeling of 'okay, so I've gone to the ends of the Kosmos within and I still have all this bullshit to take care of -- let's stop fucking around with drugs and lets do something with our lives.' 
I kept denying the fact that no normal person understands the importance of 5-MeO because, to them, its just another kid taking drugs except now that kid has a huge spiritual ego who thinks it makes him a superhuman god and all he has to show for it is repeating the phrase "you don't understand -- it's infinite, you're infinite, we're infinite! It's all a Cosmic game!'
And look, I get that they're largely unawakened and don't understand the history of psychedelics in personal development, but they do have a point - if you're useless before 5-MeO, you're still useless after 5-MeO unless you take total responsibility 
Another way to put it is that, I realized that the difference between Turquoise and Coral is the difference between talking Truth (using one's voice as a way to inspire people at higher levels who already get it anyway) vs embodying Truth (using one's life to inspire people at all levels). As Frank Zane might put it, making one's outside as beautiful as one's inside and vice versa.
Again, 5-MeO will get someone to want to talk Truth -- but the only people who will understand what you're saying already understand what you are saying. 
Embodying Truth physically will inspire Truth in people at all levels. 
How many people on this forum need several years of study before they even begin to understand Eckhart Tolle? Mooji? Ramana Maharshi? It's not that what these guys are saying is wrong per se, but why is it that it takes so many people so many years to get it? They use the wrong medium, as talk is useless when it comes to Truth. 
How many people on this forum need several seconds to understand Bruce Lee? Ido Portal? Rickson Gracie? Laird Hamilton? For these guys living their life is itself a form of True Art - an expression of Truth meant to inspire others. Anyone who watches 5 seconds of these guys feels inspired in the same way that it might take the so-called spiritual masters 5 hours (if you buy their $600 DVD set). Thats the difference. 
The fact that first question you ask after reading the above list is the role of 5-meo, and not the role of any of the other things I did shows me you are asking the wrong damn questions. 
Ask about the role of discipline.
Ask about the role of accountability.
Ask about the role of quitting my addictions.
Ask about the role of finding a reality check mirror.
Ask about the importance of death as a physical practice. 
Psychedelics, NDEs, Holotropic Breathing - those forms of death are for babies.
If 5-MeO got me to where I'm at, then I would stop everything I'm doing, start selling 5-MeO and become the richest man to have ever lived in all times.
 
The MINDBODYSOUL will unlock its true potential only when pushed to its fucking limit in a real life situation that requires complex action for a simple solution, from one's own volition. It makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective, as animals only have to put in as much energy as necessary.
Of course you don't know enlightenment or ultimate power because you of course don't need it. you don't need enlightenment to sit around answering forum questions. you don't need enlightenment to make videos. you don't need enlightenment to fill out forms at a desk all day. So why the fuck unlock that power? 
What makes Ralston different from other teachers is not his ability to pontificate about nothing, but the fact that he participated in bloodsport of his own volition.
I'm talking about pushing yourself to the type of death that no one can question, from all angles, from one's own volition.
Most people can easily question psychedelic death. Most people can question holotropic breathe death. And most NDEs come as a result of an accident or someone making a mistake.
No one can question a rear-naked choke. No one can question drowning in a 50-ft wave. No one can question climbing Mt. Everest Shirtless - you chose that shit.
I am one of the few people who've tried both forms of death approach and I can tell you that there is a huge difference that goes beyond all philosophy, all argument, and all discussion - just fucking do it and you will see.
But as long as one sits there searching for an answer by isolating oneself or sitting around staring at a wall or imbibing yet another psychedelic, there's really no reason for the body to unlock itself. 
I will know you got unstuck the moment you start showing your self outside, moving, interacting, doing, and not just talking in your videos. I will know you got unstuck the moment we see you physically tackling your fears and getting yourself into the shape of a warrior. I will know you got unstuck the moment you stop treating physical play like just another thing and you start emphasizing it as one of the ultimate foundations of human development. 
Until then, you shall remain stuck. Worse, your life purpose will be capped off at level turquoise, which sucks because the world really doesn't need yet another turquoise mouth-yapper. And I say that in the most loving way because I feel genuinely helped by you and now I genuinely want to help you. There's literally no one else who is going to tell you that because no one else is aware enough and cares enough. 
So, for Everyone reading this, here's the shit that I did with my life that is way more important than 5-meo ever will be:
Quitting the PMO cycle Quitting Sugar Quitting all drugs, all alcohol, all junk entertainment Exploring new exercise regimens, culminating in the following schedule Monday - Powerlifting  Tuesday - Jiu Jitsu Wednesday - Acroyoga Thursday - Capoeira  Friday - Calisthenics & Sprints Saturday - Hiking Committing to wake up before 9 AM every morning like an adult Writing quality works. Not just journaling. Not just sketching ideas. Not just writing stream-of-conscisouness articles.  Making something that might become a perennial hit every time you sit down to write. Notice that my upvotes per post on this forum is the highest out of anyone with more than 100 posts - even Leo himself. That's not a coincidence. Quality writing is quality thinking - the process of editing for good and bad sentences is itself editing for good and bad ideas.  Put it this way, I wouldn't tackle a difficult mathematics problem without writing down the variables on paper. So, why would contemplating a life problem be any different? Life's problems have far more variables than mathematics problems. Write down your best ideas on the nature of love, the nature of life, the nature of consciousness. Edit them so that no one can touch your arguments when it comes to communication - then you will see that no one can touch you when it comes to dominating life.  Reading quality material, not random listicles Cultivating quality relationships, excising any and all people who hold me back from higher potential. Making sure my top 5 people will leave legacies - anyone that you know will not leave a legacy must be excised, no exceptions if you don't have 5 people like this in your life, find them. Your lack of people to trust is not a sign that you're an enlightened genius, but a sign that you're a boring asshole. Only you can stop you from being an asshole. So stop letting yourself be so lonely - start being the type of person who provides so much value, others come along. For real, the isolation I see around here is unacceptable bullshit. Wake up and provide value. Period. Getting a reality-check mirror - someone interested in self-actualization at my same level who could help me iron out self-derived principles Refusing to date anyone who does not meet the Trinity rule  If I see myself as badass as Neo, then I will only date someone as badass as Trinity. If I am not as badass as Neo, then I will make sure I am so that I am ready for my trinity.  Taking 100% responsibility for my life Writing down a vision for what could go right in my life as well as a vision for the chaos and misery that will ensue if I don't take action. Do this stuff before taking 5-MeO and you will be ready to take 5-MeO. Do this stuff after 5-MeO and you will unlock the most amazing life imaginable. 
5-MeO is an excuse to say you've gone as far as possible with psychedelics so you can move on with your life. Because if that couldn't save you, then life really is all about taking ownership. But it will be the direct proof of this fact that will help you. 
So, to be clear, I highly highly recommend people take 5-MeO. Just don't think it will ever replace the other stuff.

I would recommend Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen. It's a good book for masculinity. From what I can gather at about 2/3rds of the way through, he is talking about Stage Green man. 

If I’m correct with what the book was trying to say about the stages aspirations and you have not read it yourself - the dynamics’s are quite interesting.
Purple want to be turquoise
red wants orange
blue wants purple
orange w red
green w green ( haha )
yellow w blue 
turquoise w yellow

If you really want to crank up your retreats, combine it with water fast. Don't eat any food during the whole retreat. Your mind will become crystal clear. Food fucks with your consciousness.
Water fasting is painful though the first few days. It really tests your self-discipline and tolerance for discomfort.

@Leo Gura
"Tell us more about your method"? Ok so I've felt ashamed for existing for the 26 years I've been conscious. So I'd say pain was the driving force for me discovering the truth at such a young age. I remember hearing that death is permanent, and god doesn't exist at a very young age, and it just disappointing and torturing me. I thought there's no fucking way, yet the adults with authority are telling me this so it must be true lol. So that set the stage. Skip ahead to the age of 19 I get into RSD and meditation. Being in the present moment solved so many of my problems (which is now obvious why) but I was a materialist nihilist so I was still deeply afraid, ashamed, scared whenever my ego got too involved. I grew up listening to christopher hitchens so I always thought atheism made way more sense than a god in the sky (pure ignorance lumping all religion in like that).
So I went on a nihilistic rampage for a good 5 years, just trying to sleep with as many girls as possible. I also went to a 10 day vipassna meditation retreat to try and improve my game, and had a deeply profound experience on the final day where I literally felt like I was on MDMA even though I've never taken it in my life (I chalked that one up to "a flood of dopamine in the brain" LOL!) So here I am at 26 just totally hopeless and staring at another 50 years of nihilstic existence. For this reason I was like fuck it this life is trash, time to start smoking weed, I hear it's not that bad for you. That's when it clicked for me that your physical posture can improve your confidence instantly, and this hit me like a ton of bricks. Also around this time I noticed Leo was talking about God and the myth of science, and my first thought was "really? I thought this guy was a nihilist PUA like me who jumped on the self help youtube career at the perfect time". It was this thought that made me inquire deeper. 
I'm gonna be honest watching that myth of science series was the single greatest day of my life. I rung friends, vlogged loudly in my room, with zero self agenda, just pure joy at the fact that my materialist beliefs were pure falsehood. Because from there, life was a mystery again. I understood what eckhart tolle felt like when he chilled benches for 2 years. It's all one! No separation. Why the hell does anything exist at all? From there I bingewatched your videos as well as Bernardo Kastrup, for like 10+ hours a day for months (but without weed because I was with family and it was christmas coronavirus lockdown).
Anyway months pass before I leave home again and decide to smoke weed with my friends. And that's when it hit me almost instantly. I've felt this way before. I remembered it from childhood, it was definitely empty. But I also understood what the buddhists meant by emptiness (i always interpreted it through a nihilist lense before), and that emptiness is getting closer to your true nature which is love. And that emptiness and love are one in the same. This is what it felt like to be a kid! It was truer than anything I've ever known. But it had always been there, I'd just forgotten about it. It can only be love because it's devoid of fear. It's why kids run around obliviously near busy roads. Permanent death is a fiction. 
So the day after that I get stoned again and I start doubting myself. Then the day after that I got really stoned and tied up all the loose ends of my existence. Like 6 hours methodically pondering existence and looking at it from all angles. It was at that point I awoke. Once you convince someone as logical as me that everything you've ever been told was wrong, and here's proof that the aim of the game is love, whatever which way you look at it. That's when it literally felt like game over. I got the whole being sucked into the void of love feeling walking back to my house. It freaked me out. I only got 3 hours sleep last night. I just intuitively know now that we're in heaven. Reality is literally perfect. And Leo's right it's also terrifying. I spent my whole life thinking there's no meaning, and now there's too much meaning. Infinite meaning. But also no meaning, it's just love. Infinite self-love. I am you, you are me. It could be no other way.

Ellie Katz said "The world is your playground. Why aren't you playing?"
Your life is your own personal storybook you're writing in real time. It's an infinite adventure.
Write the story you want to write most, the one you're most proud of, the one that will make you happiest.
We're all on Earth for a limited time. So why not have fun? Why not try new things?
Why not play?

@Stretch The thing is when you give up everything and know truth you become connected to everything so you actually gain everything by giving up the idea/illusion of everything. You find all by losing all.

I've experienced ego transcendence, and I can't think of any cons to being that way... other than "losing it" and not knowing how to function thereafter. And knowing what you're missing out on because you've truly tasted freedom. That's the part that sucks. Being in a prison where you realize that you're in a prison because you once found a way out. And knowing that the key is right in front of you but you just can't see it. 
From your post, in accordance with my (limited) experiences of being beyond ego, it seems like you take the "losing your life" thing to mean something that it doesn't. When I lost "Emerald", it wasn't like reality actually changed. It was all the same, but I was 10,000 times more 'there.' Not only was I in life, I was connected with life itself. 
The main thing that happened, was that I was just freed from the chains of believing in an "Emerald" that didn't exist. So, I didn't have to act like an "Emerald", and I didn't have to preserve an "Emerald." I didn't need to do the bidding of "Emerald." "Emerald" was just an idea floating around in my head, and had never actually existed. "Emerald" was just an idea that I came up with, and it was a really heavy burden to carry around. I had built a prison out of "Emerald." 
After I let go of "Emerald", I could just be. And that was more than enough. I didn't need to be enslaved to ideas like "Emerald" that never had anything to do with anything. I was already unshakably valid; always had been and always would be. 
And I was more fully embodied than I had been in my entire life.
So, the only thing that ego transcendence makes you lose is something that was never there to begin with. But this "nothing" is a really heavy "nothing" that we feel like we need to protect at all costs. But it's literally nothing. You lose NOTHING when you transcend the ego. But in losing that "nothing", you set down that heavy invisible burden and become receptive to experiencing what you actually are. 
 

Yes. I've done both for years.
Of course it's not as effective as picking one. They do interfere with each other.
Then again, you could establish strong spiritual practice habits while you go about building your success. You could implement something like a Kryia yoga routine which only requires 1-2 hrs per day and takes years to solidify, while you focus on your work. That is a wise strategy since newbies cannot handle too much spiritual practice too quickly.
But if you really want enlightenment there will come a time when you will want to take time off work and focus on it exclusively until a breakthrough happens.

Check out The Way of Men by Jack Donovan.
It talks about what it takes to be a real man.
Then, there's also The Game by Neil Strauss.
This book is more about pickup. But later on, it's on finding fulfilment in life.
 

You are correct, that is the case that you need to let go of that. You can be assured you will come back because the substance itself that you consume has to wear off. The psychedelic is like a ladder. You climb the ladder while it is there and you experience the high. But when we now remove the ladder you have nowhere else to go but back down your body metabolizes the substance and it wears off. The egoic defense mechanism is programmed to prevent you from seeing God by arising the emotion of fear which is triggered by thought, it is a powerful force that does its job to keep you in ego. The "I" that wants to experience God is what is blocking you from experiencing it. Let go of "holding"  anything,  even that awareness of awareness, thats also an idea or thought which can get in the way of surrender, your trying to maintain your sense of self which is  and the desire for control to keep the psychological self alive. Letting that go. Awareness itself will always be present under all circumstances so the real "You" never goes anywhere. so you'll have to let go of the reassurance as well and remain in a state of not knowing or hold an attitude that "you dont mind what happens" just acceptance and surrender. Of all the psychedelics imo mushrooms is the only one that you can fearlessly let go because it is so pleasant you naturally are drawn to letting go. NN DMT and 5Meo DMT is alot more challenging, but will take you to God more effectively than shrooms, it would take alot of shroom to get to that state. over 5g. Do a few sessions of shrooms and LSD to loosen up your egoic hold on the sense of self and get comfortable with the psychedelic state then move up into the DMTs. Id recommend shrooms then LSD then NN DMT, then 5Meo DMT in that order, spacing out your trips by 14-20 days at least, giving you time to integrate.

Looking back on this. Funny it all started just as a morning thought. Gotta do more of these. 
This one unhooked me of junk food and taught me so much about nutrition and gave me back energy both physical and mental. Ill start another blog soon. 
This was a huge game changer. Focusing on one thing at a time is so powerful. 

@All_Around_Me Mooji said something along the lines of: some fruit is sour when you first bite it. As you continue to chew it becomes sweet. That is what this is.
Two days ago I felt my first instance of spaciousness, it was not to your degree but I was scared during my meditation as well. When I heard Mooji say that, it helped me realign my thoughts that ecstasy can be obtained through this very same process that seemed scary and uncomfortable.

I was awake for almost 50 hours after an enlightenment experience. And I wasn't even tired. After being awake for about 40 hours I took a fucking run in the woods. Had to go to the hopital where I got sleeping pills. This shit can be scary but really it's hilarious when you look back on it so you shouldn't worry about this stuff. Just the ego doing its thing....

@All_Around_Me Yea. sounds like you had a nice breakthrough. Good going! You will be just fine. Your first time experiencing this I presume?

This is intended as a guide and a sharing of experiences after the initial "seeing". 
A little bit of an explanation: 
After initial seeing of the reality of no self, mind will begin to come back with a vengeance for a while, probing into the most intimate corners of your being, as if to ask if you are sure that you want to pursue this.
First attack is usually: 
"what you saw was either not real or you didn't see it at all or you've imagined it" etc. This is where people usually get lost. For some, they go back to believing their minds. They lost touch with their inner intelligence because they are so caught up in fears and lack of self trust. They stop seeing the help that is being given to them in order to transcend, lose insights and intuition, only to come back to them weeks or months or years later - usually due to life frustrations that keeps pushing them to continue. 
Solution: deepen your seeing. Keep inquiring who is the one that doesn't believe, Keep going back into "observer mode". Don't believe anything you mind is telling you. IT IS NOT REAL! 
Once you have deepened your seeing, You will receive some kind of help through synchronicity, new openings, new forms of seeing the reality and understanding it.
Second series of attacks involve your deepest programming and insecurities. Situations will present themselves to trigger what you cling to as a person. It will seem VERY real and frightening. This is where a guide is very important. Someone that can keep you steady and focused so that you don't give up. Different dynamics in the job area, family area, interpersonal relationships are beginning to manifest and everyone around you will try to pull you back into who they need you to be. 
I call such attacks HELL. They have a feeling about them that is so definitive, like a surgeon that cuts off parts of yourself. BTW, they will only cut parts of who you are not, of your own illusory construction. 
How to deal with such attacks. Usually during the first attacks of this type, you completely "lose it". You lose the seeing, the observer, the guide, the God and everything seems to go into a full panic mode. Body reacts in a myriad of ways - pains, aches, shaking, vomiting, trouble breathing, sharp knives, cold, hot, etc. Mind is going completely bonkers. If you can get in touch with the one that sees that and just let it happen, if you stop pushing it away, if you can fully feel the body's reactions, it will pass. 
Use any or all of these "affirmations" :
this has come and it will go this is only tearing apart things which I am not I am seeing all of this, it is not me I cannot be killed let go It is also very possible that you also lose the confidence and the trust in your guide at this time, because of the association of mind: "it is because of this person that I am into this mess". You need to prepare for this one in advance. Build trust and look into this, BEFORE. A good guru or guide will warn you about this and put in place techniques to reach out to him in those moments. I have a list of videos and one or two people to help me when/if this still arises. The help consists in the reassurance that all that's needed is to stay as the Self and watch all this. 
There's also a strong pull to just go back to sleep during this phase, as you see your self-made construction dissolve. It can manifest as suicidal thoughts, refusal to continue the looking, negating the guide, going back into certain pattern of behavior, throwing away all the books, deleting the videos, etc etc. Those, are also thoughts and you need to look at them as such. Keep going in. 
As an ending to this initial post, I want to say that if you read this and you know what I'm talking about, hopefully it will help you stay on the right track and reassure you. 
Every Enlightened Master has passed through this narrow space in order to transcend. For each of us, the experience seems different but it has the same roots and flavors. Keep in mind that TRUTH NEVER ATTACKS YOU, and if it does, it only attacks parts of who you are not! 
 

The dangers are psychological.  To expand on @Natasha's point I've found that after extensive work the ego can have backlash.  It is where the ego bucks and writhes with emotional pain.  You can experience some intense levels of fear and desire to do behaviors that perpetuate the ego's growth and existence.  You could have great urge to do toxic and addictive behaviors and in more extreme cases have suicidal thoughts.  It's important to keep in perspective that this spiritual sickness can be a natural part of the process of moving towards the goal and to respond in a healthy manner.  
The level that this issue arises is proportional with how much and how intensely you practice.  So if you are going at an easy pace you will likely only have very mild issues here and there.  

I've been hardcore meditating for the last 3 months. It has been gruesome and tiring but ultimately I reached a permanent non-dual state from it.
Smoke some weed before meditating, it really helps.

When you realize all evil is Love.
- - - -

Your first mystical experience.
- - - -

When you realize it's all Nothing.
- - - -

When you realize it's ONE.
- - - -

When you realize death is impossible.
- - - -

When you realize your parents are imaginary and that you actually gave birth to yourself.
- - - -
 

The first time you realize God is real.
- - - -


When you take a hit of salvia and 2 minutes later you cannot remember human life.
- - - -

When you realize your birth was imaginary.
- - - -

When you realize the other person in the room with you, is you.

Indeed, It’s not ordinary. The ultimate Reality and Truth (becoming the Infinite aka God, like Leo did). It’s stronger fear than someone putting a gun in your head. It will be the most real and strong fear you ever had and ever will.
If you resist that makes everything just worse and you will still be fearful as fuck. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

@Chumbimba Welcome to the forum!  Thanks for sharing your process and asking for advice. 
This is really important. Why are you scared of doing it again? Yes you said going insane / having a bad trip. But even before going into a trip again, contemplate this deeply. What lies behind these fears? What are you ultimately fearing? 

@tedens Exactly. The more you raise your everyday consciousness level, the more brave you will be to face whatever arises during even the worst possible trip scenarios. Awareness alone is curative as Leo put it. Your "spiritual instinct" regarding how to deal with the phenomena arising will become sharper and sharper.

I made the two mistakes you made - one bad trip was due to a too high dosage (6g of shrooms) and a wrong motivation behind it.
The second bad trip was due to a toxic environment, even though the dose was not that high. Play it safe when it comes to these factors. Preferably alone, work your way up. Start low, go higher. Not much that can go wrong.

Of course, this is a sensible topic and I have no idea about the psychological things that CAN happen. The only thing I know is I've been in hell a few times. I always came out stronger, wiser and more humble  

First time hearing about spirituality: google how to be happy
Five years later: LITERALLY NOTHING EXISTS AND THATS WHY ITS LOVE. SOMETIMES THE REALITY MELTS AND I BECOME A TREE.