omfar001

Hello everyone, leo, I have been in a relationship for 2.5 years and recently we broke up, because of the unending argument about what she can wear and what she can post on Instagram and about having too close male friends. This problem have been bugging me my whole life. For context i am middle eastern from Egypt raised and born in Saudi arabia for about 10 years spread out between my childhood and teenage years. From 16 to 24 in Egypt and from 24 till now 28 in Germany. This context is important because i really believe a big reason of why i can't accept being with a girl that have very close male friends or wearing very revealing clothes and posting them on Instagram is because of my background that was instilled in me. Of course i have changed alot since my early twenties and teenage years and became more tolerant with those things but still i am faaaar away from the European girl standard or the open minded and modern girl standard that she can post any pic she wants without me being upset about it or having any type of close activities with a male friend without being bothered about it. Another important context is i am not a red pill guy and i see it is bullshit, "oh don't allow her to post revealing pics on social media or go to the club she belongs to the street and she will cheat on you" i think it's low consciousness activities and i think it's not right, another context is that i am not religious so the reason behind me being bothered by these things is not religion either. I am aware that the way i am acting like this is related to how i brought up and how i had some insecurities of course but i believe that it's more related to culture more than the insecurity part and i also think it's not related to trust issues because mostly i very much respect and trust the girl i am with and that's why i make her my girlfriend to begin with. Maybe it can be related to control but that's back again to my culture because in my culture we were brought up to take care of the woman but also have boundaries on some of their behaviors. I really don't know what to do about this because it caused endless problems in this relationship that just ended also i don't know if i should deal with it and try to end it or just accept the fact that i was brought up that way and look for a more compatible girl from my culture that will understand me when i tell her don't post this on Instagram. My purpose here is the truth so if i realized that i need to get rid of that then i don't mind and to what limit do i need to get rid of it ? Should i get rid of it to the degree that i am ok with my wife or girlfriend opens an onlyfans and post her nudes online? If that's the truth and what need to be done then i am ready to accept it and get rid of it but i don't know if it is the right thing or not and that's why i am asking. Also for your information this is widely spread between middle eastern men and between men from other cultures that were brought up by conservative or religious families and they really suffer in today's relationships and today's world where girls like very much to dress up in different fashion styles and to post it on Instagram like the rest of her friends. And i know for a guy who was brought up in the west or in an open minded family that's not a problem at all for him. Hope i provided enough background and information about this issue and i hope the responses can be helpful for me and other men too. Thank you.

@Princess Arabia well sure you are right i need to get to the root of this. But i am still not sure if insecurity and scarcity of girlfriends is the reason of me being upset of her when she posts revealing pics on Instagram. I am still open to that idea and possibility, maybe i am indexed insecure and that's why i gwt upset over these things and get upset if she had a very close male friend. So i need to get sure first that this is the reason before go even deeper.

@Nabd Well i read what you said and your point of view is what i have been growing up around since i was young, this is the conservative men point of view and i grew up in a conservative/religious society with conservative friends and family so i comprehend your opinion. Thank you for sharing your opinion on this, and i am still interested to hear other points of view from other wise people from other backgrounds too. My goal here is to reach the truth about this situation and end my dilemma.

@Migue Lonas Hmmmmmm you are saying the reason that i might be controlling and protective in that way is because i find it hard to get a girlfriend and not super easy so i try to be protective and controlling to prevent the possibility of her leaving me ? ......... of course i am talking here about my subconscious mund because i don't think that way consciously. Well it's a nice idea to consider if that what you mean thank you.

Makes sense, but yeah i am still in dilemma if i should keep that part i discovered about myself or not. If i should just look for a girl that suits my standards and criteria or i should work on changing my standards and criteria.

i have posted a topic here weeks ago about not being good at engineering as much as i want to be and that i see people write codes and design robots that i dream of building so i was hesitant about continuing in my career as an engineer (i am now doing my master degree) and i use all my efforts to barely go through the exams but i don't do any innovation and that made me upset because i wanted to be an inventor but i am simply not good at it so i watched this video today and i think it answered my question anyone who has the same problem i think it might help link for my previous topic :

@petar8p i guess i didn't knew enough about myself at that time, also with time the relationship starts to get more and more serious and breaking up becomes hard. Also a part of me saw her as a good person so i didn't break up because of such a thing. So i always tried to avoid talking about this topic and i made some compromises and she made some compromises but the topic kept opening up over and over again because non of us was able to compromise too much ch.

Well, i guess you can find a woman that doesn't have those qualities you mentioned. "dumb, childish, too emotional, most of them are low value doing some bullshit activities, living in their delusional bubble" But from those things you say about women i smell the ideology of red pill. Which is an extremely toxic ideology that you need to be aware of and how it can ruin your relationship with women. And regarding your mom i am really sorry to hear that, wish you can heal from this past and heal your relationship with women, because it's worth it.

Hi @mr_engineer, thank you for your answer and sharing your boundries and your personal view on this i appreciate it. Regarding the answer i am not sure if i was trying control my girlfriend by telling her what to post and what to not to post because i am in competition with other men and how my society will view me if my woman was promiscuous, it can be the reason i need to contemplate that, because in my arabic culture your honor and how the society sees you is related how your woman acts, and if she is promiscuous or hanging around with other men then you don't look very good in my culture, i need to dive deeper into this and think about, thank you for bringing it to my mind. Of course even if this is the reason i do it unconsciously because on a conscious level i believe you should not care how others see you. Regarding the second part of the answer that talks about cheating/being worried she likes other men and so on, i am not sure if i can relate to that because actually the girl i was with was a good person and educated and i trusted her from that side.

@Razard86 I don't think your answer is wrong, thank you. But i have an issue with it. Yes what you are saying is possible. I can change my beliefs and convince myself that even having a porn start girlfriend is ok and justify it and live happily with that decision. But is this correct to do? I mean if i am going to change my mind and beliefs anyway then i would rather change them to the right/rational thing. And i believe there is right and wrong in this i don't think it's all nice and cool. Of course you can convince yourself with anything and live happily with it but i think the right think is still gonna be there.

@Razard86 please look at my response above

Thank you i think those resources are nice i watched the video but didn't check the article yet. I see it as reasonable but i still have a question, he said if it's your values and boundaries then remove yourself from this relationship but then i don't see it as the best solution because when i was a religious person years a go (now i am more spiritual in same directionas Leo after starting to follow him) i would have wanted to get a girl with hijab but now i am happy that i didn't stick to those values and opened up my mind to new possibilities. Yes i am still kind of conservative but far from a conservative Muslim. So my question is what if your values are bad and you need to get rid of it ? Or are they good and you need to keep them ?

@Merkabah Star well answering your your comment, it's not like what you mentioned i don't want to date provocative girls then try to control them or only have sex with them and not date them also i don'twant to go be in a relationship with a conservative religious girl just because she will do what i tell her because i am neither conservative nor religious, and on a higher level i don't think that i should control the girl i am with and i don't think that the fact that she is trying to wear revealing styles and post them on Instagram is necessarily a bad thing i also understand that this is her culture and how she is brought up and all her friends do the same or even more. But as i said above about my background i can't help but feeling bad about those things and not be ok with them since i was brought up in religious family and society. And my question to leo and everyone is this a bad thing in me or is it just my culture and i should accept it and look for someone who is compatible with me and that's it maybe a girl like me which is not religious or conservative but at the same time doesn't wear revealing clothes and post them online.

@Raze thank you though.

@Merkabah Star are you ok ?

@Raze i don't think answers my questions or related to my case.

Q Hahahahhahahhahah hi everyone i am back after 3 years, i finished my master and now i am engineer working in the same company that i made my master thesis in and i have written alooooot of code and the whole master thesis report. I think the biggest thing that helped me is identity change, i basically kept telling myself i can do it i am engineer, i am smart and i can do anything. And the rest are details. But i am still in the search of my real purpose. But at least now i have the belief that i can and that i am able to go through anything and tackle it.

I think i have found the answer for this question this video gave me the answer and i hope any one face the same problem like me watch the video

Hello I have a bachelor degree in engineering as an Egyptian man most of young men want to become engineers because it allegedly provide a good respected job So as a result of that i went to engineering school like everyone else And i am doing my master degree in engineering now Engineering is fun and all and i found that i can do something with it that i am passionate about ( robotic prosthetics ) The problem is that i don't feel i am good at it. i see people making great projects and write long lines of codes and make complicated calculations and i barely put all my efforts on just passing the exams to get my degree I know i am smart but i just feel like i am not good at engineering and creative and technical stuff What should i do ? Should i leave engineering and go find something i am good at ? Or should i just keep pushing through this and maybe something in my mind will change and become more creative and good with technical stuff ??

@Avi Khomutovsky so you think that going into a path to earn money to help you self actualize and finding your purpose is a wise decision ? did you learn ethical hacking just for the job? and thank you for your response

the idea of finding a project is amazing that fires me up to put that extra work that will make master engineering and becoming good at it that's why i don't want to give up on engineering because it's amazing and it's not one thing it's millions of different projects that can ignite the passion inside me and it's also a great well-paid job that will support me financially to self actualize thank you for your help

@Average Investor this is a really good idea thank you

@toocrazytobecrazy haha that's a nice opinion

@vizual maybe you're right thank you for your help

@Identity maybe you're right ......... as i said i just went to engineering because that's what teenagers dream about in my country .......... and I was already too invested in this path as I said I am doing my master degree in engineering now so I learned with time to love it and to be honest it's a good field and it is easy to love it's not like I am doing heavy handwork in coal mines and I found something I am passionate and interested in which is bionics (Prosthesis) because my brother was born without his left leg and wears a prosthetic leg.......... so I thought instead of leaving engineering i could use it and go and do something meaningful to me (this is the closet thing to find something I am passionate about i don't know something else maybe there is but i didn't find yet ) but the problem is that i am not at the level which makes me able to create these things as i said i put all my effort to go through exams ........ don't get me wrong i am not horrible at it or stupid actually my grades are mostly "B" i am just barely good ...... not at the creative level that enables me to create something useful but at the level which enables me to barely get a job and be average engineer