Karmadhi

@somegirl "You look quite sexy in this hat". This would be more appropriate flirting in the situation you wrote. "You look like a snack" also could work (minus the cringe haha). Shit like this works, just say that. Easy lol

es i think so too. I would like to know what i could improve so the next date will not be luke warm. There are girls with which i tend to flow well and girls with which the conversation gets stale. This girl we had natural chemistry so i think it was the situation where my lack of game messed it up rather than just no chemistry. i have had dates like that too so i can tell the difference. What could i improve in my game aside going for the kiss to not loose other girls.

@Leo Gura Then why did her behavior change after the meeting? Why did she compliment me and made the effort to go out with me and even sit near me? I do not think we lacked chemistry, we had fun and flirted and stuff. Keep in mind i am still a beginner in this domain, it will not be effortless and crazy shit.

@somegirl If you want you could ve also said "you would look very handsome with such a hat".

@Thunder Kiss We definetly had a lot of chemistry, it is not that issue i can assure you. The chemistry and vibe was not worse on the actual date, maybe even better. It is something else.

@JJfromSwitzerland That is exactly what i am doing. Tbh i do not expect anything will happen with her, i see it as a closed deal. If something happens great but i do not care at this point. I was just curious to get some feedback more than anything about this not happening to me with other girls.

@Arcangelo Yes she seemed quite western in her mindset. I forgot to mention that looks wise she was just okay. Not very attractive but definetly not ugly. I decided to ask for a date when she texted me because i am always up for giving girls a chance to prove themselves with their personalities as long as i find them somewhat attractive. I found it interesting because when i first met her for our date i was like "omg i am not attracted to her look wise, what did i get myself into" but after talking, flirting, touching during the date i started to get properly attracted to her to the point where i would be willing to kiss her. I think i am a bit like a girl when it comes to dating, i need bit of time to warm up and i am very flexible about looks as long as the personality and vibe is good.

So i have started talking to girls and so far i have went out with 3 of them on a 1-1 setting. However i have noticed that i struggle with sexualization and flirting when the meeting is not clearly a date. 1 of the girls i met was clearly into me and with her flirting was effortless. It was very easy and it came natural to me to flirt then with the others. The girls looks have nothing to do with this. It is just that if their attitude towards me is more platonic or neutral, if i am unsure that they even see me romantically i struggle to flirt and sexualize. I am talking here about flirting, not about being fun and playful. I can act fun and playful with all girls. Making them laugh, being goofy, not overly logical etc is no issue. However flirting and sexualization is something that i can only do comfrotably if i know the girl is into me somewhat. Also if the girl acts in a very neutral way, i struggle to change the frame into a flirty/sexual frame. Imagine trying to flirt with a church girl, that is the way it feels to me. I think it is totally in my head since i can flirt much more easily with girls that i know are somewhat into me. Any advice/help?

@Leo Gura Thank you.

It is interesting that out of all the things i have managed to do in my life, this is arguably the hardest for me. Adopting a daily meditation habit, going from very skinny to relatively muscular, graduating from a top 50 worldwide university, living abroad in another country very different from mine, going halfway through the achiever-pluralist transition, learning 2 foreign languages and greatly improving my social skills/humour/likability/confidence. NONE of these things were as hard as learning how to get better with girls. PS: this is more of a self-journal thing i was thinking about yesterday, i am not writting this to brag or anything. I am still a 23 year old jobless kid doing masters, not some successful englightned guru

@Chew211 The whole vibe is different, i cannot explain it. I will try though! @Leo Gura Yes you are right ,The only way i can do it with girls i am unsure of is to talk slowly, smile, flirty eye contact and witty/playful remarks. This is my flirt game at the moment, still beginner. I will try to improve it. Thank you for the advice.

@Federico del pueblo Thank you. From my personal experience there are 3 types of girls i have encountered. Type 1- Are into you and its not hard at all to get them and to flirt with them. Type 2- Neutral. If you act well you can get them, otherwise you are friendzoned (they will still like to hang out with you but will not be attracted sexually). Type 3- Will not be into you and there is not much you can do about it. Just move on as fast as possible. I can get results with type 1 but i struggle with type 2 a lot. I can identify type 1 without much difficulty but it is hard to tell type 2 from 3.

@Leo Gura Actually if you suck with attracting girls, you will not get ANY girls. Personally the girls i have had chances with were above average looking according to most people. It is very random, mostly depends on what their type is and how you behave around them. But a low value guy will not get any girls, it is not that he will get low value girls only. Otherwise incels would not exist.

@Leo Gura Agreed.

Something which i have realized these days is that whenever people criticize Green, they only talk about it's execesses. Yes, green has excesses and they are not really that good. However, what about the excesses of orange or blue? Try to compare some annoying SJW and feminazis with genocide, racism (toxic blue) or heartless capitalism (stage orange). You cannot compare. If you only talk about the good parts of orange and blue and the bad parts of green then of course green will seem shit. This is not an objective analysis though. You can talk to me 30 minutes about all the excesses and bad parts of green and i will 100 percent agree with everything you say. However, talk also about the excesses of blue and orange to make the argument fair. Complain as much as you want about SJW, you would pick such a society everyday over a racist society that treats you like dirt because of your ethnicity or a society where u work 14 hours a day without insurance for a minimum wage that is not enough to even get by. People tend to be bit arrogant and think of blue/orange in such a way that they are on top of it, they are the ethnic group that is "on power" or a good social class so they do not suffer excesses of capitalism. Meanwhile when it comes to green, they see themselves as oppressed by SJW because they cannot have "true free speech". Laughable!

@Leo Gura If i may ask, your need for girls is more sex or love based? Love i mean affection. Especially prior to your spiritual growth. Of course ideally you want and need both but if you could pick 1. So physical or emotional connection?

A nice video i found. Enjoyed it. Share your thoughts

@Leo Gura I think it depends on the individual also. I tend to have a relative feminine approach when it comes to these things. So i am less looks sensitive than some guys. Also depends how hot the girl is, if a girl is legit a 9-10/10 then it will be hard to avoid kissing her ass, however if she is a pretty/cute girl then it is not that hard with the mindset i wrote. Also you can place that importance you gave looks into something else. Maybe personality, values, sense of humor, intelligence, kindness, etc. Yes it is hard though, no question about that. Still easier than "no self"

@Leo Gura Actually i mindset that i have adopted lately which has worked really well is to stop caring about appearances in general. You notice it of course, you also can compare but you give no value to it. You treat it as you would treat some petty trivial thing. It started as a way for me to raise my self esteem, "not caring about how i look (after i did all i could to improve them ofc)", then i noticed it was not sustainable as long as i gave a lot of importance on how girls looked. The cognitive dissonance was too much so i just used the standard for everyone, myself included. Your video on "How to stop judging" inspired me. Just sharing it, it is a nice mindset to have i think. It has allowed me to be more and more unphased at a girl's beauty to the point where the way i act is almost the same between different hotness of girls.

@Leo Gura I mean what is wrong with taking 3-4 dates before having sex. As long as you are having a good time and getting somewhat physical she will not randomly stop talking to you, at least if she is a cool girl. So for hot girls you use different strategy than for average/decent girls?

@Leo Gura Have not you said in your "How to be a man part 2" that authenticiy is precisely what women are attracted to rather than steriotypical macho behavior. That is why you have feminine guys with girlfriends and people wonder how they got together, because the guy was authentic instead of playing a false macho facade.

Personally i have quite high standard when it comes to personality of a girl but not high at all when it comes to appearance. As long as she meets my minimum threashhold of looks i am good (which is not that hard to meet if a girl takes basic care of herself). Therefore i am willing to give a lot of girls a chance on a first date in case her personality ends up being really nice. Such guys are not as rare as you think, just try to find and date such people that give chances to average looking girls. There is a catch though, such guys often are not the most succesful guys with girls that get all the hot girls, but they will treat you well, love you and most importantly give you a chance to show who you are. Most guys are not like this, this is a relatively feminine way of dating and most guys are quite visual. However they do exist, just try to find them.

I have noticed that a lot of people here including Leo tend to basically say that it is a guy's job to approach, to plan the date, to create the connection, to lead, to build the attraction, the intimacy, the rapport, to make sex happen etc. Basically to do EVERYTHING. He also has to take care of himself and have a nice life on the side line so he does not become too clingy. Fair points and i personally agree for the most part. However may i ask what is the job/role of the girl on this whole dating dynamic/world? What is her role? I would like to know. And for the love of god do not write some bullshit answer like "to take care of her looks or to be pretty". Guys and girls both take care of their looks, both have it easier when attractive looking and harder when not attractive looking. These things are gender neutral for the most part.

@Globalcollective Females do. I do not mind working for things that are not basic needs. Meditation, life purpose and self actualization. Even things like money, success and social skills are cool. Not basic needs though.

@aurum You are trying quite hard to install a limiting belief in me like : "You cannot talk to girls by yourself, you need someone with you". I will do it solo if i want and so be it.