PurpleTree

I think this is my second or third last.

Tim Pool the Russian mule. Moscow asshat and asset. A man and a beenie. next.

It’s just attention whoring. Not much else.

And especially and most importantly. The Eurovision song contest.

A 100 million were killed in China during the great leap forward and cultural revolution. China and India just never really had the technology to kill each other like the Europeans had 70 years ago, China and India are just now catching up barely. I mean China is India not.

Notice how you don’t have free will to choose and believe in free will or not. Goes both ways.

So seemingly at some point in early childhood the egoic structure seem to take a more dense form. Especially with some traumatic experiences. For example someone says your laugh is ugly then you try to hide or change the way you laugh or just laugh less as it seems more safe. Or you get the impression or being taught that you need to suppress your anger or be less sensitive. So as a safety mechanism, to fit in etc. you try to change and control yourself basically through beliefs. Then other things get built on top self protection mechanism and so on. So then you get more constricted, contracted, controlled, depressed. The idea of time itself also deepens and contracts more. The more traumatic experiences the more the egoic structure seemingly becomes a control freak for self and others. At some point the protection mechanisms might cause too much suffering so maybe you try to ease up with drugs or alcohol or something. Anyway at some point there might be a glimpse that it doesn’t necessarily need to be this way. So then you might try to untangle yourself from beliefs and constrictions and control. Which is quite complex. Especially if some trauma is involved. Ego is basically control through thoughts and beliefs. So the amount of control the ego can let go of control is the amount of freedom to be had. But it’s letting go into the unknown. Which the ego basically can’t. So basically all comes down to grace or luck whether and how much these structures soften. The end.

Keeper!

Yea that stands and falls with the notion of free will. I resonate with the kind of radical nonduality which implies that there isn’t free will. There are seemingly decisions but for no one really. But it doesn’t really matter already i don’t have the free will to do or stop inner work as i’m drawn to it with a strong resonance and kind of addiction actually. Is there free will in having a resonance with something or being inspired by something. Not that’s also grace or tough luck. I could ne addicted to gambling also.

Maybe it’s side effects of the medication mixed with depression and the dissolvement of the structure of self. Those meds are pretty strong and pretty sure low libido for example is listed as a side effect.

Non dualists would maybe say. Just an appearance. Neither false or true.

Damn that’s sad.

Another description of the egoic structure is pattern recognition And preparing and bracing for a future from past events. Just a survival mechanism.

With trauma i think it’s good if you can find early core wounds and then beliefs which are attached to it. For example i grew up without a father which is a core wound already. Almost all other classmates had a father. So there were already a lot of beliefs of there something being wrong with me for not having a father. Not being good enough etc. early on.

How has the idea/belief of time itself been for you or been affected by those practices ? Seemingly for me it’s getting a bit wobblier.

Yea maybe. It’s funny because i almost never really talk to people about this stuff who aren’t into it. This woman i only told her because that’s when i started getting into it i think so it was new.

Yup 👍 I showed her nonduality nonsense videos but she said she gets culty or creepy vibes from those guys (newman, gangaji etc)

Yea but in the story it seemingly feels like there can be a separate constricted self. Like the ego seemingly trying to control freedom because it deems it too dangerous. And underlying this is freedom. Which can be felt more once the ego loosens ( in the story) But in the absolute everything is freedom also the egoic structure.

That’s what i said.

Yea i also felt isolated, distant quite early on. I think in the story my egoic structure became quite dense quite early on. Because i remember when i was like 8,9,10 adults telling me i act so grown up. Also early on felt intense shame. Psychedelics can certainly help to loosen beliefs, give a different viewpoint, inspire etc. But they’re also a bit of a slippery slope.

Fun for the lack of a better term. You could say there is no inner and outer and no work actually. But in the appearance there is. Often for me it happens at night. Which is a bit unfortunate because it keeps me awake. For example yesterday i tried to feel stuck feelings that i didn’t allow as a child or whatever. Through kind of inquiry and questioning beliefs about beliefs in general and feelings and such. And then got very intense bodily sensations. I mean fun is not the right term but i love it anyway. Although who knowsmaybe if it gets too intense it will be scary scary 🦭

Ok well then you should say the US and not the West. Also India probably doesn’t want China to be so far ahead and the sole superpower.

At least a few with glimpses and more. Once told a woman she’s god and i think she got a little scared.

Traveling and inner work are basically my hobbies and they surely taught me a lot. But i couldn’t even really tell you what.