Sorwyn

Hello everyone, I am brand new here. I have no idea if this topic falls under this category or the "Relationships" one. If I posted wrong, I apologize. I'm just going to lay it all out step by step in words to get to the point and hopefully make sense. I'm not looking for "the right answer", I guess I'm just trying to word this out to myself and see if anyone has had any similar experiences and maybe we can discuss this. 2020 has been a weird year for everyone but it's been deep and emotional for me. I won't hide the fact that I am afraid to talk about this. I've read a bunch of Leo's threads and they make sense to me. When you read this you'll probably realize I haven't awakened yet. Growing up I was on my own. Not in a bad, depressing way. I was conscious that I was different from others and was okay with that. My parents raised me Catholic but I ditched the religion at a young age. The teachings of religion made me see various entities of the universe and I believed I felt the flow of energy through meditation. I always felt a strong connexion with nature, we lived in the woods and I would play outside bare feet so I wouldn't miss any sensation. Surprisingly for a kid, every sound, every smell, the tiniest bit of detail of how nature wakes up and falls asleep was important to me. I believed in the concept that my body and soul were aligned. I believed the universe lends us the energy to "exist" only for us to give it back when the time comes. At the age of 14 I severed that connexion. There was no traumatic event, we just moved to another town and I didn't realize what I did. One day I noticed my inner soul was feeling lost and confused but I never addressed it. I've been experiencing blockage in sacral and root chakra. Anyway. My life in solitude gave me a small circle of friends which was enough. To this day it is difficult for me to be intimate and form a connexion with "that" someone special and thus being in a relationship. Long story short, I met this dude last summer. Well "officially" met. We've known each other for 10 years, just never spoken to each other. At some point, we had the same circle of friends, we lived on the same street, he was a regular customer at a video game store, etc. He pursued me, we started dating very briefly. Even after 10 years, our timing was completely off. He wasn't ready. That's not the point. No connexion or spiritual links are the same. No soulmates crap. With him it was very similar connexion. We have so much in common it was scary at the time. I saw quickly that there was no point even though our feelings were there and completely cut ties with him. When I made the decision, something weird happened. I felt a huge "stabbing" sensation on my stomach, under the belly button. The pain spread to my legs. I've had cramps before but nothing like this! The "stab" happened a few times throughout the evening, to the point where I even threw up. A lot of theories: - I ate something bad and it's an odd coincidence - Stress - Allergies (?) - Someone, or something, was trying to communicate - I'm a woman, maybe I was about to hit my period The universe is neutral. It doesn't decide for us. I do believe it can try to communicate. Could this be it? Who knows. Again, not trying to find "the answer", or the obvious thing that happened. Let's talk about similar experiences

@Nahm Thank you so much for these words. I'm going to save them! So far I'm enjoying this topic and understanding better, thanks guys if there is anything else please reply!

Bare feet, in the middle of my hometown forest. My eyes are blindfolded and my senses are heightened. I could hear the wind humming a song through the trees. My toes slipped through the leaves on the ground. The trees' subtile cracks as they are pushed by the wind. I became one with the forest.

Like I mentioned the timing was off and he wasn't ready. I didn't add more cause I thought it wasn't making a point. I'll answer your question and hope I don't sidetrack from the main subject: Overall he chased me, asked me out on a few dates, then ghosted me. I was pissed sure but didn't think much of it. He reached out a week later, apologized, we start things up again, then ghosted again. He did this once or twice more until I was fed up and confronted him. I let him ghost me, chase me again and I started to feel more attached when I shouldn't. He finally confessed that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship because he was afraid of commitment. I didn't want to start a serious relationship right off the bat so he understood and wanted to try again. That's when I cut things off because I realized he'll just do the same things again. I do have a strong feeling about this guy, but maybe it wasn't meant to be for now. I need to protect myself and not be dragged by an on-and-off thing.

Indeed. At the end of the day it all comes back to myself. Oh the childhood days of just going with the flow!