misko55

Coca-cola! Used to drink that every day , you had to hide it from me. And then 2 years ago I decided to change that. It was a long battle , lost many , won many , but in the end won the war. Last year I had a sip. It was for Christams , I was offered a cup and I was raised to be polite so I accepted. It was discusting and great in the same moment. Discusting, the taste , great, that I didn´t want to drink it anymore. In that moment as I couldn´t finish that cup of that utterly disgusting drink I knew I won! When I came here to Germany I was on Kebabs , Wurst and fleishkase and then started gradually change my diet. I have writen in my meal plan that if I go out with friends and we decide to eat out , I´m not going to be the one causing problems and sticking to my diet. So yesterday my friend and his girlfriend from Croatia droped by me in Leipzig. It was great so we went to city center , to show them the city. And then went out to eat. I said when I complete this 30 days challange od getting in shape I will reward my self with a hamburger. I took that chance to eat one. It was one of the best , super quality , yet , I felt bad after it , too full , my body was in shock. And then I realized. Everyday that I eat healthy , I reward myself , every day that I work out , I reward myself. It´s hard and when I´m doing abs it doesn´t feel like reward , but it is. And now I know that I will not return to old , because I did returned to old and I was happy to return to old. Return to my healthy diet , my new healthy diet is my old healthy diet is my present healthy diet and I love it.

@Extreme Z7 , honestly I think that normal people are more weird then weird people , if you catch my drift @Anna Konstantaki , wow , I loved this inner dialog , if I understood correctly that that was inner dialog. Because it reminds me of mine. Especially about writing , comedy , poems and youtube videos to change other people's lives. And if you are like me , your probably to harsh on yourself.

Start again , that´s the beauty of life , as long as your not dead , you can start again. And I don´t really see how this is your fault??

@Draconis Chaser , zdravo brate ... ili sestro?? Well , I´ve been doing it for 8 months and every day is the same , so yeah , it is a waste of time. Last week I said about 6-7 words to my colleagues they are Germans ,they are + not like us Balkanians , real cold people. Well I decided I´m gona do it and then figured out I don´t know anything about blogging. Right now I write stuff every day and educate my self about blogging and working at my job , now it´s easier , I think about it as buying time. So there is no blog , but if you want , send me PM and I can send you something of mine to read andany and all criticisms are welocome.

Yeah I can. Still thing that meditating is important to put things into perspective. I started meditating 2 years ago and with it figured somethings out and started working on it and stoped meditating to have more time to work. Soon enough I stoped meditating entirely and after that got lost in my work and eventualy made a full circle and returning to where I was before meditating. Then I started re-meditating every day and those perspectives and conclusions returend and now I´m back on my path. Yeah , meditating get´s hard to do since there is so much that I want to do , but they keep me centralized , they keep me on the path.

@Journey , going great! Don´t miss gaming , waste of time. I´m writing everyday. I found some writing proms , like: Look at the 14 picture , look at it for 3 minutes and then try to write as much as possible in 10 min." Pretty much know that I need time to train it , it´s not easy to write everyday. But any way thx for advices and for this video.

@Journey , yeah I am. I would like to , don´t know how to achive it , thou...

So this week: 1.Meditation 10/10 Every day in the week for 20 min. 2.Writing 7.5/10 Started slowly builded up during the end of the week. 3.Workouts 10/10 I´m addicted to it , just love it. Started follow some 30 day challange. First week is done , yesterday was a break and had to use my whole discipline not to work out. I so wanted to. 4.Eating healthy 10/10 This is a tricky one , I eat healthy and it would be 10/10 but today my friend and his girlfriend visited me in Leipzig so we went out to show them the city and we eat out. But I put it in my plan that if I eat out with friends it´s no problem as long as I stick to my meal plan. Anyway , will workout extra to get this burger out. 5.Cutting wastefull activities 7/10 2 week´s without games. I cutted out some tv shows that I watched for long time but find them boring. I bet we all have a few , pretty good 1 season then the rest is crap but you continue watching just beacuse. Pretty much cut it to only 4 shows. Still have to work on watching fewer You tube videos. 6. My passion guitar 10/10 Well I thing I will be remoiving this from the list. NOw that I don´t play games and have more time , this is no longer a problem.

@Journey , totally agree. I changed my PC time for guitar , fitness , reading , educating myself about healthy food and writing. After I´m done with this thing˝s the day is usually at it´s end.

Wow your doing great! And isn´t it great how much more time we have since deciding not to play video games. Shit I wish I stopped ages ago. Better late then never.

@reez yes and no. I was very frustrated with commuting and now I have a small notebook and pen always by my side. But my commuting is a bit tricky , first I have 10 minute walk , then 10 min bus ride ,5-8 min waiting for tram , 10 min riding it , then 5-10 min waiting for train , 4 min rid and then 40 min walk. I do see where you are going here , using every minute but writing while waking is a bit tricky and here in East Germany is still coldish , still wearing glows. But I´m about to switch my job and go for a closer one and will just use my free time to educate my self about bloggs, marketing and practice writing in that time. Well anyways it´s not about the destination , it´s about journey , right

Yeah , 2 hours are nothing for professional bloggers , for someone who works 9 hours and commute 3 hours and has school , 2 is a lot. My job makes me depressed and I´m now looking for another that is closer. Now I now that is not going to solve anything I will only change one shitty job for another. It´s like I finally have the balls to be true to myself and pursue what I want and I don´t have time to properly set it up or write. Blogging is something that I will have to invest couple of months before I see first cent from that so I can´t just leave my job and by staying at my job I´m prolonging that first cent for couple of years and that makes me frustrated. Well I guess this topic doesn´t have much sense , since no one can stop the time for me or just tell me all about blogging. I guess it was just venting , but thanks for reading and replying @vizual

I´m sorry that you were hurted so much during your life , know how that feels , thankful that you seen the positive to it You survived and showed character , kudos to you. Good people aren´t born , they are made.

Good idea. 1. It takes too much time , I remember Saturdays and Sunday that I did nothing but gaming. 2. They are no longer fun , online games are all about the grind , it´s like a second job. 3.I want to live , I regret choosing games over some experiences in my past

Gaming is my identity since Wolfenstein 3D , yup , that long and ohhh boy do I want to play Firewatch!! And this " game responsibly" I know that voice in my head and no , it´s not possible , we are just like alcoholics , one sipp and it´s over , all of the hard work to get of it is thrown down the wind! Why don´t we help each other , when you want to play send me a PM and I will talk you out of it and you can do the same?

Just a word of advice about MMORPG , an ex War Thunder , WoT , WoWs , AW and many others addicts ,not counting 2 years of Football Manager which ended with me breaking my laptop twice and almost throwing my computer thru the window. Don´t say you will introduce them in the future , because you will fully get back to it , I know from experience. It took me 5 attempts to not play FM anymore , now it´s 4 years and I don´t miss it! Trust me , it´s hard to shake those games and you are probably going to have relapses , but if you decide that you might go back to gaming , your going to have a relapse 100%. I want so much to play the new XCOM 2 game and my subconscious is telling me , it´s okay , this time is going to be different , but it´s never different , it's always same old , same old. It´s hard I know , but you get so much more time to do good stuff that build you! Hang in there!

Words are not set in stone , right?I´m learning , evolving and so the things around me need to evolve and change to continue their servece to me. This journal is changing. Yeah I said I will put my goals and rate them every Saturday and write a little story about this journey on Wednesdays , because I´m trying to become a writer. Well when I started this post it was more to test how people would respond to my writing and this is not the place to do that , this is the place for me , to keep me centralized. So from now on , this journal is just for me , read it , don´t read it , comment , no comment , don't care , this is a tool to improve my life. I did post my stories on some other sites and did receive a bit of praise so I'm starting with a blog , looking to earn money writing. It´s funny , because , when I sit in front of a blank page , within minutes I write something , a story ,a song ,a presentation ,a joke. And all this time I felt bad , every job I did , i sucked and it seems I'm not good at anything , I don't have any talents.And people disagree and keep telling me about my writing.I guess I thought , if I can do it , everybody can , but that´s not the case.I saw so many people who would sit in front of a blank page and 6 hours later there would be a blank page. I didn't want to do it because society looks down upon it , how am I ever gonna get laid if I don´t own a Porsche?? Well society enslaved it self , society is tired and sad faces commuting in a train , ignoring that one guy that talks to himself , just staring at the window praying he goes away.Society is bunch of people that know this world is wrong and unfair , but don´t know better and don´t have the balls to try , hoping that one day they will get the money , fame and sex by doing what everybody else is doing.Sociaty is "did you watch the Game of Thrones yesterday?? I mean ..wow" because we need distraction from our sad existence. Anyways , I will update my profile here and I started a blog , registered and all that , still didn't post anything online , it´s on my laptop , being edited and deciding which direction to take and how to market it and later on get some money because I don't run on air. When it gets started , for any interested parties I will put my link in my profile , but not here on this post!I have to much respect for what is Leo and some other wonderful people trying to do here. Leo and this site helped me , people posting their ideas , hell I took that cold shower challenge as well! So yeah , this is the last "story" here and also the last "long post" here. I´m going to be more frequent here , putting my journey , thoughts and feelings here before I forget them and use it to centralize myself use it only as a journal!

Don´t be a badass bitch , world has enough of those , be a badass kind good human Help , be kind , but not a pushover

Keep it up , it´s not easy and wowe I went through some stuff you did , I still am , my job is really good , people don´t understand why I want to quit , but it doesn´t fulfill me. And this day dreaming , fairy tale land , I know it , it´s an escape because we want more but don´t know how to achive it , so we dream about it and feel good about our dreams , but building them is so much better then dreaming the, Keep up the fight!

So it´s judgment day , hahaha.. 1.Meditation: 8/10 I did pretty good , 20 min every day , except yesterday. But yesterday I had a very valuable life lesson , about that later on. 2.Writing: 6,5/10 Started good , run out of steam by the end of the week. Still it´s better then a month ago. 3.Workouts 10/10 2 years ago I was really into workouts , but even after a year there were no visual signs of progress. But now with healthy diet , meditation and workouts complimenting each other in just a month I see and feel progress. 4.Eating healthy 10/10 It's unbelievable I made a change when this year started and boy , the energy , the will , mental strength , all that from food?? On wednesday I had my first day without meat or fish , but balance is the key here , I buy chicken breasts 600G and I turn it into 6 meals. With the fact that I eat 2-3 a week fish ,1 week just veggies. I'm no longer "addicted" to eating nothing but meat and I can't believe I'm saying this , I don't regret it or miss hamburgers , kebabs , pizzas. It's not that I will never eat those things I do go out with friends , but I have no need to eat it on my own. 5.Cutting wastefull activities: 6/10 Well my gaming day´s are over and immediately I have more time. I eliminated some TV series that I watched but still watch 1 for lunch everyday and Youtube video´s are done as well , except for Leo´s. The biggest wastefull activitie is my F***ing job , but I´m close to getting a new one , can´t wait. 6.My passion , guitar: 10/10 Like Bryan Adams lyrics... played it till my fingers bleed , really only stoped when my fingers couldn't touch the strings from pain anymore , learned some hard techniques I was avoiding for quite some time. Now friday , as I was returning from my job , really miserable like always ,despite preparing myself in the morning and going to job in a good mood , 9 hours there does a number on me.You know how people say that German trains are always on time... well 1 hour and 25 min late is not on time in my books. I lost it , lost all control and started swearing in 4 different languages and hitting stuff at one point I thought I will have a heart attack. Well it just goes to show how much more work I have to put in , because when I waked up I realized how much damage my lower self has made and I have a mountain to climb. Until this year I was like a climber that would go to Mt. Everest , climb to the first camp and then go home justifying it... eee at least I was there , I tried , I did more then other people. Well , not anymore , we have reach the first camp and today we are going for the second and then to the top. And this journal is my sherpa.

Well , it's Wednesday , time to write. I do write now everyday I even started posting stuff that I write on the internet. I realized some thing about myself. I do suffer from ego , hell sometimes I thing I´m superior to others. It´s not on purpose but subconsciously I do. And when some people start to do things better then I , I lose motivation and get disenchanted , how dare they be better then me! Also I have an excuse for every problem. I´m an excuse addict. Well we are stopping with that. I was trying to get rid of my PC addiction , but every time I would like to stop I was in the middle of the game and I wanted to complete it , to get closer , then I would stop playing. That thing didn't work. This week I uninstalled a game in the middle of the play through , so uncharacteristic of me. No more games for me. I´m active , more then ever , there are still moments of procrastination , but I recognize it and stop it. It's unbelievable how much time I have now that I started to actually do things I wanted instead of having an excuse like: It´s not a good time , if I had this , if I had that , when I do this I will..." ohh. Yesterday had my first ever full without meat and fish day. Just vegetables. So much change , yet ego does fight it.This journal does help. Anyways , gotta things to do. This is just a start. I know but if I could keep this going , oh my , the opportunities , the life I could have.

Know how you feel , there is an Asia ( Chinese or Japanese) saying. You know the difference between a master and a student? Master failed more time than a student tried. Think about failure as a lesson and women aren't scary , they are just like us , you don´t need to desperately prove to her that you have a worth!! I know this because I was afraid of telling my feelings to girls and you know , those rejections , I don´t remember them , but those times that I didn't try or tell them how I felt , biggest regrets in my life!

I read some of yours journals and they inspired me! I mean , some of you went through some tough moments in life that make mine look like a "Story for children" and you are still here , still fighting , still working and most of all , winning! You are winners , you are winning in this game of life! And I want to join you , so I´m making some changes to my posting: 1.Today I´m also puting my goals here , for me to track them , for you to witness that progress and hopefully as I fight the good fight and start progressing it will inspire some people just like I got inspired by reading some of your journals from the beginning to the top and noticing difference! 2.I will be evaluating my goals every Saturday , I will give myself honest grades and share my thoughts. I thought to start with this all on Saturday , but I´m starting today , because I had to many of : "I´m starting with next Monday! I will start with that on the 1st of the month.Don´t get me started on New Year's resolutions! And in our society diets always start... tomorrow!" So I´m starting today , right now! 3.Writing is what I want and until just few days ago I would daydream about it , about real creative work , feel good about it and then do nothing.Leo would say "mental jerk off". I'm working now towards it. I write , I do research , I connecting with people , building my readers pool.So every Wednesday I will post something what is on my mind , like those 2 post above , for those who want to read and help me on that journey. So: 1. Meditation:It´s doing wonders , this morning it was beautiful blue sunny day and I did 20 min of meditation by the window. When I opened my eyes something magical happend. It snowed!! Normally I don't like snow but instead of usual swearing I enjoyed the moment , I was in the moment , I was the moment.Snow is gone as I took another walk around the lake , literally in my T-shirt and a spring jacket , like the snow didn't even fall this morning! Wanted to share that story , so yeah , I commit to meditating every day for the rest of my life. And right now I want to do min. 20 min daily. 2.Writing: From today on , this is my job!! I want to write and eventually switch to making videos , all in all I want creative work. I don´t want to do just one job my whole life I want to try them all and I will use this skill (that I didn't wanted for so long) and use it to build , earn a living ,self actualize and connect with people and hopefully gain some kind of influence that will give me chance to try new stuff and jobs and share that experience with the world. So my plan is to a lot of research , connect and write on several forums as I build my audience and start a blog and from there build the rest. 3.Workouts:Daily workouts , working out is as much mental as it is physical. It's not about getting that 6 pack so I could fuck every girl I would like to fuck , but to treat my body well.My body is mirror of my soul and the way I treat my mind , body shoves it. Somehow this body is mine , I´m connected to it , it´s my biggest tool. I didn't want it , it´s not perfect and I hated it so many times , but it´s mine and it deserves to be treated right.So daily work out , going for walks, I´m no fool , so I will not force my self to work out when my body gets tired , that leads to injuries , but I'm building stamina and intend to reach a level where I can work out every day. 4.Eating healthy:Use to eat in Mc Donalds every 2 day , havent been there in 2 years now. Use to drink coca-cola every day I hate the flavor right now , it's disgusting.I will be posting more about this is that nutrition subcategory on this forum , plan is eating healthy. I already changed a lot and feel very proud of my self on this field and best thing.It took me so long to start eating healthy because I thought that it will be disgusting , but I really love the taste of vegetable , Greek yogurt , fruits and I feel better since cutting less on the meat. I feel like I eat less , but I´m never hungry and never full that I can´t move. 5.Cutting wastefull activities:I´ll admit , I watch to many TV shows I stopped with 2 this week , and stopped watching some youtube videos , but still got a mountain to climb here , still cant just stop watching some series because I´m too interested in what will happened next. Could use an advice here. PC gaming is down. I only have Fallout New Vegas on my PC and games are no longer the first thing I do when I come home. Proud of that. 6. Guitar , my passion: Been playing for 6 years , saved my life. I wanted to kill my self after a very bad break up , felt only pain. Funny story , I started playing because that pain in my fingers when I would put a chord down on a string , it felt so good.I would play till my fingers would bleed and in that moment my heart didn't hurt , but as I advance , music gave me a second chance , it's a magical instrument that I love so much. I play fingerstyle and I plan by the end of the year to play fully (with solos) Hotel California and Sultan of swings. This are my priorities there is more , but I will stop here , since this post is long as it is. I will make shorter posts from now on. Thank you for reading and thank you for inspiring me to get of my lazy ass and stop dreaming and start working!

Alright , I'll bite. Some of my dreams , well I always wanted to volunteer in Africa and hopefully change some lives , always wanted to change the world , don´t like this system , but hell , the world doesn't need changing , it´s humanity that needs a bit of fresh air and I always hoped and dreamed that by working on myself and changing me I could show a different path and inspire people to do it them self , hence for , change the world. On the ego side of dreams , I wanna be brutal guitar player , you know like can get any girl I want because of some mad skills , hehe. What I want is pretty much travel , learn and experience and feel the beauty of living , not slave away in an office trading my valuable time for something with a false value. Now your turn!

Wow I just read your journal from the start till the end and you can see improvements , you were failing at first and now you are getting better , we have similar goals, so this inspired me a little , keep it up! But I would like to ask you about the ship , is that long term job ,a career?Because I wouldn't recommend it personally. It's a great experience for sure but those working hours are going to mask your problems , no time to thing!And I say that as an ex Carnival Cruise lines employee so I´m not a babalu on this subject. Keep working girl , good luck and without bad dates you won't be able to recognize good ones!!