Moksha

@Flyboy Thanks for your encouragement ? I see that there is no I, and God is just a name for ultimate reality, rather than a being. Yet, God is writing the story of this self, to itself. As God, I am already free, but the apparent self isn't fully liberated until it is dissolved. The more translucent it becomes, the more free it will be.

@Flyboy I'm still slogging through the night, but it's less dark than it was. Sometimes the path takes me to a higher place, where I'm able to see the sun peeking over the horizon and feel its warmth. God speaks to me when I need it most, and the feeling of abandonment has transformed into humility and deep gratitude for those sacred moments of reunion. When it grows dark again, I try to move forward through the suffering in silence, knowing that the darkness continues to be a transformative gift. I am gradually moving away from my suffering self, toward the translucent self I want to be, before surrendering it entirely. I find myself pleading for God's grace more often these days, and have realized that without it I can't make any progress. After leaving religion behind, I never thought I would utter another prayer, but there you go. ?

People sometimes realize the joy of the unitive state, followed by the horror of the void. How do you reconcile these realizations? Each path is unique, but as I have experienced it, awakening to the Love of God was absolute, effortless, bliss. My entire life changed, and spirituality was my mainstay. I no longer suffered, and believed that I would continue to see myself in God for the rest of my life, until I finally dissolved back into my ultimate nature. Then I made the mistake of asking God to take me deeper. I sensed that seeing wasn't enough, and needed to release all of my attachments, until there was only a transparent self left. I deeply wanted the light of God to fill me completely, knowing that this light would entirely reveal the illusory idea of me. Be careful what you ask for ? It was through grace that I first saw God, and through a deeper grace that I was no longer able to see. Again, my entire life changed. I fell into a horrific void, where the God that I had seen was no longer present. The suffering that I experienced before seeing God was nothing compared to this. It is worse to feel the love of God, and be forsaken, than not to feel it in the first place. I now realize that this was the most loving gift God could have given me. It has deepened my awareness of the emptiness of the self, and stoked a desperate fire of desire for the love of God. I see that I am literally nothing without God, and am more prepared to let go of this I, and return to the ultimate state of my true nature. I call it God intentionally, because it has been a deeply spiritual journey, and the divinity of it cannot be denied. I have been contemplating, "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross (the Mirabai Starr translation and commentary are beautiful). For anyone going through something similar, this is required reading. St. John was captured by the friars of the established church, and interrogated and tortured. They imprisoned him in a tiny closet that had previously served as a toilet. He suffered near starvation, brutal cold in the winter, and stifling heat in the summer. After 9 months, his clothes began to rot on his body. It was in this state, where he felt utterly abandoned by God, that he composed "Dark Night of the Soul". My suffering is nothing compared to his, but I have found deep inspiration in his words. My favorite verses from Songs of the Soul: with his gentle hand He wounded my neck And all my senses were suspended. I lost myself. Forgot myself. I lay my face against the Beloved's face. Everything fell away and I left myself behind, Abandoning my cares Among the lilies, forgotten. I hope this is helpful for anyone else going through a similar experience.

@Mz Hyde Glad to hear that you have discovered the simple joy of it ?

Suffer, suffer, and suffer. It is the divine gift that will grind down attachments to the conditioned mind, until you are finally able to release them. Why else would you sacrifice the self, unless there was no other choice but to remain in the suffering state? Radical humility is beyond self-deprecation, to truly seeing the monkey mind for the source of suffering that it is. It is begging for the grace of the Self, whose light is always here, waiting to heal us from ourselves.

Good. Meditation will prepare you, but enjoy the journey within, rather than holding your happiness hostage to an awakening state. Even a moment of true stillness is beautiful. Awakening is a gift, not an accomplishment, and usually it happens when there has been enough suffering to ripen you for the realization.

@OneHandClap I agree. The human mind loves to localize and categorize. God is me, but not you. Hinduism is true, but Christianity is not. Awakening is realizing that ultimately, God is beyond everywhere, nowhere, everything, and nothing. God is all, including the appearance of the confused human mind that cannot comprehend its creator. Words, attempting to describe the indescribable, and meaningless until there is a direct seeing.

@BlackMaze Cool thing is that when you are present, the quality of everything is enhanced. You still engage with the world, but consciously rather than unconsciously.

Through meditation, not by thinking what it would be like to withdraw the senses, but by letting go of thoughts entirely, and abiding in the silence of the Self.

@BlackMaze Seeing your true nature is only the first step of the spiritual journey. That realization doesn't instantly dissolve decades of conditioning. The real work of spirituality is learning to let go of our attachments, and surrender to the stillness of the Self.

It's said that the wise learn to withdraw their senses, as a tortoise draws in its limbs. The senses threaten to flood us from the spiritual path, but in stillness we discover the pure awareness that we are. The way to enlightenment is learning to remain aware, while reengaging with the phenomenal world. We are in it, and able to enjoy it, while realizing that we are not of it.

Realizing and surrendering to the divinity of the Self.

@Michiryoku Are you more likely to discover meaning by hiding from yourself, or by realizing your true identity? As I see it, the meaning of life is love, and love is who you ultimately are. It is already here, within you, waiting to be realized. There is nothing to fear about love.

@BlackMaze I agree. It is the difference between awakening and enlightenment. Realizing the Self is seeing the fire, and enlightenment is cooking upon it.

@sara373 Meditation has helped me develop the vigilance to remain present. Still, my greatest teacher has been suffering. You can meditate for decades and remain asleep. Suffering is the solvent of the ego. It is actually a gift in disguise, since it builds the courage necessary to let go of the conditioned mind. Human life is miraculous. When I say that it isn't ultimately real, it is not to diminish its beauty. The realization of our true nature actually makes life all the more precious. We are the same Self, appearing as separate beings, but no less holy for appearing as such.

@Terell Kirby ? @kamwalker So true. After years of suffering in the maelstrom of the mind, how liberating to discover the Self at the still center of the storm.

Yes. It is disconcerting to dissolve the illusion that we are our thoughts, when we have identified with them all of our lives. The ego thrives on thoughts, and the drama they create. It doesn't go down without a fight. Sometimes I feel like my brain is rewiring itself. It can be dizzying, and you have to pace your progress. When you discover the serenity of awareness, which is who you actually are, thoughts begin to lose their gravitational pull. Suffering prepares you for this serenity, and when you have suffered enough, you will finally be willing to surrender to the Self. It's more of an upward spiraling roller coaster than an effortless ascent. Your sincerity will be tested. It's all about the adventure of the ride. ?

It's impossible for the ego to bootstrap itself into a higher state, no matter how much time you give it. By nature, it is insatiable, and thrives on the chaos that it creates. Awakening happens when Consciousness makes it happen. You can prepare yourself for it, but Consciousness calls the shots. And yes, although rare, awakening can happen in a single day.

@Godishere Maybe I'm not understanding your self-reference, so let me ask: "yes I do believe that the cosmos dies with 'me'." Are you referring to the "you" that is typing on this forum, and thereby excluding the "me" that is responding to you? Or are you talking about the Self, which is the essence of both "you" and "me"? When you say, "I am the entire cosmos", it points to the latter, and if so I agree. Consciousness is all there is, including the apparent cosmos that it creates. Ultimately, you can't become infinite Consciousness because you already are. Consciousness doesn't change, it is nondual, and it is beyond time and space. It only appears to change, and creates the appearance of separate beings, who reside in a relative cosmos of time and space. It is all an appearance, not ultimate reality. When your apparent body is buried in the apparent ground, Consciousness still appears as other bodies not yet buried in the apparent ground. I don't know if you have awakened, but if so, when you look into the eyes of the people around you, what do you see? Like you, I can only speak to my direct experience. I see the sameness of myself in others, and the sameness of others in me. The apparent individuality is not ultimately real, and this can be realized even within the dream.

@Ry4n Well said. Consciousness creates the dream, and each form within the dream, for a reason. While human life isn't ultimately real, it is still Consciousness expressing itself, and as such is worthy of joy.

@Godishere I don't think you're narcissistic, was just making a general observation Solipsism is the belief that only your mind is sure to exist, and that other minds, as expressions of the same Consciousness, cannot be seen or confirmed. However, most spiritual traditions hold that the same Self inhabits a multitude of beings, within the dream. Not only this, but when you awaken to your true nature within the dream, you see this same Self in others. For example: They live in wisdom who see themselves in all and all in them. - Bhagavad Gita 2:55 The truth of the Self cannot come through one Who has not realized that he is the Self. The intellect cannot reveal the Self, Beyond its duality of subject And object. Those who see themselves in all And all in them help others through spiritual Osmosis to realize the Self themselves. - Katha 1.2.8 Absolutely, trust your direct experience over any teaching.

Is flying being the best, or is it being?

Not directed toward you, but this question feels like spiritual narcissism. Do people seriously believe that when your form dies, the entire cosmos dies along with you? I have 2 children, and yes, I have a will. Ultimately, we are all the same Consciousness. Still, we created the cosmos, and it will continue, regardless of the end of our apparent existence. The dream goes on. Solipsism, nihilism, and every other ism are products of the human mind failing to understand the infinite. Let go of the need to conceptualize, and lucidly enjoy the dream. Even dreams have meaning. TLDR: Write the will.

Make music. Who cares what you are born with, or not? Ask yourself what your true motivation is for making music. Is it for fame and money? Or does the music itself bring you joy? Fame and money will not bring fulfillment, even for the most gifted virtuoso. Making music for the joy of making music will.

Have you tried letting go of the thought that you don't exist, and simply being? It's all about presence. Sweet solitude from the constant chatter of the monkey mind.