FortisFortunaAdiuvat

The other day a person I know pretty well deeply attacked me on a personal level. In the very moment it happened, I tried to instantly detach from it to not make the situation worse than it has to be. We both left the situation and I still had this feeling of disturbance inside of me because I wasn't able to fully let go of it. So I thought about it from both perspectives to somehow rationalize it away and came to the conclusion that it was his narrow-mindedness and judgmental behaviour that made it get out of control. Knowing this doesn't mean I am not trying to take full responsibility for what happened but it still makes me feel better. I find myself doing this a lot when I am not able to emotionally let go of something. Like my rationality is always the backup system to get rid of the last bits of baggage the detachment tool/skill wasn't able to get. I don't know how to feel about this. What I am doing is somehow toxic, isn't it? (When I clearly see that I am the troublemaker, I try to put it right)

At about 8 years of age, I had a scary experience that led to me having a strong fear of the dark. During a stormy night, we had a power failure. I somehow woke up and tried to turn on the light to go to the toilet or something like that. Nothing happened so I made my way to the bathroom, everything was pitch black and I started to panic and scream "I am blind!". What's interesting to me is that I remember screaming specifically about blindness. Shouldn't a fear of going blind have developed rather than a strong fear of the dark? I never really thought about this detail until last week when I realized I am no longer afraid of the dark but have a fear of going blind instead. Maybe going blind was too abstract for me at the time so it just made my already existing primal fear of the dark worse. Or could it be possible that my fear of going blind has been there all the time but I never noticed it because it was so subtle? Please share your thoughts.

This reminds me of people humming a song and expecting others to know what they mean.

Experience is KING!

@Matt23 Thanks for posting this, it was interesting to think about it. The first thing that comes to mind when I think about blindness is a complete loss of control and a feeling of helplessness. I experienced exactly that in my childhood (bullying) on a daily basis. While I associate both blindness and bullying with a similar emotional reaction, I don't think there's more to it than just that or at least I don't see it.

1. Is becoming a monk the best form of escapism? 2. Do you have a collection of quotes? 3. Would waking up blind one day make you meditate more? 4. Did you ever have a terrifying trip that made you want to never take psychedelics again? (especially psychedelics that cause a seemingly endless trip) How do you work through that? 5. Is there something you wanted to share with us for a long time but decided not to after long contemplation? Please share your music playlist(s) with us, I will listen to the whole thing.