Barbella

Hi! I'd really appreciate your perspective on my situation. I've been dating my bf for 3 years and I honestly love everything about him and our relationship except that he's being too cheap with me. He's 26, living with his parents after college and is helping them with their business, but he used to have a job and has a lot of money in his savings. I'm 24, moved back with my parents after I graduated college last year and I'm working on my business and being independent. For the first year of our relationship he used to prefer we split 50/50 or he pays one time and I pay the next, even though I was a student and he was earning a lot of money and living with no expenses with his parents. He even used to take money from me for gas on vacations or one time on our vacation he wanted to go to a fancy restaurant, he chose the restaurant and I paid for everything. (which was really weird since he insisted we go) After that I told him how I felt about it and that I'm not happy in our relationship when he counts every penny and isn't generous about my situation. He told me he understands and that he doesn't mind paying more. Well, it changed but only for a bit. We rarely ever go out as we're both introverts and prefer to have dates at home, but I can still see his cheapness in some situations. For example when I was at his house, I saw he has some chocolate and I asked him if I can have it, and he told me no because it's too expensive and that I can have cheaper one. I was honestly so hurt by that. (chocolate is like 4$) Or one time I was feeling bad and he came to my house to cheer me up, and he came with one dessert (literally pancakes for one person) and told me how he got me that to cheer me up but he wants to eat it too so we shared it. (which was so odd, that's like 4$ and he couldn't get us both) Even after the chocolate situation he told me how he understands why I'm hurt and he wasn't supposed act that way, and that he hasn't got me anything in a while except those pancakes one time (he thinks he did a nice thing and he sees no problem with sharing one dessert) Or we rarely go to the cinema (like twice a year) and when we decided to go one time he told me ''I'll buy us some snacks at the supermarket and you get the tickets''. I'd say this behavior is mostly seen when it comes to giving and money, however sometimes I also wish he acted more like a gentleman in other situations. For example he criticizes me that I don't know how to carry my skis (he wouldn't think of helping me), or one time we were at the gym together and I was putting some heavy weights on a barbell, and he asked me if I needed help and I said no, and one guy heard our conversation and came up to me and helped me without saying anything. I've realized we have this incompatibility and I don't know what to do about it. It's such a turnoff for me. I love him, but I realized that I really want to be in a relationship with a guy that acts more generous and more like a gentleman. Helping me, not minding paying. I realized that it's really important for me to feel protected in that way. However, I really don't want a guy to splurge on me and I'm generally not attracted to expensive luxury items (I'm more stage green than orange). I don't know what to do as I really love him and think he's a great guy, but when I think of a future with him it scares me.

Thank you! I agree. I have to change in order for him to change too. When I vibrate I don't deserve - that's what I get. I'm definitely going to try. If it doesn't help in this relationship, at least I found out that it's not just about the other person, but it's about me as well.

I like this. So true. Thank you Leo. I also like how Leo understands men's perspective and gives advice to talk to him and try to help him change, while girls are telling me to dump him. lol

It's ok. I don't take anything personally. In fact, I'm glad I don't have huge life problems to complain about on here, so you're right However I do think choosing a partner you're gonna spend your life with is very important, that's why I came here for advice.

Thank you for this. This is what I needed to hear. Oh and I don't mind being straightforward, I like to hear the truth. I agree with everything you said, I'm also repelled by material richness when it comes to bragging, as I'm not attracted to those types of stage orange guys. Yet there needs to be a balance between masculine and feminine in a relationship.

Hahah, that's what my friends told me as well

@Princess Arabia I honestly felt overwhelmed by the whole situation and wanted to think about this. I didn't know what to reply, I was feeling too many emotions. I've cleared my head and came to read all the comments one more time. I don't want you to get me wrong, I'm honestly very grateful that I came upon Leo's videos years and years ago, and I'm grateful that this forum exists, because I'm amazed at how many smart people are on this forum. I always get the most profound advice here. I appreciate your advice. I asked myself - how am I contributing to this situation? And I think it's true that I lack some self-value, as I don't feel worthy of all the things I want. For example, when we first talked about this problem, and when he decided to change, I always felt really uncomfortable when he would pay for dinner. As if it's wrong I'm letting him pay. I felt ashamed. That's why I think we were perfect vibrational match at some point. Also, you are right about his fear. His father is very cheap, and I think his father had huge impact on him. He has some really deep limiting beliefs about money. Also, he didn't plan on eating that chocolate, his family got it as a gift, and he told me that his mom will probably want to gift it to someone else in the future. They don't open nice gifts but re-gift them. Which is weird. But it came from his fear that it's expensive and that no one should open it. Still, I think it's ridiculous and he should have let me open it. If it was a problem, he should have bought new chocolate and put it where it was. I honestly think he might change for some time, being generous and nice (like he is right now after our talk), but the thing is that fear is so deep inside of him I'm afraid it's very difficult to change.

Crazy how things change. I've read some of my old posts and I can't relate to some of my opinions back then. Except that my anxiety is still here. lol But it's ok she's welcome to stay <3

I've been thinking for days that I should start my journal. So here it is. some things I want to work on: I need to start meditating daily. And I need to be consistent this time. I haven't been meditating in a while and I will start with 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes before sleep... which is not a lot but I think it's good for now I need to be more in touch with my intuition. I've been ignoring it for a while. I should read some books about intuition/and or watch some videos about it. I need to re-watch Leo's video on that topic. I need to be more honest with myself. I should start going for conscious walks by the river. The river is so close by and I haven't been appreciating it. The parks near the river are beautiful as well I need to stop procrastinating and get the work done. My main goal for the next 30 days is going to be that Russian literature exam I've been procrastinating. maybe... work on my social anxiety? What I realized lately is that my social anxiety has been greatly connected to my not-so-high self-esteem. I think I don't lack social skills I just lack self-confidence and self-love. also I've been confused about my relationship lately. I need to contemplate that (as if I haven't for days now?!). sometimes I relate to Masha from Chekhov's play Three sisters... I think deep inside I know what I need to do, but I'm too weak, and the last two days were too good. (this is connected to my intuition and self-honesty) I need to read more about femininity. I want to learn about my feminine side and be more aware of it/in touch with it. I don't think I've ever felt more anxious than in the last couple of months. I developed sleep anxiety in October and sometimes it still creeps on me (it's good now in comparison to how it was). Luckily I have magnesium glycinate I miss the mental state I had two years ago. my room gets messy when I have upcoming tests/exams. I need to make sure my room is always 100% clean. I think that's about it. (for now)

I don't care if I sleep or not. I am able to function without sleep. Life is beautiful nonetheless. I don't care what time it is or how many hours will I sleep or not. Whatever happens. It's ok.

For the past year I've been dealing with anxiety that comes at night and doesn't let me sleep. I either can't fall asleep the whole night or I wake up too early. I thought it has affected me negatively as I couldn't function at my best when I don't sleep well. The reason I have anxiety is my university (for now). I was afraid that my anxiety will come every time I have something stressful in my life (and it probably will). Something important I've realized last night is that I have to fully accept my anxiety. It's a part of me now. I need to learn to love it. Accept it. Hug it. Be gentle to myself about it. I don't have to go to the gym that day and I don't have to be productive as much - but I can. It's more difficult but I can be productive as much with my anxiety. And it will go away eventually. Maybe not tomorrow but someday it will. I need to learn to function with my anxiety. Only when I fully accepted it, it went away. I can't wait for my yoga lessons next month. I don't know what I'm going to do after my graduation, but I hope Leo's course will help me figure that out.

I thought I would enjoy my summer but I have two exams left and I need to focus on those. I wanted to take a course on Bereginyas (Slavic yoga for women) but I guess that can wait.

My mental health needs to be my priority. I've been neglecting my mental health for a while and I can't take it anymore - I've decided I want to change a lot of things in my life. I want to stop being responsible. I need to be irresponsible for a while. My exams make me anxious and my anxiety doesn't let me sleep. I have insomnia. I've decided that I don't care anymore. Whatever happens, happens.

Stone walls do not a prison make, Nor iron bars a cage: Minds innocent and quiet take That for an hermitage. If I have freedom in my love, And in my soul am free, Angels alone, that soar above, Enjoy such liberty. - Richard Lovelace

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild and A Hero of Our Time by Mikhail Lermontov.

I know I'm not old but I feel as if I'm too old. I'm turning 23 next month and it scares me a lot. I used to be an entrepreneur when I was in high school. Kinda. I did what I loved and I was able to buy myself whatever I wanted. And soon I'll be graduating from college and to be honest college killed my creativity. All I know now is how to be a labor worker. I forgot what it's like to critically think. To do what I love. For the last 4 years, I've been learning what I've been told to learn and it's going to be difficult to move from that. I have SOO much I want to do after graduating I don't know where to start. This journal started as my ''to-do list'' and turned to be me ranting about my life.

I haven't been active on here.. I generally don't know how to handle this. I don't know how to write a journal. I haven't been meditating every day and I feel really bad about it. The whole point of this journal was to make me meditate every day. I watched a lot of videos on the topic of Bereginyas, and for the first time in my life (not really but) I'm very happy that I speak Russian. It's been useful lately. I watched a girl who first started the practice of Bereginyas online and I absolutely fell in love with it. It's so much more complex than I thought. I want to buy a few courses from her and start practicing it. It's sort of like yoga for Slavic women. I've been really happy lately except today. I don't know why. I feel like my hormones are fucked up and I'm either really happy or really sad. I'm also so fed up with my literature exam. If I don't pass it next week I'm gonna go crazy. It's that bad. My whole life has been on pause because of my exam. Today is a Saturday night and I thought ''I don't want to go anywhere tonight because I should study''... Well I stayed at home but I didn't study because it's Saturday and I couldn't focus. Bad decision. I'm actually in a mood to party and kinda get tipsy. And forget about my problems. I'm gonna do that maybe not next week because I'm going home, but the week after that for sure. I know it's a low conscious activity but I need to do that sometimes. I think I'm being way too serious in life and I never have those stupid and young moments. I had a lot of those moments in high school, but for the last couple of years I've been way too serious.

Maybe it's about time to write an update on my life. I was meditating almost every day (I missed 2 days I think?).. Not great but not bad. I've been meditating before sleep which is not ideal - usually, I'm very sleepy and I'm not able to concentrate. My problem is that I have so much to do during the day that I think of meditation as ''wasting time'' and ''doing nothing'' and I should ''do something useful''.. My whole mindset on meditation is fucked up. I need to work on that. I don't even want to check the time I spend on Instagram.. it's probably more than 2 hours a day. Speaking of Instagram - I've found an awesome girl who does ''dance of Bereginyas''. Bereginya is a goddess in Slavic mythology. I find it interesting. Firstly - I've discovered that dance is a great way of expressing and being in touch with my femininity. I love the way she dances. And the music to which she dances. She inspired me to start doing it myself. Although I don't have a nationality, there's something special about connecting to ancestors. And I'm not just talking to my ancestors - but to all people who once lived and represented different cultures. I've started to listen to folk music again - it makes me feel something different. My sacral chakra is out of alignment and I need to read more about chakras. That is going to be my goal for the next period. I've been feeling really overwhelmed for the last couple of days... I was trying to balance my university work, social life, relationship and gym - and I've lost myself in it. I actually got sick. I think it's because of that overwhelmed feeling. It came to a point where I couldn't stand anything or anyone. I just wanted to be left alone but I had to attend my classes. I sometimes have periods where I have those overwhelming feelings, and I usually isolate myself for 15 days or so. But I couldn't afford it this time and it was really difficult - way too much stimulation for my brain. Classes are so loud. I was supposed to have a presentation and I thought I could do it, but I actually just told my professor I couldn't do it and I left. Which was really weird... I actually left the class and started crying. I'm not really sure why I couldn't control my feelings. My room hasn't been 100% tidy. And I also had sleep anxiety for 2 days straight which was really bad... But not bad as it used to be. I'm actually really good?! like I'm not sad.. just overwhelmed. When I'm by myself I'm great. Also, I've been nice to myself for the last couple of days - I've allowed myself to watch The office and I kinda feel recharged now. I haven't been in touch with my intuition. I've been ignoring it. I know that I should break up with my bf, but he's being way too nice to me and I can't do it... Deep inside I know I should break up, but he hasn't done anything bad to me, he is so understanding and gentle to me that I don't know if I can do it now. He also really deserves someone who wouldn't be unsure about him. I think I've outgrown this relationship. And I need to move on. Meet different people. I'm not being honest with myself by staying in this relationship. But today he came to my house just to give me the snacks he bought for me and for my dogs and cats. How can I break his heart? I actually think I have unrealistic standards when it comes to relationships. I have a guy pictured in my head and if a person in real life doesn't correspond to that image I become disappointed. Not healthy at all.

Something I'd like to add: I've been meditating & my room is clean and pretty. I also love when my room smells nice. Yesterday I was feeling ungrateful - living in a dormitory is sometimes tough and I miss having a washing machine, a fridge, a sink, a stove etc. Washing my clothes is such a hassle - but that's such a stupid thing and I shouldn't let that affect my mood. I need to be more grateful. I also want to focus on my life purpose after my exams in June. I need to watch Leo's LP course. I have difficulty saying NO. I'm in such a period in my life where I really have to focus on my exams but I also really want to be social.

Thank you! I actually don't mind being on social media - but I guess I've never been raw and honest. So that's the scary part. That's a great move, I'm glad you had the courage to start a journal

Secure. I thought it would be avoidant

It’s very important to brush your teeth at least once a day thoroughly. If you don’t do it, plaque eventually results in cavities, and it can take years for that cavity to become visible. Flossing is also very important. If you think traditional floss is annoying, interdental brushes can be a great alternative. But I’d still recommend floss in addition to interdental brushes, in particular ones that are waxed as they glide between the teeth easily. Waterpik can be harsh for your gums, so I wouldn’t recommend it personally, also water can’t really remove the plaque so I think brushes and floss is enough.

Rio Tinto. We're fucked here in Serbia. https://www.instagram.com/p/CWdtclnKthe/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=5f423b50-f138-4546-b8b5-d2bd97a50fe0

Really? Is that even possible and realistic?

Serbia