natebunger

@archi Thank you...It's funny that your username is Archi, that's what people at her work call her

Hi all, I have a quick question I would like some conscious feedback on regarding the NO CONTACT RULE to get your ex back and how this relates to spiral dynamics and higher consciousness. A girl I've been dating for about 7 months has recently disappeared from my life like a poof of smoke. Literally. I've never experienced such an abrubt breakup before. The last night we we're together we made love, slept in each others arms, made breakfast in the morning and then she said she was leaving, kissed me good bye and hasn't texted or wrote since. Poof! Without going to into the nitty gritty details of the relationship (because that's not what this is about) I will give a little back story as I think it pertains to this post. We met one night out at a night club. We locked eyes from across the room out of about 800 people and spent the rest of the night in the middle of the dance floor just looking in each others eyes. (Not even dancing) It was very powerful. For the next few months we would see each other a few times a week and hookup. This later turned into us spending most days together. I'm 38 and she is 25 so there is roughly a 14 year age gap. I normally wouldn't take serious a girl this young for a long term relationship, but we started falling in love so I decided to let my guard down and be open to the idea. But as time went on things became more and more routine. She works early morning to late afternoon and normally wouldn't arrive home until about 8pm. She also worked Saturdays. This left us very little time to have more meaningful experiences outside of just having dinner and going to bed and waking up to share our morning coffee before she was off again. She is an architect and I am a builder so I always felt a good synergy between us for eventually working together. NOW a few things about her I will mention: 1. She was NOT good at communicating her feelings and would even admit this often...Even going as far as showing me a printed report from a work performance review that showed she was very low when it came to relating to others. It was as though she wanted me to know it was truly a problem she was dealing with. 2. She told me that she nursed milk from her moms boob until she was 7 YEARS OLD! I'm not sure what this says about her psychology if anything, but if you're reading this and know please feel free to elaborate. 3. A few times during the relationship she went silent and would stop contacting me and I would have to reach out again to see if she was ok, at which time I would get a huge text from her saying how much she missed me and was waiting for me to message her. 4. She was very competitive in the relationship and always wanted to win at everything. Every card game, every rock, scissor paper game, everything. NOW a few things about me and my behaviour that likely drove her away: 1. I recently faced a great financial loss in my business and have been emotionally on the mends these past few months and I sort of put her into a therapist role to help me through this the transition. 2. I started taking her for granted, I didn't take her out as often as I should have and our default plan was to make dinner and watch a movie. 3. I forgot her birthday and kept asking for her to remind me! (Just the actual date, not the actual event.) And probably many other things... NOW MY REASON FOR THIS POST: The day she left I decided go cold turkey and stop all contact and basically give her the space she wanted. Most advice online says to do NO CONTACT and never reach out to them again unless they are the one's who initiate first. This was probably a good thing in the beginning to give us both space and time to reflect, but now I am debating to reach out to her because I truly care for her and I'm tired of trying to cutting people out of my life because things didn't work out, thinking that there is something better. It's almost as though I feel like the old rules of making your ex break down and reach out to you by starving them of your attention using no contact is LOW consciousness. And the more compassionate and evolved way to handle this situation would be to reach out in loving way that communicates authenticity. I think it's a good possibility that her ego and always wanting to WIN would keep her from reaching out to me even if she missed me. Do we follow the "sage old advice" and walk away from people who leave us knowing that it has a lot to do with their own egos (why else would they choose separation over union) Or do we embrace them with compassion and do our best to love them because that's what higher consciousness does? I can say this...I've followed the advice of walking away from relationships that "weren't working" throughout my life with the notion of finding something better. But I can honestly say looking back over my life that all this has caused is heartache and frustration. I'm starting to wonder if this isn't such good advice after all? What would higher consciousness do in this situation?