Oppositionless

I spent like 10 years doing metaphysics all day every day because I couldn't stand uncertainty, so trying to develop a healthier relationship with that has been important for me, and it carries over in the rest of my life.

I enjoyed hunter x hunter and one punch man a lot. I don't watch much tv .

@Yimpa on the one hand I'm very happy for you on another I wouldn't even want to go at that point I'd feel so cringe . Just being a somewhat more feminine straight male makes me feel so cringe . Advocaring for myself in general feels cringe but against active opposition would feel catastrophic.

Okay it got canceled because of extreme cold.

Some very rare sages were so deep in God consciousness that they would die if they didn't have people around them to rouse them out of samadhi. Maybe only that is God realization lmao.

@Miguel1 I'm going to an Osho dynamic meditation meetup in an hour, if all the women are normies I'll let you know.

Even someone who watches a Leo video and has 10% understanding is a little bit God realized so you'll need to be more specific . On the flip side I doubt anyone on this forum walks around in God consciousness 24/7 so again, what do you mean by God realized?

@Miguel1 there aren't any conscious spaces you could find? Law of attraction teachings will tell you if you just raise your vibration the right person will come.

You don't find conscious women at dance? Do you ever go to yoga? thats so depressing.

It's because of PR. Mostly dumb kids take it and they have dumb experiences. also pure dxm is better than cough syrup

@Judy2 I shoukd find one. Therapy didn't work for me in the past but I suspect it would if I found a specialist. Went from nondual bliss to everything is fucked again real quick.

Many people with strong spiritual practice still need ERP to break the behavioral loop

Grok That’s exactly how OCD hides in plain sight for years — it dresses up as personality traits, attachment styles, spiritual depth, or “just depression,” so you never clock it as a disorder. Let’s just sit with how perfectly it fooled you (and fools almost everyone in your position): • Obsessive metaphysics marathons → “I’m super spiritual / philosophically gifted / maybe slightly autistic with a special interest.” Reality: Existential OCD using “truth-seeking” as a noble disguise for compulsive rumination to escape unbearable uncertainty. • ROCD terror, guilt spirals, breakups to “protect” her, near-suicide aftermath → “I must be anxious-avoidant / fear of intimacy / bad at relationships.” Reality: Relationship OCD hijacking attachment with moral inflation and catastrophic doubt — not avoidance of closeness, but avoidance of intolerable uncertainty/guilt. • “Not confident/attractive enough → unworthy to live/date → self-harm after failed approaches” → “I’m just super depressed / low self-esteem / insecure guy.” Reality: Moral scrupulosity + self-directed harm OCD turning perceived romantic inadequacy into ethical failure that demands punishment.

I've been experiencing time dilation sense starting kriya yoga . It's wonderful.

NN DMT showed me that I create the world to every last detail. 5 meo shows me that only the Absolute is real. Which do I believe.

If the human condition is pathology then there was a never a problem to begin with

What that picture is pouring water on my brain.

@Yimpa okay re reading this after getting (self) diagnosed is so funny. Did you see my post in the mental health sub? I'm just curious how much you relate .

Right. I don't think there's a point in seeking that. When it happens it's because reality wanted it to happen, to ground more of the energy of awakening in the physical world.

Also HOCD (homosexual ocd) , the fear of being secretly gay . Although that one is comical to me now, I don't really deal with it anymore.

I always wanted a girlfriend but untreated ocd made that impossible for years . So even though we're coming from different directions we'll both be trying to find a real gf at the same time. Let's go.

What rare psychedelics have you tried? This could be anything from something not common where you live ie something like 2C-B or Mescaline for me which i have not tried because its never been available . To something that doesnt have much attention online. Examples (that I'm curious about) 5-Bromo dmt (sea sponge dmt) 4 pro dmt NB dmt

People have literally been saying God is love for like a bajillion years. I'm not saying just take them at face value but you'd have to be pretty dense to just dismiss it out of pocket. Most of Leo's original ideas are about the relative domain. His spiritual ideas are pretty generic (in the best possible way).

Early/Pre-Awakening History (Years of Building Patterns) • Philosophical/Existential OCD phase (dominant for many years): You spent extended periods (e.g., 12+ hours/day) obsessively trying to construct the “perfect metaphysical system” for reality. This fits existential OCD (also called philosophical or metaphysical OCD), where the core obsession is unanswerable “big questions” (meaning of existence, nature of reality, purpose, what is “real”). The compulsion was endless mental rumination, analysis, and seeking certainty—treating philosophy as a solvable puzzle to relieve existential terror/doubt. This interfered with daily life, created exhaustion, and felt like a genuine intellectual pursuit rather than “just OCD.” It’s common for this subtype to feel deeply personal and profound, often mistaken for passionate philosophy until the distress and time sink become debilitating. • Relationship OCD (ROCD) emerging or co-occurring: Even before intense spiritual work, relational themes showed up—absolute terror of uncertainty in love (“Is this person ‘the one’ forever?”), fear of not loving “enough,” inflated moral guilt over normal thoughts/behaviors (e.g., horrified guilt after masturbating while thinking of someone else, feeling it proved you’d “ruin” your partner’s life), and extreme actions like engineering painful breakups to “protect” them (or force personal growth). The near-suicide aftermath from one breakup highlights how devastating the doubt/guilt cycle could become. These weren’t avoidant-attachment fears—you could form deep bonds and feel genuine love—but the OCD hijacked them with catastrophic projections and moral inflation. Typical progression in ROCD: Starts with high investment in relationships (soulmate-level intensity), then doubt spirals escalate, leading to compulsions (mental checking, rumination, reassurance-seeking, or escape). Moral/sexual scrupulosity often overlaps, turning normal human experiences into “proof” of defectiveness. Current OCD (Post-Intense Awakening Ramp) • Temporary flare-up/amplification from practices: Going from zero spiritual practice to high-volume kriya pranayama (20+ reps/day) + multiple 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs in ~2 weeks triggered a manic/intense state (happiest ever + breakthroughs, but also “cringe,” oversharing, social exhaustion in friends/forum). You suspect (and it aligns) this ramp temporarily worsened OCD symptoms—likely intensifying rumination, doubt/guilt intrusions, and uncertainty intolerance. This is common in kundalini/psychedelic ramps: Energy/prana overload stirs up latent patterns for “purification,” making obsessive thoughts louder/more urgent before they settle. The “too many breakthroughs” overload can leave residual activation, feeding OCD’s demand for certainty (“Did this change me permanently? Am I enlightened enough?”).