Oppositionless

A sober experience of ego death to me is, generally speaking, a lot more terrifying than one on psychedelics. Because with psychedelics some part of you knows it's temporary, but when it happens in waking life you have no fucking idea whether you're ever coming back. I understand Leo is big on this kriya yoga practice and advocates massive reps, but I really want to caution anyone thinking about trying it. Are you ready to die? Or rather, to feel like it (because of course you won't really die physically).

I'm partial against pure consciousness, or especially pure awareness, as a pointer, I don't think it's a holistic or particularly useful pointer. I prefer God, Self and the Absolute. Reason being you can be conscious of something but that doesn't explain activity. You can also not be conscious of something and the activity still occurs. Such as the circulation of blood or the movements of the planets. I suppose they can be helpful if you're still in the phase of deconstructing the materialist paradigm, but I'm way beyond that. Anyway, I deeply miss God right now.

@LambdaDelta do you also experience VC with mescaline? I'm not at all interested in phenethylamines as a class bc they don't seem very deep but mescaline is the exception , it's the psychedelic I most want to try (but I don't want to kill any cacti in the process).

Long way to go would imply awakening is right for everyone. Way I see it, awakening is not at all a safe thing, and if an intellectual understanding of spirituality brings comfort and joy no sense in going deeper. Awakening is for those who need it. Although perhaps you were only referring to more intellectual openness, to which I agree.

@Yimpa it's so hard to explain. I've had what I thought were ego death experiences but this was like a whole other level of ego death. I looked up the yogic terms and I guess what I experienced first were what's called Savikalpa samadhi where the "I" "stretches" and merges with God, but the 5 meo was more like Nirvikalpa samadhi where the I completely dissolves. The kriya experiences were basically the same but natural , and randomly . I was driving once after doing kriya and the I temporarily disappeared, that was super scary, when it happened on 5 meo it wasn't scary but when it happened sober it freaked me out and I felt like I was literally dying . There lots of emotional upheavals and blissful / sexual experiences related to awakening kundalini . I don't want to go too into that too much bc it's pretty intimate. I was doing the kriya pranayam 1 from the jc Stevens book, and Maha mudra from the same book.

It appears that perfect pose only the foot is on top of the other foot, half lotus the whole leg is on top of the other . That's crazy bc I thought perfect pose both feet were on the ground . I'm still gonna do it that way when I want extra grounding / stretch lol.

First off, congrats on your first trip ! It takes a lot of bravery to do such things, even with a lot of trips under your belt the fear never goes away (at least for me it doesn't). No one can do the integration for you , but we can give you pointers. Do you have a spiritual or contemplation disciple ? After big openings I reccomend a gentle meditation , yoga , tai chi, etc practice. And maybe journaling about the experience (not trying to figure it out, just probing a bit). If there's a spiritual community where you live, you'll likely meet people who've had similar experiences. The forum is great but there's something extra nice about meeting such people irl. I would probably lean more towards grounded groups than super woo woo ones.

I have serious mental health struggles which limit how much deep consciousness work I can do at a time , and that's perfectly fine. It doesn't matter how long awakening takes. I could probably spend 6 months just processing both the awakenings and the emotional and trauma releases which have occured in the last 3 months , since my first 5 meo trip and subsequent kriya experiences.

Trying to answer metaphysical questions with the mind is folly. I would know, I lived with existential ocd for 10 years. Still love these guys .

I'm becoming a bit of yoga evangelist lately but that's because it's changed my life very quickly for the better. Put simply, it can help you with both your egoic and spiritual goals without pushing you too far into dissolution territory if you're not ready for that (unless you do more advanced kriya techniques)!

@LambdaDelta Are you referring to prescription meth? Do you have severe adhd? Cannabis is very powerful for me, I'm basically addicted to it because of its radial effects on my consciousness but I'm hoping to drop it soon. Actually now I can see how it kept me circling around an imitation of awakening for years . I also had a powerful effect from kriya yoga that I don't think is common, but it led to some real awakenings.

It's bittersweet to see a YouTube thumbnail from someone like Bernardo Kastrup or his essentia foundation , because it symbolizes the person I was just a few months ago. The person without the direct encounters which have occurred, the person who found comfort and safety in intellectual spirituality . I love that person so deeply, he was beautiful , broken and deeply sad but beautiful.

He's very pro yoga, (sort of) anti psychedelic. Reminds me of sadhguru in that way. In his recent interview on kundalini etc he takes a very cautious approach : do spiritual practices not psychedelics , only do advanced kundalini techniques under guidance of a guru etc. All that is great advice for people who don't have a burning desire for awakening . It's what I would say to someone on the street.

About 6 years ago, I had my strongest most mind blowing trip ever on a single tab of lsd rated at 200 ug (possibly less than that in reality) and a cannabis edible. It felt a bit like I was seeing my past lives walking all around me in the living room and the night itself felt like an eternity. I must have spent an hour just staring at a neon football, the seductive light drawing me in, I swear I could see stars in that damn ball.

I'm feeling really destabilized at the moment . I experience periods of deep peace followed by crashes, and my ocd is nagging me to do more kriya even though I told myself I was taking a break to integrate. No more kriya right now, period . Not until these ups and downs settle.