Thestarguitarist14

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Posts posted by Thestarguitarist14

  3. Posted

    27 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

    The point here is that the commodification of the relationship is a big hindrence to its quality. Marriage are not only a legal contract, the legal contract is a fiction which officialize for the state and society a durable bound between two persons.

    Just my two cent, if you would get married and treat your wife like she owes you sex as a counterparty, I guarentee it will become a dreadful experience for both of you.

    I would say that ship has been sailed since arranged marriages became a thing...

    And it is not so much as I am saying to expect someone to have sex with you when you demand it (though a lot of guys believe this is how relationships work), but a lot of guys will only get into relationships because they would rather know for sure that they are having sex two to four times a week versus being single and having dry spells.  Most guys do not have the game nor the energy to be single so a relationship is safer for them.  That’s just a fact.

  4. Posted

    34 minutes ago, Emerald said:

    I have experienced relationships like this. So, I know it isn't just a fantasy. Relationship is deep form of consciousness work if it is oriented to properly.

    But relationships shouldn't be vetted on longevity but on depth. The problem is that so many people think that, "In order for a relationship to be a good relationship it has to last forever." But this is not the case most of the time. I healthy divorce rate would probably be much higher like 80%. Most people think the divorce rate is too high. But I think it is way too low.

    A relationship is like a slow entwining of two lives together. It is sometimes possible to have a life-long relationship. But mostly, there eventually comes to be a growing apart where neither party is benefiting from the relationship. But this doesn't mean that the relationship didn't serve them or their growth.

    What I'm trying to tell you is that you seem not to have yet unlocked this potentiality in relationship. So, you go seeking for these needs in an unfulfilling way that's just a chore instead of an adventure into the soul of another person.

    I would certainly stay single if that was all relationship was was some convenient way to get sex or to get help around the house. That sounds super boring.

     

     

    I mean yes, everyone experiences growth from relationships.  The problem is that most people don’t see this and continue to operate within the old relationship paradigm of neediness.

    I never said that relationships need to last forever.  But last time I checked the point of a marriage is so that you just can’t leave.  The fact that most people end up leaving that contract speaks volumes.

    What you are saying is very romantic, but is not the reality for most.  Buddhism sees relationships as a way that you get attached to another.  A source of suffering.

    Let’s be honest, most people do not want to go into another’s “soul”.  They want to own a home in the suburbs and have sex.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But most people are not looking for relationships to achieve actualization.  They are looking to fulfill needs and heal childhood wounds.

    At the end of the day, a relationship is a transaction.  Marriage are legal contracts.  There is nothing wrong with being with someone for domestic needs and sex.  That is a part of the human experience.  At least if you can say this you are being honest with yourself.

  5. Posted

    33 minutes ago, Emerald said:

    You really don't get a lot out of relationships do you? 

    Relationships are really about depth and exploration of one another's souls and merging together as a reflection of the divine. Getting to know another human being at the deepest and most intimate level.

    But your relationships sound like a domestic chore. Like a boring roommate situation with some mutual masturbation thrown in for laughs. It sounds way better for you to stay single.

     

    What you are saying is a nice fantasy.  A good ideal.  It’s just not the reality.

    Most people get into relationships because of their attachment styles matching up which allows them to believe that they can meet each other’s needs.  Throw in sexual attraction and you got some “love” and “chemistry”.  Sadly, once the illusion wears off you have two people only staying together to satisfy their carnal desires at best.  Which is why the divorce rate is at 51%.
     

    If people were to be interested in changing up the old relationship paradigm that would be one thing.  Believe me, I tried.  The problem is, it takes two to tango.  So in a way, being single is better.

  6. Posted

    6 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

    Well okay. Then the idea is to date one person, then another, then another, then another. Hell, might as well have some fun while I search. Even if these dates I will go to don't work out I can always go to the next person and to the next. Though it might be a trap to search for the right person forever. 

    And yes I just remembered@Thestarguitarist14 I do believe that I need to get a girlfriend. It's like everyone expects me to get one. 

    When I say for you to say “I am looking for the right person” that is for the women.  It really just communicates to them that while you are dating, you would get into a relationship if the right one appeared.

    Here is the thing, you do not need a girlfriend.  Having a girlfriend would probably make your life a lot more complicated.  I know that because of the pandemic people are feeling more lonely.  But now is the time to really get into yourself and give yourself the love, happiness and fulfillment that you see.  Because let’s be honest, most modern day women can’t even love themselves, much less another human being.

  7. Posted

    19 minutes ago, Strangeloop said:

    @Thestarguitarist14 You mean like having multiple girlfriends at the same time? 

    It would break their hearts if they found out.

    I wouldn’t call it having multiple girlfriends.  If they ask you if you are looking for a relationship just say “I am looking for the right person.”  
     

    You are allowed to date as many women as you like.  As long as you don’t commit to one.

  8. Posted

    There are only three reasons to get a girlfriend/get married 

    1)Domestic needs (owning a home, cleaning, cooking,etc).

    2)Having children.

    3)Consistent sex.

    If you are not looking for the first two and don’t mind not having consistent sex then you are better off just going and looking for fun.

    You states some things that you believe you need to get a girlfriend.  All those are limiting beliefs.  While yes, those hold water with materialistic women, there are women who don’t care about any of that.

    Also, stop comparing yourself to the guys around you.  I bet most of them also have mediocre relationships.  Is that what you want?

    In your case, I’d suggest that you casually date two or three women.  That way you won’t become so attached.

  9. Posted

    4 hours ago, tsuki said:

    @Leo Gura

    Exploitation at its finest.

    The way you describe game is the polar opposite of a quality relationship. I wonder it it's even possible to attract a healthy woman this way.

    Playing games will never attract you a healthy woman.  Though, most PUAs (including myself when I was into this) do not care what kind of woman they get as long as she is attractive and says yes.

  12. Posted

    1 hour ago, ivory said:

    Yeah, I hear ya. The first noble truth is that all of life is suffering. I get that. The question is, how much suffering? We need a reason to wake up in the morning but we need to be honest about the fact that we have very little control. That doesn't mean that we should play victim. But it does mean that there are no guarantees.

     

    I remember listening to this monk on how suffering is more of a choice (he feels that the Buddha was misinterpreted), but it is pain that is unavoidable.  I think it is more or less choosing things knowing that there will be pain involved, but it being worth it.  Like, working on my album has caused me some fatigue.  But it is something that I am comfortable.  There’s no free lunch.

    1 hour ago, ivory said:

    Yes, and this pisses me off. I still struggle with this.

    With this pandemic things are going to shift.

  13. Posted

    1 hour ago, No Self said:

    Yes, most people have to work for a long time to have any sort of consistency. Some people like Eckhart seem to win the spiritual lottery and never lose touch with the background of peace and joy.

    Relationships are an interesting topic. Neale Donald Walsch says there is a paradox. We do not have any need for another in order to be complete, and yet without others, we miss the whole function of the physical world of relativity. The whole "you cannot have big without small, light without dark, good without evil" sort of thing is very fundamental to this understanding.

    Perhaps everything is a relationship in this world. There seems to be some sort of relationship with any beings we come into contact with, relationships to institutions, relationships to cultures, relationships to ideas, even a relationship to the body and mind... yet from the ultimate perspective, none is real except the Self alone.

    I wonder what Eckart is like off camera.  Though he does seem to be authentically at peace with what is.  His books are amazing.

    I think that we all have gotten so hung up on romantic relationships and relationships with others that we forget about all those other things.  Also that the most important relationship that we have is with ourselves.  Which is actually something to reckon with, being with yourself.  Especially during a pandemic.

    53 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

    It is not all nonsense.

    Like most things in life: relationships/ friendships have an amazing healthy side to them and a toxic side. It is not all 'bullshit' or blind need fulfilling.

    They can actually help you spiritually even.

    But the friendships and marriages mainstream society shows us are largely not very conscious. So the toxic aspects are emphasized ten-fold when we get into consciousness work.

    But in the end everyone grows in different ways and at their own pace so don't feel pressured to be with somebody or alone.

    Relationships are mainly just for growth and fun. So if you aren't having fun with people it's probably best if you grow alone.

     

    Well yeah.  There is usually a reason why I got into a relationship or dated someone or became friends with them.  It felt good.  But looking back, it’s only that they mirrored my childhood stuff so they seemed attractive to me (specifically romantic partners).  I did this meditation that helped me get over two women I was seeing over the last year.  In one hand was the good.  The other hand held the bad.  The bad our weighted the good.

    I do agree relationships help you spiritually.  But it’s not all good.  After getting ghosted from a woman that I was seeing (late August) I have completely changed.  I don’t even recognize myself anymore.

    It is true that what the mainstream shows is bad.  But I’ll be honest, I have never had a good relationship or a really good friendship. They all ended rather poorly.  I also do not know anyone who has had a good relationship or a truly good friendship.  Not saying that they do not exist.  But they are rare in today’s society.

    I have been realizing during this awakening that I only had fun with people when I was having sex, smoking weed/doing drugs or drinking.  And all were all short thrills.  I quit drugs (not including psychedelics), quit drinking and haven’t had sex in a bit which has sharpened my emotions and my emotional intelligence.  Anyway, most people (granted I live in L.A so take that for what it’s worth) are fake and are only out for themselves.  I have been burned too many times I suppose. 
     

    1 hour ago, PurpleTree said:

    these recent weeks have been pretty satisfying for me, even though i don't have a gf and 'm not really meeting any new people etc.

    i wonder if it's just a phase of calmness and inner satisfaction? it probably is since nothing is permanent

    I have been there.  Don’t worry.  Darkness always comes back.  You will just not overreact.

    42 minutes ago, ivory said:

    Are you familiar with the three characteristics (also known as the three marks of existence)? Meditate on that. The first characteristic is that nothing lasts. The second is that all of life is unsatisfactory (in one way or another). So, you tell me.

    That said, when you accept life on a deep level, even with the ups and downs and disappointments you can reach a level of okay-ness. That's what you're looking for.

    Yeah, I am familiar with them, though I haven’t been studying Buddhism lately.  
     

    You can say that my philosophy is heavily influenced on Buddhism.  Particularly their views of relationships with others.

    The problem isn’t really not being okay with disappointments.  I have had enough of them to not get too carried away.  The problem is if this is all futile.  I also don’t desire an “okay” life.  I desire a great life.  The best way I can describe is I made a song where I am talking about how things have gone wrong, how I wish for my childhood, how I feel different from everyone, how the past haunts me, but I refuse to let my hopes and dreams fade.  One of the best songs that I have written (coming out 2021).

    It’s funny.  As adults we are no different than teenagers.  We all just desire fun.  It’s just that society makes us believe that we can only be “responsible adults.”

  15. Posted

    59 minutes ago, Willie said:

    This separation of spiritual and physical is a duality. The trick is to feel great unconditionally.

    I’m still working on that also. I know exactly what you mean in those first 2 sentences. I avoid everything and everyone unless necessary (still need a job to pay bills, still need groceries and gas for the car, etc.) and COVID reinforces that. But this avoidance ultimately won’t make me “happy” or “complete”. It’s just a phase in the pursuit of happiness. Things change. Life happens.

    It’s funny how we can all talk about spirituality and being, but when we are faced with the illusion, it’s always a different story.

    I actually went out to do this group hike/party in last night.  They left without another person and I.  There were these group of women dog walkers who we hiked with.  The hike was fine and the other person who got left (a woman in her 40s) loved it and found a group of friends.  It was meh for me, didn’t find the one chick that I was gaming all that interesting.  Actually made me feel worse.

    I guess it’s a part of it.  
     

    1 hour ago, hoodrow trillson said:

    What about people like me that are always filled with joy, contentment, extreme optimism and somewhat detached of outcome, like 95% of the time?  Life is incredible.  Even the bad parts.

    I'm genuinely curious as to if the majority of people grew up dysfunctionally or somewhat traumatized in some way as children--I should look this up and see.  I received tons of love from everyone, especially my parents since I was a baby--so I've noticed my outlook on life and the physical has been very jarringly different in comparison to my peers and friends.  I try to shower them with love that I myself got, to equalize their "negativity" but sometimes that's not enough for them and I understand.  Some of my childhood friends grew up suffering in their household but we always went outside together to play and forget about the "real world" (mind) and got lost in the sensations of playing outside.

    Spirituality and meditation (also pyschedelics) made me realize very quickly that most people do not think like that.  And that I was wrong for looking over their problems when I became an adult by just saying, "oh they're just fucked in the head" like I used to.  I guess I used to be quite a bit grandiose and I thankfully snapped out of it but I retained my child-like admiration and wonder to existence itself.  It's nuts.

    I want peace in the world.  But I think about the ying and yang to this all and how it may be out of our hands to change it.  It's "perfect" as it is--I just happen to fall into the other side of the coin.

     

     

     

    If you are as genuinely happy as you say you are (it is possible, though for most people that isn’t the case) then perhaps you had good parents l.  However, you may have some repressed memories and have suppressed some emotions as no one gets out of childhood unscathed.

    53 minutes ago, hoodrow trillson said:

    Also, I will say this:  you become the content you consume.  The company you keep near you as well.  

    I believe that the content that you consume can also be life affirming.  As someone who not only consumes, but creates, I like art that is about facing life.  All my favorite artist seems to be dissatisfied with life, or at least expressing some dissatisfaction.

    51 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

    You're right. Things may not be too easy or magical or instantaneous. What I wanted to question is the statement that "dissatisfaction is inherent to this and that". We are always interpreting according to how we see and experience stuff. 

    Why does one choose to fall in love with a paradigm like nihilism as if it were the ultimate reality? 

    I would not call that nihilism per say.  It’s more that we all have been taught that certain things as we grow up will give us happiness.  But they never do.  And so that leaves me to believe that life cannot be all that satisfying if by living it you will experience pain.

    28 minutes ago, Byun Sean said:

    You have yet to experience a powerful awakening of the heart.

    Life is fantastic.

    The boundary between the physical and nonphysical is an illusion. A duality.

    This is all God. This is all love. 

    Solo inner consciousness work is great and it sounds like you have made a lot of progress there.

    But it would also help you ten-fold if you opened up to people and relationships more.

     

    First off, you don’t know me.  Second off, I have had a heart center and kundalini awakening and I am going through another one right now.  It is not all “lovey dovey and rainbows” like some would like to believe it to be.  That is fluff.  A heart center awakening usually comes with a dark night of the soul.  And that can feel like true darkness.

    Saying life is fantastic is only an opinion.  An opinion that most do not have.  Even the most enlightened person would never say that.

    You say all this, but at the end of the day, everyone has problems.  Leo has problems, Eckart Tolle has problems, Sadguru has problems.

    And this whole thing about relationships and friendships helping is nonsense.  To put it into more technical terms, it is bullshit.  That is just some things that we have been brainwashed to believe.  You get married, but it is dysfunction that brought you two together and you only stay together because of your carnal desires.  Friends only stay friends out of convenience, even if their friendship is toxic.

    And besides, I went out last night on a group hike and I felt worse (though it was not with the group that I was supposed to go with).

    Also, we are going through a pandemic.

    29 minutes ago, No Self said:

    I totally feel you. The problem is that pretty much every single thing in society is pushing a completely different agenda to ultimate truth. And being outnumbered by about a billion to 1 makes it hard not to question ourselves and fall in line.

    That said, the classic nondual advice in this situation is to be less sympathetic to the mind. Who is the 'I' who needs more alone time? Who believes something is missing? Who buys into society? etc...

    The mind sort of sneaks in through the back door, pretending to be engaged in a spiritual pursuit and then sneakily restoring the old patterns. Mooji once said, "The mind is fired, but it keeps showing up for work."

    Also interesting, another Ramana quote from a book says something almost the exact opposite of this thread title.

    "The conclusion is that happiness is inherent in man and is not due to external causes. One must realize the Self in order to open the store of unalloyed happiness."

    My therapist (who has some spiritual concepts, but is overall more 3-D) is really into relationships as I get further and further away from those.  I do my thing, as you said, old patterns come in (going after after sex) and then when some bullshit happens I am pissed.

    That quote is interesting.  A lot of people can be happy, but being happy within and without is a different thing.  And doing that consistently is another.

  16. Posted

    49 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

    Life is inherently meaningless, and so it can take whatever meanings we project on and assign to it.

    Dissatisfaction is simply an antonym of acceptance, and a synonym for rejection.

    I have this tattoo that says “this world is cruel, but beautiful.”  
     

    While I believe saying that life is inherently meaningless is borderline nihilism, there is truth to it.  
     

    I would add that pain is a natural part of life.  That perhaps life is about the kind of pain that you see fit to endure.

  17. Posted · Edited by Thestarguitarist14

    26 minutes ago, Hugo Oliveira said:

    In my experience, thinking in terms of levels of consciousness/energy seems very reasonable. When you access better levels, clarity, creativity, connection, love opens up to you and you discover that dissatisfaction is very much based on "energy" and limited paradigms.

    It may not be too obvious because we tend to be stuck for long periods in low levels of perception. But if you break through at least once, you get it. In my experience, fasting, yoga, and psychedelics worked well.   You have to find what is powerful and can elevate you. Rationalizing and complaining about how you think reality is doesn't help too much. 

    The problem with all these things (I fast and do everyday) is that they gives you glimpses of it, but the effects are not lasting.  The only things that I have found to be lasting are eft tapping, shamanic breathing and guided meditations.  DMT to a certain extent as well. 

    That was the main issue during counterculture.  A lot of people got disillusioned with psychedelics because once the high was gone, they were back.  Though I have been working on implementing work I learned on my last two trips.

  18. Posted

    24 minutes ago, No Self said:

    The sense of 'I' and the story of 'I' is at the centre of all of that.

    Ramana says:

    "When other thoughts arise, one should not pursue them, but should inquire: ‘To whom do they arise?’ It does not matter how many thoughts arise. As each thought arises, one should inquire with diligence, “To whom has this thought arisen?”. The answer that would emerge would be “To me”. Thereupon if one inquires “Who am I?”, the mind will go back to its source; and the thought that arose will become quiescent. With repeated practice in this manner, the mind will develop the skill to stay in its source. When the mind that is subtle goes out through the brain and the senseorgans, the gross names and forms appear; when it stays in the heart, the names and forms disappear. Not letting the mind go out, but retaining it in the Heart is what is called “inwardness” (antarmukha). Letting the mind go out of the Heart is known as “externalisation” (bahir-mukha). Thus, when the mind stays in the Heart, the ‘I’ which is the source of all thoughts will go, and the Self which ever exists will shine. Whatever one does, one should do without the egoity “I”. If one acts in that way, all will appear as of the nature of Siva (God)."

    I like that quote.  Basically that when I am in my ego then I am judging what’s going on around me.  But when there is no “I” everything just is.  
     

    Starting to believe that perhaps more “alone time” (if that’s possible, last night was the first time that I left my neighborhood in nearly two months) is needed.  Part of me still feels as though something is missing.  Part of me is still buying into the lie that society is telling me.

  19. Posted

    33 minutes ago, Arzola said:

    Brendan, useful and clear as always.

    You could benefit from this:

     

    That was really helpful.  What’s funny is that I just finished RCR tapping for thirty days on lack.  It helped a ton, but I most focused on money and only a little bit on other areas.  Good reminder.

     

    33 minutes ago, Megan Alecia said:

    @Thestarguitarist14 it'll end once you die, not you but in general. 

    now nothing in life is really permanent. Like camus said 'do not wait for judgement day to come. it happens everyday. ' life does has some stages to it, as you may notice, altho no one really knows what except for the fact that each stage of it has a beginning, middle and end; you could say life imitates art. and the latter is ALWAYS just a matter of time, precisely because of impermanence. 

    Funny, last night I was hoping to die as I stuffed my face for the first time in ages.  My tooth filling cracked and I was like wtf...

    True, nothing is permanent, this I know and understand.  I guess right now the world is going through a “despairing cycle”. 
     

    8 minutes ago, No Self said:

    I cannot speak from experience, but teachings of Eckhart Tolle and the Buddha describe an underlying state of suffering, unease and restlessness in the unenlightened human condition. Much of our behaviour is all about managing it or covering it up through distractions. And yet, the masters say that genuine freedom from it is possible.

    Whenever I am alone and just being, I feel great.  But the more spiritual I become, whenever I enter the physical I feel disappointed.  Especially if something does not go my way.  It makes me wonder what the point it all is.  A lot of people want you to be a part of the illusion as if it will make you happy.  But it only makes me feel worse.

  20. Posted

    Just now, Megan Alecia said:

    @Thestarguitarist14 it's dissatisfyng only if you wish to be constantly satisfied. if not, then as a matter of fact you would even get to experience a wider range of emotions, or just simply be more of conscious of them...the desire for comfort and closure might be the most dangerous of all. 

    I wouldn’t say it’s about wanting to be satisfied all the time or even comfort and closure.  It is more like “when will this end?”

  21. Posted

    I have been reading Johnny the homicidal  maniac (Great dark comedy comic book, the first thing from the creditor of invader zim) And reading other things as well.  This has been going through my my for years especially when Louis CK (before Metoo) said in an interview on fresh air how life is unsatisfying.

    Do you all believe this to be true?  I will say that the older I get the more I realize just how shitty everything is.  Most people, organizations, places and industries are either shitty, fake, or boring.  Most people are out for themselves.  The dating world is at an all time low.  Some men are so stuck in their egos that they go MGTOW.  Some do pick up and stay there forever as there that’s it.  Marriage is a joke.  I can go on.

    This is where spirituality comes in and it indeed help to see through the illusion.  It indeed can make living easier.  But will the physical ever be satisfying?  Is that a futile pursuit?

  22. Posted · Edited by Thestarguitarist14

    5 hours ago, Akemrelax said:

    Leo has sex with people. That's someone giving him value. And you have no idea about stage green relationships. Relationships can have tremendous value. If you don't need friends that's great, no one care's dude. You might as well give up all worldly desires. What you're saying is so one dimensional, it lacks nuance even if it's true. I am pointing out traps here, there is no need to feel personally attacked. 

    Why are you even arguing with me? Take your own advice, I can't give you anything of value. You clearly haven't transcended the need to start arguments on the forum.

    Alright, Imma stop now. I said everything I had to, can't argue with Thestarguitarist14 stuck one point.

     

    Sex is great.  But you can have sex with anyone.  Including yourself.  Having sex with someone is not that valuable when you actually contemplate it.  Well, having a kid is valuable.  But that’s it.

    Notice his reaction here folks.  He is clearly immersed in other people’s energy that he cannot understand his own energy field.  At this point, all he is doing is projecting.  He preaches stage green, but he’s really stuck in stage orange as he wants to get things out of others.  Notice how he has not mentioned what he gives his friends.  Because he has nothing to give.  Just smoke and mirrors.

    This is the real danger of self deception.

  24. Posted · Edited by Thestarguitarist14

    1 hour ago, Akemrelax said:

    Lonely people don't admit that they're lonely, just as depressed people don't always admit they're depressed. On the contrary, they'll get angry and start attacking others for being weak for having friends. Transcending your need to socialize is a tall claim, I don't buy it if they're ranting and arguing about it on the forum (don't mean you) or claiming they're alone cause everyone sucks. That's not something someone who transcended their needs would do. They might be using the internet or the forum as a coping mechanism for loneliness. Again, this is just my opinion.

     

     

    This is a strong psychological projection. 
     

     

    1 hour ago, Akemrelax said:

    A person may be using their isolation as a way to escape from society. In this case, counter-intuitively, they have a need for isolation. A person who has transcended their needs would be comfortable with people and in isolation. 

     

    Another psychological projection.  Whose to say that the person in question is not?  Look at many great filmmakers.  A lot of them are lone wolves.  Can can command huge movie sets with hundreds of people everyday for months and in some cases, years.

    1 hour ago, Akemrelax said:

    Regardless of whether you "need" friends, IMO you will miss out on some experiences if you chose no to have them and IMO it can be a strategic blunder in the long run.

     

     

    There is nothing that anyone can give you thar has value.  Leo said this himself in the “how to stop caring about what other people think” episode.  One of my favorites of his.  People who have mindsets like this should revisit that episode.

  25. Posted

    17 minutes ago, TheSunKing said:

    @Thestarguitarist14 Thank you for the input :). 

    What are some of the most effective ways to clear out unconscious negativity?  Would staying in a state of neutrality do this naturally? 

    For me, eft tapping, the Sedona method and guided meditations focusing on things like clearing negativity, limiting beliefs, feelings of self worth, self love and self love gave helped.

    And absolutely.  Staying neutral will do this naturally.  But to stay neutral, you have to clear out negativity.