SamC

@egoeimai To me it sounds like you're also afraid of being misunderstood aswell, and that's why you edited your post. ( cause you felt hurt and misunderstood by some of the answers). I really get that, some comments where not nice and empathetic at all, I would have been hurt aswell by them. No one can do or say anything to make you feel less afraid of being hurt, that's the nature of fear. Someone telling you, that you shouldn't be scared won't make you less afraid of being hurt - this will only make you feel even more afraid and misunderstood. Allow yourself to feel scared - allow yourself to feel your emotions. If you feel resistance towards feeling emotions, feel that. Allow every emotion to exist. A good exercise to practice this is to write down slowly on a piece of paper what you feel. It's super hard, I know - but it will help you alot. I know I can't understand what you feel or your struggles and I am not saying that in any way.. but I want you to know that I also feel fear of being hurt, misunderstood and left sometimes, so I understand that it sometimes can feel really though to feel those emotions of fear. Here is a thing that has helped me alot with this fear of being abounded -check it out if you want. You don't have to in anyway - it's an offering, do whatever you want with it. It has changed my life. Start practicing self compassion, here is a link. The one I am doing everyday is the selfcompassion/loving kindness meditation. The link is down below. All the love. https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

It's a complicated matter(:

There is super strong evidence actually. people who score higher on concientsciens and lower on openes are more likely to be conservative. High scores on Concientsciens and Low scores on openes is linked to the feeling of duty, orderliness and structure, which in one way is contrary to the more multi perspective way of a liberal, progressive or a spiral dynamics stage yellow. Look it up for yourself. I'm all for that debate. Both biology and environment matter. It's not black and white, they both dictate personality. The question is not about natural hierarchies VS socially constructed hierarchies.. It's about what truth is in any given situation, and that's what I'm dying to figure out. Would love your perspective on this issue as well, I'm surely missing details I'm not aware of.

It does and you're right, conciousness is beyond biology.. But what is between one who is highly concious and not? Ego In other words, biology has a big impact on one's conciousness cause biology has a huge impact on one's ego.

For sure. The question is however if a person who is a psychopath or someone who scores super low on openess ever will be able take on multiple perspectives. I get that people's development is super influenced by social conditioning but the biology aspect exsists aswell! Some people can't feel empathy and some people can't take on multiple perspectives - because of their biological circumstances. Arial Castro - the psychopath guy who kidnapped and raped 3 girls 12 years strait, wouldn't be able to be a systemsthinker even if the society would have been yellow. He would still be a psychopath, cause of his biological personality profile. If this is the case, being stage yellow is dependent on having certain qualities in one's personality type. I mean - a person who is super closed minded has to transcend their structure of the mind in order to evolve to yellow. Not all people. Some people. I do belive a lot of people do have genes or whatever that hold them back to become stage yellow. I don't know why that is though, but we all have different circumstances. One could argue that it depends on the social aspect and it does... a lot. But yet there still is yellow people in our society, and all those people have one thing in common. All spiral dynamics stage yellow people score relatively high on opeennes in a society where are culture is not super open minded. Feel free to answer my objections! I am sure I am missing a lot of stuff that you are aware of that I can integrate. It's super fun to hear and learn from other people. Thanks for your time and answers. @soos_mite_ah

Good point! Thanks for the perspective. Interesting. So in other words the content of spiral dynamics blue People differs. Love your analysis.

@Leo Gura Hmm yeah true, but would it be possible for a conservative who scores low on openess to become stage yellow in a stage yellow society even? I mean - wouldn't that be the same as expecting that a narcissist/ psychopath ( spiral dynamics red) could become a loving hippie in his life time? How much can the collective really help people move up the spiral if they don't have the right biological circumstances? Isn't all the people who have certain biological personality profiles than doomed to be stuck where there are at?

What do you think you will gain by asking her?

In a similar situation. I have no idea what's best though. I don't want to force myself to do stuff all the time, but at the same time - alot of my motivation comes from an obligation and not love. If I where to stop, my life would fall down. Maybe it has too, in order to build it up though. I'll be following this thread for answers aswell!

Hilma af klinth

Sex is a very important need for a man. Woman needs intimicy in order to have sex, while men needs sex in order to feel intimicy. It sounds to me like your really aware of his needs,cause of his dedication to always remind you of his needs. I'll theirforleave the importance of listening to his needs aside, cause I get the impression that you already know that. You're not ready which probably has to do with past experinces or trauma ect. That's totally fine, and he needs to know and see that and meet you with love and understanding where you are at, while you at the same time give yourself the time and what you need to figure this out for yourself. Counseling is always a great option, but you know best what you need. Don't hate yourself for not being ready, you have the right to feel those emotions and not feel ready. Talk with him, meet him where he is at, and tell him that you wish he will meet you where you are at, and that you two will come up with a solution for you both. Don't settle for a solution that only works and feels well for him. If he is not into finding a solution which both can feel good about, than he is not worth your time anyway. Than your not compatible.

Teal swan talks about that one has to take the person that their are in a relationship with as their "own". This means not compromising, but finding solutions so that both parties get what they want and feel heard/seen/ loved. Furthermore this also includes being open and vulnerable about one's needs, aswell as the willingness from both parties to GIVE love to their partner instead of TAKING LOVE from their partner. This approach is not a compromise aka win lose or lose lose approach. This is a win win, as to what is best for both collectively and giving time and space for that person to be vulnerable, listen to and get their needs met. What's the exact need/ problem you're talking about? If it's unclear, feel free to explain further and I'll try to help you apply this concept on your situation. Besides this if one has super conflicting needs and a bad mismatch " energetically" - comparability might be the issue, which is a real thing. If that's the case one is best to move on. I don't know the details, so I don't know if this is the case. You have to do more research!

In one of Teal Swan's video's she explained how one always should act according to self love, which include always doing what we want to do. In other words don't do stuff you don't want to do. This is a paradox I can't seem to grasp, cause... I don't always want to work out I don't alwyas want to meditate I don't always want to work on my life purpose I don't always want to study Yet... I of course, I want to do all of these things at the same time but only from a higher perspective. My point is that we all have lower drives that don't want to do anything at all... so how the fuck can one do everything that one wants to do? I don't get it. I know this has to do with manipulation vs accapetnce/doing what you love but I just don't get it and the confusion freaks me out. Please send help!? What's an explanation to this paradox? What's the nuance that I am missing? Thanks! For the confusion: I'm doing the things I need to do regardless . What I'm trying to understand is the paradox Teal swan talks about. @Leo Gura

Will do, thanks for the tip??

For sure, but a positive impact might be fear driven based aswell. It's benificial to stay alive as the ego you know One can for example say, I'm super disciplined - I never miss a day, because I want to get X. If that X thing that you're disciplined with is a should or have to - than you're disciplined towards avoiding something, or as you said compulsive. We are talking about the same thing, the only misunderstanding is the definition of discipline, cause discipline is often used as an umbrella concept of being dedicated and persistent to anything + being able to controll your impulses. If the definition for discipline is choosing consciously and lovingly what you think is best, I agree - but than again, if one chooses one time to take a day of - cause that's the most concious choice/best choice, would that person be looked as disciplined? If that's the case, than the people who never misses a day are the undisciplined ones It's a paradox

Not if it's fear driven. One can for example be super disciplined with excessive washing of ones hands if one have OCD. That's not self love, that's fear and ego, eventhough one is hyper disciplined The same goes for if one has to do X. Thats Is not love - that's fear and repression.

My style sucks right now ( Most of the time) and it's something I'll be working on to fix this year as I start my daiting and pick up journey. Meanwhile, do you guys have any "success stories" as to when you upgraded your own style? How did it change your daiting life? Did you notice a big difference with attracting girls when you got better style or is this just small nitty gritty details that won't do much? Of corse I get game is number 1 in a sense - what I'm looking for here is mostly inspiration, encouragement and perspective on this topic so that I can set propor expectations for the next upcoming year. Thanks to y'all, and merry Christmas!

Sending you love my man. Let yourself feel the emotions. I understand it is super though. Give yourself love and space to feel and do everything you feel like you need.

Yeah but not only that. One needs to let go of the need to do the " conciousness drives". Right now I'm still driven by a lot of fear, and there for the question is.. if one don't want to do something but have too, should one still do it? Should one push when there is a should - also known as a have to or if one prefer... ego and fear.

So true, which means - do everything you want, but everything you want according to a higher conciousness/ loving kind of way. Almost like, what does conciousness want to do... It's a subtle paradox that's super hard to fully grasp but I'm staring to comprehend more of it now. It's super thrilling though, I love these juicy paradoxes. Don't you think this is more of a spiral dynamics stage orange/ achiever thing though? Like the drive towards success and needing to work hard. I don't feel like I have to do it for some kind of moral sake. The shame aspect to this is of corse also there but; that's more tied to self worth and the need of manipulation for me. You know the Joe Rogan, work your ass of mentality and get success/ fix yourself/ help yourself.

its so true @Leo Gura This is exactly what I'm figuring out currently but it's hard though cause I don't know how hard I should push it. I'm doing meaningful work and that's thanks to the LP course , I even sended you a great testimony *** I have the best words Right now for example, I want to do some kriya yoga followd by self compassion before I go to bed. It's late, but I know it will befinift me. At the same time I of corse am aware that I am kind of driven by fear, which means that what may be the right answer is to not push. Than Again maybe the right answer is to push. Sometimes you should push and sometimes not. so then.. is it really wise to continue pushing If I'm driven by fear? Isn't that repeating the same fear pattern? Shouldn't I just let myself a brake and not be so neurotic about me having to do this? At the same time if I'm scared I'll repeat the fear pattern ain't I then by default repeating the fear pattern? soo, what's the paradox? What's the nuance I'm missing?

I think you're wrong actually. I work super hard - often also even way to hard so I end up burning myself out. My problem is not that I can't do it, my problem is that I am driven a lot by negative motivation and that it robs my life. I need to step towards positive motivation - cause the negative motivation is self destructive.

Love this so much. Yeah this is 100% the case. I've been manipulating stuff my whole life and been working super hard and pushed myself into the wall. All because I have felt like I've been worthless and felt like I HAVE TO do X. I'm moving drastically towards loving myself and acceptance of everything but it's still very forigien to me. This is why I face this challenge now. It's one of the thing's that is involved with loving myself more.

Super interesting mate. Yeah I know rock bottom is one approach but the thing with that approach is that it is negatively motivated. This approach often leads to jojo effect and it is at the same time as you're saying a dangerous path. I think there is another approach where you do what you want and you do it with love and positive motivation and higher conciousness ( and that somehow also includes sometimes letting your ego get what it wants - which in reality is getting you what you want. I think it's a procces where you almost take the ego's needs as your own and don't repress it but at the same time - doing what you want, aka what you think you need to be happy and move closer towards where you want to be. Sometimes that may mean skipping a day of working out. Idk. David goggins would tell me to shut up and go carry the fucking boats - but that's clearly not sustainable. I'll look at the videos though. Thanks!

The problem is that there is a split. I huge part of me want's to do stuff that aligns with my vision but a part of me wants to eat icecream. Sometimes the icecream guy in me is telling me - I want it now and then what the fuck should one do. Should I do what I want as teal swan or realize that the other part of me doesn't want icecream and three for not eat it.. but than I'm not doing what I want and I'm denying myself. What's the right approach?