SamC

Sex And a partner who can develop with me towards self actualization and self transcendence. I want to be there for people but I can't really " help"/ save someone. I realize people need to develop in their own time

Guess I am more fucked up than I thought I was. I have started noticing this more and more, and fuck man - I kinda like it lmao. You're spitting some super high quality knowledge bombs lolz. Mind sharing where and how you attain and build your knowledge? What do you do?

I'm not in a relationship to be a therapist. That's not a relationship, that's codependency. My problem is that they are the girls that get attracted to me, probably cause they get what they want ( security) and I get what I want ( their unconditional love, cause they need me so so so much)

Well in some ways yeah. It makes me feel loved but I can't really help them and it is super unhealthy. I just met another girl through instagram who is depressed and shit and I had to stop myself from trying to attract her, cause even if I would have succeeded - that wouldn't be good for my life or her.... but I so desperately want the love. I'm Neddy for love, I know, I know. I'm working on it

I can't help them and I know that, yet those are the girls that get attracted to me.

@Leo Gura 7 + almost all of my friends are pretty fucked up aswell. ( 3-6 peeps idk) Seems like I am drawn to people who need a lot of emotional support.

Thank you, I appreciate it!

100%. I should really research this more. You want radical honesty? @LordFalldefinitly not lolz. I would feel TERRIFIED. Right now I don't feel worthy of that or even a relationship at all. Therefor, I don't think I would even 1: Be able to attract a girl like that and 2: Be able to handle such a relationship. I don't think I even have a friendship that is not based on codependency. Having a romantic intimate relationship seems right now impossible. ( I know it's not, but that's what my subconscious belive) I could tell you, sure man that would be possible to do, but that would just be me lying to myself and avoiding the fact that I have low self esteem.

Yeah, Will do Wow, This is Gold. This comes from my dad, he has low self esteem and perfectionism. When I'm thinking about it.. yeah, actually. I'm the supporting voice in the family and that supporting/ solving of emotional problems have given me love. Never thought about it that way before, but fuck it's true. Being needed is my way of getting love, even in my family dynamic. ( atleast for my dad...,) Wow, I get it more now but at the same time, this made me even more confused with more " ????". Thank you bro, I appreciate it. @flowboy ???????? thank you

You're right, the only difference is the content of the struggle

As title

1: Life purpose 2: Seduction 3: Self esteem 4: Self love/ self acceptance/ parts work 5: Boundary work 6: " authenticy work" ( figuring out who you are and letting yourself Express all of that) 7: Financial independence 8: Conciousness work 9: Humor 10: Social skills/ emotional intelligence. 11: health and fitness. 12: Emotional mastery Ect.. Or in other words, develop yourself to the fullest. SELF ACTUALIZE. You want requisite variety huh? Down below is Leo's list of subfields in personal development. You've got your list and a video on the most big picture overwiev in how to become a great man. Now go execute!

Personality wise. Some People s neurologi hold them back. A psychopath for example can't feel empathy because of his neurology in the brain. It is impossible. In other words, it is impossible that this guy will develop into stage green for example, and one can say losly speaking that he is therefor stuck with this fat ego, because of his neurology. He might learn a lot and become less selfish in the next life, but a psychopath can't become a sage in this life - it's unrealistic.

Thanks for your perspective. I disagree though, we are not all geneticaly the same. Life is not an even playing field, some people have it easier in some things than others. I can't dance for example, and that is not because I haven't tried enough, it's because of me not having the talent for it. I could learn, but it would be an uphill battle compared to someone who have a different neurology than me. That being said; this shouldn't be used as a limiting belief, only to set proper expectations and for deeper understanding on how to tackle the obstacles in life - for we need to understand in order to find soultions to our collective and individual challenges. A lot of things is caused by environmental aspects, but don't underestimate genetics. We all are different, that's why everyone seems crazy

Me too in some ways. What do you want the most? In what ways do you wanna fight? Do you have narcissistic/ manipulation tendencies aswell? Lol

For sure. Not my intention at all. I get it - determainsim has been used in all of our history. Nazism Racism Imperialism and more... What's important to understand however is that there exists SOME biological differences in people, and that this is the glimpse of truth that can be found in determanism. It's in other words important to not be afraid of seeing the biological aspects in personality aswell - cause they exist.. but than again, that doesn't mean that ALL is biological. It certainly is not. More is probably social. I don't know the exact numbers.

It is for sure a HUGE factor, but not the only contributor. It's a super complex and facinating question. It's not black or white. Yeah sure, but it's not that simple. Other adoption studies suggests that the childs personality is more alike their biological parents than their adoptive parents. Super interesting. This is a topic that needs more propor research and investigation to understand. There is a lot more to understand regarding this topic. For sure it can be a danger, but don't be closed down to the dangers of being ideological about the nurture aspect being the dominant factor aswell. There exsist a biological aspect to personality, that's a fact. This does not mean that all people are stuck though, or that all the people in spiral dynamics stage blue for example is closed minded because of genetics. Not at all. Of corse the culture and most people will move up and that most people are where they are at because of their collective sprial dynamics level. Some people might be stuck because of the biological aspect- but that has nothing to do with them being worse, only not as developed ego wise. These people might simply not be there yet because they have to live this life as X before moving up in the next life or whatever, and that's fine - everyone needs to develop in their own time. In conclusion, Some people are more developed than others and all people have different biological circumstances. That's the truth, and discriminating if that's how one decides to look at it or frame it as. This is the glimpse of truth in determinism- that people have used to create hateful ideologies by making the truth be something else than it is - and that's a shame. Thanks for your perspective - I will research more into the environmental vs biological aspect of it. There are a lot of understanding and nuance still to be had about this topic

@egoeimai To me it sounds like you're also afraid of being misunderstood aswell, and that's why you edited your post. ( cause you felt hurt and misunderstood by some of the answers). I really get that, some comments where not nice and empathetic at all, I would have been hurt aswell by them. No one can do or say anything to make you feel less afraid of being hurt, that's the nature of fear. Someone telling you, that you shouldn't be scared won't make you less afraid of being hurt - this will only make you feel even more afraid and misunderstood. Allow yourself to feel scared - allow yourself to feel your emotions. If you feel resistance towards feeling emotions, feel that. Allow every emotion to exist. A good exercise to practice this is to write down slowly on a piece of paper what you feel. It's super hard, I know - but it will help you alot. I know I can't understand what you feel or your struggles and I am not saying that in any way.. but I want you to know that I also feel fear of being hurt, misunderstood and left sometimes, so I understand that it sometimes can feel really though to feel those emotions of fear. Here is a thing that has helped me alot with this fear of being abounded -check it out if you want. You don't have to in anyway - it's an offering, do whatever you want with it. It has changed my life. Start practicing self compassion, here is a link. The one I am doing everyday is the selfcompassion/loving kindness meditation. The link is down below. All the love. https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/

It's a complicated matter(:

There is super strong evidence actually. people who score higher on concientsciens and lower on openes are more likely to be conservative. High scores on Concientsciens and Low scores on openes is linked to the feeling of duty, orderliness and structure, which in one way is contrary to the more multi perspective way of a liberal, progressive or a spiral dynamics stage yellow. Look it up for yourself. I'm all for that debate. Both biology and environment matter. It's not black and white, they both dictate personality. The question is not about natural hierarchies VS socially constructed hierarchies.. It's about what truth is in any given situation, and that's what I'm dying to figure out. Would love your perspective on this issue as well, I'm surely missing details I'm not aware of.

It does and you're right, conciousness is beyond biology.. But what is between one who is highly concious and not? Ego In other words, biology has a big impact on one's conciousness cause biology has a huge impact on one's ego.

For sure. The question is however if a person who is a psychopath or someone who scores super low on openess ever will be able take on multiple perspectives. I get that people's development is super influenced by social conditioning but the biology aspect exsists aswell! Some people can't feel empathy and some people can't take on multiple perspectives - because of their biological circumstances. Arial Castro - the psychopath guy who kidnapped and raped 3 girls 12 years strait, wouldn't be able to be a systemsthinker even if the society would have been yellow. He would still be a psychopath, cause of his biological personality profile. If this is the case, being stage yellow is dependent on having certain qualities in one's personality type. I mean - a person who is super closed minded has to transcend their structure of the mind in order to evolve to yellow. Not all people. Some people. I do belive a lot of people do have genes or whatever that hold them back to become stage yellow. I don't know why that is though, but we all have different circumstances. One could argue that it depends on the social aspect and it does... a lot. But yet there still is yellow people in our society, and all those people have one thing in common. All spiral dynamics stage yellow people score relatively high on opeennes in a society where are culture is not super open minded. Feel free to answer my objections! I am sure I am missing a lot of stuff that you are aware of that I can integrate. It's super fun to hear and learn from other people. Thanks for your time and answers. @soos_mite_ah

Good point! Thanks for the perspective. Interesting. So in other words the content of spiral dynamics blue People differs. Love your analysis.

@Leo Gura Hmm yeah true, but would it be possible for a conservative who scores low on openess to become stage yellow in a stage yellow society even? I mean - wouldn't that be the same as expecting that a narcissist/ psychopath ( spiral dynamics red) could become a loving hippie in his life time? How much can the collective really help people move up the spiral if they don't have the right biological circumstances? Isn't all the people who have certain biological personality profiles than doomed to be stuck where there are at?

What do you think you will gain by asking her?