SamC

@Javfly33 I think it is reletad to low self esteem and the thought that you don't deserve her as the man you are. Right now you only sometimes deserve her ( when you're cool and chill or in other words when you manage to play and hide your true self. It sounds to me that you don't feel like you deserve to assert your will ( that you want to fuck her) cause you're scared that what you are Is not enough to attract her.

100% agree. I shouldn't even be here debating. This is my emeshment trauma kicking in. That's why I get so triggered. I should focus on moving people up the spiral instead of demonization and debating spiral dynamics stage green. I'm out, thanks for the discussion. All love@Surfingthewave

@Surfingthewave Lol. Can you see what you're doing? You're telling me that my opinion and perspective is not valid. That's the gaslighting. I have the right to have a different opinion than you just like you have the right to not agree with me. You're undermining my opinion as gaslighting when I have the right to have my opinion. Of corse you're allowed to feel like you're gaslighted but I am equally allowed to state that I strongly disagree with the fact that you actually was gaslighted in that situation. You can feel gaslighted without being gaslighted. Your feelings are valid, your anger is valid, your frustration with sexist dumbfucks in this world is valid. But so are my opinion. Which is what I said. You have to right to feel gaslighted but I have the right to disagree that it was gaslighting. You felt like you're misunderstood and not met with understanding but that doesn't mean I gaslighted you. That's only your interpretation of me disagreeing with you. And that's what I meant with what I wrote. Or in other words. BOTH have the right to their opinion. Just because I disagree doesn't mean I am a gaslighter. https://youtu.be/-ka_g2tdosg Tip, wanna learn more about gaslighting? Watch this vid.

I never said that you didn't feel like a victim or not, all I said that there was no gaslighting. Of corse you felt like a victim otherwise you wouldn't have created the post. It's okey to be a vicitm and I'm not saying that you're not a vicitm, cause obviously you are. I mean by your standards you've been gaslighted by people in the thread aka someone has done something wrong to you and yoy felt that needs to stop( vicitm mentality, you feel misunderstood). You have to right to your emotions and feelings of vicitmhood but I have the right to disagree that it was gaslighting that caused those feelings.

Exactly. Like a narcissist who hurts people who feels like a vicitm. But again Cause no one can judge other people's trauma. You might look at my trauma and say, puhh that is nothing, you're playing vicitm yet I feel like a vicitm. Who get's to decide that? I mean, it was big to me and I feel like vicitm. Who is right than? The person who is sitting on the feelings of vicitm hood or the person who is saying those feelings aren't valid. I mean, I am only guessing but I can imagine your abusive narcissistic X boyfriend used " Your feelings are invalid and wrong manipulation a lot on you ( gaslighting). It doesn't matter what trauma the other person has been thourgh. People can still develop a vicitm mentality, eventhough they are not raped or whatever. Trauma and vicitm mentality take many forms. All emotion and thoughts are valid and no one gets to decide that they are too small, invalid or over exagurted. Victims are vicitms if they feel like they are vicitms.

@Preety_India You talk about manipulation by a grandiose narccisst who use that tactic as a way to manipulate. I talk about someone who legit feels like a vicitm, hence my point. If you FEEL like you're a vicitm. You ARE a vicitm. I mean who gets to decide who is a vicitm or not?

@Preety_India And here is why pointing out the unhealthy manifestations of sprial dynamics stage green on this forum is necessary. You gaslight assumptions of me being wrong and you being right and demonize me and say that I blame, shame and judge victims and can't walk in there shoes. Yet, I never said that - you said that. You don't know my level of empathizing and understanding with victims. As far as you know, I might even be one of those people who have felt like a vicitm or even been abused or molested as a child. You don't know me. You easily get the right to judge me Do you notice the irony? IT IS OKEY TO FEEL LIKE A VITICM but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't shred a light on the fact that the vicitm mentality is not useful for anyone. Pointing that out is not gaslighting, only telling the truth that a vicitm mentality is not something to strive for. Of corse we should meet people who feel like vicitms with love and compassion and understanding and sometimes just listen to them and sometimes help them move up to the victim mentality and away from the " it was my fault mentality". But we shouldn't encourage people to stay there forever. Lastly, there doesn't exsist a destination between being a victim and playing a vicitm. Everyone who feels like a vicitm is a vicitm. It doesn't matter what he or she have been through. Hence it doesn't matter what someone has been thourgh - the " I am a vicitm mentality " is not a benifical belief to hold forever. It is not something to strive for, for most. Tip: Watch Leo's serie on the vicitm mentality! It's super insightful, and has helped me a lot. love

I looked at the thread and I will be completely honest with you, I didn't interpret any gaslighting. My interpretation of what happend was that you found that thread sexist and got triggered by it. That's why you said " keep on dreaming buddy, that's the closest you will get" ( which is a manipulation tactic btw) Just because people say you're wrong or question what you belive doesn't mean that it is gaslighting. But that's of corse how a victim mentality mindset interpret it as. In a matter of fact, you will probably say that I'm gaslighting which actually comically enough is the real gaslighting. I get it. It's super fucking important to fight for equality and your point and opinions are super valid. Maybe that thread was sexsist, but just because some people don't agree with you and vocie that doesn't mean that they are gaslighting. Only that they have a different point of view on the matter. I have been gaslighted myself by a girl who says that everything is my fault and that I should change, so the core message of the post is amazing and super important. Investigate gaslighting! But do it deeply and also look for it within yourself. No one says problems doesn't exsist. Pointing out a victim mentality is not gaslighting. Saying that pointing out when someone has a victim mentality is gaslighting is the real gaslighting.

I honestly don't have the answers to that question. I'm researching this aswell. One thing I myself want to start doing however is to one by one change and challenge every belief about myself. I'm not completly sure how to go about that yet though. Another thing that I think is super benifical is to start practicing self compassion, which is huge if you cultivate it. It takes a lot of time to develop though, but I already see some improvement a couple of months of daylie practice. I wish I had better answers but I still struggle with this - so I don't know how to go about changing low self esteem effectively yet. I don't know if this will work, but that's my plan. Maybe you can take something from it. The key is always to test test test til something sticks.

In one way or another. The only question is if it will be on earth or somewhere else. I mean... what happens to humans if earth get's destroyed? Maybe all the humans ( souls) will continue the journy somewhere else if the earth is destroyed. We as conciousness obviously never really die, so eventually we should be led back to the source aka become enlightend, but some might not be humans. Maybe we will all become enlightened but not here on earth... or maybe we will... or maybe something else will happen... who knows

Here we go again. Another egobacklash and another realization that I'm even more fucked up than I previously thought. Haven't heard that one before.. It honsetly feels like I am listening to a super old and annoying song that goes on repeat forever. When will I reach a point where my neurosis just fucking stop? When will I become somewhat authentic so that I surely can say that I am myself? Right now it seems like the more meditation I do, the more I realize that I'm not even close to dissolving the surface level of my identity and ego that is robbing my happiness in life. It's discouraging ( but kinda amusing at the same time) How long did it take for you guys to shred past your ego? When did it finally click for where you felt okey with yourself. Would love some hope and inspiration. Note: I'm aware this is a part of the journy. I know my core problem is lack of self worth/ low self esteem and that I won't feel awsome all the time. What I would love is simply some motivation, hope and words of encouragement.

It doesn't have to be super mega complicated - just go out there and do stuff. Install Habits, create goals, create visions, make projects, work towards goals, achieve goals, learn more theory-------- repeat.

Your fluctuating self esteem is due to you attaching your self esteem to an ideal of some sort. The root cause is that you feel like you're worthless but at the same time feel capable to achive your ideal. The problem is that the moment you feel like you're not at your ideal - you feel worthless. Your coping strategy to your self esteem is to become someone who is worthy. Google low self esteem with perfectionism and than low self esteem with hypersensitiv narcissism and see what you can find. The solution is to work on your low self esteem.

Love that one. What I've noticed lately is that I get into meditation super quick nowadays. Sometimes I just need 1 minute and than bam I am concious again. Atleast for a while How long would you say it takes for a big ass clog to clear? @Forestluv

@Leo Gura What do you say?

Thanks a ton man! Preaching. Thanks a ton bro! Lol. Yeah I have a lot more work ahead of me. I'm excited though. How long are your meditation sessions? Right now I I think I land on 1 and a half ich of different meditation and breathwork techniques but those are spread put during the day. ( 20 min a pice) Do you recommend start doing longer sessions ( 1 hour instead)?@Consilience Will try it. Seems really interesting!

For me its DECAPICITO ?? which song was it for you?? For real though. Yeah I know I know. I just freaked the fuck out today Yeah, or maybe I should join the dark side and start digging the old repetitive songs like Trump Might have to come up with a better dance for that though Welcometoreality ???

Go watch Leos vid on It in his blog. Page 5 on his blog I think it is on. I am pretty sure he tells which book this concept comes from.

Today I talked to a girl on facetime that I know got attracted to me last time we had a call, but this time- I felt our convo was a bit off and not as intense. I was not as sharp and embodied in my masculinity and I didn't feel the spark and polarity between us, and honestly I think one of the reasons to this is because I just wasn't that horny. I fapped two times earlier today and I could really fucking sense how the masculine animal inside of me who wanted pussy, kind of was not there. Anyway, what do you think? Is it true that you attract girls easier when you're horny? I know that the answer probably is yes, but then I want your explanation as to why. Thanks.

I'm swedish aswell. If anyone who lives in Sweden wanna connect; feel free to PM me. I would love to make some aspiring self actualized friends

As the title.

Here is what I have/ am doing already. I am motivated but not super ultra waking up with a smile on my face motivated. My Life purpose ✔ My values and a pretty detailed vision of what I want In my future✔ Visualisation 5 min of my future every day ✔ Meditation 40 min everyday✔ Yoga 30 min everyday✔ That's basically it. What am I missing? What more can I do improve my vision and motivation? Maybe start working on it?? At the moment it almost doesn't feel like I'm living it? In other words, how do one create the biggest and most concrete vision possible for one's life? What are your tips?

@Preety_India that's ✔✔✔ Do you have any other tips or exercises?

Because I want to be free and experience life + make a huge impact on the world.

What do you mean? 1:To get a hot witch girlfriend who can help me with the 5meo plugging 2: To change the world and people's lifes by giving people deep direct insights about themselves and the world that they can use to change their life. Besides this, Enlightmengt, spirituality and other creative contribution where I share my art. I am pretty damn motivated but it feels like my vision is not as powerful and as detaild as I want It to and as it could be. It feels like my vision is an 7 -8 / 10 on a effective and powerful vision scale. I want it to become a 10/10. Any tips or suggestions?@Nahm @Leo Gura