SamC

Buy her X if you want to but don't let her manipulate you to buy it. Also dont do it because you want something. See buying her a coffee as a fine gesture, WHEN you want to. It's not about do's or don'ts. It's about you doing what's authentic to you.

Yeah, but do you know what's weirder? Hearing a fucking ringing sound 24/7 eventhough it's quiet. That's really strange my friend!? Yeah - I plan on outgrowing this as fast as possible. Thanks for the tip! Thanks for the link. I'll experiement ?? Yeah, I'll keep that in my back pocket! That's hilarious ? Okey, cool - thanks for the tip! @Random witch can you hook me up? Any spare finges available? Oh hell no, the gates would flood open! I don't wanna drown the club.

I am very perfectionistic so before I tried to write down everything as I saw that it could be used for XYZ later. This leads to paralyze by analysis becuase I procrastinate reading and taking notes becuase the effort is so high due to me wanting it to be perfect. I know this is not the best way though. When I looked around some have said that it's best to take notes after you have read something and try to remember it and then look at the material again and take notes on the things you missed. How do you do it? @Leo Gura

@Surfingthewave Well obviosly I do but I am trying to heal. That's why I try to understand, because I want to heal and grow. It's my whole point. If you read my posts you will notice that aswell Trust me, I know. This is my whole work. Please let me grow my own way. I ask these questions because it's a part of my journey to understand and heal. It's not weird or strange that I beliive what I belive and it's not so simple to say that I don't have a point either. Woman are afraid of toxic masculinity/ shadow feminity in men, but if it's healthy masculinity then the fear may or may not be there, depending on the context. Besides this, woman often have a love hate relationship to their masculinity which gets projected outwards, just like a lot of men have shadow feminine aspects so my beliefs are understanable, yet at the same time gross generalizations. ( see the term animus posseion). I am trying to understand you ( the feminine), please try to understand me aswell. Eventhough it's based on fear - I am trying to connect to the femenine, I do my best. Please try to see that.

Yeah for sure Yes I do, I signal shadow feminity which implies toxic masculinity and feminine repression.

What is it then??

@Nahm Thanks man! No, I have not - or atleast not to the degree I want. I still experince the feminine running away from me, though I honestly am starting to consider if that is just a projection of fear aswell that creates a self fulfilling prophecy. I do feel like I am experiencing deeper and deeper intimacy and understanding with females in general though. It's not a full release, there are a lot of projections and fear still there, but it's a lot better than before. Okey I will. What so you mean bu that sad and I am not connecting to woman is not an emotion. I get that the not connecting to woman is a projection but isn't sadness my real feeling or is that also a projection? Also thanks for your inputs, they have helped me realize a lot today.?

@PepperBlossoms Lol no you where not. You're fine. I am not here to get sugarcoated, I want to grow. It feels like woman can't understand men ( me) and that they are afraid of men because they are afraid of me but maybe that is just becuase I signal something out. What I mean with that they are afraid of me is that they are running alway from me. It's not that what you're saying is wrong because I agree with it, it's that I talked about something else which is related to something besides context, but maybe there is no other thing, yet there Is but that thing is context sensitive. Maybe it's both the " truth" at the same time. The reason why I felt missunderstood was because I interpeted it as you ( the feminie) pushing away my efforts in trying to understand the feminine ( you) which makes my ego sad because it is what I am trying to avoid in the first place. Maybe woman are afraid of men" all the time" in certain contexts and that is the case becuase of biological wiring, which kind of is the love-fear paradox. I think toxic masculinity ( which includes repression of the feminie) scares every woman and that all woman atleast screen for and are cautious of men becuase they might be dangerous because XYZ. There are subtleties there though, that amounts to the fact that woman in fact are not afraid of men all the time if the masculinity is not dangerous to the feminine...yet if this is the case- I am not sure if attraction can be created because the femine desire strength and if it doesn't scare her on one level, it doesn't have the capacity to protect her so if it's a healthy masculinity, and she is attracted to her, she might be afraid of him ( on some subconscious) level but that doesn't mean that she is always afraid of men. Maybe? Idk. Or maybe not. Yes I do, because I feel like I am disconnected from woman, which is why I am trying to bridge the gap to feel connected to the feminity. Me being wrong informs me that I am still disconnected from the feminine, and that mainly becuase fear arises which is what I am trying to run away from.

Ahhhh I wanna fight back so badly XDXD. I feel like woman can't understand me and that what you wrote contradicts it. Ahhhh

Yes, but what is the difference between her experience and actual reality? All live in reality, yet it's different for all of us yet the same reality? Do you mean absolute reality? Hmmm. * I am going to observe my ego reaction against this and see what comes up* " But I am trying to, that's what I do - I feel so disconnected from woman and now I am trying to understand them, this makes me feel so missunderstood. This is the truth, woman are afraid of me"- ego. ( aha btw) woman are afraid of me! That's what I project. Okey, there obviously is a lot of fear here still. My action in trying to understand woman are pushing them away, which makes me scared because I don't know how to do it know - I thought I got it but now it feels like I am further then ever away with connecting to woman and it makes me sad. Thoughts on this? My ego hates you right now but I love you <<3 thanks @Nahm

I beelive that there some truth to it but some projections aswell. Though I am definitely biased, I think that I grasp some part of the truth. If I am wrong however, I would gladly drop that belief in a beat.... hmmm. Well if it's a belief maybe I should drop it all together, but then I don't know anything and that is kind of scary. It informs me of her reality. So you're saying that I should investigate the belief that an ambivalence exsist further? Got it.

Omg this Is to funny?

@Nahm Oh - I don´t doubt that I am projecting. I am actually kind of banking on that. I am myself terrifed of the masculine but I still belive that there is some truth to the fact that woman experience a fear in regards to the masculine aswell ( atleast those who have made it to be dangerous in their mind,) I don´t why but this popped in my head now, woman are not afraid of masculinity, woman are afraid of toxic masculinity. The direct experience that I have is woman telling me that and intuitive insights if that makes sense, that informs me of aspects of reality. One example of this is that woman´s life´s are govurned by fear and seeking security as a way to freely express itself, kind of like the yin yang. My hope with this post is to get to the truth no matter what it is. I know that I don´t see this clearly and are projecting a lot of fear, and it´s that that I am trying to work my way out of to then trancend. One girl who explicity said Yes when I asked her, have had significant trauma and lost his dad and is repressing her masculine side ( I think). She has atleast trouble with how she relates to the masculine inside.

@PepperBlossoms Good analogy. Thanks. So in a way we are afraid of what we are afraid of giving the context and it´s no different what we are afraid of other than the context. This ties into what you said above, that men are afraid of women. Males also have an ambivalence but it´s based on another fear - so in a sense, it´s no different, bút it has different consequences. Men are not afraid of women because of them being women, they are afraid of them because of the rejection, that is hardwired into us as being super dangerous. The key difference here I think is that men can overcome this fear, while women can´t due to it being more fundamental to their survival than for men, What do you think about that notion? Yeah, I honestly think that it is tougher for the ones that have shadow feminine elements ( which is all of us) but women tend to have more of that ( maybe). What you´re saying ties well in with my newly founded realization that women want men to be everything that enables their feminity in any given moment... and because of that - it´s all very context-sensitive. This is the honorable sacrifice and honestly almost submission that the MASCULINE does for the feminine. It acts as a container that is modified for the feminine to live in Yeah, I agree. I wonder however if women are able to truly understand the masculine perspective because of the nature of feminity, Of course, both should seek to understand each other and I think both can but I also believe that the feminine always will view the masculine problems with fear and therefore not see it as it is - because if the masculine is in imbalance, the feminine is in danger. This is something I am investigating more into so I might be wrong but I honestly think there is something to it. For example, in Teal´s Swan's video on nice guys, it´s very evident that she is disgusted by pushover nice guys and I believe the reason for this is because they fucking are disgusting, in the point of view of women because they signal DANGER. This projection however is not the absolute truth/ love though, because it´s skewed so it creates a generalized bias that is impossible to step away from fully. Men have these biases as well but I don´t think we are as hindered by them in the sense that we can´t break out of them - because we don´t have this basic fear that all women constantly feel when it comes to men. If men have an abundance of girls and get rejected over and over and over again he will eventually stop caring. Women on the other hand can´t escape men potentially being dangerous to them - no matter what. Yeah.. but most importantly I want to understand and trust myself. When I do that - I will trust and understand others and then they will want to trust and understand me. It all starts with the inside. Yeah, so the female strategy is to understand the male and what he signals out so in a way women are hard-wired to understand men perfectly... the only thing is that it is filtered through the lens of safety. The understanding is biased because it has to be because the understanding is a survival strategy that women use all their lives. Yeah, so better realize that and not be emotional to not prove the point

Brilliant response - thank you!@zazen I have another specific question for you. Do you think its possible for the feminine to underdstand the masculine perspective and the challenges that goes with it? Isn't understanding the masculine in contradiction to the feminine survival because she has to push " dangerous" masculinity away from her?

Thanks man! That makes a loooot of sense actually. I will definitely check it out! ?

@PepperBlossoms Yeah I know but if you go to the core, I think that's what woman provide men. Men can as you said provide basically everything and anything, but I think that it's something meta that the feminine search for in the masculine and the masculine search for in the femine and it's it opposite. What that is practically is what's interesting however. It's the yin yang I am trying to understand. Yeah but we are never afraid of them. Of course there can be mix feelings but I am talking about the fear - love ambivalence that I noticed exists in a lot of woman, not mix feelings and that there are pros and cons to your partner. Sometimes it can be really though to be rejected and pushed away by woman becuase you feel even more dissconnected from them. Many men who woman deem as unattractive ( like the nice pushover guys) are actually not real " creeps" or bad people. They just exhibit shadow feminine qualities which signal that they can't provide containment for their own feminity. Of course those men aren't necessarily " real nice guys" but they are not bad people either and I have a lot of empathy towards them because I used to be guy. Again, I don't think woman should try to " connect with them" and honestly, I think woman are unable to because then the whole point of moving towards union wouldn't make sense. The masculine needs to learn how to hold space, understand and protect the feminine - not the other way around. That said - if you really wanna know... it's very difficult as a man to be pushed away by the feminine, because you feel very missunderstood - just like a lot of woman feel in regards to men. . Yeah - and that's the catch 22. those types of men are the biggest challenge for females to integrate and understand because it goes against your safety and survival. Thanks! Yeah this makes a lot of sense. You want different colors in differnt contexts.@Leo Gura ( which is = to social calibration... what does the woman need me to be in order for her to feel safe and sound)

@PepperBlossoms Intresting perspective and thank you for this. It wasn't exactly what I wondered though. Of course I get woman have different preferences. What I don't get is how woman can both " hate" ( be terrified of) and " love" men simulationsly. Sex, intimacy, feminity... everything that is the feminine. A more metaphysical answer is that woman provide men with the feminity which makes men feel whole and one with the universe and with itself. I belive that's one function woman play for men - to help the masculine find itself in itself and return back to union. Honestly nothing. We don't care that much and that's why I have trouble with seeing the ambivalence woman face in their relationship with men. Woman love men but they are also terrified of them at the same time. That's what is hard for me to wrap around ( why that dynamic exsist) because men just love woman.. ( if they are attractive enough) Then of course there is a fear there but that's more related to rejection and fear of being inadequate but thats more related to how we view ourselves. It seems that womans fear are more wired into her biology regardless of what happens. Again.. nothing. It would be nice if she'd be receptive and wanting to understand the male perspective but thats not her job. That's my own job - to understand and love both myself and the feminine... and if she doesn't it doesn't make me feel unsafe, just disconnected, but that's because I disconnected myself from the feminine first. Woman are like a mirror for a man - both in regards to his masculinity, but most importantly femininity. Agreed. Do you think you can cherish and love the men who are creeps and make you feel afraid? Why? Why not? ** this is in eccense what I am trying to learn more about why or why not that is Also this was gold.

Hmmm. Thank you! Why do you think this ambivalence exsist? @PepperBlossoms

Everything is imagined which means all your problems are imagined + your identity. That means you can be and do whatever you want. It's all infinite amounts of levels of conciousness so you can effectively step into a new reality by very simple means.. like meditation. This realization made me take life less seriously. Reality can change in a second, if you gain higher conciousness.

@ivankiss Amazing insights. This makes me think about this quote. "Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children you will never enter the kingdom of God" - Jesus. It's also interesting that you say 3 forces and that the child is the creator becuase jesus is often referred to as the son of God and they also refer to 3 forces. The spirit, the father, and the son. Maybe the spirit is the feminine, the father is the masculine and the child is " jesus".. or in other words, maybe we all - as humans, that are created in " God's image" are the children. That would explain what christianity means by us being the childeren of God.. becuase we are that - the creator in our own world. The voice of pure potential and pure imagination - that was created in God's image. ( the father * masculine and the spirit ( the feminine - which together is one thing, the child).

What I love the most is the realziation of oneness, which is experienced through understanding something so deeply that you realize you are the the same thing as the thing you're trying to understand. When I experience sameness, I experience love.

I want to say daily meditation because it acts as a reset. Awarness alone is curative.

@aurum I really like this approach, becuase it's a very intuitive and in the moment way of going about it. The only thing I see as an obstacle to this is that I have very little experience with woman and because of that I struggle to relate to them and understand them which makes it hard for me calibrate to them intuitively. The male sexuality is so different compared to how men get attracted. It's still a mystery for me how it all works, although I have more understanding of it now then before Female sexuality and attraction is based on something else and it's very subtle. What just popped In my head is that I think I approach this the the wrong way. I intellectualize.. I don't go with the flow and follow my intuition. I should do that more. Maybe the solution ( intelectualisation) is the problem in this case. What do you think about this? Yeah awsome. I'll do that; just to get a better hunch of what my subconscious mind should look for.

This Is both meant for reflection, a way to seek advice and to help people who are on a similar pick up journy as I am. I went with 2 wingman for the first time ever to a club. Both where experienced and had very high laycounts. 1 of them had 100 + the other 60 +. My first reaction when I got into the club was to start approaching and I did.. and it went kinda well, especially with one girl. Here I quickly fucked up big time though. I tried to escalate by kissing her way to early. We only talked and bounced around for like 15 min without prioir physical escalation. Rockie mistake I know. Super fucking stupied I know, but suffering is the best teacher I guess. It's really embarrassing to share this honestly... I was super naive and foolish, enough tension hadn't been built up. I feel like the biggest idiot alive. Here is what I don't understand though. The guys I went out with said to wait til like 1 am to approach. In the beginning I didn't know that, so I didn't do that. Here comes the question. Are they correct? Should you do it in the beginning or later? Why? In the beginning it was atleast for me wayyyyy easier to approach and make the girls invested and then the more crowded it got, the harder and non reactive the girls became. Second question. What the fuck should you talk about when you approach them in the club? Like, A, you can barely hear them and B they just bounce around and get distracted so easily. What should you say to grasp their attention. Fuck man Game is haaard. Overall experience and conclusion: It's a huge difference to go out with wings. They tried to nudge me in the right direction. It was really good. I fucking hate clubs though!? it's loud, you can't hear shit and you hear weird random sounds all the time. It's really fun to meet a lot of girls though. It makes me motivated. In the beginning especially, I felt like a king. Like they got invested very easily. I honestly think that I benefit more in an environment where I can communicate more freely and where there is less stuff going on. Don't move to fast is the lesson for today. Any thoughts or advice that you have to fellow newbie? Thanks. @Leo Gura