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I used to think pills were mega but actualised.org, don’t fuck wi them kids ??

Why are people scared to be direct? Not claiming to have this solve btw. It seems we’re all conditioned this way on some level. Why? I love to learn. I have shit to work through like everyone but blind spots can’t be uncovered without someone wiser showing me or me failing so much that I have no choice but to surrender and inquire. I take things personally more than I like to think, what bothers me is what I perceive as sneaky attacks. Why does it bother me? I’m not sure but something flares up inside and I tell myself that these people are against me, if they weren’t they’d be real to my face but instead all I see is sneaky snakes, or so my mind tells me. I’m open to criticism, I want it more than I ever have. I’ve learned and accepted that mistakes and weaknesses are there to help us grow and I try not to claim to be more than I am. My ego still boasts sometimes but despite the things I’ve learned I always admit how much shit I still have to work through to embody what I think I know, a lot of which is clearly still blind. That excites me because the room for growth is more than a hundred life times, I’m loving the steps. I’m chilled most of the time these days but I get triggered by people congregating ‘against’ me. What could that be? I realise people don’t wanna hurt other people’s feelings but for reasons I can’t see properly yet, it hurts more when it’s a ‘them vs me’ kinda dynamic??‍♂️why can’t people be real to each other’s face? Tell me what’s wrong so I can discuss and contemplate. Is it really that difficult for us? Just do it the sneaky way instead and hope they see it. Why is it most relationships are like this? I used to be like this, probably still am to some extent but it’s childish. Why is it so difficult for people to point out weakness to someone they care about to their face? This should be practiced as the new norm, if the person can’t take it the sneaky way will be much worse anyway. I act irrationally then question if what I did was right because I’m really not sure in a lot of spots. What is it within me that needs to be worked out so that I can accept that this is just how it is? ‘Random’ rant after a few years of losing 95% of my mates because of sneaky behaviour that I thought was wrong but when it keeps happening, from higher beings too, I guess it’s all me. I gotta joke more, learn to get involved, not take shit so personal, and see how it’s working for me not against. Oh and no control or manipulation?I don’t know what to think when it comes to relationships, still tryna figure this shit out. I’ve always had a big social circle but when I ‘woke up’ everyone dwindled because I perceived their way of being to be wrong and out of alignment with where I wanna go and I really don’t know if some of the actions I took were right now. I just know that it still doesn’t feel right that people act all sneaky, that’s clearly my ego trying to control some shit right? Fuck knows talk dirty to me??? I’d love to hear some recommendations on how to work through all this mess; resources, books, general advice, etc. Namaste

What bothers me more is when I see the ‘sneaky’ behaviour and bring it up in the hopes of discussion so I can contemplate and learn, then they deny it ever happened and call me crazy. What the fuck am I supposed to do then? This just confirms my beliefs that they’re out to get me?

@Human Mint Just rambling for my own selfish needs, I gotta learn to accept both ways. I hold back a lot aswell because most people will be really offended. I like to think I’m at a place where I want people to tell me tho but for some reason the sneaky stuff bothered me which caused me to judge, resent etc. Don’t know why I dislike the sneaky way so much because both are serving the same purpose anyway??‍♂️I guess it’s to do with my beliefs around toxicity, what I should and should not accept into my life etc and because I’ve had a hard time accepting it by different groups my ego flares up and wants to get them back in some way or tries to make them stop so it can feel right and in control?? I learn better when someone is direct with me but I guess once I’m fully aware I’d learn from both equally as much. Some shit is just pure toxic tho, I’m really having trouble distinguishing between what to keep in and let go. Also learning where my shitty patterns are. It’s like a student and master playing chess, the student blunders then instead of telling him where he needs to improve the coach showcases it in other games with his mates and laughs at his mistakes hoping that the student picks up on it and will improve from it but if he was direct I’m sure he’d learn better and not worry about his friends being dodgy. I always question myself first, what am I missing? Is it me? But maybe my apparent lack of being able to take jokes and deep rooted beliefs about how people should act cause me to misjudge in places where people just have my best interests in mind. Gotta get it fixed. @tricksntraps ??

Would you still talk to someone where you’re always feeling judged? Who also gaslights, is dishonest, and publicly shames and ridicules you? Maybe it’s signalling what I’ve still to work on within me but I’d rather not be involved with that dynamic. What do you think?

Who feels? I do. Who am I? Awareness. How can I be awareness if I’m aware that there’s awareness? Who’s aware? There’s that feeling. Who feels it? I do. If I feel it, does that mean it’s me? How can it be me if I feel it? Who feels it? Who notices that I feel, that I’m aware that I’m aware that I feel? The mind always like to try and get somewhere and any answer feels like an accomplishment. Notice it and notice the noticing noticing all. No more questions, no more answers.

Images from Tao of Seneca: practical letters from a stoic master. I’m far from perfect and genuinely wanna learn and increase my understanding, maybe break through some old paradigms. I’m not accusing anyone or trying to make a point, rather trying to understand for myself the dynamic in friendships, which extends to family and lovers; where I might be going wrong and what’s acceptable and unacceptable. I’ve always had trouble communicating with people so I guess it’s led me to lie in some dark corners, other times I hold back in fear of being ridiculed but I guess I created my own cycle judging by these pages. Like if I accept one as a friend then I should be able to fully open, but I have friends who I still feel like I can’t share things with, which makes them not a true friend, but is this because they sense me being suspicious? There are two people in my life I trust fully and am fully open with. I’ve been more open the last couple years and it always seems to backfire. Heads a bit fucked on this one? I’ve always valued trust between friends and my closest friends over the years have always said this is one my biggest qualities, that I can keep shit between us and I mostly do, have made some mistakes but don’t we all. My expectation is that what’s said between friends stays like that. When I see rumours being spread behind my back which is clear came from a ‘friend’ I feel that trust is broken. Had big realisations over the last year not to take things personally and lighten up a bit, have a joke man. It’s improving and I’m embodying it slowly, however there are still certain things that don’t feel right to me. I’ve cut a lot of people from my life over the last year or so, some deep connections lasting over 10 years, some family members and people who I’d only known a few months. Got me questioning deeper whether it’s just me, something I have to transcend. I’m surrendering to it easier lately and not holding much of a grudge, but what am I supposed to let in or keep away, where’s the line? Certain things I see is for my own good, maybe shining a light on something I need to work through, but I still think private conversations should stay private. I really don’t know where the line is. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Tell me what I need to hear wherever fits.

I realised surrender is better than force. I gotta let go to what is with love and acceptance. I felt confused about existence and experienced lengthy periods of deep paranoia and anxiety. I even thought a forum heavily involved with enlightenment work was out to get me? I had to question myself deeper and really inquire about my reactions and beliefs. Then with no force it came to me. It’s working for me not against me and we’re all in it together. I won’t pretend I’m fully healed but I’m on my way, only to realise there is nowhere to go. Why does the mind love to strive for places other than what’s here? I’ve not idea how I got here, but worrying or becoming frustrated doesn’t solve shit. Is there really anything to be solved? Why does it always feel like it? We have to appreciate everything while it’s here. Reality is peculiar and unstable. Brutal shit goes down in the name of love, but we are powerless to greater force? All we can do is use the tools we’ve got to try make life good for us and those around. What is life? Deep feeling for family and friends triggers mad survival instincts and sense of being in the world. I don’t know where that comes from but it feels real and raw. You might tell me nothing is real but if I feel it, that’s real to me. How can it be any other way? Don’t know the point of this, but some fascinating shit going down. Peace.

Feel like the way you describe your passion for chess is definitely worth pursuing. Teaching chess, as someone mentioned, I'm sure is a good route to go and it's not just teaching. It's helping people learn to think better and a chance to build leadership skills etc. I think passion comes through genuine curiosity that lights you up every time you think of it and time flies with every engagement. This is what I feel coming through when you speak about chess. Go for it imo

@lmfao Fuck yea, recently went through this forgiveness exercise. Goes deep. Brought shit up that I thought was processed long ago which made me realise how far there is to go, but left with fresh hope. Seems after every one of Leo's videos I'm convinced I've found the cure this one is pretty convincing @louhad Back in. Gl

Amazing responses, a lot digest. Thanks! @Litaken @traveler @Nahm I really appreciate it

Is there a difference?

We’re somehow here though getting to experience the madness. It’s sad and liberating. Should we pretend nothing matters just because one day it won’t? What’s the point?

@roopepa fuckk this resonates so much. I was fearing being killed for a long time and during a stronger dose than usual, I felt like at this very point it was gonna happen and it was meant to be. Was fuckin mayhem, but I accepted fate and was waiting for a bullet to the end. It sounds hilarious thinking back, but deep in the trenches, shit got dark. Then the ambulance saved my life? I asked for it going in and it took me to the darkest depths. I don’t wish it on anyone, but glad I can say it’s gone. Crazy powerful substances.

Give free content, regular calls to action, fully engage with your audience, learn copywriting and be consistent. I think meditation alone is too broad, mediation for...? Get specific and speak to their worldview. Most people don’t realise they should meditate until they meditate. So helping them realise why it’ll enhance whatever it is they’re already trying to achieve should attract some interest.

No game no truth only this. Everything else is my imagination

The games inside the game is the game is game

@Bulgarianspirit what feels better, flowing round with nothing to care about, or engaging structure to everything? I get lost sometimes ‘stuck’ in schedules, but feels amazing, then directionless after going off feel for a bit. Good chance I’m missing something or need to transcend something else tho obv. Isn’t duty a part of soul evolution?

During meditation, I noticed that when my mind says I do something, or I am something, my ego is reinforced. I see a snap shot of an image of my head which comes with a whole bunch of identity. How do I let go? Or are we supposed to live through that? I think it burdens me, restricts me, but at the same time gives me stability, a sense of belonging. I’m not exactly sure where I’m going. It feels as if I’m constantly living through this restrictive image.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGJTaP6anOU Only fools

@zeroISinfinity I suppose. It’s all too peculiar.

@The0Self so pretend, like me talking to you? @seeking_brilliance I’ll take a look. Thanks.

I write dumbfounded at the nature of, well, everything. Are you real? Seems I will only know for certain from your scope, which then makes it me, or is not? Why me? Screams the inner narcissist.

@nitramadas all my life I’ve been going around as me. Freaky shit now that I think of it? The responses evoked happiness before sadness. I created myself? How? Why this way now? Who are you? Wow. I feel my ego inflating.