Chimp

I’m a 25 year old guy. It’s been about a year since I had a relationship and some intimacy. I’m doing great in all aspects of life except when it comes to attracting women and finding someone I can fall in love with. I’ve invested in getting better at this and got some surprising results in the past, but it’s not been going well lately… I’ve been going out solo to clubs for a few times now in order to meet new people. But it always feels like I have to force myself to go out, since I don’t really enjoy going to parties late at night anymore. However if I don’t go out I feel guilty for not staying committed. Because of this I noticed that I subconsciously started to dread the weekends. The main problem however is the following: I have this gnawing feeling in my chest that is always present but it’s intensity changes throughout the day. I’ve been living with this emotion for a year now and I can’t seem to come to grips with it. If anything it’s been getting more intense and it starts to affect other aspects of my life. A solution would be to get a new relationship, which I’m confident in that I will eventually have, but then I would be depending on someone else to stop this emotion which won’t fix the root problem. And until I have this “liberating” relationship, I’m still stuck with it. Is it possible to completely stop the need for love so that you’d be fulfilled without a relationship or intimacy on a regular basis? I guess so, but then how do you work towards this? Thank you for your time reading this

Like Sevi says, fitness and eating healthy has to become a habit. Don't expect to go all out on the gym for 3 months and then to never do it again. That's a mistake many people make and made (including myself). It needs to become a habit for the rest of your life. For the first 2 months go to the gym not with the focus on results but with the focus on turning it into a habit. So make a schedule on what days you go to the gym (I recommend 3 days a week) and then commit to showing up on those days for two months. You don't have to push yourself at the gym, just showing up consistently and doing an easy exercise routine is enough. After going to the gym has become a habit you can slowly turn it up a few notches by doing heavier exercises. You may not see results as quick as with an extreme commitment, but it isn't neurotic and is more sustainable in the long run. My advice when it comes to food: don't have any unhealthy food in you house and make healthy food very accessible. for example put fruits in a bowl in sight and stock up on veggies

I started practising pick-up (and later self-development at large) after a long relationship ended very painfully. 3 months later through becoming better with women I got into a new relationship with an amazing girl. But I had this vision of perfection in my mind (which came from the pick-up community), that made me not feel content with her so I broke the relationship off (there's some irony in there ). Now a year later and through meeting many women and dating I realise that my unreal expectations hindered the grow of a great relationship. The only thing I can do now is to take responsibility for my decision, cheer up, keep growing and see what the future will bring Thank you both for your wise words!

Hello Everyone I’m new here on this wonderful forum and this is my first post, so here goes I’ve been meditating for 8 months now, 20 minutes each day and basically switching between the do nothing and clear your mind technique. A common problem that I experience is that over the course of the meditation session my back tends to slowly bend forward, especially when I’m tired. I usually only begin to notice this when it gets really uncomfortable and then I need to completely straighten up my back, which is a big move and kind of ruins the entire sit still idea. I already use a chair to support my back. Is it bad to make small re-adjustment moves during the session? Is this just a matter of not being focussed enough? Any tips or experiences with this are welcome. Cheers!

@cly Glad to hear my monkey problem helped someone out cheers!

Becoming a vegetarian and eating healthy: I used to need at least 8 hours of sleep every night and even then I would feel like a wreck. Now I'm full of energy and focussed even if I only slept 6 hours. I also used to have a cold all the time, but now no more. No more television, extreme movies, video games and radio: About two weeks ago I was doing cardio at the gym (my next point ) with a lot of people around me watching the tv screens. I try to look away from them but still caught a pretty schokking sight. In a reality program they showed a newly born child that wasn't breathing and seemed dead. I was shocked, stopped my exercise and my heart felt like it was pumping out of my chest. I looked around and saw that everyone else was still watching the screens in a zombie like way without any emotional respons on their faces. That's when it became painfully obvious to me how emotional numbing television is. For them seeing extreme images is a normal everyday thing. Habit of sport: pretty obvious why this is a good habit. This also gives me more energy besides eating healthy. Showing a genuine interest in other people: a Dale Carnegie rule which is part of my habit to be a good communicator.

There are two important things about music that I realized a while ago: 1) Like Rufus says above, music is one of the most powerful anchors (NLP). It can trigger emotional states in you without you knowing that the music is causing it. For example, there could be a song you really liked in the past but can no longer listen to without getting an awful feeling. This could be because the song was playing in the background during a breakup and your subconscious mind anchored it to that emotion without you knowing it. You can use this to your advantage. I've got a cd full of songs that make me feel awesome and confident which I play right before I need to give a presentation or something. 2) Music is not as innocent and unharmful as society thinks it is. A lot of popular music has pretty depressing lyrics which can put severe limiting beliefs in your mind if you're unaware of it. It basically glorifies the idea that negativity is just the way life is and there is no alternative. That being said, music can also do the opposite. I've recently worked with an artist who was aware of this and knew he had this responsibility. So he only writes songs about how beautiful life is and what is possible. @Anna Konstantaki is it a goal to consider every sound musical? It opens up a world of possibilities and gives life a deeper meaning (at least for me). This is especially good if you're a musician or a creative person. A music teacher of mine thought this to me among other things.

I cannot tell you if you have a problem with music, since I'm no expert, but I can tell you my experience with music. I work in the music industry and it brought me much fulfillment: big social circle with deep connections, beautiful memories, money and achievement, ... (And I'm still a little fish in the industry ) However since I'm so busy with it, I also enjoy silence and quite background sounds a lot. For me that is also music, since I consider every sound musical. So when you turn of the music at your house, nothing is really missing. Music is still there, you only have to listen for it and learn to appreciate it. I hope this helps. Cheers!

Thanks guys, this helps a lot. I already thought I was worrying to much about the technique (perfectionist that I am), but I wasn't sure how to deal with it.

@Truth Thank you, It seemed pretty fitting to me Indeed, I wonder how much movement you are allowed to make during meditation. I believe I heard Leo say in one of his videos that you should keep physical control while letting your mind loose. Same thing with your eyes, can you look around without moving your head? @ZenMonkey I just sit in a comfortable chair. Feet flat on the ground with my back against the back of the chair. I havent tried any other position as I think it would be even more difficult to keep a good posture. Or is that a misunderstanding? Btw, thanks to both of you for the replies