Hello all so its been a year now since I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of four and half years. I'm 34 years old, pre-med in Venice,CA. I've had very low self-esteem my entire life, and because I'm short 5'4 and skinny (working on building muscle) and I'm mixed Western African ( Nigeria, Benin, Rep of Congo) and Western European ( Welch, Scottish, Irish), and Central, South, and South East Asian( Indian, Sri Lankan ) and my voice is very light, to the point where people on the phone always call me ma'am or one time i was like I'm a man, and the person said are you sure? like really!! Anyway, growing up I always felt, there was something wrong with me, and I didnt' feel attractive, and I still don't, you know I used to (not anymore) want to wish i was "white" and I was even looking at skin bleaching treatments and I was extremely suicidal and depressed this time last year, even this year earlier, (not suicidal, but depressed).I have had ex-boyfriends cheat on me with women, and my last ex-boyfriend was in scientology, so he grew up straight, and he's a little bit older than I. He is 47 years old and he's still friends with his ex-girlfriends, but for me I didn't like that, because of what I went through in my past, not having any type of confidence wasn't helping the situation. Every time I search for confidence building with men, or alpha -male anything or whatever, its mainly geared towards straight guys. Nothing wrong with that obviously but as a gay male, I would like to have something to relate too. I even thought about having my own Youtube channel because I love the camera, but I was like I dont feel attractive. I often don't feel attractive, because, I have dark brown skin, gay, short, skinny, like I feel everything is wrong with me. Can anyone help?
