meta_male

Mirror, mirror...

How could a woman enslave you?

@bebotalk You'd be surprised. No such thing as an empath.

I'm surprised you didn't get murdered for that

There's no benefit for someone to be pushed to smile if they don't feel like it. There are people who are simply happy – they usually smile. If you're in a bad mood then you can get triggered by these people, even if they're not needy and leave you be. These people are wise because they are happy for the sake of being happy and because it makes them feel good, but they understand not everyone is feeling the same way inside. Then there's insecure people who really get on your nerves and need to pour their happiness onto you, more so to feel superior. They mean well but are socially uncalibrated. They can ask dumb questions like ArE yOu hAppY? WhAt HaPPeNeD tO yOu? WhY dOn'T YoU sMiLe MoReeeeee?

There's so much space, why wouldn't they move over?

@mmKay OP needs a BMW-awakening *flash flash*

What's the energy one feels when people are holding others up?

I often feel bad, but when I feel extra bad then I scream, kick or punch something, insanely repeating "it's all fine :)" in my head. If I'm aware I'm feeling bad then I'm doing IFS, visit the part I'm feeling the most intense and try to find out what it's trying to tell me.

@mr_engineer This is a real solid post, man!

That's not being yourself. Most people haven't learned what it means to be yourself.

This ^

My problem is I have zero interest in forgiving them because not doing so is not causing me much stress anymore, more than anything it has helped me grow (weird I know). Maybe I'm just not conscious enough or something. I guess it did make me a little bitter at times, but there's bigger fish to fry, it's not all about the outer world Let us know of any new insights on this after your retreat btw.

Yeah similar, although I was never very close to them, this family member looked after me as a kid. For me it felt as if they've died and I caused their death by cutting them off so to speak. The whole thing caused a big drama in my family. There was quite a bit of grieving involved, which was mostly just overshadowed by hatred for the way this person treated me. I can't see myself forgiving them in the near future unfortunately, maybe one day.

@trenton Forget life purpose and grinding when you're feeling depressed. Sometimes it's important to do the counter intuitive thing and slow down. Step back and get into the present moment. From there you're more creative and will find ways to get to where you try to work towards or find alternatives that are even more aligned with your values. Just give it enough time.

This is what I noticed too in my dating life. The shortest relationships were the most intense.

@Schizophonia Yeah, that helps with getting you out of your head temporarily

Driving a vehicle and taking care of it leaves me with a profound sense of bliss. Sometimes I just drive in my dreams at night. There's absolutely nothing that compares to it for me ❤️ Building a fire. Taking a photo. When a cat crosses my path and meows at me to say hi.

Yep, that's the key 👍

It looks a bit like trauma inside you got triggered by Leo telling you chess is not a career path, most likely linked to some situation you found yourself in as a kid where you felt like you were at the mercy of someone else's opinion.

Many guys don't read between the lines as much, if you literally want him to ask you out you go: "I'd like you to take me on a date". This is very clear to a man.

@NoSelfSelf I like your example with government btw. And yeah it's about the whole system that needs to flow freely, it's a good amount of work. The wounded parts for me are the ones I feel when being sad, ashamed, anxious, powerless and formed in moments in my childhood when I actually did feel like I never want to feel again, helpless, hopeless. There's also parts that formed to protect the wounded parts to avoid any further harm and they have big potential to sabotage our life because the methods used can be inappropriate from an adult perspective...using anger, hate, force, black and white thinking etc. They don't yet belief we are adults and capable of taking care of our inner system until we do healing work and they can relax over time. In the example of a breakup it would mean to realise your self worth again, but it's hard because so many parts are getting triggered when someone rejects us and we barely know what the Self is really like.

What type of therapy was this? Have you looked into IFS? IFS targets your direct experience.

@NoSelfSelf What I noticed during therapy is that the more I get to know the different parts at play, the more the Self stands out. If the parts do their own thing you end up with a bit of a mess, since they only care about their own specific needs that haven't been met in childhood (love, attention, comfort) without seeing the bigger picture. It's not possible to be strategic from the perspective of parts. What I still struggle with is realising when I'm acting from a wounded part, whereas it becomes really clear when I'm acting from the Self (inner game is in order). It becomes easier to tell when you know the Self is calm, connected, creative, courageous, confident, compassionate, clear and curious.

I used to drive myself crazy listening to what conflicting inner thoughts are telling me. I'm looking at them as parts. One part tells me to try and get her back, another tells me to have more self respect, another wants me to end my suffering, another feels like a victim. Does the thought "you're choosing the easy path" sound a little something like a phrase you could have picked up in your childhood? Because parting ways with someone you're crazy about isn't exactly an easy path as you can tell. For now, just ride the roller coaster of emotions and be kind to yourself, time will do the healing.