meta_male

Keep the money and throw the rest in the trash.

I regret not having run away from home as a kid.

@LittoDitto I've been holding off therapy for a really long time. It's amazing how much one can take before it becomes unbearable. Not to scare you, but if you keep waiting – more likely than not – it's only getting worse. Make sure you get help, doing your own research can only do so much. I know what it's like to have therapy on the to-do list, the perfect time to get started will never come, so start by taking miniature steps towards it. IFS is what I can recommend, it's a powerful tool to help you heal trauma. Just look up some therapists, check out their website and note them down, some do online sessions too, so you're not necessarily bound by your location (although I recommend seeing them in person if possible). Next step you call, email or text them to give them a short overview about your situation. They'll guide you through it from there, so all you gotta do is make contact. Let the world know you're in need of help. https://www.actualized.org/insights/ifs-therapy-for-trauma-healing https://ifs-institute.com/practitioners

@Consept Fair enough. Like attracts like.

His appearance plays a big part in how you feel around him.

They'll have trouble bonding. Promiscuity is not an attractive trait for men and for women.

Might be hard to find there. They're stuck in missionary positions.

Simpler for autistic people.

They adopt this type of attitude because they get benefits from men who put them on a pedestal.

@bebotalk Are they rude when they hang up on me?

This actually makes you the perfect target for a cult.

Have you walked in their shoes? Empathy goes a long way in your career.

Age is literally just the number of years you spent on this planet, not much more behind it really. People age at different rates, in reality my body is only like 12. If your life has been very repetitive and boring the past years you're bound to feel old cause you lack energy. Depending on your surroundings or activities your sense of age can change from feeling old to feeling young again btw, so nothing has been lost.

No such thing as right or wrong. Just get to know her in person a bit, then invite her out for a drink. No need to worry about social media this way.

@evgn Did you talk to her in person a bit or just straight sent out a request on IG?

This is what scares you the most. If you were able to handle these people with force you'd be able to deescalate and let it slip. Now you let it go but feel like a loser.

@ted73104 Thanks for taking the time, your message hit deep. To be honest, I've been thinking of myself as being "good" all my life. I even forced myself to not think any "impure" thoughts or swear words, that's how deep I was. So declaring that I've become a good person isn't gonna cut it for me. Trying to be a good person has only made life worse. @StarStruck Can you elaborate on the primal urges? How did you handle this? Some time ago I've been so low I was considering going to the front to get some relief. I'm not sure if you can relate on that. @Thought Art I forgive your ignorance. @Bazooka Jesus Thanks for the book recommendation. Did you manage to get this "energy" under control? And yes, I'm in IFS therapy (@Carl-Richard ). I don't even feel bad anymore about inflicting damage to people (huge relief), I just want to get rid of this for my own sake, it's unbearable at times. But I do gotta say I need to find healthier ways to channel this current without suppressing it. @Yimpa This one would make life easier, been working on finding a life purpose but I really have no idea on how to go about it with zero motivation. I don't really care about much anymore. I don't have any values, except surviving. It would be nice to have some people around, I'm now more isolated than back in the days. I don't know what it's like to have people around who care about my wellbeing. This one is fucking hard to even admit tbh. @Raze Thanks. @TheCloud It feels easier to just go about life, otherwise I would have already done one of the two. I've taken so many shots trying to communicate to them things that weren't even close to the root cause of my trauma and they lash out. There's no point in seeing them other than kids in adult bodies, it's quite disturbing. I've done non-violent communication trainings during civil service but there's only so many people your communication can reach this way. Thanks for the feelings inventory, this is really interesting. @thierry "Lots of people do not have an idea of what it is like to be torn up by rage from the inside." Yep, and it scares the shit out of people when you're letting them in on what's going on inside. But then again, most are blessed with ignorance. I do extreme sports, so yeah I can get a lot out of that high. I wish I had a loving girlfriend, just right now I can't tolerate women's stupid dramas or invest any energy into finding a girl, hard enough to build up a circle of friends. Plus I don't feel like a safe human being at the moment. As to medicine, I'm getting off weed now because it has become a crutch and I'm not too fond on trying anything else...possibly psilocybin at one point.

Yeah. I'm still working on coming to terms with this, it's a long and slow process but getting better. Appreciate the words 🙏

@Inliytened1 Lots of research into the history of the group. It took two years until I finally came to terms that I'm in a cult and my life has been a lie, then the suffering got too much. It's been eight years now and I haven't fully broken free, there are still big shadows I'm not aware of.

I grew up in a cult. I wish I didn't know how deep this goes...

Letting go the concept of hell is like letting go the concept of physical pain. Just stab yourself and let go, it's a belief and you can confirm for yourself you won't suffer. But of course his alarm bells will ring. That's how hard it is to let go of a belief.

What if you've been brought up to pretend? In fact, all you ever knew was pretending? How could this then be recognised as ignorance?

Wish more people realised this.

Good! Meanwhile Switzerland is still testing its effects 🤦🏼‍♂️

Answering yes or no will not mean anything to you because your experience with women has led you to adapt toxic views about them and they're getting confirmed over and over. Your focus is too much on women's behaviour and not enough on yourself. Find a way to get in a playful, non-attached state – with or without women around, doesn't matter...but make this your priority to create some space in your head.