meta_male

Yeah, I wouldn't say I’m heading in a positive direction. Just not stuck in the same loop anymore. Also rarely met with the same wavelength. Like the way I think just doesn’t compute for most, so I feel cut off even with people around. I have no clue what the hell I'm doing. I just ride and take it all in. Me taking up space in this reality is just my middle finger to life. Not sure if any of that lands for you, but here we are.

Sure. But emotional grounding takes work. Most people chase comfort, not truth and depth. And if you're constantly validated just for existing, growth doesn't feel necessary. Until reality hits hard.

Why would women bother being emotionally grounded? Half the guys chasing them wouldn’t know the difference.

Could be cultural differences. Aussie women I found to be outright crazy...more like the US girls I’ve seen online. In comparison, Swiss women (probably similar to Swedish ones) seem more emotionally contained. That said, even here, most women I’ve dated were emotional messes. Flaky, hyper-sensitive, and hard to rely on.

@Sugarcoat I still get those thoughts too from time to time, last year was pretty bad. What helped was dropping the idea that I had to find some great reason to live. I stopped chasing meaning or purpose like it's the only thing to live for. I remember thinking: fuck you Leo for being an emotionless piece of shit, fuck you Actualized community, you idiots have no clue what it's like living right on the edge of life and death. Keep talking about awakening. Keep having your petty debates about which guru is most awake, how society’s doomed, and why everything’s a simulation. Oh, and don’t forget the weekly Owen Cook post. That whole place felt like a cassette stuck on loop. Just like my brain. I thought this community would be filled with like-minded people, but I felt just as left out here as I did in my own family. I realised there's no point to socialise with anyone online or offline when you're in that state. Especially not with people who've never actually been through crisis. It just makes it worse. So I stuck to myself, did stuff that grounded me. Dumb shit like building a Lego model. Taking photos. Going for walks in nature (I hated those so much). And just to mirror my inner state I watched A LOT of GoPro combat footage, 18+ footage of people getting killed or dying in accidents. At some point I booked a trackday and just raced it out and it clicked for me. There was no depression when facing my fears and my heart is pumping like crazy. Turns out I just have to keep moving. Keep doing shit that scares me. It’s not some grand life philosophy. But for now, it works fine. The thoughts still come back, but I’m not trying to solve them anymore. I’ve spent enough energy on this shit.

I see. I don't feel any more neurotic from having a beer than from whiskey. Probably just neurotic all the time, lol. But yeah, whiskey has that warm, tingling body effect. Wtf 🤣 That story went from "I used to drink gin" to "I fought women in clubs and lost part of my ear" real fast.

@Leo Gura Have you been out in any other places than the US in that decade? Owen is one of the most immature men out there from what I've seen. This type of behaviour got one of my friend's friend kicked out of a club...in winter without him being able to even get his jacket. No mercy for monkeys.

The truth is probably about what stage you're in. When you’re awkward, isolated, starved of connection and have zero social momentum @Leo Gura's view is like gospel. No amount of “just be more social” advice helps when you’ve never felt at ease around groups of people. But once you do get some traction, you have a social circle and can show up present @Emerald's view starts making more sense. You see more openings and your mindset shifts from scarcity to abundance and you start to see yourself become more attractive. Only then can you stop trying so hard. The trap is thinking you can skip that shift and still expect tangible results. Sadly, some guys talking about this have never made it far enough to see both sides. So they argue from whichever side they're currently on.

@Joshe I mostly agree, but I’d still argue: some people see through the BS early. Not everyone needs 40 years to know what doesn’t feel real. The risk of developing complexes goes both ways...faking extroversion just to earn solitude can leave you just as miserable. For me, the sweet spot is social exposure to stay grounded and connected, without bending myself to fit in.

What you mean "neurotic hyper state"?

If he never drank then one of those WILL get him hammered. Better get a Radler (beer + lemonade) @The Caretaker

5 times? How is this quitting?

Seems to me the sacrifice is going without intimacy for longer than feels tolerable with no guarantee it ever pays off.

Get two – one on each foot. @Natasha Tori Maru Thanks for the clarification, I get where you're coming from now. It read as "I've had my social life. You haven't. You'll understand when you're older." I hope we all know there's issues, just not always as easy to pinpoint. Curious though, what exactly are you saying us introverted guys are being ignorant about?

This is not how not meaning to be condescending works though... @Hardkill So you're not really asking where to meet women...you're asking if it's still valid to meet them in the nightlife scene?

Not everyone's either a sex-chasing-extrovert-chad or an enlightened-socially-detached-introvert-monk. @Hardkill You don’t need to go all in on cold approach or force yourself into the nightclub scene if it's not your thing. Just start small. Talk to someone at the gym, café or wherever. Train your social muscle casually while you finish your degree. Also, half of it is timing and luck anyway. You’ll never feel like your life is fully in order...waiting for that moment is a trap. Leo’s got a point. Just not one that applies to 99% of people in this forum section.

@Asia P Yeah, that space between wanting to give love and having nowhere worth putting it is brutal. The whole ‘wait vs. search’ thing... it's like both can rot you over time if you’re not careful. Waiting feels like a joke. Searching feels like a joke.

Just throw yourself in the cold water. No amount of preparation will make it less scary.

Bro.

Translation: I hate when people show up louder than me. Not everyone who does youtube is a narcissist, some just aren’t cowards.

Look at it this way: the guy acted like a scared douche, and you still showed him kindness... by not tearing him into pieces. That’s power, not weakness. It's just rare cause most people are scared little shits and yep, it's annoying as fuck.

@Applegarden8 Nah, why blame Leo? It's just reframing uncertainty. So really it's "until renewal might or might not take us apart." Not saying that marriages work great either, but this one isn't genius. @Princess Arabia Yeah. I'm starting to think spirituality and philosophy are just distractions from actually doing life. People would rather debate ‘being’ than get their hands dirty building something and making hard decisions. The mind is sneaky like that

@Applegarden8 It’s like saying you want to sign a lifelong contract but re-evaluate whether you want the lifelong contract every "x" years. How do you people even come up with such shit? 😂

Refreshing to see someone who gets it. @Something Funny If you wanna go the dating app route and don't have any photos or friends who take good photos: Joby GripTight One + phone + some practise is all you need.

Real talk though: the easiest hack is to have something in your life more compelling than trying to get a girlfriend. But yeah, it sucks because you can’t control when it works.