meta_male

@SQAAD I get why you're frustrated but honestly, this is the victim mindset talking. If you stay in it, it will just keep dragging you down more = no women for you. You gotta find a way to move past it, man. Your post shows you have poor boundaries: despite noticing her low interest you still decided to meet her, that's on you. If this woman isn't excited about you then there's nothing you can do to force it, and it says nothing about women as a whole. What good reasons? How is blaming women helping you? Is it getting you respect? Some things to think about...

@Never_give_up Hey man, I can relate to what you're saying. I grew up in a Christian environment and was pretty soft and feminine in my traits too. I wasn't taught anything about masculinity. Going to the army was frowned upon, so I did civil service in childcare instead. Leadership, courage, resilience felt absolutely foreign to me. What helped me massively was getting into physical, adventurous, and challenging activities. Downhill biking, motorcycle racing, off-roading, lifting weights, sleeping outdoors, shooting at the range. All of that built me up mentally, physically and emotionally. You don't need to be a totally different person overnight. Start by pushing your limits physically (e.g. taking cold showers). Find activities that make you feel alive and test you. Don't shy away from discomfort, welcome it, "embrace the suck". Masculinity isn't about being a macho leader, more about being capable, trusting yourself, and handling challenges with courage.

You can always tell her this is where you stand and see what she says. But if you're bored already then you kinda have your answer.

Because too many users here use the forum as a way to socialise and vent instead of a tool for growth.

@SQAAD Reading your post, what stands out to me most is not hate, but hurt. You don’t hate women, you love them. Maybe too much, in a way that it stings when you can't see how to connect with them. And that pain is human. But maybe consider this: What if your suffering isn’t some proof that you’re done for but more of a sign that you’re close to a turning point? You’re clearly smart and are seeing things others don’t. But there’s also a story that you’re caught in...where more control and fun seem out of reach from you forever. What if that story isn’t true? 🤔 A year from now you could be in a completely different reality. Where connection isn’t a price women “get” and men have to "earn” but a natural part of being grounded in your own life. Not easy, but definitely possible. You’re not alone, bro. A lot of guys feel this way, just most don’t say it.

@UpperMaster Not gonna lie, I’ve been in your shoes. I’ve dated girls I wasn’t really into personality-wise. Mostly to catch up on experience, and sometimes just to get laid while I wasn’t always upfront about my intentions. I did grow from it. But thinking back, if I could do it over, I’d probably focus more on practicing honesty. That’s part of the dating experience too, and that kind of growth actually sticks and puts you in a position where you attract instead of chase. It’s not all black and white, though. You’ll have to develop a feel for what you're willing to put up with while still making it an enjoyable journey.

Very dumb reasoning. This is why she suffers.

Wise words.

Post-modern? I thought that was just a code for making things complicated to sound deep 😝 Aligning layers of the self sounds like a sensible approach though.

@Schizophonia I said you getting a chance to be dominant excites you, monsieur. Big difference.

@Schizophonia You’re saying if someone’s self-concept leans toward submission it’s because of mental issues. But then you’re acting like dominance excites you, which suggests it’s not second nature. Maybe that’s the same issue you’re pointing to in others?

@Schizophonia I see. Sounds cringey to me. If that’s your idea of masculine and exciting you’re definitely not pushing the boundaries enough.

From dom phantasies to submission after a couple roasts, that's range brother.

@Clarence This was absolutely fascinating to read. Some of what you said kinda challenged the way I usually think about identity, in a good way. Respect man.

This actually sounds like a very grounded and healthy mindset you have. Just living a good, steady life is way underrated anyway. All the best with everything ahead, hope the move goes well!

@Av2521 I’d say for dating, you don’t need to become some pickup artist or anything like that. Just start getting used to talking to women in everyday situations, shops, cafés, events or whatever. Not to get numbers or anything, just to get comfortable with real life interactions. If that kind of thing works here in Switzerland, I’m sure it works in Germany too. And even though you’re not chasing some life purpose anymore, having something you enjoy doing, like a hobby or project you can dive into, makes a lot of other things easier. You meet people more naturally that way and it gives your days a bit more momentum too. So I wouldn't completely close the door on the passion thing, although I can understand you've made it this far without one which is completely valid.

@Princess Arabia Probably ended up in another country. This bro never heard of planes.

Happens to the best. In the beginning it's all too much, traffic, rules, buttons, speed, vehicle operation etc. Relax and keep driving 👍

@Raze Correct.

I don’t keep track of the percentage. It should be equal more or less and feel like we’re both investing without keeping count. An example of too much on her part: she cancels plans with her friends or family just to meet up with me. It feels good in the moment, but honestly it doesn’t sit right. Turns out that kind of dynamic never feels balanced.

One tip that helps is to look where you want to go. Your body will kind of 'connect' with the car and naturally help with steering. In curves, looking at the lane lines helps too (avoid looking at the one between you and oncoming traffic when going right). If you wanna become a good driver try to actually enjoy driving, you can fake this with smiling – works wonders.

@hyruga Your argument really overlooks how fragile childhood is. Kids don't have the coping mechanisms adults do, they don't have the language to express what's happening to them. You're basically saying that adults are the ones to experience real trauma, not kids. It's not about how big or visible an event is, it's about how overwhelming it feels to the person experiencing it. Do only adults lose a family member? Are there no kids in war zones? Only adults experience abuse? You can imagine how much bigger an impact such events have on children. The mind is good at hiding it from them and all efforts to heal trauma are in vain if not looked at the root of where those immense emotions formed. Whether an event is forgotten or not doesn't matter. Trauma is stored in the body, it's not just a memory.

@Emerald You made a lot of great points here. Personally, I’ve noticed that when a woman invests too much in me right off the bat, it actually makes me lose attraction. I end up assuming she’s not thinking clearly, because there's no way to truly know someone that well so early on. Genuine connection takes time. Honestly, I’m tired of running into women who want to lock things down immediately just because their emotions spike. It feels like they’re chasing the idea of a relationship more than actually getting to know me. And that's when it turns into something casual.

@Caoimhin I did give it enough shots. I prayed, I surrendered, I studied and I was open. But what I found didn’t lead me back to Christianity, it led me into something less defined but more alive. The idea that truth can only be found in one tradition is too narrow for me. I get that certainty brings comfort, but for me what works best is to man up and face the unknown. Btw, you remind me of Athelstan from Vikings