meta_male

@NoSelfSelf Who are we to say the women in his life weren't shitty? Maybe that was the case for him. I highly doubt he met every girl in the world, so he obviously doesn't mean literally every woman on the planet.

@John Paul That's insecure behaviour, healthy women don't do this. I wouldn't even bother.

@NoSelfSelf Come on man, he's speaking his truth. We all project.

@John Paul Also, how do you measure beginning and end? Are you referring to a test during a conversation?

This is way too specific to answer. Listen to your gut more. The lower her attraction for you the more she will test.

In my case all of them, yes. If you have healthy boundaries like @KH2 said, you will pass their test with ease and might not even notice.

@John Paul Even worse if it's a habit, so it doesn't matter if it's one or the other.

@Aquarius Do you happen to be INFP?

@Zion Dude, that was impressive.

?

She wants to show you the cuts so you can see and understand her pain, words are insufficient to communicate that. And she's probably not yet aware that nobody will ever be able to relate to her pain the way she does.

It took me thirty years to realise this after getting out of a relationship with a narcissist. All the puzzle pieces are coming together now as I'm sinking into another dark night. I'm wondering how you guys would approach this. I already cut contact with some of them but I'm not so sure about my parents. Do you understand your role in the family dynamic? If you feel like sharing your personal experiences here I'd be really interested in them.

@no_name Yeah, my mum was constantly comparing me to my sister who had a much closer connection with her. She kept bible bashing and twisting verses to make me understand that if I don't open up more I will eventually get cancer ?

@puporing Haha that's so frustrating Def can relate. In my experience not having my suffering and successes acknowledged made me slowly lose respect for them and be more on my own than seeking their company. I can love them from a distance and feel deeply for them, but all this goes flying out the window as soon as they're around. They're excellent at knowing exactly which buttons to push. Do you feel guilty when thinking about they becoming older without you being around them much?

Yeah on the absolute level we could agree on that, but victims of abuse unaware of the dynamics at play will just get more confused by hearing something like this; they need practical advice, which builds up momentum. And if the term narcissism helps you make sense of your experience even better. Of course first learning about this subject and being able to relate might make you put the label on more people than necessary. This is okay and the last thing you should worry about when trying to escape situations where people keep crossing your boundaries is whether you labelling someone as one thing or another is dehumanizing. Because it is exactly what's holding those people back from stepping up.

@axiom It's just a label to help people make sense of why they might be suffering.

Well said. Yeah, they like leaving breadcrumbs that will never satisfy you. Sounds like you went through quite a bit!

@Tyler Robinson It can get quite disturbing in relationships, right? Sorry to hear you had to go through this. Did you realise afterwards or still while in it?

@Ulax Damn bro, both parents. Sorry to hear. Must have been even more so confusing for you being all three of those roles! I gotta to do some more research into them, there seem to be several models with added characters. In my case I knew before, but wasn't aware of what it does to me until I moved away from them. What I realised was the closer they were to me the more I was able to relate and see the world through their eyes. What I could never wrap my head around though is how you can be so ruthless with life and people in general and be able to keep putting on your act without breaking. Always mostly attracted narcissistic friends too and one dude who showed traits of psychopathy. I was able to break free from them after school while attracting new ones into my life right after. It had a lot to do with my fear of being alone and letting others constantly overstep my boundaries. This thought has crossed my mind several times already. It's like you can keep unraveling more and more layers and work out why you behave the way you do today. I've seen some of Dr. Ramani's videos, she's fire. Definitely gotta look into the other ones you mentioned. Quite humbling to see how deep all this this goes. Would you say you were able to forgive your parents through knowing they must have experienced deep trauma in the past? Valuable videos btw, cheers man! This resonates. ?

What was your role in the family and are you still in touch with them?

You are what's aware of this endless mental cycle.

You can see this pretty well in your visual field, where nothing and something meets, that's where "you" are.

@Amannl3in Maybe this will give you some insights: