meta_male

Logic is only getting you so far here. You need to get out of your head.

Good attempt. What if I'm not?

@StarStruck The less you care about some other dude's principles the more success you'll have. But the reason you don't care can't be because you want more success. It's simply because you're going to come up with your own set of values, like @NoSelfSelf said.

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@Aquarius Excellent. And how many concerns on that list still remain?

@PurpleTree Because women are good at hiding the fact that they're interested in sex and you might buy into their frame.

@StarStruck I wouldn't meet her at a club then. Better go somewhere where you can hear each other talking.

Well, you gotta start somewhere... Have you been out with her before?

@lizz_luna It's important not to fully rely on your friends, but you shouldn't feel like they're unreliable overall. Me and my two closest friends aren't always on the same wavelength, but I know they have my back without my asking. They also know me better than my family does, it really depends on your situation and your values. If I were you I'd take a few steps back and see how much investment is done by them. You should definitely get the sense that your relationship with them is secure without constantly stressing about not losing them.

Are you open to the possibility that there's an urge you're not yet conscious of? Something made you post here after all You want to improve your dating skills (and get some). I cut myself a lot of slack.

I feel you, man. I wasted my childhood and youth in a cult until 24, also gave away 10% of my income for this shit, lost my circle of friends, built a new social circle with manipulative and toxic people, got rid of them and wasted another few years. Then smoked pot to distract myself just sitting around feeling sorry for myself, achieving nothing. Another three years gone. I'm now 30 and living the dream. Doesn't mean life will is now easier though, you just learn to enjoy the process. The first investment you should make is in yourself. Get rid of your victim mindset. Take responsibility, feel the sting and move on. Realise you didn't know any better – or if you did, simply lacked the motivation you needed – especially when you weren't raised the way you deserved to be. This is your unique life's story. Plus, you never know when things will change around for you, could be a decade or as little as a few weeks until a new perspective opens up for you. But it won't happen as long as you feel sorry for yourself (not saying you can't rant btw). What is it you need the money for? There's a big chance you can reach your goals without the amount of money you think you need. Money makes it easy, but there's a lot of growth to be missed out on if you can take the easy route through finances.

Go about discovering your life's mission and make it as fun as possible. Until then don't beat yourself up for slip ups, they will only keep you distracted. Allow yourself to be human.

If you sense there's some underlying issues but you can't explain it it's worth taking a closer look into your childhood experiences.

It's not about waiting a certain amount of hours or days but about moving her down on your list of priorities. With that said you can still text back whenever you get some spare time (hopefully you're not glued to your phone 24/7). Keep it natural without reading too much into it, there's hundreds of reasons someone doesn't respond for three days.

When someone with this attitude talks BS about dating apps Girls on there are the same girls you meet outside, social circle etc. Online dating is a nice tool if it's not your only one.

Probably not his most precious stuff

Don't be fooled, this will change as soon as she see's your insecurity in person. If you're unsure about her meeting the current version of you and you're saying you're not ready to get involved emotionally and you want to meet someone more mature then that's your intuition guiding you towards more self love.

It's like giving away all the pearls you find for free, which is why they stop carrying meaning.

Congratulations for getting yourself out of a toxic relationship and taking responsibility for your healing. It will take a bit of time, but be patient and kind with yourself. Also with your self talk, this is important. Don't beat yourself up for not getting results right now. Things will add up and get rolling, just take it one step at a time for now, there's nothing you must achieve. If anything make sure you're just taking care of yourself. Your situation has to look hopeless and chaotic for the moment, this is normal. I can recommend looking into IFS, doesn't need to be therapy but just getting aware of different parts at play in yourself can bring you a sense of peace: https://ifs-institute.com/store/39

@evgn Yeah I get you, I've encountered this problem too. In fact, I'm dealing with it in IFS therapy at the moment, can recommend. This is not strong enough of a reason to be with someone. Not in a conscious, loving way anyway. The thought of losing her to someone else is driven by fear, what do you reckon?

@evgn It sounds like there are at least two conflicting parts inside you and depending on whether you're in a relationship or not, the part who doesn't have its needs met is the one you're identified with.

If she senses she owes you long responses within a certain amount of time, or owes you anything at all she might see you as the typical nice guy. Good luck finding a woman who showers you with texts that make you feel good every day whenever you need them. It sounds like there's still a part inside you which is looking for women's validation. I say send her that text and watch the show go down. It will hurt your chances of making something happen with her in the future, but it will be a valuable lesson for you and show you the subtle mistakes you're making. Also notice where the need to send her this message comes from.

So, I'm finally going to therapy this Sat as it became more and more clear to me that there's no way around it without going in circles. I think it's an important step in my journey. This is the first time I'm doing this, is there any important thing to keep in mind? Would you recommend not talking about anything related to Spirituality? Any important questions I should ask concerning therapy itself, or just go and see if this therapist feels right to work with?

Yeah, she has a certificate and did her training with the IFS institute in Germany. Not level 1 though, more like practitioner. But overall I got a good feeling during the talk today. She also did a lot of work on herself since 16. First session in two weeks. Thanks for the replies, everyone ?

Nice share. Reminded me of this beauty: