Rosie

Hey Guys, I am interested of your coping mechanism with a breakup. Is there a pattern what you always follow or you do it always on a different way? are you trying get back together with the ex before you realise that you need to get over it or just start over from scratch your life? For me all my breakups were huge steps in my life as I always use my breakups to do something huge ( to make them realise what did they miss out on mainly, but then when the pain is gone I'm just left with the great things), like after the previous relationship i started to work on a Cruise ship to see the world. I usually need a couple weeks to actually realise the pain of the breakup, before that I go to the insane working mode. How about you? What are you doing with yourself after a breakup to ease your pain?

what means large quantities? I advice you to rather drink different kind of herbal teas depending on what do you need from them. Like drink 1-2 green tea in the morning, after lunch drink a peppermint tea as it helps the digestion, before sleep drink a camomile as it helps your body to rest. and so on. Tea's has great benefits, so i would not stuck with one in general.

I do feel the same. i started to delete everyone who annoys me even slightly. now i only have food and few people....

Hungary/ Netherlands + where my ship takes me

Hey Santiago, The following comment of mine will be very personal and may cause some judgement from others here, but still I want you to realise you are not alone. My mom was a horrible person. I lost her 3 years ago in a car accident where me and my brothers were sitting as well, but only I survived, still I could not get to the point till today her personality. My dad was a very hardworking person but my mom ripped him off on every single way was possible. When they divorced my dad did not wanted a single penny from her ( although she did not have to work for 15 years when they were together, so logically everything should have been my father's) all he wanted for us children to have a nice home. My mum LIED to my dad about the worth of the house just so my dad would give her MORE money after divorce. As my dad loved us, he did give extra money, to top it up, my mum did not lie to us, she made us lie to our did for the money. I could not handle the stress so I broke down and told everything to my dad at age 12. My mum put me on the street after this ( even though my dad was working abroad) and called me a coward and all kinda names, she told me I betrayed her and my brothers. I forgave her many times, but before she died the same week it turned out that she had more loans and she wanted from me money. thats how I was i the car as she asked me to go for a family dinner with them, but during the dinner she asked money from me as they would take her and my elder brothers home. I said no clearly and I never regret it even though the horrible accident what came after. I do not say you have to say no, and I do not say there will be horrible accidents in your life, but I do say that just because she gave life for you, it does not mean that you owe her with your life. They say: don't feed a man who is hungry, teach him how to hunt instead. Maybe your mom will loose her home, orr will be in trouble after, but if you will help her out then it will be a never ending circle. She will never learn and it will eat you up eventually. Sometimes it's better to not help straight, but be in the background if the other person is ready to take real help, not expecting the help. there is a big difference between.

Addictions addictions. Now that I try to actualise myself i realised many things. As i am working on a cruise ship and changing countries like others T-shirts, i use social media to brag. I check in everywhere and post very appealing pictures simply to make others jealous and show as if i had an amazing life what everyone is dreaming of. The background that I have only 2 hours in a port often, or that i had to buy a 7USD worth of coffee just to post the pictures, or that i did not sleep for weeks properly does not matter. I want others to want my life even though i am not satisfied with it myself. Possibly the fact that I get the likes or comment gives me the good feeling to keep the life, the job. At the same time i use it for contacting others and to be jealous of others although logically I know that it's just a huge fuck over on their sides as well.... it always difficult to give up an addiction. What i do lately is to try to give myself periods of times in a day when I check on it and react on it. the rest of the day I use it as some sort of motivation. Like after a hardcore workout i give myself 15 minutes of Facebook. I don't know if it helps or not, but I think it's always good to think through what exactly are you doing with your precious time: Do you really want to use it to listen to others constant lies and start to lie yourself eventually? I am pretty sure it's not the case

I do to think that here is the place to judge each other on any level or give negative comments. As on my side, I have a pretty similar situations, except somehow when i am in a bigger group surrounded by people who I do not trust or like some way, I tend to become very very very quiet. I think the best way to do is, that whenever you catch yourself talking 'too much' try to turn around the conversation with a question what really interests you about the situation. Concentrate on listening, Be strong in trying to improve this as much as you can, but also accept yourself for who you are because a lot of people indeed enjoy a chatty, positive person:)

I would be a mom and leader of a great family with a loving partner. Aside that I would help kids in needs, give them love and caring what they are missing. Maybe children therapeutic....

I could not agree more on that. The problem is not having a computer, a smartphone or a TV, just like the problem is not when you have a Collection of spirits or wine in your home. The problem starts when you can't stop yourself using these things. There is a thing what you need to work on. You have to choose using social media, not the other way around. It can become an obsession, so slowly but surely you have to get off from it.

The fact is that I do not think i was clingy. I was needy but not clingy. On a cruise ship it works different. I made plans with my friends on a regular basis, or kicked him out to make time for his, we hang out together but separately often. But in fact i needed general reassurance and feedback and love. That's different from being clingy in my eyes. But then again. its so different when you are closed in in a metal box for months far away from your family, and all you have is your friends and relationship to live from... IDK but i do not see the future of us getting back together, I don't think he wants it either... Who knows. But i know i can only grow if we stay apart, so as painful it is, it's the best decision for myself.

I will write down my own story, I think it may differ on some levels from the general, but some levels its still the same. Break up happened just a couple of days ago, still very fresh. So I am working on a big cruise liner, QM2, as a receptionist. About a half year ago I've met with this Guy, Ben who is the art director on board. Not particularly my type, but he made me laugh, i fell for him. In the beginning everything was perfect, we just matched from the first moment, like it never happened to me before, everyone else seen the same, people kept telling me that we will get married and like we are the perfect match. The only thing is that on a cruise liner things go different.You see each other every single day. You do not have days off so for 6, in my case 7 months every single day no matter if you are sick or tired you must work 10-12 hours. My job as a receptionist on board is to take all the comments, and on a cruise ship there are too many complaints, as if people would come only whine. Anyways relationship was perfect, we spent every moment together because of the environment and I became dependant on him. I never been a depending person, i always did my own thing. Also as a footnote: i lost my whole family in continuous accidents in the past 3 years, ( mom and brothers in car crash, dad in heart after.) but I felt that the ship actually cured me from the depression. I felt better than ever. Then somewhere about 2 months ago when xmas started to come things has changed, we started to fight. he kept forgetting about me, i kept fighting for the attention. Basically I became an attention whore. I missed the small surprises the dates the love i used to get, at the same time the work became too too stressing, but they kept promising a promotion so i had to go on and on and of course i started to miss my family. with xmas we said lets broke up, but then next day we talked it out, we kept talking and we agreed that it was the heat of the fight do not want to break up. Thing were great again, then he had a very stressful work period, and forgot completely about my 25th bday. Started to organise things with my friends for me, but forgot about that too, so my friends thought i maybe did not want to be with them, so they asked ME whats wrong. AS I did not know about the surprise what never happened, I questioned my boyfriend who admitted he forgot it, but then again big drama and all that, and I felt lonely again. But we were ok. After 7 month the 1st of february My contract ended, only 2 days prior he kept telling me where to go together how much he will miss me and so on, so he booked a hotel for me and him in Rio as we had an overnight with the ship there. We had a great day, then in the afternoon we went for a nap, during the nap i 've got a mail from our head office that i am not due to join till may. I freaked out, started to cry, how will our relationship survive 3 months apart. He stood up did not say a word. he is an introvert so i was not really surprised by that, but then he broke up. A couple of hours prior he loved me so much then he just like that broke up, he told me he doesn't love me enough, He is not for me, and he knows i love him more than anyone ever will and left. Later he messaged me that he threw up, and if i think it doesn't affect him i am mistaken and so on, lets meet for a beer the day after. He came over we had sex, and we talked about all kinda crap thing we agreed to give some time for this decision as we will be apart, that i am his best friend so he doesn't want to loose that we kissed goodbye and he asked me to take care. I told him that i need time for myself before I can be with anyone. Only 2 days away from the ship shake me back in my place. Like i was before. On a ship your thoughts and emotions are so much stronger as you can't rest. totally different world. i wrote to him 2 sentences, as the head office changed my contract again to march, so i told him i would be back soon, and we can talk if he wants. he messaged me 2 days later in a port when he had wifi, just general stuff how is the port and he hopes I'm taking care. Im so heart broken, but i know time is the best medication. Also now I'm hooked up with actualised.org, so lets hope i can advance myself and i can stop being a needy bitch......