Proserpina

New start Focusing on healing again. + 1 hour healing (AR) 10/20 hrs

My new year's resolution for next year is to keep a journal for any productive Audio such as audiobooks, guided meditations, lectures and Leo's videos and to complete at least one audio daily. Yesterday I watched and performed the meditation for: Guided Meditation - The Next Level Of Meditation Watched "Lifestyle Minimalism - Renouncing Your Busy Stupid Life Watched "Grasping The Illusory Nature Of Thought". So far my favourite video by Leo. Read chapters 1 and 2

Stage yellow (on up the spiral) values divine I. Stage red values human I. Stage Turquoise values divine We. Stage blue values human We. (generally) I'm going to play devil's advocate with my own system and introduce spiral dynamics into the mix. Your stage will influence how you meditate and think about presence. If you value I you will predominantly care about your own I-ness, especially in the Divine sense if you are higher up in the spiral. If you value mainly divine We (stage Turquoise, for example) you lean toward Seeing the collective presence, you have a Divine We energy. Of course you'll also have divine I energy since we have both We and I.

Note: Take the above use of the term 'soul' with a grain of salt. There are beings with more soul energy (I energy) and less life-giving energy (We energy) and vice versa. Would we then say that they have more soul? Of course not. I just like the word soul to describe the energy. There are beings that have differing levels of masculine (I energy- the individual) and feminine (we energy- the whole). More feminine beings and more masculine beings.

Meditated 20 minutes Read 30 minutes Watched "How To Become Godlike & Radiate Love - Spirituality In A Nutshell" Watched "Being Human Is Inherently Selfish & Why You Shouldn't Feel Bad About It" Watched "Why Wisdom Is Crucial For Having A Good Life" Watched "Your Mind Determines The Quality Of Your Life - Reality Is Interwoven With The Mind"

Splendour is soul energy, the I Exist of a thing- the masculine aspect of a thing. - soul energy. The individual. "I" energy of a thing. Receiving Life. Sublime gaze is the feminine aspect of a thing, the whole. Collective presence. "We" energy (Loving, life-giving energy). I Exist is not something to be 'developed', it is spiritual. Something I disagree on spiral dynamics on. The beings I saw had "I" energy and "We" energy.

I had my biggest awakening smoking weed for the first time. It unlocked something in me. It set off a downward and upward spiral of awakenings, mystical experiences and 'psychoses' (with the help of other forces). I quit junkfood for 6 months, quit most of my distractions and attachments and took up every habit in the book for about a year afterward. I'm not surprised he is speaking highly of it.

I Exist images

I'm trying to grasp "I Exist". I've already sort of grasped Presence and feel deep bliss from Presence when I meditate. I'm assuming that "I Exist" is when you 'turn around' and look at your ego or lack therefore of when in a meditative state of presence and notice that you exist, notice your "I AM-ness". I feel a distinct sense of beingness when I 'turn around'. It is the true Self, I think. Presence is the extension of the true Self. Honestly I would just be content with the bliss of Presence without grasping "I Exist" for the rest of my life. Excerpt from Bentinho Massaro's Trinfinity Academy about the difference between "I Exist" and "Presence".

Meditated 30 minutes Read 30 minutes Watched "You're Unhappy Because You're Disconnected From Truth" Watched "Can You Be Truly Happy On Your Own? - How To Stop Being Lonely" Watched "Seeing Your Own Mind From A Higher Perspective" Watched "What You Fear Most Is Ultimately Yourself"

In a mystical experience, I had the realization that an angel or an enlightened being has both the realization of "I Exist" (Life) and "Presence" (Love). They are the same, but yet there is a distinction. You can tell the difference between someone who has had the proper realization of "I Exist" and not the realization of "Presence". Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). They are identical but there is a distinction when you bring it down to earth. Maybe I just need to burn through the karma of this, 'defrag'. "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration. They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence". "Presence" is love, breath, and life-giving energy. You need both realizations. Masculine tends to have "I Exist", and Feminine tends to have "Presence".

They are the same. Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). But this is where I challenge my teacher based on previous mystical experiences I'm trying to discern. They are identical but there is a distinction when you bring it down to earth. Maybe I just need to burn through the karma of this, 'defrag'. "You have to bring the teaching down to earth. Walk your talk. Identifying the self as God and the other as God shows up differently in reality. 'God and love." (excuse the gibberish - it's hard to translate during mystical experiences) The beings I saw had splendor and sublime gaze. I saw Splendor and sublime gaze in myself. Some had mostly only Splendor and they looked very different. I remember recognizing Splendor. Its also closely associated with the body, but it is not the body according to Bentinho, it is a bubble (I Exist, I AM) (I can affirm this is true in experience).

My favourite song as an adolescent. I would listen to this song on repeat and cry for the world every night. Falling asleep in my own tears for the world is like my favourite past time as a child. How emo of me.

Meditated for 30 minutes Watched "Stunned Mind - Clear Seeing" for 1 hour Read 1 hour - The Book of Not Knowing

Note to self: Splendour does not rely on an outside source for Splendour, just like Sublime gaze does not. You do not need Sublime Gaze in order to awaken to Splendour, that is a misunderstanding in my mind. Both have realization. Both have 'clean eyes' but are directed differently. They have different values. Sublime Gaze's realization that 'others' are made up of Presence is actually the realization that objects of perception are made up of Presence. This can include the body. Basically, you are floating in a sea of bliss (Presence - that includes the body) as a bubble of Bliss (I Exist). The Crux There are all kinds of reasons that you can make up for why the case might be that the Narcissist isn't Seeing the other person but when you get to the crux of it the Narcissist is not Seeing the other as presence. That's the crux of it. All his ideologies are excuses for why he isn't seeing the other as presence. The same goes for the feminine with her lack of inner Jewelhood. Looking at the surface is looking at the deep. All else is an excuse.

Night Elves (Sublime gaze, left) "Their ways have revolved around an intimate connection to the natural forces, animistic powers and the worship of their mysterious moon goddess, Elune. The night elves now stand as a people who are both highly spiritual and pragmatic, an often sophisticated paradox, and are possessed with a deeply seated desire to find their solace. It is thus no surprise that they have become great healers and will aid all sorts of creatures partly due to their nature and perhaps partly because it helps them find their solace in reconciling for mistakes of the past. Virtually all remaining night elves consider it their sworn duty to maintain the safety and balance of the natural world. They are generally honorable; a strict but just and truly compassionate people." Blood Elves (Splendour, right) "The blood elves are a proud, haughty race, joining the Horde in Burning Crusade. For thousands of years, the high elves of Quel'Thalas drew strength from the Sunwell, a magical form of arcane energies. An invasion by the undead Scourge decimated the kingdom's population and deprived them of the Sunwell's might. Taking the name blood elves – or sin’dorei in their own tongue –the people of Quel’Thalas sated their magical thirst for a time with demonic fel energies. Once the Sunwell was restored, the blood elves worked to rebuild their homeland and help lead the Horde into a bold future."

Happiness, more or less It's just a change in me, something in my liberty Oh, my, my Happiness, coming and going I watch you look at me, and watch my fever grow And I know just where I am But how many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn All the love I have is in my mind? But I'm a lucky man With fire in my hands Happiness, something in my own place I'm stood here naked, I smile and I feel no disgrace With who I am Happiness, coming and going I watch you look at me, watch my fever grow And I know just who I am And how many corners do I have to turn? How many times do I have to learn All the love I have is in my mind? Happiness more or less It's just a change in me, something in my liberty Happiness, coming and going I watch you look at me, watch my fever grow And I know

Splendour "I Exist" or Personal Presence or going from Personhood to Presencehood. "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration. They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence". The Masculine tends to have "I Exist". Narcissists can have Splendour in large quantities but sorely lack in sublime gaze. Sublime Gaze "Presence". The realization that 'others' are made up of Presence. You will see that they have a pure heart and 'clean eyes'. Sublime Gaze is love, breath, and life-giving energy. Feminine tends to have "Presence". Empaths can have Sublime Gaze in large quantities. Super empaths have both Splendour and Sublime Gaze.

Meditated 1 hour Watched "The Art of Self-love - Raising your vibrations by Matt Kahn" Read 30 minutes - finished

Psychs and doctors and nurses tend to pathologize in this field currently. I'm lucky to have a very kind psychiatrist at the moment. I've met many psychologists who were highly judgemental. They've made me cry and have panic attacks. They've told me I'm narcissistic. I've found the more you enter deeper into crisis the more highly trained and professional the psychiatrists and doctors will be. I've seen patients demand and beg to be placed back into the hospital just because the treatment is so good there, compared to outside of the hospital. The further out of crisis setting you are the less well you are treated, and the less professional the people are, frequently, in my experience.

I do think there was Death energy present in this mixture as well. In any imbalance, there will be Death energy present. It's just that the feminine is much more likely to sense it, the masculine is sort of 'protected' by his Splendour. The feminine is protected by her Sublime Gaze (and slumber, meds) but not as much. It's more character-building for her. In both cases, it won't be enough to correct the imbalance, as it doesn't correct the imbalance at the root. Both have to come together to fix it. I'm not really sure how it works, all I know is that the last time I destroyed it at the root I had to come together with the 'masculine'.

Often times Death energy will occur when a (perhaps Feminine) Being has had the realization of "I Exist" but has fallen from Grace and has given up the realization or something similar. It's like the universe got a taste of you, wants more and now it's deeply disappointed. "Our greatest pain is also our greatest joy". The universe wants more and wants you to wake up but simultaneously wants you to 'stay asleep' as the Death energy wrecks less havoc on a slumbering mind.

A (perhaps Feminine) being who has not realized "I Exist" will attract Death energy to her too. This has its pros and cons. Death has a purifying effect. Of course, you don't want to keep attracting Death energy so you want to cut it off at the root through the very important realization of "I Exist". You can keep cutting it off through sublime gaze (Presence) but it will ultimately keep growing back unless you cut it off at the root. The universe is trying to push you into balance as you are imbalanced.

'God realization' just means the realization of "I Exist" or Personal Presence or going from Personhood to Presencehood. A pure heart means outer "Presence". The realization that 'others' are made up of presence as well. You will see that they have a pure heart and 'clean eyes'. An 'Angel' is someone who has realized both "I Exist" (Life) and "Presence" (Love). They are the same, but yet there is a distinction. You can tell the difference between someone who has had the proper realization of "I Exist" and not the realization of "Presence". "I Exist" will give off an energy of 'Godhood', Greatness, Splendour, Beauty, and larger-than-life energy that demands respect and admiration. They will inexplicably radiate warmth but will lack the warmth of "Presence". "Presence" is love, breath, and life-giving energy. You need both realizations. Masculine tends to have "I Exist", and Feminine tends to have "Presence". Masculine tends to think he doesn't need "Presence", he only needs the realization of "I Exist".