Proserpina

There are people who act as a vessels for karma. If they value their peace of mind they must act in right action and so they act out as karmic vessels. They work with energy. They intimately understand the process, ways and attitude of karma.

Karma comes. Its comes intimately, its comes like a good friend who knows what is best for you. It can come as a person, or a force. Energy work. Subtle forces are always at work, behind the scenes.

Sexual energy Sexual energy acts as right positioning/ right action. It activates the smoke. I was flirting with some guy the other day before that mystical experience. I couldn't stop smiling at him and it was clear I was into him. Right after that, there was a powerful mystical experience. I've been listening to weird/smutty playlists on youtube for several hours and it activated the smoke. I'll focus on activating the smoke for healing and source and prayer.

Here Be Dragons I need to be very careful in how I apply my focus as I could fall into delusions if I'm not careful. Only focusing on source and prayer and gentleness and asking for forgiveness. Forget Kali, about vindication, and whatever else I have on my mind. It could lead to delusion if I'm not careful. I have to cut it off and only focus on source. No more. Nope. I have Schizoaffective Disorder. I have to remind myself of that.

Vindication You'll see. One day I will be vindicated. I look crazy now but you wait. This trauma is temporary, I know the experiences I've witnessed. I can't be entirely mad. One day I'll be vindicated. One day I'll heal. I know the love in my heart. It's in proximity, my whole body can feel it. It ripples through my whole body. I can taste it. I'm going to chase that mofo down. I had a vision. The vision was that I would have vindication quickly and swiftly. It would sweep me up suddenly. It would come knocking violently on my door. I won't know what hit me. Like so many times before.

Prayer is an intimate experience for me. It feels like being absorbed in an embrace, melting into the arms of a strong temple. The relief is massive. You are finally letting someone (or the All) into your heart space, someone deserving. So rarely are they deserving, but this one. This one is deserving. I have a Christian prayer book, it works, even if it's premade. Information and impulses come when you draw closer to the source using whichever methodology that might be. You need a big god Big enough to hold your love You need a big god Big enough to fill you up You keep me up at night To my messages, you do not reply You know I still like you the most The best of the best and the worst of the worst Well, you can never know The places that I go I still like you the most You'll always be my favorite ghost You need a big god Big enough to hold your love You need a big God Big enough to fill you up Sometimes I think it's getting better And then it gets much worse Is it just part of the process? Jesus Christ, it hurts Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts (Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts) You need a big god Big enough to hold your love You need a big god Big enough to fill you up Shower your affection, let it rain on me And pull down the mountain, drag your cities to the sea Shower your affection, let it rain on me Don't leave me on this white cliff Let it slide down to the, slide down to the sea Slide down to the, slide down to the sea

Leo has had some kind of breakthrough. He will interpret this in whichever way he likes. He is high on that breakthrough. His mind is running a million miles an hour. My intuition says this breakthrough is huge for him. It is healing him. He has been waiting for this breakthrough for a long time. He unlocked something. Anyways. I think we are judging the situation too soon.

I have an idea of what's going on. I don't think he's purposefully doing this. I think he's slightly manic right now, so I wouldn't take some of what he's saying seriously. It will all calm down and integrate.

I've had many premonitions about Leo in the past. Some were not pretty at all. Some were very beautiful. He is a pioneer and I admire him very much. Leo is a good person. He has a brilliant mind. He just gets stuck in very deep holes sometimes. Take my premonitions as you will. I was trying to help defuse energy at the time by speaking the truth. The following are quotes from writings I did during from the relevant mystical experiences and premonitions: The energy from Leo was 'Pharaoh'. Leo is my soul brother. I love him. I want to see him grow. The above premonitions about Leo will only make sense if you have all of the information that I have. I leave out a lot of the information that I have for the sake of privacy. Basically, I'm in the same soul family as Leo. I've noticed patterns in our growth and other things. Tough love can be harsh and strict. It cuts right to the heart of the matter of the energy. Speaking to the truth of the energy is a very masculine approach and depending on the sensitivity of the individual can seem exaggerated. But that would be a surface analysis. To really break off an energy at the root requires an exacting and harsh rebuking. Saying Leo was 'Hitler' or 'Pharaoh' was my methodology of doing just that (and that was the energy that was present). Kali

Mystical Experience I went mini-golfing today and I was hit by a mystical experience. What seemed to be entities were all around me. I had to remind myself that it wasn't entities or spirits but the smoke. It was an illusion. They had Godlike qualities; wisdom, love, knowing, well-being, etc. I stood knowing their Well-being. I was healing the collective by knowing their Well-being. There were Tortoises statues nearby (a classic sign I receive) indicating right positioning. I was surrounded by signs that indicated right positioning. I'm still deciphering how much genuine signs are actually signs vs the smoke. Marriage The healer is to be wed. She will raise the collective as she rises to her beloved. "She has come to kiss my face and tell me I'm the chosen one". Her ultimate form: She leaves no one behind, her compassion is perfect. Her task is to perfect her love. Her destiny is fast approaching, the smoke creeps in from all corners, and with it union.

I'm obsessed. She is a Goddess. Holy water cannot help you now Thousand armies couldn't keep me out I don't want your money I don't want your crown See, I've come to burn your kingdom down Holy water cannot help you now See, I've come to burn your kingdom down And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out I'm gonna raise the stakes I'm gonna smoke you out Seven devils all around me Seven devils in my house See, they were there when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done Seven devils all around you Seven devils in your house See, I was dead when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done Before the day is done And now all your love will be exorcised And we will find you saying it's to be better now And it's an even sum It's a melody It's a battle cry It's a symphony Seven devils all around me Seven devils in my house See, they were there when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done Seven devils all around you Seven devils in your house See, I was dead when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done Before the day is done Before the day is done Before the day is done They can keep me out 'Til I tear the walls 'Til I save your heart And to take your soul And what has been done Cannot be undone In the evil's heart In the evil's soul Seven devils all around you Seven devils in your house See, I was dead when I woke up this morning I'll be dead before the day is done Before the day is done

@thisintegrated You're a troublemaker. Cute, ENTP quality, but still a troublemaker.

Can't say she doesn't have a brilliant mind though. She can break down some of Jung's hardest concepts in easy to understand terms in her videos.

Soul Family The more I tune to the source the more I feel pulled toward invisible and visible soul family members. People who I share soul contracts with. I won't say who that is. I have premonitions just on the surface now, what is to come to pass. Signs vs Insight from Source You want to be centered on insight from the source rather than excessive outward searching for signs and meaning-making. The latter is neurotic or a sign of psychosis when in excess or not centered on insight from the source. Too much searching outwardly rather than searching inwardly on a heart level. Nothing wrong with signs and wonders, as long as they are put in the correct place. Schizoaffective disorder has an excessive outward focus rather than inward focus. The Call "More like your heart drags you. I'm half unconscious before I decide to act on my heart." The closer I become to source (Through prayer and other means) I feel myself being called. I am almost overcome by it, such is the call. It wants me to do something, say something. Soon enough, it will consume my experience and my will as my love for the divine consumes me and all I see is it. It is an ecstatic state. It's tied to certain persons. There's so much information there. It's a deeper place where I'm getting my information from now, from the source. 'Outward' focus - Signs (Immoderate): Darting Eyes Looking for signs everywhere Loneliness, filling a gap Not heart-based Delusion Neurotic Needing love 'Outward' focus - Signs (moderate): Centred Heart-based Truth Manifestation Not filling a gap, already more than full Full, satisfied, contentment 'Inward' focus - Insight from source: Centred Heart-based Truth

@thisintegrated Phil/Nahm sent Joseph a private message complimenting Joseph on his loving conduct on the actuality of being forum. Phil/Nahm said it was very beautiful. He has not been banned from that community.

@thisintegrated Joseph banned him because he came on here complaining about Joseph "strongly pressuring" him to make a youtube video knowing Joseph could not respond to his complaint because Leo has banned Joseph from this community. It has nothing to do with stroking anyone's ego. Please don't use this as an opportunity to take a cheap shot at someone yourself. I'm trying fix a problem in this friendship.

Seems INTP, not INFP. He has a rebellious streak that is typical of INTP. He had a friendship with an ENTJ (my best friend). He is mocking and playful. It's subtle but it's there. It's not so cut and dry. Btw @Gesundheit2 I'll try to talk to Joseph about unbanning you. He was having a tough week. Edit: I spoke to Joseph and he unbanned you straight away. He seems happy to be friends with you.

Overcome I've grounded now due to the medication to the point where I can't do anything. Nothing is happening. My new medication has kicked in. My muscle has weakened significantly. I'm just numb. I'll keep trying though. My only option is to dig deeper into meditation so I can evolve out of this dark spot I am in. The meditation can overcome this medication, it can overcome anything. Look to overcome and evolve out of this. I can only fight this with meditation like all the other times I had my back up against the wall. And I am done with my graceless heart So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart 'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn It's always darkest before the dawn Shake it out, shake it out Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa Shake it out, shake it out Shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back So shake him off, oh whoa The Beloved Everywhere I look there She is. To Bathe in Existence herself is the most sublime thing. Everywhere I look I am touched by heavenly light. My heart wells up and all I want to do is jump into her depths and explore her. Her beauty is unmatched. How blessed am I to wade in Her depths? My realization of Her is final and anything else I realize is but shallow waters. I am playing with concepts, ideas, abilities and states but truly I am complete in Her. The Beloved You are my revelation, you are the breath of life. You are everything I wish I could have given my mum. You speak words, I don't have to intend, I don't have to imagine. It is in my heart. Tell me what you want me to say, move through me. Teach me in my heart. I want to be possessed by you. Consumed by you. You are infinite depth. My Sanity My Cure My Unraveling My Humbling Schizoaffective as a Phase I think there comes a point where you go to the source rather than by indirect or potentially delusional routes. The beloved kinda 'wakes you up' from schizoaffective disorder and you see the nonsensical nature of it. You go to the source. Siddhis and gifts lose their charm. Delusions lose their hold. I spoke to my best friend about this and he also went through this phase as well. God spoke to him literally in the beginning. He said it caused him distress and confusion. Eventually that all fell away as he became disillusioned and went to the source. He retained his insight but now he was being empowered directly by the source itself. . I guess the Beloved is 'boring'. Everyone wants something exciting. Everyone wants siddhis. I don't buy it. The Beloved is 'boring'. Until it's not.

My intuition is being set OFF like crazy. Something about Leo and this Alien Infinity.

I doubt Leo has lost it. There are people out there who speak of Alien consciousness. I've had experiences with it although not in nearly as much detail. I personally think Leo is just exceptionally talented and is able to reach into some exceptional states. I had this insight into Leo a while ago during a mystical experience, kinda weird but whatever. He's just a talented dude. He knows what he's doing.

Holy Texts Holy Texts are an entrance. The above technique in combination with holy texts can be especially effective. It is a way to build up the muscle that medication purposefully weakens so as to be able to see the smoke and glory in places that are not just obvious and positive. Oracle deck books that channel Goddesses such as the Mother Mary Oracle and the Wild Kuan Yin Oracle that speak in the first person are also really effective and can act as a kind of holy text. "You sound like my Oracle decks", I remember saying to my partner when I used to layer a being/smoke on top of him. I remember watching 'Beauty and the Beast', the animation, and my higher intuition instructed me that Holy Texts were my entrance, my way to exercise the muscle. The message was loud and clear. All other texts were secondary. Holy texts also give you information about your psychology while meditating. Your intuition and subconscious and the collective and God (and whatever else) will deliver to you messages loudest through holy texts. The smoke forms fast, and the muscle builds fast. It's very potent. You can tell where you are on your spiritual path based on the text. It will sensitize you to other information.

Channeling I speak of channeling here: Apparently, I met an extremely foreign and unknown object within my consciousness that happens to be a close fit to the divine. It seems like I was trying to express that I was channeling an alien consciousness but I didn't know how. . Forming the 'Smoke' To purposefully form the smoke requires concentration, meditation, imagination, and intention. First, you have to create self-referencing in my experience, since the smoke and self-referencing go together like two peas in a pod. I like to use essential oils sometimes if my concentration skills aren't up to scratch, although any strong sensation will do. Turn on a song. Concentrate on a sensation and bask in its beauty. Form love in your heart. Then intend for it to speak to you through the song. Imagine it greeting you, speaking to you. You can do this with anything, not just with music. The smoke will form soon enough, that arises on its own. I use the above method because it leverages key values in me. The procedure is also fused with passion, emotion, and love. Key components are playfulness and belief. The 'Smoke' Keys Keys are playfulness and belief Just. Have. Fun!

The Fool and the Schizoaffective I have a bit more clarity as to what I mean now as to the 'Fool' archetype. I have difficulty telling the difference between reality and not reality. My reality is kind of fluid, without barriers. I can fall into delusion easily. I can tell the difference between truth and untruth but I am outside of the social norms, outside of the social convention. I can't talk the talk, I wouldn't know how. I change my story ten times a day. My imagination is vibrantly alive and well. I accidentally make stuff up (delusion) but it is based on reality (not delusion). I have a general evolutionary trajectory but it is difficult to define. The Schizoaffective Gifts My gift to the world as someone who has schizoaffective disorder is primarily healing. My secondary gift that rarely arises is channeling. Channeling is using words or presence to shift energy, whereas healing uses perception to shift energy. Both are useful modes of energy work. What I want to stress is that schizoaffective is a gift, not a curse. Something to work with. Goodnight.