Proserpina

@Nahm I don't think he is intentionally being insulting. I don't think he is well.

It wears you down to the bone until you go 'insane' (sane) and then everything amplifies. And then you take an antipsychotic to calm it all down which slows the psychic attacks but leaves you in no state of channeling.

More on psychic attacks Mystical experiences/ channeling amplify all and any spiritual interaction. I've mostly blamed myself for the psychic attacks in the past but I'm done with that at this stage. It's a combination of things. I used to self harm while under attack. I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I have a hormone imbalance and physical illness. It has an impact on the spiritual realm and what manifests. It's cyclical and not really in my control. I have yet to know how to deal with it. I try not to take it personal or assume it to be a 'reality'. But sometimes it gets the better of me.

Demonic Attack There are times of the month where I come under psychic and demonic attack. It can be either 'real' or 'imagined' or somewhere in between. I tend to try to see it in a positive light as simply a symptom of my awakening.

Even if things don't unfold the way you expected, don't be disheartened or give up. One who continues to advance will win in the end. Daisaku Ikeda We are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps. Hermann Hesse It turned out this man worked for the Dalai Lama. And she said gently-that they believe when a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born-and that this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible. Anne Lamott

Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. Socrates According to Vedanta, there are only two symptoms of enlightenment, just two indications that a transformation is taking place within you toward a higher consciousness. The first symptom is that you stop worrying. Things don't bother you anymore. You become light-hearted and full of joy. The second symptom is that you encounter more and more meaningful coincidences in your life, more and more synchronicities. And this accelerates to the point where you actually experience the miraculous. (quoted by Carol Lynn Pearson in Consider the Butterfly) Deepak Chopra In his face there came to be a brooding peace that is seen most often in the faces of the very sorrowful or the very wise. But still he wandered through the streets of the town, always silent and alone. Carson McCullers

Thank you. I apologize too.

A quiet conscience makes one strong! Anne Frank Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. Brené Brown, Crying is one of the highest devotional songs. One who knows crying, knows spiritual practice. If you can cry with a pure heart, nothing else compares to such a prayer. Crying includes all the principles of Yoga. Kripalvanandji There is almost a sensual longing for communion with others who have a large vision. The immense fulfillment of the friendship between those engaged in furthering the evolution of consciousness has a quality impossible to describe. Pierre Teilhard de Chardin The heart is like a woman, and the head is like a man, and although man is the head of woman, woman is the heart of man, and she turns man's head because she turns his heart. Peter Kreeft Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun. Alan Wilson Watts A person who has not been completely alienated, who has remained sensitive and able to feel, who has not lost the sense of dignity, who is not yet "for sale", who can still suffer over the suffering of others, who has not acquired fully the having mode of existence - briefly, a person who has remained a person and not become a thing - cannot help feeling lonely, powerless, isolated in present-day society. He cannot help doubting himself and his own convictions, if not his sanity. He cannot help suffering, even though he can experience moments of joy and clarity that are absent in the life of his "normal" contemporaries. Not rarely will he suffer from neurosis that results from the situation of a sane man living in an insane society, rather than that of the more conventional neurosis of a sick man trying to adapt himself to a sick society. In the process of going further in his analysis, i.e. of growing to greater independence and productivity,his neurotic symptoms will cure themselves. Erich fromm Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it. Epictetus

Haha. This post was so arrogant. Some of my old self leaking out. I don't actually believe that my love of truth is all supreme. It's just that I'm frequently disappointed.

People I admire who I consider to have a deep love of truth (Stronger than mine) Leo gura Carl Jung My partner Maynard James Keenan Mememe/remember Zeroguy Solace

I forgot to mention that this was going on for about 7 months. @gettoefl Thank you.

WARNING: sexual content I had to censor most of my notes about my mystical experience or this journal would turn into a sex diary. About my sexual escapades with Consciousness and 'God'. To summarize: - frequent full body orgasms - my relationship to Being was likened to sexual motions. Clinging, sucking, filling. *Blushing* Needless to say that 2nd chakra was WIDE open. - sexual metaphor in the messages. 'God' and consciousness would teach through sexual metaphor - Resisting and 'surrendering' myself to God (to myself, consciousness). Felt like sexual bliss as I gave myself to it. I would resist at first but consciousness would gently force me to 'reconnect' - It deepened my relationship with Consciousness through sexuality

@gettoefl Btw I speak of the word 'God' sometimes the way it is spoken of in old parables. A being who walks truth (or has a deep love of truth). Except it wasn't quite human. This is where I might be accused of mental illness.

I find this song describes it aswell Here from the king's mountain view Here from the wild dream come true Feast like a sultan, I do On treasures and flesh never few But I, I would wish it all away If I thought I'd lose you just one day The devil and his had me down In love with the dark side I'd found Dabblin' all the way down Up to my neck, soon to drown But you changed that all for me Lifted me up, turned me round So I I I I I would I would I would Wish this all away Prayed like a martyr dusk to dawn Begged like a hooker all night long Tempted the devil with my song And got what I wanted all along But I And I would If I could And I would Wish it away Wish it away Wish it all away Wanna wish it all away No prize that could hold sway Or justify my giving away my center So if I could I'd wish it all away If I thought tomorrow would take you away You, my peace of mind, my all, my center Just trying to hold on one more day Damn my eyes! Damn my eyes! Damn my eyes if they should compromise the fulcrum Wants and needs divide me then I might as well be gone Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun Shine down upon the broken Shine until the two become one Shine on forever Shine on benevolent sun Shine down upon the severed Shine until the two become one Divided, I'll wither away Divided, I'll wither away Shine down upon the many Light our way, benevolent sun Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union Breathe in union So as one survive Another day and season Silence, legion, save your poison Silence, legion, stay out of my way

It's just a deep love of truth. You can be arrogant. You can be flawed. You can be ignorant. You can forget the truth. You can have no understanding. But truth brings you so much joy, satisfaction, conviction and love. Mystical experiences are the norm.

It's difficult to explain what love of truth is. It's not that you always act in alignment with it or that you even know what truth is. You can be the silliest person on the planet and have a love of truth.

@gettoefl Hahaha. *intensely feels the pressure*

Delusion vs enlightenment When I channel I don't know if I'm in an enlightened state or deluded. 'People surrounding me' could be delusion or real. There's not really a distinction (hense why I talk about aliens lol) People with schizophrenia who cant make out distinctions may be enlightened masters in the making who have lost their way a little bit.

You have to understand the perspective of someone who is selfless. 'You are Nothing, it is Nothing' is not a rejection of creation.

How do you know you're enlightened: Internal knowing- Deep, deep love of truth External knowing- People surround you People tell you you are pure and selfless

God cleans up after himself I have this theory that 'simple minded' avatars are sometimes 'chosen' as a way for God to clean up after himself and keep the mystery hidden. In all my encounters with God he was extremely careful to clean up. 'I'm wearing shoes' he would tell me. All his magic tricks, everything would disappear as if it never existed, leaving me thinking I must be insane.

Paradox in my mystical experience notes: Much of my notes involved paradoxical elements I had to censor for fear of being misunderstood. 'Spoilt child' 'Exhausted' ..... Innocence, Being, unconditional love + The Devil = warmth, Gratitude, Compassion, selflessness Balance ...... Shallowness + depth = warmth ......... Infinite Selfness ..... Evil is good

Holy crap. How do you know that. I've 'picked up' so many people this way. You gotta be pure, man, to pull this off.

❤️ Beautiful post