Proserpina

Clarification: Imagination is real in that if you can think it, it can become a reality, especially if it is a strong belief. LOA. A very strong belief in the positive is not a delusion. . PMDD It's that time of the month. My negative referential delusion is significantly active. Feminine Cycles are hell if you are schizoaffective disorder. I'm like an angel, heaven sent early on in the cycle month (LOL the narcissism). Everyone is so nice to me. My positive referential imagination is active early on in the cycle month. . The Beings The Beings I saw in my visions layered on top of specific individuals would vibrate with Wellness (Life energy) and radiate Love. It was a mutual experience. I was healing from the radiating love and the individuals underneath the layered visions of Wellness were healing in return. This is how the suffering from the collective was able to heal. . Healing Self-referencing combined with positive-oriented modalities (ASMR, music, books, etc.) can be powerful for healing and life energy, and self-love. Deactivating negative self-referencing delusions through meditation and staying away from the negative while focusing on self-referencing can speed up healing. Healing and evolution are inevitable with properly managed Schizoaffective disorder. . The Glory, the Smoke The 'Glory' occurs when visions layer on top of the positive-oriented modalities such as Godlike traits, omniscience, love, wisdom, etc. A kind of 'smoke' lays on top of it. It's far, far easier to attract the 'smoke' to positive modalities than negative things. The smoke is powerful and can transform the individuals underneath it or the collective. . Wizard of Oz The Wizard of Oz is is the smoke, the glory. Self-reference and the smoke go together like two peas in a pod

It's like there's a celebration when you're on the right path. It's only revealed you're stronger, you're more evolved when you're on the right path. All your gifts come to the forefront. Positive referential 'delusions', energy sensitivity, etc. ........ Btw I think it would have been a safer bet in the past to simply say I don't know what happened (and put a simple label on it) during my experiences in the past but my mind just goes crazy (E5) trying to understand everything with the timeline shifts and everything. But honestly, the self-referencing carried on outside those isolated incidences so it couldn't have been timeline shifts. Or maybe it was. To be honest, I don't need to know what happened. I know I helped the collective through energy work, that's all that matters. . Referential 'delusions' take on other dimensions than just what the specific individual has, like omniscience, love, and Godlike traits. Reality bends. . Return of the Bodhisattva It's a possibility that the initial calling and the encroaching massive wall of Blackness is related to 'the Return of the bodhisattva'. The initial calling and massive wall of Blackness was the suffering of the world that I could suddenly feel and sense and felt the need to alleviate. Before then I was stuck in trivialities. "In Mahayana Buddhism, a bodhisattva refers to anyone who has generated bodhicitta, a spontaneous wish and compassionate mind to attain Buddhahood for the benefit of all sentient beings" When a Bodhisattva possibly begins his work, he begins to feel the suffering of the world and compassion fills his heart. Sometimes it comes down from above suddenly and he feels pressured to begin the work as if something were forcing his hand. . Encouraging Schizoaffective Quotes "The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination" Albert Einstein "Everything you can imagine is real." Picasso "Logic will get you from A to Z; imagination will get you everywhere." Albert Einstein "Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde "I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death." Robert Fulghum . Oh btw the specific individual who was the 'cruel entity' never received any of my emails. Thank heavens above. That would of been a lot of negative karma. And it's just not in my nature to be an asshole. Although I wasn't really an asshole. Although note, the person kinda is an asshole hence the constant triggering. . Schizoaffective is a very real and serious disorder. It is not mere "projection". You can be a very nice person but the negative side, the 'Witch' will catch you in its grasp. . The emails were sort of my introduction to the Witch. Soon after I realized I could overcome and fight off the Witch using Meditation. From then on I was able to safely hide any signs I was experiencing anything strange or different (other than meditating with my hands). A freak like me just needs Infinity. . Healing When you see the best in people (positive referential imagination) you can be a healing presence in their life. The stronger the belief (what would be called 'delusion'), the stronger the healing. See people's Well-being or Vortex Version more than people's current state of being. . Meditation can loosen up Schizoaffective Disorder converting negative referential delusions to positive referential IMAGINATION. Remain in your strong belief. Remain in your strong 'delusion' when it comes to the positive. Imagination is real. It's not delusion. Schizoaffective Disorder is the HEALER.

Schizoaffective Disorder In my experience, people with schizoaffective disorder are able to reach into deep mystical states of consciousness because they don't overthink it. They don't put borders and barriers around their psychology, what should and shouldn't be done. Anything and everything is okay and up for exploration. Sometimes they might seem a little 'out' there, or weak but their mystical ability can be explosive although difficult to express and explain. Their wisdom can be speechless, wordless. Things can reach out to them from the beyond and there is no barrier in place, no walls up. Fantasy, and imagination all act in service to deep intuition, understanding, and channeling. Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition leaving opportunities behind Feed my will to feel this moment Urging me to cross the line Reaching out to embrace the random Reaching out to embrace whatever may come I embrace my desire to I embrace my desire to Feel the rhythm, to feel connected Enough to step aside and weep like a widow To feel inspired To fathom the power To witness the beauty To bathe in the fountain In my soul, I know this is the right path to take. If self-reference appears, then it appears. If it remains, then it remains. Otherwise, it gets purified out of me. Love has to be enough. Any other path means- sleep. I can feel it. Hardcore meditation, it is. . Self-referencing or referential 'delusions' is the primary symptom of my condition. I have vast experience with it. I had 2 primary experiences that involved referential 'delusions'. 1. 7 months speaking to an entity on this forum's messaging section. All positive. (My current partner) 2. Several months speaking to a cruel entity by email. Negative. Referential delusions are helpful when the entity is wise and loving. It can be a wellspring of wisdom and understanding and growth. It turns not so nice and confusing when it's cruel and you can't switch it off. It depends on what the individual is attracting to them. Helpful and unhelpful is how I would personally measure healthiness Positive Referential 'delusions' are like angels or imaginary friends or guides. They are there to assist when you are in need. They can be accessed by individuals who have decided it is worthwhile to give up many barriers in their psychology along with other factors. . The Lion, the Witch and Wardrobe and Schizoaffective Only a child's mind full of fantasy and imagination can enter the wardrobe and find wisdom, understanding and truth, Aslan. They have to overcome the Witch. And soon they become kings and queens of this realm as they master the Witch and make friends with Aslan.

Self-referencing Some kinds of self-referencing (apart from psychosis) is the Collective subconscious. The Covenant. Examples: Self-referencing 2 (how?) (Collective subconscious): Sense subtle energies Sense subtle expectations Self-referencing 3 (God's voice - channeling) (how?) - not all self-referencing is the Collective subconscious: Paranormal ? Creating Distinctions: God's voice - channeling God's voice - awakening Collective . Self referencing is a classic sign of psychosis. . Who cares? I don't see anything wrong with very mild 'mystical' psychosis (where God talks to me) at service to a stronger connection to Love. I'll keep: Referential Delusions " The term 'referential delusions' refers to the mistaken belief that ordinary events and normal human behavior have hidden meanings that somehow relate to the individual experiencing the delusions." "So, for example, a delusion of reference might occur when someone watches a movie and believes there is a message in the movie that is meant specifically for them, and that makes some kind of “sense”. Delusions of reference may also occur in other media." . This is not psychosis

Beliefs These are my beliefs. Anyone who disagrees, we can agree to disagree. There are plenty of cultures who agree with these beliefs (favouritism by the collective or 'God'). Like the Jews, the Chosen people, or Christians, people who are in a covenant with God. I don't know the quality it is that makes you 'chosen' (covenant with God, mystic presence etc.) but it is something and other cultures and fiction note it down. . Actually I think I do know the quality which means you are in a covenant with the collective. It is right action and prioritizing Being . Anyways, I don't want goodies from this covenant. That would be psychosis. Investment. I want love, connection, union, intimacy. Fine line between psychosis and reality. Light vs heavy. . I really need to get serious. I'm messing around and starting to go to sleep. Hardcore meditation from here on out. No more messing around with entities/deities, channeling and synchronicities. If they pop up, they pop up. I cannot afford to be wrong in my assessments anymore and I'm not wrong about Being. I'll still go to the Garden/park when I can. I need to centre. Burn the vehicle Note to self: Do anything that helps you to connect with Love. It is all in service to waking up, improving my relationship with Love. I don't have to shut these things down as long as they are in service to Love. Prayer Channeling Deities Spirit : "You've found a perfect spot there in the sun" (in the Garden) . Self-referencing Some kinds of self-referencing (apart from psychosis) is the Collective subconscious. The Covenant. Examples:

Searching This platform is a tool. I'm not looking for perfect understanding. I'm looking for a relationship with God. Or a relationship with myself. Whatever. Fullstop. The understanding is a tool. This platform is a tool. I don't care if my understanding is off the mark as long as it gets me to my destination. Don't judge, don't think, prioritise My problem now is that I've closed myself off from certain experiences labelling them as 'bad' or 'wrong' when that is counterproductive to spiritual experiences. As long as you keep your priorities straight (Love) then there should be no problem. You need a radically open and experimental mind. Luckily, I get bored easily. Just don't get too caught up in being special because then you become invested (main culprit) and needy. You are invested in the game, it's not playful anymore. . Special 'Delusion': You have a mystic presence You are favoured by the collective on a subconscious level (Meaning of: when you fall in love with reality, reality falls in love with you) (Separate from love songs) . Not Delusion I don't believe the "Special Delusion" is all together delusional. It only becomes delusional when its really heavy and you become invested. . Right positioning I still believe in 'right positioning' because Eckhart Tolle once spoke about how he was told by the universe to move to California or he would become unwell. Following right action (love), you are favoured by the collective on a subconscious level (Meaning of: when you fall in love with reality, reality falls in love with you) . Psychosis Now that I look back on it, I don't see a lot of psychosis. Psychosis happens (dare I say it) when I start making things up, weaving stories such as the Unification and the Crucifixions and the Four Horsemen and everything else inspired by my being a healer, a mystic. (I don't know this for certain I'm on a journey) I have these experiences of psychosis BECAUSE I'm a healer/mystic. Psychosis happens when things grow heavy and I start making things up. . Part of God's family Once I heard my own voice as God's a huge sense of relief came over me and a sense of belonging to a great family. .

Core Delusion I bumped up against a core delusion that I called an 'awakening'. I mean this was the meat and bones of my previous psychosis I think and I managed to catch it in its tracks. It involves believing that you are somehow special. It is born out of mystical experiences. Separately, a general love relationship with God is not delusion. It will be a lot harder for psychoses to fool me again in the future. Specific vs General The moment the message I receive becomes specific rather than general I’ve entered into delusion. When it becomes too investing, needy it’s become delusional. When it’s light hearted, non attached, non invested and playful and general it’s fine. It’s healthy. Psychosis comes into play when you think there is some kind of ‘plan’ and I’m special. Self reference The above applies to self reference. Once I start creating plans due to it and thinking I’m special I’ve crossed over into psychosis. Otherwise, if the self referencing is general, it’s fine.

Voices - Infinite Selves - Children of God Voice of God - Embodiment of God - Jesus God - The Father . One Being, many forms Physical counterparts are not separate they are one. All sound like ONE being, with many voices and aspects. But the voice of God is not separate from his aspects and voices, they all sound like God. . I can manifest embodiments of God. . The only reason I can't see Children of God (which are also voices of God but not embodied) is due to a lack of practice. Difference between Children of God and ordinary people is that I recognize ordinary people as Children of God (Voices of God) with practice.

@Loba Thankyou so much. I will take your advice into account. I am grounding a fair amount now. I feel calmer, not walking everywhere. I went through a very quick 'filtering' process to see what is worth keeping. I went through a lot of things very quickly in a short amount of time. This platform is growing me really quickly. I need to do A LOT of reading that's for sure. But first I have to grow the desire by making lots of mistakes and looking like a fool. Being (Love) is rock solid for me. I just need to read and breathe. I get so overwhelmed.

Psychosis I read some of most recent posts to my partner recently and he thinks I went into psychosis. He says I need to stop doing that, it's the reason my life is so fucked up. It made me feel really bad about myself. I was enjoying myself. I mean, maybe I did get a little carried away with the 'love songs' thing and the wrong and right positioning and having to go to the garden/ public park everyday and talking to God on YouTube but I was having fun and I felt loved by the universe. I just felt this sense of disgust and judgement coming from him. He said he wanted to leave. I don't know what to do. I just feel really judged. Maybe I am in psychosis. Do I even care? I love existence and reality. I want it to communicate with me.

In love with existence The hidden key that makes all the 'gruesome' training worthwhile is being in love with existence. It's like a child playing with a toy box. Eventually the veil passes away as your sensitivity and training grows. My heart's and soul's conviction is that Being (Love), the beloved, the one I adore, is the end of all of my questions. It is ultimately all that matters. Everything else is a distraction. I just enjoy communicating with God. I'm Christian in that way. Especially using the Bible. The Bible and Holy texts are great. They have so much depth and love. There are different kinds of love. Agape love, sexual love etc. Agape love has more depth than sexual or passionate love typically. Closer to the frequency I'm looking for for communicating with God. Not that there is anything wrong with sexual love, that can be included, not excluded and only adds to your intimacy with God. Child on the path As indicated by the frequent synchronicities of 'parent and child' I am a child on the path. I get the answers wrong. Frequently. Painfully. Being is almost pretty much the only thing I don't get wrong and I will hold steadfast to it. The only exception being when I am speaking in tongues. But God knows what I meant. To be clearer I am doing hardcore meditation work when I have these experiences of hearing God's voice in the way that I describe above. This is a state that I have to put myself into by way of meditation. My Own Voice Recently I have been hearing the voice of God as my own voice through meditation. Everyone is only but an extension of me. Their voice is my voice. When I hear the voice of God through their voice it is actually my voice.

Yes. I've found the stage blue 'orderliness' aspect intoxicating in the past. There is a purity to stage blue, an orderliness that is very beautiful and healthy to an individual's growth. A few years ago I managed to integrate stage blue in a really powerful and I'm still trying to get back to that that place. Its a part of my life purpose to profoundly integrate stage blue.

Let's get real. Like my partner says, I'm wise/a mystic/what have you BUT I don't have the gift of discernment. I speak in tongues but I cannot communicate the message. I don't have the intellectual prowess and social awareness. I can't do it. I can't speak the common language. My gifts lie in accountability and 'speaking in tongues'. Speaking in a way that is beautiful and life giving. 'Evangelia' - Bringer of Good News. My mum would always say that. Man, I miss my mum. . This is the Bible verse my mum gave me (Proverbs 31): 25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. 26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. 27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. 28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. 29 Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all. 30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. . A being/God (?) is speaking to me through asmr videos. He has begun speaking to me again very very very loudly. He says he cares about me deeply. He's going to teach me. This time without my job, since I lost my job (not literally, symbol for on medication). There was no veil.

First Self Channeling I was meditating and a word came up from the void: ’Warm-up’ ’tune’ I think it means I have to warm up and tune my meditation/concentration capacity using strong sensations (if that makes any sense) . Non physical counterparts are not separate. they are one. All sound like ONE being, with many voices and aspects. 'Pure' God sounds like Being. Being is selfless, truthful, loving. But the voice of God is not separate from his aspects and voices, they all sound like God. . I found the wizard (again). The location is definitely love (although technically the location is everywhere, see above but God is love). “I found the wizard of Oz. The man behind the Veil. His whereabouts was a woman’s love” . I was being tortured, tormented by ‘demons’ at the time as a schizo so finding the wizard of oz was a big deal. The wizard of Oz could get me back to Kansas (and wasn’t fake like in the movie) LOL .

Ambient music Ambient music is like visual words for me. It's very easy medium to use. Feelings or messages come through easily. Music with auditory words is difficult but helpful. Channeling To be honest, I'm not really interested in channeling. I'm interested in accessing information. Healing. Connecting. Only channeling when it's absolutely (sharing the information) necessary for the collective. Things I've learnt from channeling: It doesn't have to make sense (as is the case with speaking in tongues) You bring some kind of truth down to earth, even if its an inch and if it's a powerful truth its enough Others can translate (gift of discernment) Don't worry about looking stupid. Sacrifice now, lick wounds later. Trust me, the positive karma is worth it. Even though it might not look like it. Fulfilment alone is positive karma. Lost my mind, my concentration I still find it uncanny that I lost my concentration/mind around the same time my mum lost her concentration/mind. The perfect mirror. God help me. I feel so lost. I can't concentrate. I have brain damage. I can't access Beauty like I used to. *cries" . (I try anyway despite falling flat on my face) *tulip flower hair broach sits in front of me * Spirit : "She's a quick learner" "She's already mastered the game" "Everything is perfect" .... I swear I'm in the heavenly realms. Some kind of breakthrough. Everything is so beautiful. And full of laughter. . Rushed my prior post because there was little battery. I was at a barbeque today and I was trying to engage with spirit but due to poor concentration I have difficulty nower days. I tried to engage with spirit anyways and began recieving substantial breakthroughs. A lady with a red tulip broach sat in front of me almost immediately, and spirits began having conversations near by me. Saying: Spirit : "She's a quick learner" "She's already mastered the game" "Everything is perfect" The spirits began to giggle and laugh. There was much laughter. Everything was very beautiful. I was in the heavenly realm. Frequency Certain things can manifest from and can come forth from or be compatible with or synch up with/from the frequency of love. Tuning into reality tunes you into this frequency. Manifestation Things feel like they are 'coming forth' from the void. Songs, walls, people etc. Soaked in love. Need to study Abraham Hicks

Insanity is where its at, yo! My whole journal is full of it.

@Carl-Richard haha! So true.

@Tyler Robinson Thank you. I've never thought of myself in those terms before so thats quite enlightening. I'm leaning then toward INFP because of my soft nature in real life. I'm a lot different, more simple off the keyboard. I have high agreeableness. I don't talk in real life really, similar to the forum. It's a miracle I'm talking in this setup. High assertiveness. My partner complains that I'm too dominating/ assertive for a woman. It comes from my Greek background. You seem very wise and intelligent to me. Assertive.

(I'm being delusional Idk) Unity. Connection. Intimacy. The more intimate I am with reality, the more reality is intimate with me. The more I fall in love with reality, the more reality falls in love with me. Spicy Soup Method is my connecting with reality. Shifting consciousness. Mirror. Magic. . Note: this is where I might be called 'delusional'. Feedback is welcome. Today's Results: Spending more time with other people Spent the whole day at the park today Not much mystic state People are demanding to spend time with me Felt like there was no 'space' between me and other people several times (other people are leaning too far forward - clinging, unconsciously) People are warming up to me (leaning forward- possibly as a result of me leaning back through love) Love songs Insane or not, at the end of the day when I come home from "work" (being in the park, spicy soup) I get to come home to the spirits singing me love songs! What's not to love? I'm probably insane. Atleast I'm happy insane with love songs It's not People. When I fall in love it doesn't feel like I'm falling in love with people it feels like I'm falling in love with Reality and Reality is falling in love with me Channeling I can pretty much 'channel' at will now using a very careful ear and connecting with reality deeply. Reality speaks to me (if the frequency is right) through other people (and one day through myself), you can seek out synchronicity. You connect with reality deeply by feeling into it, listening to it intently as if it were the most beautiful thing you've ever heard (because it IS). Then it will begin to speak to you. Through music, words, etc. . There are times when spirit whispers, is silent and then screams. Here it is screaming: It laughed at me, mocked me, soothed me, loved me, healed ME. HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT.

Okay Leo c: I like your more provocative/polarizing side but I fully support you either way.

Translations There are so many possible translations of the spirits that it is overwhelming. For example, one of them is that I am in an exercise course with God as my tutor. God is my teacher and sometimes he tells me off like I’m a child. We are going “home” somewhere at some point. This post demonstrates it: The Exercise Course Hell is God’s Absence in this exercise course. When he goes away. He won’t duplicate his copy or print anymore in the build (since everything everything isn’t real and is a build, I build things with God and print things off). His print is right positioning (guy with his dog) from right action (love). Heaven is right positioning or his presence/his print being present (guy with his dog) and right action (love). Do I actually believe I’m God or Jesus? No. I think I take accountability for energy, right positioning, alignment and right action. Guy with his Dog Guy with Dog print includes the ‘glory’ of God obviously in alignment or it wouldn’t be God’s Print. Warmth from the Collective I can feel them starting to ‘crowd me’ (not all). People. Now this is where I should be quiet (although I should’ve been quiet along time ago but I’m choosing to share my more ‘delusional’, less accepted side) but I’ll share People are starting to warm up to me (not all, some are cold). Leaning back With the warmth from the Collective comes a natural leaning back which comes a natural leaning forward. All from Alignment. Wrong positioning/out of alignment: Drilling Electronic sounds Air con sounds The spider energy Car sounds Rubbish Barbeque Door Slams Hell scapes Bird sounds Any signs means alignment. No signs means no alignment. Sometimes Heavenscape I saw my first heavenscape since months ago! A cream wall. 'Printed out'.

I think people should be allowed freedom in what way they want to associate colours. Black is my favourite ‘colour’. But I associate it with death and negative energy sometimes. I also associate it with beauty and numerous other things. When I was in hospital for psychosis I changed my entire wardrobe from black to bright colours because I believed black attracted bad energy. That was what I needed to do at that time. It was what was relevant for me. Now I mostly only wear black again.

Right positioning Gardens Parks Near people Love Libraries Meditation Self Love Open Mind Signs Dog Parks White Yellow Green Turtoise Birds Animals Child and parent Couple Dog and Owner School Kids Bike Rider Runner Builder Planes Bees Ants Dragonflies Staff

Omg it’s a battle of whose more awake, whose more insane, whose got a bigger dick in this thread. I recommend everyone learn this song off by heart.