susanyzm

After watching Leo's video Learning=Observation, I decide to observe myself closely to see what determines my behavior the most. So far, I believe it's the one hour deep relaxation yoga before bedtime that determines my vibration level for the majority part. But I never observed myself very closely to implement the routine with firm commitment. I need to keep track of the difference that this habit makes to make it stick. Monday: I did 30 min yoga before bedtime on Sunday. I felt I didn't do any bedtime stretching because it was too late into the night. The whole day I felt quite uneasy. I ordered spicy and sweet snack. Tuesday: I ordered three take-outs, one for lunch, one for fruit, one for snack. I did one hour stretching from 9:40-10:40 pm, which was pretty late. Wednesday: I got up in a very sad mood. I ordered two take-out, a spicy noodle, a baked bun, very dry, a pack of nut chocolate, two bags of chips, and finished them while watching shows on bilibili. I drank two black coffee. I felt short on breath and coughed from time to time. I slept from 13:30-18:00, having weird dreams of being light in my body like on the moon, and then dropping fast. I was at one point wondering when I'd hit the ground. Then I cooked dinner, with proper meat, vegetables and rice. I watched two old comedies. I laughed, but my whole spirit remained quite somber. The whole day, old bad memories flooded my brain, reminding me how sad my life was. Then, at 8:30 pm, I turned on guided meditation and did one hour yin yoga. I simplified the moves and got very deep stretch in my legs. I felt that affirmations soaked in my body in the later half of the session. After the stretching, I felt quite refreshed. Then I answered some questions from friends on how to have deep sleep, read some news, and went to sleep. I did not fall asleep very fast because I slept so much during the day. But I felt assured that my body was deeply cleansed. Thursday: I got up at 7:00 am, cleaned the dishes and the apartment, did 20 min yoga, finished the morning journal, and didn't have the urge to use any time of stimulation. I felt pretty calm just sitting comfortably on the couch, reading and having small chat with friends. This has shown me how big a difference a proper bedtime yoga session can make.

There's a small technique you could try. It works for me： Open the chakra between the eye brows. This chakra is the channel to the higher self. You'll feel guided and assured when it is open. Tilt your head upward when you meditate. This will automatically shift your focus to this chakra. Also, I feel that my eye brows are very tight. Even when I feel generally relaxed, it's still very tight. I have to consciously relax it. This could be quite a direct way to re-connect with your higher self, skipping the complicated arguments in the head. Good luck!

I choose to realize my life purpose. I accept the pain that comes along with it. So far, I find joy far more than pain in this process.

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I did 30 min yoga stretching. Let's see how my mind goes today. I really enjoy stretching. I like a highly flexible body. 2. Praying: 3. Reflect, reflect, reflect Learning is a life style. 4. The bubble of love I say to myself "You're safe" when I felt the urge to compare myself with others. It's a soft cushion against the harsh inner critique.

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I did one hour yoga stretching focusing on deep breath and humming accompanied by Tibetan bowl music. Then 10 min meditation with Deepak Chopra. The humming is very healing. I hum very loudly when hurtful memories arise. I feel that I'm spitting all the negativity out with humming. 2. Praying: Dear Heavenly Father, Lord I thank you that your thoughts are higher than mine, for that what I cannot foresee you already know full well. I thank you for hope and I put my faith and trust in you. Thank you for calling me to my purpose and ensuring the final outcome. You already know my thoughts and plans and I pray that they will always coincide with your Will and Way. In Jesus name I pray. Amen. 3. Reflect, reflect, reflect I ask several questions to my soul every day. This will keep me on track of knowing myself and maintaining the awareness on the big picture.

I need to criticize myself less, or stop it all at once. Criticism leads to self-destructive behaviors. It stokes emotion and blurs my judgment and sanity. All my bad habits are generated by my abusive self talk. This can be quite counter-intuitive: self-acceptance with strong compassion is the best motivation driver. Nothing is good or bad. It's just "Is". Take information from the situation and process it. Make adjustment according to it. When I find myself or the situation below the expectations, I'll tell myself: "This is a signal for me to make adjustment. Nothing more than this." I failed at my healthy diet yesterday again. This is a signal: "You need to be more focused on relaxation. Otherwise the fear and anxiety stored up in you body will knock you off from time to time." Just start. It's not that difficult. You probably don't know what you are doing and this feeling will come up even if you are on track. It's okay. It's the journey that grows you, not the results. Grow it. And it will grow you.

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I did one hour yoga stretching focusing on deep breath and humming accompanied by meditation music. The humming got stronger. I felt I had so much pain and fear stored in my body that I needed strong humming to release them. Then I did half an hour meditation of gratitude. I need more flexibility and less resistance in my body. This is the priority. 2. Praying: Father in Heaven, I am so grateful that You have not given me a spirit of fear because fear is from Satan and it is the enemy of my faith. By the power of Your Holy Spirit, I submit my life to You and resist the devil and all of his fear mongering and he will flee from me. Thank you that my faith in Your faithfulness is my greatest weapon against fear. In these prophesied end times help me to stand firm in my faith as I draw near to You regardless of what continues to come in jolting waves disrupting my life and comfort zones. Yahshua (Jesus) it brings me peace to know that in the uncertain volatile times upon the earth, in the midst of this global pandemic of fear and “social distancing”, that You will never leave or forsake me. I am comforted by Your words, “Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God”. Holy Spirit, I ask You to strengthen me to stand immovably firm in saving grace and faith. Thank You for the wisdom I am learning from the quarantine and “social distancing”, knowing I need to be drawing so much closer to You so that when the next sudden upheaval comes on earth I will not be overcome with fear but will overcome fear with faith. Thank you for drawing my focus away from this earth to look upward for the blessed hope, Your glorious appearing. I praise Your name Yahshua (Jesus), You are my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, and my ever present help in times of trouble. In You alone will I trust and be eternally secure. Amen. 3. Reflect, reflect, reflect I ask several questions to my soul every day. This will keep me on track of knowing myself and maintaining the awareness on the big picture.

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I did one hour yoga stretching focusing on deep breath and humming accompanied by Deepak Chopra's meditation guidance. I got 3 hours' deep sleep. Pretty good. I feel that anxiety has been flushed out of my body. I feel more desire within me. Today I'm gonna try Tibetan ring bowl as meditation music to cleanse my cells. 2. Praying: Father, Bless me with the ability to discern the dreams that come from You and the courage to embrace them. I will not be afraid of the dream and will never stop until the dream is fulfilled. I am thoroughly confident that every dream You have given I am more than able to live and achieve them. Amen. 3. Reflect, reflect, reflect Reflection makes me question my beliefs. My old beliefs are imprisoning me. I must set myself free. ---- I cleanse the resistance out of my body every day.

I didn't know that I should put myself out there to feel the right balance for myself. I always listen to what other people say and feel frustrated that I'm not getting the same results as other people do. Leo's right, even Buddha can't give me an exactly correct piece of advice because he is not me. I learn general principles, practices and eventually I need to experiment them on myself and make minute adjustment along the way. Other people's truth is not my truth. My truth is not anybody else's truth. I was quite a newbie. I asked for quick fixes. I reasoned and rationalized a lot. I didn't care much about spiritual. I was living too much in my head rather than my body. Now I start to change and grow.

I didn't know that I should put myself out there to feel the right balance for myself. I always listen to what other people say and feel frustrated that I'm not getting the same results as other people do. Leo's right, even Buddha can't give me an exactly correct piece of advice because he is not me. I learn general principles, practices and eventually I need to experiment them on myself and make minute adjustment along the way. Other people's truth is not my truth. My truth is not anybody else's truth. I was quite a newbie. I asked for quick fixes. I reasoned and rationalized a lot. I didn't care much about spiritual. I was living too much in my head rather than my body. Now I start to change and grow.

Everyone has his or her own journey in finding their truth. It is very important to find my own truth by trials and errors. Yoga in a classroom is quite distracting because I need to check the teacher's posture and I am unconsciously comparing to other people, which pulls me away from the most important thing: breathing. So now I do yoga on my own. Eating disorder is the result of disassociation with the feeling of the body. I need to cleanse my body every day to keep it sensitive. I cried watching this video. I think it's because this is exactly the life I want: a beautiful family, rising early in the morning to practice yoga in beautiful nature, enjoying alone time, meeting people and animals, and going ahead to start the day with an energized body and mind. Trauma resides in the body. I need to constantly remind myself of this, especially when I slip back to old self-sabotaging behaviors. Stop blaming myself and start cleansing the body.

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I added more focus on breathing and put on meditation music throughout the session. The result is unbelievable! I hit 4 hours' deep sleep last night for the first time! Normally my deep sleep is 2.5 to 3 hours. I woke up feeling the resistance in my body totally cleansed. 2. Praying: Dear Lord, I often spend my time worried and unhappy about things that may never happen, and yet I know that this is not only wrong in Your sight, but it is affecting me and my relationship with my friends and family. Change me Lord, from the inside out, so that I do not fret and worry about things that may never happen, but help me rather to focus my mind on what is good and lovely. Enable me to give others the support and encouragement that they need, and not always expect others to address the needs and concerns that I have. Lord, I know that I can never change on my own, but I know that when I allow You to work Your good work through me, I will show forth Christ’s love in my life, rather than my own selfishness. Lord, I know that without You I cannot change, but I praise You that I can do all things, including changing my attitude, through Christ Who gives me the strength. Thank You, Lord, for Your everlasting grace towards me. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. Source: https://prayer.knowing-jesus.com/Prayers-for-Change 3. Be aware of my body and breathing. I tilt my head towards the upper side of my eyesight in the metro. This position naturally focuses my attention on the third eye. I breath through my throat and will be doing yoga stretching throughout the day intermittently. Let's see the result. ---- My body is a universal energy conductor.

I question myself a lot: "Should I be doing this? Is this right for me? I thought it would work out but why it doesn't? Was my decision wrong?" Now, I know I can just view it as an opportunity to ponder upon my life. I need to give them deeper thinking than emotional reaction of "look you messed up again."

Small wins today: 1. Stretching and meditation before bedtime: I didn't do it. Anxiety washes over me. It's so strong that I just completely abandoned the commitment. It also makes me question the effectiveness of this habit. But I know I can't quit. I need to improve the way I do it. So I'll do it with more focus and awareness on my body. Put on meditation music and guidance throughout the session. Deepak Chopra's meditation seems pretty good. I'll build more routine into it to create auto consistency. 2. Praying: 3. Be aware of my body. I'm trying to be aware of it. I wriggle my toes, take deep breath and tap on my hands to remind myself: "Hey, you are here and now. You are in your body. You are not anywhere else. ---- I am at ease in my skin.

It looks like you've hit a bottleneck in self-actualization. Leo has a great video in breaking this bottleneck, which is through the body. I personally resonate a lot with his message. Leo said he does not talk much body because he's naturally quite intellectual and people are not supposed to only rely on him as the only source of growth. He has recommended kriya yoga. I don't practice a specific type of yoga, but I find just deep breathing and stretching the body releases a lot of trauma and stuck emotions. Your low-self confidence is also stored deeply in your body, not in your head. One more thing: when we believe that we have tried everything, we are far from having tried everything. Open up your mind to new approaches. Good luck!