INIT

No purpose. No reason to be. Just there. Everything. Yes, it is beautiful. Yes, it is a miracle. Yes, it's torturous. Why shouldn't I? No reason not to be.

Its a joke isn't it.. i can't not take it seriously though

Someone has too??

I don't really give a shit about suffering now to be completely honest with you. my desire to know what death is is not due the suffering that i sometimes experience, (although sometimes it is). But it is mainly there on its own. (After a WTF IS ALL OF "LIFE" moment lol. it is kind of like a feeling that its the only thing that is there to do really. To know what death is. I mean think of it, whoever we are, we are all going towards death and most of us are denying that fact by distracting ourselves with surface level trivial bullshit that we convince ourselves and others are "important things". When i experience a "bad" feeling, its only a feeling to me because i've got no idea who i am, cant describe myself in any way because i would be lying. What the fuck is that feeling? Why was it there a few hours ago and why isn't it there now? Did it die? Where did it go and how was it even here in the first place? Why was it here?

Yea.. its kind of weird actually lol i was like yea i am feeling depressed, lets try to love that feeling. After accepting that feeling of depression and actually kind of loving it fully it fades away on its own.

i want to know what death is

This shits complicated lol

I can agree that there is no mover since i cannot find the mover, yet movement is happening. Which is impossible in of itself. If there is movement, there should be someone in control of the movement. But i see movement with no mover.

So fingers moving without a mover? Bodies moving without a mover? Animals walking without a mover? certainly there needs to be a mover, i Cannot conclude that there is no one moving everything Including our fingers

So no one is moving? My fingers are not moving right now? I can see them moving on their own, no mover, just movement. The question is who is moving, if the answer is no one, then how can there be movement.

Yup, i've got no say in it. Who does?

How are things moving if there is no one there to move them?

@Bulgarianspirit i am aware of who i am. Knowing who you are will not change the circumstances you are in, nor will it change the people around you. it will only change you personally. My ego is currently undergoing the process of radically changing but is also realizing how fucking dangerous that is considering where i am from.

Thats one way of saying it. You could also say that I do exist, i am the only thing that does exist and the only thing that will ever exist. And no, not me in terms of this body/mind lol.

Am i going to die?

You still dont get it do you?

Hahahahahahahhahahahahahaha nice joke. Truth is, we are all fucked

I dont seem to have any fucking option do i? I am. In order to type this fucking text right now i need to be first. Wherever i am, the fact is that I AM. Cant unsee that ever. Because noone can relate to me and i can relate to noone. It hurts

So if i put i gun to my head and pull the trigger i won't die? I think this body will not be anymore. Nor this phone that i am holding. Nor the "people" you accuse of loving me. I don't fucking know what they are. You are referring to "me" as if you know who i am. You are referring to "me" as if i am a "human being". I'm not. I dont know who i am. I don't. I dont know shit and im sick of anyone who claims that he knows. I have been labelled crazy by my closest friends, weird and awkward by society expressing whatever this moment is, no one can relate. Maybe i am insane, because if This is not fucking insane i have got no idea what is.

Fuck god.

Living feels like getting sucked into a cutting machine in slow motion