yetineti

First— I will not hurt myself. I have never self harmed and I am actively trying to take better care of myself. Second— I am tired and will likely not respond until tomorrow. It is late here. I will vent my situation and will be open to advice. Ultimately, I am not happy with myself and beat myself up. I tell myself I know what to do and when it does not work out or I find no motivation I throw a fit. — I am a control freak and I do not even know what I am controlling. I completely disassociated years ago. I smoke too much weed. I had purpose with my family as a teenager in a Devilish sense I could only have imagined. I sacrificed my own sanity to maintain sanity. Acting as my parents own psuedo parents, babying them through their decisions in scenarios where I was given responsibility and no control. Living alone now, for a couple of years, I am burnt out. My systems suck. I am impatient. I catastrophize. — I bounce between relativism, absolute certainty, intellectual understanding, hypersensitive feeling, complete not knowing.. — I bounce between deep emotional attachment and what comes across as ruthlessness. I view caring as stupid. Emotion attachment is stupid. Yet I overextend myself to others to the point of vomit. — And I worry about people in my life right now. I chose solitude the best I could young. I had an intuitive fear as a kid that one day I’d stand embarrassed, in front of the whole world. It almost feels like that. Watching loved ones fade while I remain skeptical of my own perspective and attachments, responsibilities, rationals, etc. — I overthink. — I am afraid to share my circumstances. I worry my attachment is a weakness. — Dad is unwell, low funds, suicidal, ‘reaching that point.’ — I am a control freak. I have not found my purpose. I have no purpose. — Loneliness. — Bad foundation. — Optimistic. — I meddle in others lives, elegantly. I have long lost the line of intent. I understand now, why, and my responsibility it remains. — Had results in numerous domain. No progress. I feel the difference. Beginners luck. — Lazy. — Cynic. — Spiral. — I should meditate— a lot (what kind?). Quit/greatly reduce weed intake. Stop catastrophizing and calm down. — “You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss.” — I don’t know what that quote has to do with anything and I post all of this at risk of seeming insane. I am comfortable with that. I am not comfortable in general though. — Absorb. Purge. Absorb… — Reality is madness.

😂😂😂😂😂

@Leo Gura You are more provocative in your methods than I ever would’ve imagined. You should have a degree in Experience Engineering.

Why use the term ‘God’ at all? Why not just say ‘Everything?’ You are Everything. I am Everything. Everything is an Endless Love Dream, etc. @Leo Gura

I use AI quite extensively, actually. I have used it for diet and supplements, for example. I find I am willing to tell it height, weight, etc. I will also explain specific situations and see what it thinks as well. I am just weary of it being centralized, like with a journal, or accidentally giving personal information, etc. It also struggles with such large context awareness like you may be wanting, at least with out custom models or additional funding.

AI can be a gift or a curse. It will not make a good commonplace journal/journal. It’s memory is poor, it would depend which AI you use, data issues, no real back up for data, no file management system or custom organization, etc. There is also epistemic consequences that have to be considered for such a thing. Be careful giving your sovereignty to anything, especially an AI. Do not give AI any personal data, remain vague, avoid using qualifying information/information that could build too personal of a data log on you, etc. Always use a VPN and encrypted emails or burner emails that do not have your name/qualifying information in them. — If you can do that, AI will be great. I’d highly recommend ChatGPT and even ChatGPT+ for $20 a month. You get a very liberal amount of usage time and if you can remain anonymous enough it can provide some great contemplation and insights. — You do not even have to protect your privacy to the extent I do— mainly I do not think it would make a great commonplace journal. Its format is not suited for that. — For a commonplace journal, I used to use a 2010s version of OneNote. I had to buy it from Germany, though, and I think it probably is not sold anymore. I do not trust new, cloud, serviced writing applications. I like having personal backups and data privacy. — I once heard, ‘If all you tell is the Truth, you won’t have to remember a thing.” I do not remember where I heard that. But I ended up living by it, maybe more than I’d like to admit. — I use reminders, ‘vent’ journal, leave myself notes, save documents or charts on my phone, have a calendar, etc. But really the idea of a commonplace is a knowledge catalogue, in my interpretation. It’s obviously more than that as well. Which is why I do not like to put my eggs all in one basket. I have already done that with my self. — If all I tell is the Truth, I won’t have to remember a thing. — I have no need to recite numbers or facts. When I contemplate something, it is either understood or it is not. I am either right or I am wrong. The answers may change or they may not. — I find the process around a commonplace book highly engaging, fun and practical regardless of whether there is actually a commonplace book itself haha.

Which were you?

In order to leave a country and live somewhere else easily and comfortably, people usually have to have at least one of these traits: a) Highly socially adaptable b) A job offer c) Family ties d) Wealthy e) Retired f) Fleeing crisis g) Specialized skills or education h) Government sponsorship or diplomatic status i) Marriage or partnership j) Student status k) Asylum or refugee status l) Investor or entrepreneur visas

@oldhandle I’m not arguing that America is better than Europe. I’m saying leaving out of fear and emotion isn’t a strategic decision. If you think things were bad, the burden is on you to explain why leaving was necessary for you. Otherwise, it was just reacting out of fear, not making a thoughtful decision. — Are you actually looking for a discussion, or just for people to agree with you? If the goal was to debate leaving vs. staying, wouldn’t you be making the case for why leaving was necessary instead of expecting everyone else to justify staying? It seems like you’re looking for validation.

@oldhandle Sarcasm isn’t an argument, and exaggeration isn’t evidence. If you think leaving is the only rational choice, then make the case for it. Otherwise, all you’re proving is that this is just fear and emotions masquerading as strategy.

So standing firm and handling things rationally is ‘cucked,’ but running away at the first sign of trouble isn’t? Interesting logic. Definitionally, leaving a place due to fear or instability is fleeing—I used that word correctly. I never said it makes someone a traitor; that was added by yourself. Yes, moving to another country is a privilege. If you have that privilege but choose to stay— it means you see value in staying. And if you have that privilege and do not understand how it is a privilege that is called being ungrateful. If you also think exercising that privilege to leave is a necessity rather than a choice, you’re just panicking and acting entitled to said panic instead of standing your ground and being strategic about your positioning and actions. If you moved halfway through the Biden administration or feel like you need to move now— that is by definition fleeing. And if that made sense to you, you would’ve made a point instead of dismissing me. — Biden’s economy could be expensive. It also took awhile to recover. But it was nothing like 2008 or other examples. If you make over $34,000 a year you’re in the top 1% of the world. People will always complain, run, justify, dismiss. Nobody wants to sit still and deal with any of it. @oldhandle

@Socrates Running isn’t a strategy, it’s a reaction. Staying where I am is the least risky thing I could do and the most fiscally sound.

@Jodistrict I wish this was obvious to Americans. They all sound so ungrateful. Like you said, they won’t move. And I won’t either. Because there is not a better system than America. There is no obvious 2nd option. Everybody talks about leaving the US. Nobody tells you where they’d go. If there was a better system to exploit, Americans would be exploiting it already. — And for the millionth time, everyone, it costs money to leave. How spoiled of you to even be able to decide what country to live in!

@Socrates If you have the option to leave, you are not in a fascist state. At least not an effective one.

@Emerald 90% of people still spend their time the same way they did 10 years ago. What does that tell you? We’re all insulated. It sounds like you have biases of your own, having to deal with the issues around Medicaid and your husband that you described. I would not want to be in your shoes. But I wouldn’t say I’m overly privileged either. I am a white male, but I live alone and I am not rich and I don’t think I will be anytime soon. I have issues too. But I live alone. When the time to flee the country comes, there will be nothing between me and making that decision as I am the only one responsible for me. Most people are far from that. I am far from that. Never panic. If you live alone, you cannot afford too.