Elise

I'm glad to hear it hit the spot. On second thought, I'm not so sure. In general I believe it'd be best for you to focus on how you can be your best self and the best partner in general. Practice compassion and patience and those things will positively influence your relationship as well. So if you are keen on watching videos, I suggest ones that are about things you can change about yourself, rather than watching them on behalf of your girlfriend in hopes that you can pass those teachings on later. It wont work unless she is receptive enough, and if she was, she'd probably be watching those videos herself anyway. So that kind of a thing might only push her further away from you. Being a good companion is always a good trait to possess, as well as emotional intelligence, so those sorts of lessons will never go to waste. So perhaps search for material on those and be purposeful in your practice and self-growth. It'll probably be harder than it might seem right now, because it's tough to change our wiring in those areas. No matter how much you love her, or perhaps exactly because you do, you will feel frustrated a lot. It'll take a lot of maturity to deal with that in a constructive way.

Hi Infinite. Thanks for editing your post to make it more readable. Yours is certainly a tough situation to be in. Depression is such a common struggle nowadays and so is being with a depressed partner, the difficulty of which is often undermined. You seem like a compassionate person and it's very sweet that you're spending so much energy to help your girlfriend, even when she's not making it easy for you. You seem very aware of how truly a life debilitating and ruining chronic depression can be, so it's indeed something to be taken seriously. Personally I believe it to be a curable based on the success stories that exist, but it is so entirely dependent on the person and their willingness to believe in themselves. There seem to be no step-by-step guides that work for everyone, and in fact insisting on any "simple solution" will probably just lead to alienating and depressing your girlfriend further. I'm sure you've heard that it's impossible to help a person who isn't willing to be helped or help themselves. This is unfortunately usually the case with depression. It's really tough to say how much of her mental states are exasperated by hormones, since you are both young. It's possible that she will outgrow some of the emotional problems she is having now with time. By the sound of what you're saying the trend seems unfortunately downward though. As a side note, if she is on hormonal birth control, she needs to quit it. This could very likely be the entire cause of her emotional turmoil. I can attest to that personally as someone who's entire personality was skewed from the pill years back. I went from crying literally everyday, to someone who cried rather rarely. You said you've binged all of Leo's content, so I wont make any recommendations there. I'm glad you've realized that projecting what you've privately learnt is an unlikely way of helping your girlfriend, who seems to be more in need of a shoulder than practical advice. It can be tough to find the right words when her fears and sadness feel irrational or unnecessary. Unfortunately she will always have to come to those kinds of conclusions herself. Whatever it is that she needs to realize about her situation, will likely take years. If you want to stick by her, that's something you'll have to acknowledge and be prepared for. It's also why many people would probably advise you to leave, because sadly there are no guarantees that she will grow out of it, or that if she does, it will happen before your determination for the relationship ends. As for what you can actually do as an attempt to help her... - Try to observe the differences in her mental states and habits. What things trigger her depressive episodes, what habits alleviate them, etc. Even if it's just little things here and there, maybe it will help you navigate your days with her better. You can never go wrong with healthy habits like good sleep, clean diet and exercise. - Is your girlfriend open to trying psychedelics with you? If so, that's something you could look into together, barring she has a medical condition that prevents it or if you believe her mental state is so unstable that it could trigger something even more serious. I'm not an expert on this subject, but I know some people that have cured their mental illnesses via a positive trip. However, please tread cautiously and take precautions as there are also some real risks to this stuff that aren't always brought up in these kinds of forums or circles. - You mentioned that your girlfriend is spiritual. You said she only meditates when you prompt it, but it's still a hugely positive opportunity. Both for her personally as well as for the two of you to bond over. Then again, you said she often struggles to find practical applications for it. So is she more of a practical person or spiritual person? Try to appeal to her personal strengths and preferences and gently nudge her in those directions. - If she is withholding things from you, like the feelings she believes are too dark to bring to light, make sure she feels safe and unconditionally loved with you. If you have responded to her feelings in a dismissive or invalidating way in the past, it can take time to reassure her in the opposite direction. You will need to be boyfriend of the year with the patience of a saint to pull it off, but it's possible. At the same time, you don't want to be too needy, demanding or co-dependent, because that can make her withdraw and feel like she can never give you enough or that she's undeserving of you. It's another potential tightrope for you to walk on. As a parting note, remember to take care of yourself, even if it means mentally distancing yourself on occasion in order to avoid being pulled down by her depression. You won't be able to help her if you end up depressed together and it can easily happen if she ever guilts you for feeling happy when she's unable to. It's respectable that you want to work through things with her instead of cutting her loose for your own sake, but you should be aware that sometimes separation can work as a catalyst for self-growth for the left party. That's not guaranteed either though, and I can understand not wanting to feel responsible for possibly making her depression even worse, or encouraging her already existing suicidal thoughts. Regardless, keep yourself reminded that you're not personally responsible for her emotions. I know it's not always easy. Good luck.

Thank you for this thread, I think it's a great idea. I enjoyed the poem you posted and today was definitely a fitting day for me to contemplate it. The poet that immediately came to my mind was Rumi. He has a lot of very beautiful poems about love, existentialism and enlightenment. A lot of them can be found at https://www.rumi.org.uk/poetry/. I haven't read all of his works, although I probably should, but here are some of my favorites: Doing as others told me, I was Blind. Coming when others called me, I was Lost. Then I left everyone, myself as well. Then I found Everyone, Myself as well. ___________________________________________________ There is a life-force within your soul, seek that life. There is a gem in the mountain of your body, seek that mine. O traveler, if you are in search of That Don't look outside, look inside yourself and seek That. ___________________________________________________ You have no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the ocean. Everything I came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So I've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me. ___________________________________________________ Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. Perhaps this one does not count as a poem, but it is also an old favorite of mine. It's apparently the prologue to Bertrand Russell's Autobiography: What I Have Lived For Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair. I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy - ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness--that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what--at last--I have found. With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved. Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer. This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me. Finally, I very much enjoy this classic by William Ernest Henley: Invictus Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.