I hope to get some wiews on my currrent situation. I am 45 and for most og my life used alcohol and drugs to handle my emotions I`ve come to realize. I decided to make an important change in my life and have now been sober for 4 months (not very long, but this will be forever). My exwife had an affair with a woman behind my back for a year, before I discovered and told her to follow her heart. At that time I was just happy to find out that I was not crazy (I had worked a lot with my mind, because I was told this was jealousy and nothing ever happened. So I thought it was something wrong with my head, but it wasn`t). Anyway; my exwife and children moved somewhere else and I handled it like I allways had and started using drugs and drinking more alcohol. After a few years I met my current girlfriend and I want to the right thing and be my true self in this relationship. So I have stopped getting high and I luckily saw Leo Gura at internet. I have started my self improvement and have good meditation routines, but I noticed something in the process. I get more aware of my constant monkeychatting and especially thoughts and negative beliefs about my current girlfriend. This is unfair,but my gutfeeling told me I was right last time.. I have watched Leo Guras "stop beeing jealous" and I am trying to take the higher ground. I also are much more aware of the negative thoughts, I observe them and let them go. I think I am on the right path, but I am struggling with my body. The body feels heavy and wont let go of the negativity. In some sense my awareness of the monkeychatting makes the negative emotions even stronger. I feel i am a little bit stucked and that I bring my previous experiences into the new relationship. My new awareness see this very clearly, but only that does not help. In the age of 45 I have to master my feelings without drugs on many areas. Can I get some wievs on this! Is it sometimes that things get worse before they get better and so on or am I doing something wrong?
