ZenSwift

This is peak Actualized.org hours on Christmas Eve. ?

I would like to know which versions of what religious texts to read, as many of the translations of these texts are such a pain in the ass to read because it is not updated to modern English. Any suggestions are appreciated!

@BipolarGrowth thanks king ?

That's fucking awesome.

Additional Meta-Commentary on this Trip Report: Parent Document of My Trip Reports

Insane visuals for half a tab. I've got that highly connected ADHD brain or something making me super sensitive to these substances. Note: When doing my research, this was by far one of the most helpful trip reports because this girl compared and contrasted her experience with psilocybin. The psychonaught wiki was also my main source for cataloging the long laundry list of visuals you can get on LSD. Super helpful to help prepare me for the trip. October 30th 2021 Dose: About 50mcg, half a tab. Route of Administration: Sublingually. Intentions: - What is Clarity? - Self inquiry. - Getting introduced to LSD. Taken sublingually at 9:00am First 20 minutes. Start dancing to boost my state. - Alejandro by Lady Gaga - Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez LEOO you gotta add this song to your playlist: - Dancing on my own by Robyn Feeling excited. I feel like it's gonna hit me when I least expect it lol. 30-40 mins Been sitting for awhile, pretty bored. A bit of yawning? A bit of nausea? Maybe? 47 mins Anxiety in chest? Mom calls me, giggles. She's my trip sitter. Something is shifting. 50 minutes A bit of nausea in the stomach Loss of focus. 57 minutes Lying on the floor with my dog, waiting for something cool to happen. Kind of bored. 1h 5min Maybe a bit of pattern recognition. Feeling slow. Breathing couch Flattening visuals. The couch and pillows are one surface. Perspective distortions. Just feel funny. Been feeling very sluggish. Clarity is the ability to see through reality. >Probably the only thing I got from this intention lol, I've already contemplated what clarity was for several hour beforehand sober. 1h 18 min Tired af, yawning af Blurred vision. Seeing colours around my phone keyboard letters. Just noticed I'm being taken under now. 1h 30 min Visuals, patterns in the snow on the tarp EXACTLY like those tree Visuals. Feel like I'm in the middle of a sleep. Giggles. Good body high. 1h 30 Visuals. Vibration. Body is vibrating. Teeth chattering. Lots of giggles. I perceive the house differently. Each space is its own room. Each spot of the room becomes its own corner of reality. 1h 41min In a really good mood. Blurred movement. >> Tracers on everyone walking around me. Visual example. When I look at my mothers face I see tracers pulsating outwards from each wrinkle on her face. Pulsating tracers on pretty much everything. Salivation. 1h 50 min Super comfortable, yet asleep, yet awake. Half in Reality, half out. Half in my head, half in conventional physical reality. Increased vision for detail. Super easy to be distracted. Super free to easily contemplate. 2h Kicked in. >I look at my arm, and the hairs on my arm are dancing to the music. > I think at around here I went for a walk with my mom, walking my dogs, and we were looking at the gorgeous mountain views. Nice and sunny, nice nippy cold, blue skies, trees everywhere, late fall season, greens and oranges and blues and golden yellows. I got this wicked holistic insight. Where I saw reality as this context-less amalgamation of evolution, and how I was just a part of that. I imagined myself as an eyeball growing out of the ground like a plant to look at myself. I saw reality from a perspective free from the several stories we tell ourselves to ground our reality in, and reality felt like a funky dream that was like walking in the dream world from the video game Tak 2. It felt like Minecraft pre-classic. Minecraft version rd-132211. I was FILLED with wonder about how strange reality actually is. This was probably the BEST part of my trip. Looking out at the mountains, realizing how mysterious it was that all of this was there. It was all consciousness, it was all foreign, it was raw. Raw reality is the most beautiful. I got a tiny hint of what it would feel like to realize that I created that mountain. >Later I look at my face in the mirror When I get home, and I see patterning on my face, my face is melting, I see a man stretched out like a starfish on my nose like mermaid man's nose cover. I see objects stretching. >Just a funny thing to add in. At some point here I went to take a piss and I looked down, I saw the toilet slanted af, it was very difficult to trust that I'm aiming properly in the toiler because I was getting so much pulsing tracers moving the toilet and not letting see a solid bowl that doesn't move that I can aim into. I look at my belly and I feel like a small vulnerable creature, extremely small and vulnerable. I look at my penis and its really fuckin small. I'm just like "Damn really?". I was thinking about things with in regards to exploring my sexuality, making me feel vulnerable as fuck, and I was like, "I am not thinking about this right now." Later... 3h17min >Around here I end up throwing my entire trip. I fucked up by having someone message me over some stupid thing that I was selling and the dude wouldn't stop bothering me for it. But what ended up happening is that became my entire reality. I felt like my strings were being pulled like I was a marionette doll. Like my consciousness was being wrapped down in vines. It snowballed and became such a huge thing so fast. My body was tense and stressed. I was deep in the quicksand, deep in the mud, deep in the tar, 6 feet under. I was super frustrated that this threw me off so much. >So this was a great learning experience in learning how to control and manage a trip going sour. I changed my environment, I walked into different rooms, etc. I managed to deal with it while on acid, and resolved the issue by letting go of the buyer, transferring the 10 bucks back, blah blah blah. Haha not fucking worth the 10 bucks. Jesus Christ. >Reality was trying to give me a warning shot. To make sure that I have EVERYTHING under control for future trips I video call @Aaron p , and he's lobotomized on 300mcg of LSD. I end up laughing so much at his inability to formulate sentences that I literally fall out of my chair and start to roll on the floor laughing. Aaron is on YouTube watching Ali g skits. "Bro let's play rocket league." I laughed so much I managed to save myself from the trip. Completely shifted the mood. Thanks Aaron. The only thing that exists is what's in your direct Consciousness. Everything else is maps, of what you think exist. Second order reality, doesn't exist right now. >I need to understand what Leo means exactly when he says first order reality and second order reality. >My vision becomes blurry, especially my left eye, it's like my eyes stop working properly. I put on my prescription sunglasses to sharpen my vision. I stare at my hand, and I experience magnification on my hand, I see the cracks in my knuckles in my skin. I see every fine little detail, it becomes HD, then 4k, then 8k. Then I see another hand in the completely opposite direction overlaid on my own hand. I'm gonna have my glasses available to me going forward. 5h 12 min Having trouble to sit down and focus. So distracted the whole trip. >I look at my hand, and the birthmark on my finger sneaked around to the other side. >I look at my curtain with a pattern flower design on it and the patters start to break apart and move in all directions along the curtain. First order reality, second order reality The difference between them is a spectrum. > Your first order reality bubble renders in from your second order reality map (?) I still don't understand the difference between first order reality and second-order reality. If I learn a million things about God, I'll be able to find God himself. > Basically describing my insight on how doing all of this consciousness work eventually adds up to enlightenment. I understand that my reality is constructed by stories. 6h When I'm selfish I suffer. What you haven't let go will cause a bigger snowball down the road. If I let go of everything I will do nothing. ---------- Earplugs help a lot with Consciousness work. And they help a lot with an LSD trip. Transformation visuals. The ceiling fan was stretching, moving, shrinking. All of my attachments are distracting me from doing Consciousness work. Having nobody to rely on me is great. Because it can get ugly when people rely on me for things that are outside of my conscious control. >Thinking about the bigger lesson of what the fuck just happened with the situation that threw off my trip earlier. Even though I ended up distracting myself away from it, it ended up lingering for me for the rest of the trip. I was out of the tar pit but I still had the tar on me. LSD is more focussed than psilocybin BUT, you still have to focus. LSD is very distracting. >You're in the drivers street but you have to still drive a bus with only two wheels on it. I think I understand what vision logic is. Vision logic is my Consciousness's way of understanding reality beyond words, but through images. Life is the biggest drama movie. The happiest man is the one who can surf all the waves at once. Becoming more conscious, taking care of your survival, taking care of your desire for relationships, taking care of your desire for sex. >Surfing all of the waves, integrating it all. Becoming the centaur. For a self to have a purpose, that is a construct that is created out of the construct of the self. The self is a construct. A purpose is a construct. As long as you believe you exist you will believe that you have a purpose. Purpose hinges on the construct of the self. Your purpose hinges on the fact that you exist. And that "fact" itself IS a construct. Everything needs to be controlled to have a good LSD trip. You can't have anybody messaging you about anything. That WILL throw your entire trip off. Even if your phone is on do not disturb. If it enters your consciousness, it will infect it totally. In TOTAL. A TOTAL INFECTION into your consciousness. When there's nothing to do, you just sit and bask with yourself, forever. At some point, I was having a small intuition into how reality transforming a psychedelic trip can have. How it's more total than you think. Sharing experience is what motivates. Share my struggle to motivate other people. The Paradox of showing my struggle to motivate other people through their struggle. And me doing that is what gets me out of my struggle. (Being a self-improvement teacher. I need to be friends with people running their own business to understand what I need to do to get my business. >I need to just understand the exact monetization steps to set up a website and to setup a product you can check out, learn how to run a well-targeted ad. Learning that will take the barriers away from getting my business of the ground. An insight is the ability to articulate something out of the confusion. Something out of the confusion WHILE in the LSD trip. I saw how man evolves their language to understand what's going on. I must evolve my language to understand what's going on. I need to build an existential vocabulary. Look at Leo's episode for that. Understand all the words he lists and the combination of knowing them all will increase your consciousness. Could you hypnotize yourself into understanding God? Make steps such that everything that enters my consciousness is aiding towards increasing my consciousness. >Proper environment design. Only making the right choices to do the right things. Does the past exist? Like evolution to get us here? is that second order reality? I'm glad I did shrooms first. I get EVERY visual on LSD. So working myself up to a moderate dose of shrooms helped prepare me massively for this trip. Because as Leo says understanding that your God is merely just a process of opening the mind. I understand that now. - Listen to Leo's guided exercise to realizing you're God audio while on LSD. A high Consciousness person is able to understand all of the constructs operating in his mind. But he keeps them there to aid in his survival. A super conscious person dies, but the physical brain and body being rigid will keep your body alive. I'm becoming conscious of several reality constructs. I can see with more trips and on substances like 5meo, how all of these constructs will fall away. You need to find out what works for you when tripping. Psychedelics wipe your context. Your context is what you ground your reality in. Leo needs a video on context itself. Does he have one? Not the recontextualization episode. Talking about how your reality is grounded in context. Yawning is a sign of something shifting in your brain. Which is why you yawn when the psychedelic is activating. Business idea Family stories catalog where tv shows can pick from them and put them in their skits for their sitcoms and whatnot. Like a steam asset store for writing stories for your tv shows. Hide my phone while tripping. Or turn off all notifications that could possibly fuck with my trip, such that I can't even SEE the messages when I look at the top pulldown tab. Then turn it all back on after my trip ends the next day. so write down somewhere all the things I've blocked. Or just hide my phone and just use my laptop on the wifi. You need a few gurus 1. Conscious as fuck for increasing your consciousness, create a map of reality so you can navigate in it. 2. School of hard knocks so you can get to work taking care of your survival needs. 3. Therapist, love, makes you feel good For example 1. Leo 2. Gary Vee / Alex Becker 3. Ralph Smart / Wayne Dyer You need multiple different perspective sources for your learning and benifit. I experienced tons of stories and scenarios throughout the entire trip. Which is why earlier I said each space feels like its own room. I'm going to start thinking about how my present actions will snowball into the future. Even the small things. I learned just how much your mind creates scenarios. And how much it takes over your emotions and how it feels. That's what's swimming around in your subconscious all day. And that will bubble up to the surface and ruin your life. Trip Recap Best insights and experiences My experience of "Raw Reality" To do Build my existential Vocabulary, Use Leos video! Learn each technical step to monetize my products. To do next time when tripping Control my environment when it comes to what can come through on my phone. Have my glasses available. Do what works. Listen to Leos guided exercise on realizing you're God. Listen to Leos guided exercise on understanding infinity. Listen to Leo's episode on why brains don't exist. Try to play voice recordings of my intentions to myself, and listen to that, and see what results I get from that. Additional things I've learned I need to think about how all of my actions, especially the selfish ones. How they could snowball. I learned how your mind creates these stories and scenarios, and it's not even reality, it's all fiction and made up. You need to massively control your environment for an LSD trip. What I got was a warning shot, so for next time I don't make the same mistake. I learned just how sensitive and influenceable you are on psychedelics. How sensitive I am to psychedelics, with the amount of visuals I got on just half a tab. I learned how much LSD wipes your context that grounds you in reality. How your reality is just grounded in context. I learned that there is something very mysterious about reality lurking around the corner, and I can't wait to find it again! Questions I have What exactly is first order reality and second order reality? Where can I read more about this? Does Leo have a video on context? Other than recontextualization? When I talked about "Raw reality", What was that?

LSD Trip Report 001 - 50 mcg Sublingual 50mcg of LSD - First LSD Trip - Trip Report I was starting to scratch the surface with just how much reality is dependent on artificial constructs. Each individual room felt like its own setting for its own personal story. In this trip, I noticed a whole lot around how stories and contexts are what ground reality. My curiosity was piqued so much that my next intention for my second LSD trip became: What is Context? I found that although it’s a whole lot easier to contemplate using LSD, you still have to make a strong conscious effort to concentrate if you want to make any significant progress in any direction LSD is like a tunnel that you keep going down in the same direction for miles on end. If you concentrate and focus hard, you can penetrate super deeply with a compound like this. On LSD you can really focus on your intention and really laser in with increasing preciseness. Whereas psilocybin is like a sporadic journey where you are jumping onto a new context every 5 minutes. This is a double edged sword. When you have a bad trip on LSD, it is likely going to stay a bad trip for the rest of the duration, and also it’s going to spiral downhill as the trip progresses. Whereas with Psilocybin, you can have a terrible trip, but then an hour later pop out of the anguish and be having a great time! This is where they say Mushrooms are forgiving and LSD is not forgiving. I was able to tap into a TINY tiny amount of where LSD can take you, where it can take you into these mystical states of mystery and wonder. Tapping into what I called “Raw Reality”, which is basically what reality is perceived like when stripped of some of its contexts, making it fundamentally more mysterious and magical. One of the most important things I learned on this LSD trip was that it is SO important to control your environment ABSOLUTELY. You need to make it such that you cannot have a single distraction for the entirety of the trip. Put signs up on your door for no doorbell ringing, no knocking, no soliciting, no religious people, NOBODY! Put earplugs in, buy a second phone that has no SIM card, where you cannot have people contact you at all! Have everything locked down and controlled as much as possible! Anything that enters your consciousness WILL completely infect you. Don’t do an LSD trip when you have ANY pressing worries such as worries around your survival.

Perhaps one day I will try this one. The several day long peak is incredibly terrifying and appealing. Considering how all psychedelics last a long ass time for me, this shit could last a whole goddamn week of just peaking. What's most appealing about that length of time peaking is that you are for fucking sure going to come out of that trip a completely different person.

Take it rectally and you'll cut the trip time in half. Have less undesirable side effects, and you'll have a more potent trip.

Additional Meta-Commentary on this Trip Report: Parent Document of My Trip Reports

Mushrooms Trip Report 008 Sept 9th 2021 2g chocolate bar shroom edible Might be a lot more potent Hiking in deep forest with family. Taken at 12:40pm 24min Feeling activation A bit of nausea. Hands looking a bit different. More colour distinction. Starting to loose myself. About 30 min mark its kicking in hard. 33min Visuals 40 min is kicked in All the trees were reaching out to me as fingers and arms. Was so drowsy and yawning like crazy. A bit of nausea. 3h It's really hard to understand reality right now. I am God trying to create, but, I wonder if I should. Just like how you have control over your imagination. You can spawn that into reality right now. >This what I believed in the moment. Probably God in an Egoic way because I have yet to realize no self lol. I could, for example, introduce a letter into the English language, and make all English speakers use it in their language. I don't want to hurt anyone with how deep my understanding of reality is. Because I know as God I could muster the confidence to create anything I wanted and eventually I will. WE (as humans) will. It's rough to go through a psycedelic, BUT the information you get is very important for your life and as your grow your understanding that you are God. I know you're God, but it will take time for you to understand it, and that's okay. >once again, my knowledge of "God" here is probably not accurate. Because you will eventually become VERY smart. Your brain will grow huge with knowledge. You could grow a tree out of a rock right now, but you need to get very smart (conscious) first, as it would take a lot of time, patience and effort. But eventually you could grow a tree out of a rock right now, but you need to get very (conscious) first, and it will take a lot of time and patience and effort. But eventually you will become the awesome God that you are. Yes this right now is ideology, but eventually you'll figure it out. Yes there is ideologies of what God is but you'll eventually figure it out. It will take lots of courage to Grow your self to become the powerful God that you are. You WILL be able to spawn trees out of rocks, but It'll take me years. If I wanted to become really smart right now and understand everything, I can, but, are you willing to go through the emotional barriers to do it? It's a wild ride to grow your understanding that you're God. Eventually you'll be able to spawn trees if you wanted to. My understanding of my potential is so deep. Why just teach through just language? It's so limited. Me teaching other people knowledge I find is my way of controlling people to demonstrate my understanding of God. Like releasing ideas as mind viruses. How do you say the coolest things? You just will it into reality. To understand what God is, IS literally a process of just opening the mind. 4h 20 min, big jump back into sober reality. My mind is so open that it takes time to understand social constructions. You have to be motivated to teach people what you understand. Later.... 11h For a while I believed that I am God and had the ability to start imagining things into existence at the drop of a hat. I could imagine a tree growing out of a rock if my will desired. I could materially manifest it into existence. Boundaries between gender and age and relationships relative to me such as "family" completely collapsed, as I just wanted to show my love intimately with everybody. My mind was so open that dualities such as gender and age started to collapse. In that moment I felt extremely authentically pansexual. Nondual pansexuality. The idea that the small 5% part of your body between your legs played a significant role in determining how much I love you was nonsense. I let go of my life. I saw my life as a cog in the machine of the super organism of the human race. I saw my ability to completely change the world and have the impact of Christ. I realized that there are people that are super conscious and enlightened, and they just simply may or may not be in the spotlight. Many of them will just be random nobodies. But they will be Gods amongst men with their level of Christ consciousness. I had my mind so open that I had a really difficult time to understand all the imaginary barriers and ways humans carve up reality. In this state, it was obvious how everything is connected to a big picture, to a large holonic structure. How everything you do, speak, and think plays a significant, impactful role in this holonic web of reality. It was a constant screaming that my purpose is to teach people how they are God. How they as a Human fit into this Holonic Structure of a Human Race. My mind was so open that I had to really think through why I should keep my arms. I was ready to just die and be okay with that. The insight into reality was so deep that I went "insane", and had a hard time to keep it together because ideas that I ever took a psychedelic started to collapse. Every thought was threatening the constructs of reality in the minds of other people. My love for everything as reality as God manifests such that I love all of it. I understand the responsibility you take to keep the body alive when the Ego is dead. When your ego is dead your reasons to stay alive changes. I felt like a real stage yellow, wanting to authentically understand every perspective of reality. I was really interested in understanding the perspective of others. And it was coming from a place of love. This is how I imagine a true stage yellow would think. I had a deep patience and passion to learn. I am much more comfortable with the idea of the the insanity that entails when one opens the mind up enough for an enlightenment to occur. All of this indoctrination of what reality is, is being unwired. In the middle of the trip, I was ready to smoke 5meo. I believe that I have no free will when it comes to facing my fears. They just will be faced. The next day, my brain was really exhausted. Needed that next day to rest up.

Mushrooms Trip Report 008 - 2g of Shroom Chocolates 2g Shroom Chocolate Trip Report - Psilocybin Magic Mushrooms So I went hiking with my family in this forest that was thick and looked like something straight out of the Lord of The Rings. Very high humidity causing tons of growth of mushrooms, moss and freaking massive, thick trees, with roots everywhere. The body high I got made hiking back so much easier, I had so much energy at my disposal, tapping into the animalistic reservoir of energy that I hold. I was able to experience massive levels of open-mindedness. So open minded that I believed that I had the ability to perform miracles like spawn tree branches out of rocks. So open minded that the duality between gender collapsed for me at the time. I was also in a state where contexts and social constructions (Self construct/Ego) fled the mind entirely, and I had to figure out how to interact with people properly. This is an important insight to hold to yourself, where you keep tripping, no matter how much fear you have to face. As this attitude will help you get VERY far. Holism is very important in this work.

Additional Meta-Commentary on this Trip Report Parent Document of My Trip Reports

Mushroom trip 007 August 28th 2021 1.1g golden teacher Taken at 10:11am Mushroom Tea. >I'm doing a gentle hike in nature. >Note: When I'm talking about God, I am aware of it in a way of a belief, I have yet to experience God, but believing God exists is inspiring to me. >For more context, My tolerance is low AF like Leo. Sometimes the best views are nowhere near the peak. Visuals at 15 min. Breathing ground. Fuzzy's shroom headspace Body high >At the 15-20 Minute mark is when it kicks in fast and hard. This was accomplished because I grinded the mushrooms with an electric coffee grinder, then lemon tek'd it, and then made tea in a French press. (if you're reading this, play this in the background right now) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1mBU5MNcXew >This is what I am listening to as I enter the Shroom realm and when it really kicks in fast. Next Fucking Level. Seeing the red berries in the field pop out, the colors start to saturate, the everything in nature starts to move and dance. Hell yeah!!!! Thanks Leo for teh music! 20 minutes in here we go go "Welcome home" >That's what I said to myself. There is nothing to do but enjoy the beauty of God that you are. That is the only thing you're doing ever. Reality IS magical. What's here over shroom world IS what your sober world is. >At one point in the trip, I got my entire field of vision enveloped in fractals and sacred geometry when I looked at a field while I was at a bottom of a hill. Like a full DMT visual. On ONE GRAM. The plants are all pointing to me like a magnet. Instead of brushes in my way, I interpret it as: they're out to grab me in a loving way cuz they want me. I want to be fully used up in my life. Expressing a full spirit. Even in reading, in studying, and in focusing, you put your FULL SPIRIT into it because you're enriching your mind and that enriches your entire life. Just keep becoming more and more conscious and grow and grow until you leave your head and become the universe. >until you no longer identify with the body. > I sit down in a forested area. > I am completely motivated and ready to rip reality apart and go for an ego death. I wish I brought more Enlightenment notes. Just contemplate other shit right now. You have to really PUSH through reality to get something from it. If you wanted to merge with an Enlightenment, just do Enlightenment shit. It hurts to make something out of reality. Pain must be exuded out to create something. I just want to write poetry of how beautiful reality is. I'm going to grow so much myself that I'll have people grow along with me. You have to push really hard to merge with what you want. (What you want to become, who you want to be) Work on creating one thing that's fucking amazing. Contemplation is just pushing. Pressing and pressing till you become more conscious. All you gotta do is love something so hard that you have it bring life. Working really hard IS the enjoyment. Enjoying learning so much. Learning as speaking. Learning as creating. If you motivate yourself every day you will BECOME an insanely motivated person, that will become part of you, you will MERGE with it! You will get that INERTIA. That momentum. Proper posture in meditating demonstrates understanding. Your seriousness demonstrates your understanding of the value of the craft. I have more joy watching others grow into beautiful beings. A totally selfless act. I Am this Mystic. I AM [Firstname Lastname] Because I am God. >I will show you I'm God by creating something awesome of myself. In order to get more for yourself, you have to LOSE yourself. An equal exchange. What REALLY is the best thing I can do with my life right now? Ask this question every moment as your bible. Become God as an expression of your self mastery. Your self-mastery is your expression of God. It says, "I am the creator". My every move and thought is me as God trying to become MORE. I want to protect other humans from me. >me thinking about how my ego will fuck shit up through my neediness, just want to make sure I fulfill these needs in a healthy way, serving the highest good. Destroying the ego will allow me to do what I really want. >Self explanatory Everything "physical" is just REALLY STRONG imagination. Stronger than yours. (Which is why you cannot impose too much of your thoughts into forms onto reality itself.) >A theory about reality that I came up with. Value is the process of bringing something Secret out to the public. Bringing consciousness out into reality. Demanding more from your mind, pulling it out like uprooting something. And the root is infinitely long. Mom I want you to watch me grow. And that will be my gift to you. All my motivation comes from a deep selfless love. Being completely wise is the love of the gentle push behind someone's back for them to do better. The patient one that will go around the ego. >Not rushing to get someone to a specific result. What does "become more conscious" really mean? Try REALLY HARD when speaking. Practicing public speaking. Try to speak as hard as you can, like you're giving yourself a bicep PUMP. A pump in your physical workouts >>> a pump with your speaking workouts. Treat speaking like a workout session. Where you are trying to give it your all with perfected form. >That's how you grow. "I want to see you grow!" >(You people.) >Thinking about Leo a lot... Leo, I will show my love for you by growing myself. And then making a massive contribution to the world by raising the collective consciousness by doing my part. When you merge with something enough, a baby is born. A new piece of consciousness. >[[Creativity]] In order to birth new things out of your consciousness, you have to merge with the intent of getting more, demanding more from your consciousness. When you contemplate deep, a huge amount comes back. Like a miracle out of nowhere. You need to be willing to go through the pain/boredom /resistance to bring value. Your love of the new valuable thing is what motivates you to push through and give birth to a new aspect of consciousness. To push hard at a skill is a selfless act. Because you say no to everything else. If you want to get good at speaking, you have to say no to painting trees, no to dancing, no to creating art. When contemplating, focus SO HARD like you're trying to curl 100 lbs. Focus SO HARD THAT YOU WILL BURST! >This is how to get what you want. >It's all about approaching what you do with a high level of consciousness. This ESPECIALLY comes at play when doing a practice routine. In NO WAY is it an unconscious mechanical act. You're consciousness and awareness need to be turned up to 11 when practicing. This is what is going to stretch you and allow you to grow! Can you imagine if I did 150 different enlightenment exercises?? How much more conscious I'd be?!? >Thinking about the book: "The Secret Self: A Practical Guide to Spiritual Awakening and Inner Freedom" by Christopher J Smith >Thinking about reading it. There are infinite conscious beings trying to imagine themselves into existence. A tree is imagining itself into existence. >Another theory about reality. It takes absolute courage to bring something into reality. >Because it taps into the selfless self, the infinite self (I think) Working out really hard creates subtle beauty in the body. >Working the mind will create that subtle beauty of intelligence. That implicit manifestation of intelligence, having you manifest as a "well educated" person. It is only where you put yourself in environment where you have to push yourself is where you grow. >I understood this deeply. By emptying my mind I will become more creative. Emptying your mind is going to the source. >Just thinking about how you can be more creative if you meditate a lot. Embarrassment is a mechanism to distance yourself away from the identity of the person (your old self) that did the thing you're embarrassed about. Its a mechanism that allows you to put distance between you and who you don't want to be anymore. Embarrassment is a growing mechanism. &&& Later.... I cannot BELIEVE how Leo just posted this! "Why Valuable Things Require Development Over Time" https://youtu.be/uw6lRNBZvv8 To do: Actually SPEND 10 hours thinking deeply, a set time or in the day, thinking deeply about a vision for myself. Spend another 10 after that inventing practice routines to get me there. It's this freefall PUSH for an answer that will get you where you need to go. Getting to bed on time is a valuable skill I have to push for. 16hours in (Basically sober, just in that subtle afterglow.) Anxiety? Fear? >Managed to breath it out. Was feeling the fear because I was thinking about my previous trip where I got the most insane anxiety. My theory about it now is that my serotonin/dopamine receptors or something got all "used up", leaving no chemicals left to regulate my brain, thus defaulting down to anxiety. ################################### ################################### ################################### POST TRIP REPORT SUCCESS! I didn't dive deep down into a pit of infinite anxiety after the trip (As opposed to last trip). So that's a good sign! Mind you I did only do 1.1g. My full confidence will probably come when I try to take 2.5 grams and beyond and come back with no new found anxiety. But for this trip it was a full success. I also learned the power of going in alone. WAY BETTER! So much more authenticity. Just you, and reality. I deeply learned about HOW to create something in reality. HOW to become who you want to be, and HOW all you gotta do is turn inwards and find the answers within yourself. LOLLL! What a total 180 from who I used to be. I used to question whether it was even POSSIBLE for me to become a master artist, for example. But now I understand skill building and the mastery process at such a depth, and this trip took it to the next level of that understanding. My next trip I plan to do half a tab of LSD. Wish me luck!

Mushroom Trip 007 - 1.1g GT DEEP Insight on How to Build Skills - 1.1g Golden Teachers Trip Report This is where I found “MY SONG”! The Deep insight on how to build skills is that when you are trying to improve yourself in any domain, you must concentrate and focus with extreme conscious intent. No unconscious, dumb reps, ever. Your consciousness and awareness need to be turned up to 11 when practicing. Really make each rep count where you are chasing the perfect rep every time, really going for the burn in each rep, where you feel the pain of stretching yourself into new domains of excellence. Pain and discomfort are great indicators of growth. Every time you step in the activity, it is approached with a religious seriousness. Such that it is approached with a goal to fully use up your psyche, where you feel satisfied that you are fully spent that day. This is how you invigorate and spiritualize your life. Pick an ideal of who you ought to become, and do your best to MERGE with that ideal through passionate action. Create a massive amount of momentum by putting in the volume every single day. If applicable, consider putting yourself in the optimal environment to force you to grow even more. Especially when it comes to contemplating, you want to acquire LASER FOCUS in order to create enough momentum for a breakthrough to occur. I remember that I need to spend time occasionally allowing myself to get bored in a meditation where I do nothing and clear my mind. As this will aid in maximizing my creative results. This was my biggest fear for this trip, as the last time I did mushrooms, I was in a world of pain every single day for over a month. I was extremely worried about whether or not I was able to do psychedelics ever again. This is important to note. If you are a serious psychonaut, you have to learn how to trip alone to tap into the deep authentic parts of yourself. Even having someone around you can sway the trip in a bad way. On mushrooms, you can be in a world of pain about one context, and then be completely fine a minute later. But if you have a sober friend right there, he can extend the length of time the context is focused on, keeping you in the pain for an even longer period of time.

Additional Meta-Commentary on this Trip Report: Parent Document of My Trip Reports

If you want a much quicker read, just skip to the post trip report. (Ctrl+F "######") January 31st 2021 Mushroom Trip Report 006 2.5g Golden Teacher But with my sensitivity it's more like 4g. Intentions: Focus on releasing hurt from people that never are really were my friends, but somehow I still got attached. Find the ember of passion within me to be kindled. Grinded up in a coffee grinder, getting fancy with it now. Soaked the powder in lemon juice for 5 min. Then poured hot water over it and let it steep for 20 min. Taken at 12:22pm 20 minutes in Feeling things. Feeling that feeling you get when you meditate /concentrate for a long time. >body high kicking into my head feeling. 25mins Feeling a total takeover. Grinding it up is definetly way more intense. Totally kicking in twice as fast being Grinded up in a powder. Body high kicking in fast as fuck. 45 min Starting to lose my shit. Getting the butterflies In my stomach that gives me anxiety, but like this shroom is gonna purge that anxiety. Shrooms Bring your anxiety to the surface. 59 min Losing my mind. Let go of your life. When you do that its just peace. Nothing Fucking matters. It's all a dream. Figuring out what reality is is the fucking Coolest thing in the world. You have infinite Freedom, which is why it's so difficult to get focused. It's time to grow up and take control. I'm just a Philosopher. I'm left confused. I really do want to be an absolute unit. It's a life skill to learn how to focus When you got Worrying about survival to do. I no longer identify with [Username I used to use]. Nobody knows what they really want. >Or at least VERY FEW It takes a lot of courage to really make something out of this world and just build a structure and just be passionate about that structure. I'm really passionate about understanding the mind. Learn about reality until you fall in love with it . Cultivate enough understanding of reality to the point where every waking second is just amazing. A super dopamine detox would REALLY help with making my overall life experience more enjoyable. Delete [username] anywhere and replace it with Anonymous stuff. >Here I am letting go of a friend group online that was a huge anchor for me. Shut it all down . Leave [friend group], Leave The other [group] servers. Completely go Anonymous. Two main insights I am ready to rip reality apart I am ready to make my public persona the only persona being the mystic. In choosing to learn about something, you learn about yourself. Take up a project and you'll cultivate more settled understanding. Ultimate understanding. Ultimate understating of reality which brings peace. Insight Just do what I need to. Don't even need to tell others my plan. Goals Learn Kriya Yoga. Learn autobiographies I want to get people closer to God. Let go of your life plan when conversing with other people. Just listening to other people is more interesting to experience. Rather than trying to assert my own ego and teachings. Focus on delivering my message when I'm alone with my craft. All conversation is trying to tell others about other parts of reality. Usually people aren't accurate, Nor do they care. Fall in love with the process of figuring out life. I want dad to sit down with me every day to crack the whip. Really want that masculine authority challenging me. I want dad to be my dad. >I won't ever get this. I want to Stop asserting my ideas On to other people And only share my ideas when I am engaged in the context of my craft. Do not cast pearls before swine. Spend time with people that build you up, not knock you down. If you don't have a solid morning routine Do you even give a shit about your life? If you don't have a solid night routine Do you even give a shit about your life? If they knew the truth they wouldn't say these things to me and act that way towards me. I am like a monkey in a cage. I walk into the room, I walk into the cage. There is nothing there for me. I'm just a clown for them to look at. A monkey in a cage to entertain them. Shut it down! Shut it down! Shut it down! https://youtu.be/Pyg949rCgds I need to blind myself from the negativity or others. In high school, it was difficult to make friends. So I built an identity of a shit poster and a meme Lord in order to feel loved and accepted. I am ready to release all of who I was at 16. All of who I was At age 16, I am ready to let go completely. You have a perceived reality at age 16, now it is completely different. And I'm ready to get rid of that dead wood. Time will go on and friends will come and go. The hurt that I feel from these old friends he is like a deep thick metal harpoon In my body, but over time it is slowly being pulled out. I need to Move forward in my life. I'm really enjoying this trip. Feels like an infinite dream. I really need to learn Kriya Yoga It's great for monkey mind! I imagine being a kriya yoga teacher, feeling the warmth of many around me. I want to feel fucking amazing every day. "I want to be on a fucking MISSION in my life." " I just want to learn a bunch of shit, and teach it. " "My life plan: I'm learning, I'm teaching, and then I die. " >My best quote while I was tripping. ############### Post Trip Report The trip was fucking amazing, what happened for several days after the trip was a slice of hell. With only 14 hours into the trip, after having gone to bed and sleeping for a couple hours, I'm greeted with a particularity evil slice of hell anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks like no other. Some weird mindfuck shit with infinite combinations and numbers, and my fingers and hands feeling uncanny weird. Used to have these mindfuck anxiety attacks once in a blue moon while growing up, now after last trip it haunted me once more a couple days later. And after this trip it haunted me for several days. And had attacks and crippling/immobilizing anxiety because of it. 8 days Later a deep penitrating feeling of nihilism at night. The gravity of the fact that this experience is all going to be ripped away one day has penitrated deep and instills my body with fear and anxiety. My mortality is very real. Anything above 2g becomes impractical when trying to do any consciousness work in the fashion of contemplation. At this point if I were ever to do a higher dose with mushrooms, I'd set an intention, but mostly just strap in for the ride. Because this trip literally had me just sink into the couch with an amazing body high while staring at a mandala tapestry on the wall that turns into a fuckin multi dimensional fractal portal in front of my eyes. Then later it proceeds me just hanging my body over the couch, half paralysed, drooling on the floor because I'm just engulfed in the glorious mindfuck. Do stuff and surround yourself with people that make you feel good. Cultivate an understanding of God to the point where you see God in everything. Be patient, as its not just about reaching God, it's about the journey. A question I really want to answer and give to people: What does a human really want? We want to feel good, we want to feel closer to God. Anything we do in life is to try and embody God. Teotlize your vessel. People pursue things that fundamentally make them unhappy. We need to gain more consciousness and get closer to God. The consciousness work is my learning. The consciousness work is my craft. Post Trip Report The trip was fucking amazing, what happened for several days after the trip was a slice of hell. With only 14 hours into the trip, after having gone to bed and sleeping for a couple hours, I'm greeted with a particularity evil slice of hell anxiety attack. Anxiety attacks like no other. Some weird mindfuck shit with infinite combinations and numbers, and my fingers and hands feeling uncanny and weird. Used to have these mindfuck anxiety attacks once in a blue moon while growing up, now after last trip it haunted me once more a couple days later. And after this trip it haunted me for several days. And had anxiety attacks and crippling/immobilizing anxiety because of it. 8 days later I get a deep penetrating feeling of nihilism at night. The gravity of the fact that this experience is all going to be ripped away one day has penetrated deep and instills my body with fear and anxiety. My mortality is very real. This I don't particularity mind too much, as I can handle this well, as I have been since I was a very young child, and because of that, transcending my death has become a life goal of mine. I've learned that anything above 2g becomes impractical when trying to do any consciousness work in the fashion of contemplation. At this point if I were ever to do a higher dose with mushrooms, I'd set an intention, but mostly just strap in for the ride. Because this trip literally had me just sink into the couch with an amazing body high while staring at a mandala tapestry on the wall that turns into a multi dimensional fractal portal in front of my eyes. Then later it proceeds me just hanging my body over the couch, half paralysed, drooling on the floor because I'm just engulfed in the glorious mindfuck. Here is the documentation of my anxiety, for the first month, the anxiety was barely manageable from moment to moment. These anxiety attacks I also called "Infinity blips", "Infinite combinations", etc. Basically imagine trying figuring out the combinations between 1000 objects in your head and it's kinda like that. Few days After trip 005 Which was January 3rd 2021 I was really sleep deprived. Went to to moms room, didn't even know what was going on, and then had the anxiety attack. February 1st, 2021 @ 2:53am Caught it and worked on the weights. Busted out some heavy squats to help control it. About 14 Hours after I took 2.5g with trip 006, crazy anxiety attack Later that day at 10pm during a 10 minutes of concentration practice with my eyes closed I started thinking "oh shit I fucked myself forever." and started to freak out. The anxiety is just lingering, even after a really good weight training session and and cardio. Feb 5th Woke up with infinite Combination dream, not scary, just uncomfortable. (I guess it's only scary to me when I'm awake) Weird feeling in fingers. Feb 6th at 4am had EMDR a few hours prior. Wake up at in cold sweats. Basically got a full anxiety attack. 10,000 & 33,333 >> Random numbers my mind focused on. My mind will focus on one part of reality that has entered my consciousness, and then twist it up into an infinite combination mindfuck, usually this is with numbers, but I've had it happen with really anything I've focused my mind on. Feb 7th Racing mind. Don't feel properly in my body. I need to sink into my body more. Feb 8th For the last few days, including today I've had paralyzing anxiety, preventing me from doing nothing but watching YouTube and browsing Reddit to distract myself. Feb 10th Managed to clear everything with a powerful shamanic Breathing session. Feb 11th Tried to do shamanic Breathing again but I learned I need to do it closer to bedtime because the anxiety does creep back in a bit Feb 13th Took half a tab of armodafinil today, very bad idea. At about midnight I was in full panic mode at night about to fall into an anxiety attack. Proceeded to do an hour of shamanic Breathing to save my life. I was vibing so hard after the breathing I felt like I was on LSD and I don't even know what LSD feels like. I was hallucinating when I had my eyes closed. Then 10 minutes after I finished I listened to a 20 minute audio called "Quantum K Healing". After it finished I must've immediately passed out on the floor for an hour. Like my system went through a reboot. I look at my clock and its 3:30AM. Feb 14th Been doing at least 30 min of shamanic Breathing every evening now. This evening I'm feeling pretty good. Virtually no anxiety. But I'm going to do some breathing for good measure. Feb 15 Felt the anxiety but was too tired to give a fuck and it was manageable enough to go to sleep. Didn't do breathing today. Feb 16th Feeling no anxiety. Only small tiny blips when I see lots of numbers moving really fast, or when I see a ton of objects, like a bunch of peas swirling around in a soup. Feb 21st Haven't done shamanic breathing in a while, feeling that anxiety in my chest. Feb 23 Did shamanic Breathing for 40 min then immediately after I did 5 mins of concentration practice followed by 25 minutes of mindfulness meditation. I really started to dip into the crazy infinite state. It's an all encompassing feeling making me feel really small. Could've gone deeper but shit was terrifying. What was that? Feb 26th Morning 9 Blocks of Minecraft piston Moving Terror >More babble that the mind latched onto to create an infinite anxiety loop, I was watching minecraft piston machines on YouTube, and my mind latched onto it and created an anxiety attack around it. Feb 27 at night I put together a 3 piece kinder surprize toy and I get a big hit of anxiety from the "complexity". What the actual fuck. I worry if I double down on shamanic Breathing I might induce a psychosis. Also the breathing is not feeling as effective as before. Feb 28th Feeling anxiety in my chest. Immobilizing. I'm realizing certain things are triggering it. I may have surfaced PTSD I didn't know I had. March 4th Been feeling good, back to baseline for the past couple of days. Did 90 mins of shamanic Breathing in a sauna after drinking a tea with tons of herbs. I still have trouble consciously deciding "okay I'm going to fall asleep now" and then surrendering to the process of falling asleep. It shall be my life's mission to gather the courage to make this surrender. March 8th Having anxiety blips. March 10th Feeling that anxiety March 11th Mind moving fast right from the moment I wake up. Feeling that same anxiety in my chest for hours, its constantly in my awareness and its very distracting. It distracts me from confidently doing anything. I honestly have this feeling in my chest all day. But it grows in the late hours of the day. I'm able to induce a terrifying state of to what I can only describe as groundlessness, having a dissociation from the grounding that is me being grounded in my body. This state can be induced with 10 minutes or more of very focused concentration practice. There lies a a huge wall of fear blocking me from leaning in deeper. Fear Or whatever. It's not pleasant, at all. Like mindfuck unpleasant mixed with an unknown physical sensation. At least I'm not experiencing that combination crap right now. Just annoying anxiety in my chest. I need to start practicing kriya yoga soon. And I also may look into neurofeedback training. I've noticed that my anxiety drops when I spend lots of time in nature. Overall this has been very annoying, having constant nagging anxiety in your chest constantly nagging at your awareness, taking attention away from everything else in your life that is important. The only thing you want to do is just distract yourself to escape. The really shitty part about it is that it's like always half present, if your awareness isn't properly cultivated, this anxiety could get missed and you'd wonder why there is this invisible wall in between you and your work. I feel this wall. All fucking day. Makes me have zero mood to do anything worthwhile. It's a fucking struggle man. March 13th Feel anxiety at night time which slows me down from getting to bed quickly. Lots of avoidant behaviour. I can probably count on my hand how many days I've spent going to bed without a phone/electronic by my side. One day I shall remove this pacifier completely. A few "complexity anxiety blips" here and there. March 17th Feeling that subtle "anxiety complexity space". It's almost like some neurons were attached in places that are not supposed to. It may also be attached to my circadian rhythm. For is triggered by the awareness of what time it is. Because it reliably triggers late at night. But also early in the morning when I don't get enough sleep. March 18th Woke up in the middle of the night with an irrational mindfuck state. April 6th Noticing it today when I was doing meditation and was trying to become conscious of emptiness, I was overwhelmed with the amount of air that surrounded me. I was meditating in the mountains. A month later, I've picked up a physical job for the summer, during the summer I didn't feel the anxiety because my body was constantly moving, I was also travelling a lot. I was even able to pop half an armodafinil and not be bothered by it at all. A side note is that I was working so much that I dropped my 20 min daily meditation habit entirely. Present Day But now that the job is over and I'm doing nothing, like wasting my life type of nothing (Don't worry I'll pull myself together and get myself back I'm sure of it), And that anxiety comes back some times in very subtle ways, but for the most part I would say it is completely gone. Even an infinity blips came back when I was overtired and watched this: https://youtu.be/0FH9cgRhQ-k However it wasn't super overwhelming this time, but it was all-encompassing like other times. And it was only for like 5 minutes. So now I'm a bit puzzled as what to do in regards to psyches. It seems like I should ground myself more in kriya yoga. But I've also taken a few months off and I'm getting confident enough to try a dose and take it from there. I also need to get back into meditation as I've been lackin so hard since my summer job. And before I dropped it I did it like 600 days in a row, 20mins/day no problem. But honestly, going off meditation has been a learning experience, teaching me how much I actually value it. I also learned to value actually putting effort into my meditation, which is a big reason why I'm holding off making it into a habit again, because I want to go in with a whole lot more serious attitude, making sure I'm meditating at a high quality, which has me look in the direction of neurofeedback training, so my meditation can be a whole lot more effective. I feel like researching neurofeedback is more difficult than researching psyches. Unbelievable! haha But yeah especially with ADHD, I'm leaning towards neurofeedback training and Kriya Yoga, as I've already made steps to help with that by cleaning up my diet to raw plants, and getting physical movement in. My goal with psyches really is to build up the confidence to do 5meo, to then of course supercharge my consciousness work to full self-realization.

Mushroom Trip Report 006 - 2.5g GT Need guidance - 2.5g Golden Teachers - Trip Report This is a really powerful trip for me because I no longer needed to identify with an identity that kept me in a toxic group of friends. I was able to let go of that identity fully. The idea of this group of people was looming over me for too long, and I needed to cut them off ASAP. This was the crux of my insight for that trip that really allowed me to let go of those people. When you understand every single nuance of fundamental reality, the whole experience gets enhanced and you get to appreciate it way more. Started to realize just a little bit more how my actions are connected myself how I show self-respect for my life. I show giving a shit about my life by holding down a strict morning routine and a strict night routine. After this trip, I proceeded to have a super heightened state of anxiety for the next 30+ days. Consisting of the worst anxiety attacks ever. My entire next month was basically spent with me watching YouTube or whatever to distract myself from this constant anxiety I felt in my chest at the time. Still don’t know what these kinds of anxiety attacks are, but it’s basically some form of psychosis. Very infinity-like, very combination-like, very mind-fuckey. No psychedelic trip is as bad as these anxiety attacks. Shamanic breathing really helped me here to fight through this. But I think also having a job where I was constantly focused on physical labor helped me a lot. As of writing this on December 22nd, 2022, the anxiety attacks greet me on rare occasions, but when they do, it only occurs when I am overtired. These anxiety states come with a really off-putting body feeling of my fingers needing to fold inwards like a 4th dimensional object. Very uncomfortable stuff. But as long as I manage a sleep schedule, I should be good.

Leo answering the mailman NFT when?

I'm on it.

@Loveeee Paste what you got Because that prompt didn't yield much

Beyond cursed

@Leo Gura Ayyyyoooo Bro....

This shit is incredible holy FUCK.

I've been developing a small belief that the baseline awareness/consciousness that is raised from using 5meo will naturally make you run higher consciousness habits and aid in seeing the stupidity of your ignorant ways. Am I wrong? Wouldn't it make a little bit of difference with things such as handling vices and whatnot? @Leo Gura