Breakingthewall

I tried with a trip sitter but I didn't feel relaxed, and I haven't the breakthrough...I guess that increasing the dose at the end happens. At the end I did alone smoking 5 mg, and thinking, let's enjoy of the effect of 5 mg, after another 5, and I thought...it's almost, let's stop and another day I'll do...but at the end I thought another day is never, and I was like high with the other 10 so I smoked another 5 and I had that breakthrough that you read. It was the first ego death in my life and as I experienced only the nothingness I got like horror feeling at the end, when the "I" started to come back. I'm sure that for many people that nothingness could be really beautiful. Now I think I'm going to go to that nothingness until I love the nothingness, I'm not looking for god experience for now, if comes, cames, I want experience that nothingness that scared me until I love it. Good luck with your trip! I recommend you to do, even it's a bad trip it's a huge teaching

What is the dark night of the soul? What trauma brought you the nothingness? Could you explain?

The pain and the fear to the pain are impressed in our genetic memory since million of years of evolution, and are the most powerful tool for the survival of the animals that we are. Go beyond the pain and the fear is possible, remember that monk who burned himself in front of the American Embassy in Vietnam without change the loto position. It's possible the transcendence, but I think only people absolutely compromise with that could do, but an human can go beyond of the animal

They don't want because his (mine too) ego rejects absolutely the idea of death, because ego is a software designed to survive, no more. All of us would like to see the bliss of God and the wonder of the conciousness, but the software is there. Without drugs it's an absolutely titanic work. With drugs....I'm in that, like you, but I don't think it's enlightenment, it's a glimpse of it. But it's million times better than nothing, of course. Good luck with that!

Yes, could be a good definition of enlightenment. But do you think it's simple ? I think it's absolutely difficult. You said that you don't need years of meditation, only jump in the cold water...how? People had been trying that for thousands of years, and almost no one got it. Nowadays with the psichodelics many people had a glimpse of the infinite. Maybe you meant that

Fear is necessary to survive, the animal that we are is programmed to survive and to take care of himself and his relatives in a world that is full of danger. Maybe going deeper than the animal you will find your god nature and there is not fear, but the animal always is going to feel fear. You should be courageous and front the fear, and don't let the fear take the control, but the fear always is going to be there. You could be friend of the fear maybe, but eliminate it? I don't think so...well , maybe those who are enlightened are beyond the fear, but I guess they can feel fear too

Beautiful and probably true...for now for me is enough to know that god isn't a prisoner in an eternal jail of loneliness, nothingness and desperation...was not a nice image, but was me, the ego, trembling in front of the eternity...thanks to god wasn't god. Thanks you all for the help, I was really desperate hehe

I smoked 5 meo and I had a break through, 20 min ago. Was nothing, was dead, was empty, was horrible, and can't escape

So you say that god imagine all this crazy game of life and death, evolution, ego, suffering, only like a game? Without any objective ? My ego rejects the idea absolutely ?.

@Dazgwny @WaveInTheOcean the problem wasn't the terror. The problem was that , if no one tell me the opposite and I believe, after the experience I absolutely thought that I saw the deep reality, and it was: I'm an human, deeply I'm like a being, and this being is in the infinite nothingness for the eternity, alone. I'm sure that I didn't surrender to the nothingness, because it's a repulse. But when I was there looks like pure nothingness, no thought, empty. Now I'm starting to remember that the nothingness wasn't "good" or "bad" I was dissolved and was nothing. But after a while I started to feel again who I am and I thought: nooooo, all except this! And after I was in my room again. It was a huge teaching, today I was meditating and my meditation was easier and more silently than ever, my breath remembered me to the void. So not so bad at the end, my ego is strong, I know that, I need control , the opposite of the dissolution. But this ego is going to surrender, maybe soon maybe late

@Into The Void i think there are levels of conciousness. Yes yes , all we are god and are enlightened right now etc etc ...but in our human perception, of course there are levels. About Leo enlightenment more than buda and 5 meo....could be! He and others. 5 meo is a ultra powerful tool. You could read a thread where I cry about my experience.... wasn't nice at all but was....well, I think that without this tool, maybe I d need 10 years meditating 10 hours a day and maybe I wouldn't get that , so I could imagine those who use often and seriously with the porpouse of go deeper

Probably right. Well I feel stupid for writing about it again. I have to integrate, meditate and do 5 meo again not far in the future. That's it

Its what I experienced. only was the nothingness, and me. I'm the only being that exist, alone, in the nothingness, in the eternity of the no time. I didn't see any imagination, only the nothingness, the absolute lonely. When I hadp pass to this world again, I felt: it's horrible, I'm god , and god is alone and can't escape of being god. Could god be like "desperate" or anything negative? Could god be triying to forget that is god and is alone in the nothingness? There was no love there, only nothingness, eternity. That's why my experience was so bad. I was god, and I don't want to be conscious that I'm god, because I'm alone in the nothingness. Wasn't love, only void. Now I don't feel good, I'm trying to accept the nothingness, to live again that void, but something inside me impulse me to do things, to meet people, to drink, to stay far of the void, difficult to sleep well or being alone. Well only was 2 nights ago. But now I remember clearly the void. Wasn't horrible by itself. The horrible was just when I pass to here. I felt oh no, I'm prisoner of myself, no escape for the eternity. Maybe I'm creating that illusion to forget that horror

True, but repressing the ego have a price. The ego have a function, without ego you can't manage in the material world. Fortunately nowadays it's another way to reach the true, another tool: the psichodelics

It's your decision my friend. If I were you I'll wait some years to start with this...but I'm not you

If you are so negative about life as you said, really you have nothing to loose...so start a psichodelic therapy, hard level

In that moment, wasn't anything to try , wasn't "me" but I think you are right, I only scratched the surface of the death, let's see next time. Thanks! Im optimistic despite that experience, and your words help, sure they are true. It's more to see there, go deeper

@Exystem i just read your experience about the void. It's more or less the same. A void without nothing, dead, eternal and without Scape. What psichodelic was? What did you do after that? How to integrate? You said in that post that after that enlightenment was a jocke. That's I felt. Why to enlighting? If I'm here, as illusion, is because I didn't want to be that void, that's why all this illusion exist. Because the void want to forget that its a void. But if "it" wants anything, it isn't a void.... maybe better rest a bit....

I think now I understand what happened. I went to the void but my ego was with me, no words or thinking, but wasn't a total ego death, and my ego felt horror and repulse in contact with the void. Thanks to all of you for the therapy. Leo , I will listen your advice and change the roa. Vape is too short time

Yes, I will continue for sure. It is the most interesting thing that I could imagine. I know that that ideas about explore, development, go further, are egoic, I have a huge ego who wants more, and more. Let's see if the psichodelics can make him sleep a bit, without them will be impossible

Yes of course, sure my ego was there feeling the horror of the not being. He comes with me through the breakthrough. In that moment I was like dead, no thought, nothing, but who was feeling : I hate this eternal grave? Ego. Really I know that it wasn't going an easy way for me, it's going to be a process

@Exystem i didn't experienced terror. I was in the void, and I was the void , and the void was dead, eternal, a infinite grave. I didn't like to be the void, but I was it and there wasn't escape, because was eternal

It's the best show of understanding that I never read

Thank you for that, I drink of that words like the man who is going to be executed ask to the priest about the paradise haha. I didn't experienced but I want to believe, because if it's only that void....what a business. Is it normal to have a breakthrough and the other side is all except nice?

Did you realised that with 5 meo or any psichodelics, meditation or how? Thoughts are something, but his substance is the nothing. So at the end all is built of that substance, the nothing. But how the nothing becames in something?