Breakingthewall

I know it, oh master, but it happens that sometimes I have very negative experiences with short psychedelics (5 meo DMT, malt), and existence shows itself as empty horror with no escape. then I have to go back to doing psychedelics again and infinity opens up, and I was wondering in the previous post why this is happening to me. I guess it's from trauma, since I watched my parents die slowly and horribly with little time interval when I was a teenager, and also my father was a horrible alcoholic. hence the experiences of horror, in which existence is absolute horror. I can say that it is not fun and that it takes courage to go back in there that same day. If I do mushrooms it is different, I find that horror and in the end it is traversed and I find myself as unlimited amplitude, unlimited freedom. this is because the trip lasts hours and I can intentionally penetrate the horror of existence. when horror manifests itself, it doesn't seem like trauma, it just seems that the ultimate reality is that: horror. I just had one of those experiences yesterday, even i use to them, they are very challenging, but it's the psychedelic path, and I'm going to go to the end. Lately, if i do mushrooms, it's easier to break that barrier of horror, let's see if it dissapear

@Yimpa so? You asked before so condescending, to say what?

Very interesting. Do you know if that guy kept using the substance?

I clarify, the illusion is not what seems to be happening. the absolute is something in constant motion and is not an illusion. the illusion is to contextualize the movement of reality as a temporary experience in which there is a perceiver and perception

that if you think it's real and you identify with it, it limits you, makes you stupid and miserable. and in the end he gives you a horror experience, as a reward for your stupidity.

illusion is all that seems to be happening. any concrete appearance. any feeling, image, idea.

The thing is not about maximum states but about the dissolution of the illusion, but there are several barriers to this, one of them is horror of existence, another is the absolute emptiness. both are ultimately illusions. when the illusion is broken you see through it. it is possible to see through it all the time, it is not a peak state, it is reality, therefore it is possible

@Moksha You seem like an experienced person. Have you ever seen the face of true horror? to total darkness, to the true evil of existence? to the absolute void of dead horror? Have you lived with people full of hate while dying of a terminal illness, for example? it is extremely difficult to get through the sheer horror of life. people talk and talk and have no idea, the understanding of existence is extremely difficult, extremely deep.

@Moksha in my experience , only deep understanding leads to real change. That is why I think that Leo is correct in his approach to spirituality. understanding is everything. without understanding there is slavery. true understanding comes from the absolute

Yes, is usable and can be an evasion, you can access absolute states with meditation, or psychedelics or whatever, and avoid facing the challenges that the relative poses for you. the relative must be resolved, not avoided. The relative is the absolute in action. If you torture a dog during its childhood, it will be fearful, sick and unhappy, and every time it sees you it will have a panic attack. He is not holding on to anything nor does he have an ego that he must let go. He has simply built those patterns into his being, and they are real. Have awakenings and realize the absolute helps, but don't dissolve spontaneously the blockage, you need to understand yourself. If not, at the end you will realize that all the shit is still in you. Without understanding, it's difficult that any real change happens. The blockages are deep and in the root of our being.

In my experience, this is similar to using the absolute as a drug and it doesn't work, since the relative is still, and really, the relative is the absolute. the problem with memories is not just thinking about them but the energetic mark they carry. many events have created energy blockages in the person and it is extremely difficult to understand and unblock them. psychedelics are useful for this, btw. there are two ways to return to memories, one, by creating identity, searching for meaning and sense, judging. this is sterile and useless. another, when you have transcended all that of identity, to really see them, to understand. this is necessary and free yourself. Normally if you feel an attraction towards the past, it is because there is a blockage to work on. the hard part is knowing how to do it

I'd say life is planned as a kind of game that reality plays with itself, but without knowing the result. it is something it does to go deeper, to penetrate more within itself. It is a game in which there is passion and where no pain is spared.

The memories are so now as your breath. The memories are happening now, they are real and they have great power. Memories seem like dead verbal creations but they point to something very much alive, to what you are. You are an energetic construction, an multiplicity of intertwined patterns composing the entity that appears to exist at this moment. Memories are as real as your arm, it can be amputated ,if not it still there. Memories the same, only if they amputate a piece of your brain they disappear. They can be redirected, reorganized, and disempowered with work and intelligence, but the fast track of forgetting past by focusing on the present doesn't work, as memories are the present.

don't be fooled by the spiritual teachers, they are all phonies who repeat the same things. the past is real, it leaves an energetic imprint on you. Telling people to forget it and live in the present is idiotic and it hasn't worked for a single person in history, but it sounds great. If you are conditioned to obey, to despise yourself, to be afraid, you will. If an idiot with a pious smile tells you to get rid of that baggage and you'll be happy, and to pay him for it, don't listen to him. he is a faker. all spirituality is farce, business for fools. what triumphs is not what works, it is what sounds good. If you want to leave your conditioning behind, it will be the same as if you want to leave your 7 month pregnant belly behind, but 100 times harder. you will have to work hard, well, and on many fronts. Conquer the freedom is a difficult work.

@Holykael anyway, when things like that happen, maybe what happened is that you were very lucky. you have to heed the signs. though not always. it's a subtle thing. Sometimes you have to insist, other times you don't. but in general, when I see something like this happen, I think, it was not the time to take lsd. better forget about it for now. maybe i saved myself hell

Life always tests you. You have to be unbreakable, or you will be broken. simple. just keep going, like you're a force of nature, that never stops

human life is a game and you have to play it or you will sink into shit more and more. You may like it or not, but the reality is that either you advance or you sink. many before you have had a hopeless life and a miserable death. It's up to you to get out of there, or not.

not superior, but i wanted to say that mostly of people is in spirituality for a negative reason: scape from suffering. I have become interested in spirituality because I saw that life was a trap, so for a negative reason. but once you get out of it, you fall in love with who you are. you want to go deeper not because you feel bad but because of the beauty of what is, for a positive reason. it's a subtle difference. Imagine that you are in love with someone. You want to deepen that relationship because you are in love and that makes you happier. It's not the same as wanting to be in love to be happier, if you understand me. It's something you can't avoid. It fills you up. there is nothing else. The rest is nonsense, only your beloved matters. In this case your beloved is existence, and you want to penetrate it to the bottom, and for that you need to understand

You are right, the video I posted don't comes to the case, a fool example, but the books i mentioned yes, even they are from people from another time. And honestly i never saw anything about Tate except that video you posted, so maybe i talked too fast

Those guys are from ancient times but their message is simple and can be applied to any age: give it your all, maintain total integrity, face your fear, take action, do the impossible. You don't have to think about it too much, it's simple. This one is actual. But just an opinion, if Tate is helpful, good, maybe he is

@Emrie in my opinion, you feel a deep dissatisfaction with his life, the same as many, and have focused everything on the issue of gender, as if that is going to be the solution to everything. nothing is going to work, everything is it is ego, dead ends, but yours requires a lot of surgery, a lot of energy, a lot of sacrifice, and the result is not satisfactory. I wouldn't get into that. You are going to focus all you energy is something that doesn't worth it

if you want to study the archetype of the warrior, study, for example, Bernard Moitessier, who after completing a solo circumnavigation of the world in a small sailboat, passing through Cape Horn, upon arrival in France, thought that the honors he was going to receive for winning the race was going to corrupt him, he turned around and completed another tour of the world, he wrote many books, or miyamoto mushashi, who in medieval japan went from city to city challenging anyone who accepted to fight to death, and sometimes fought with two swords wooden versus steel sabers. After winning 60 duels to the death, he retired and wrote The 5 Rings, a book that is still studied in business schools. Or maybe Ernst junger, who likes a lot LSD, friend of Hoffman, he fought in the the trenches of the First World War, he was wounded 11 times, he wrote a war diary called Tempests of Steel, in which he recounts his experience. Or perhaps Henry Charriere, imprisoned in French Guiana for 15 years in the harshest conditions, who managed to escape after several attempts, tells it in his book Papillon, but not Tate, he's a fool.

The fear is the opposite of love. courage without intelligence is just a patch that usually leads to more fear and separation. This is why humans are the way we are, murderers, slave traders, etc. hitler was also very brave, or vlad the impaler. when there is a lot of fear in you, you cannot curl up in bed crying, you have to react. you are in a trap, you are alive, and full of fear, this is the ego. then you become aggressive so as not to be dominated by fear, but that strengthens fear, then you become more aggressive, addicted, crazy. if you are intelligent you realize that this is a trap and you turn around, you try to reverse the separation and you go towards unity, towards the truth. is the only real way out, the other is a dead end

being pure fear does not mean you are a coward. tate is brave, he has balls, but it's pure camouflaged fear. it is very common to react to your deep inner fear by putting on armor and becoming a brave fighter. that will not eliminate fear, it will only transform it into aggression.

You can have very deep understanding and very deep mystical states, but later in your human existence you will encounter human challenges. If someone tries to destroy what you are constructing, you can choose to fix it by killing them. this is not necessarily wrong. If you move in high states of consciousness, you will directly understand what is right or wrong for you at a given moment, there is no universal recipe.